Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Paula Patton in Gucci

Posted on April 09, 2013

It’s been a long time since we’ve seen such a massive disconnect between the dress on the red carpet and the dress on the runway.


Paula Patton attends the New York screening of ‘Disconnect’ at The SVA Theater in a Gucci white dress accessorized with Kara Ross earrings and a House of Lavande Vintage ring.

Gucci Spring 2013 Collection/Model: Bette Franke

Now, we’ll state right upfront that we don’t like this dress.  Actually, that’s not quite true. We like the dress for the most part, but we just can’t stand the craft store crap going on up top. That just ruins it for us.

But that’s not the main issue here. The main issue here is that Miss Paula doesn’t seem to understand that every dress doesn’t have to be tight and body-conscious. This one certainly wasn’t designed to be that way. We think going up a size might help, but it would probably make her shoulders and arms look massive. No, dear. This one was meant for the less bodacious girls, we’re afraid. Ship this off to some skinny little starlet and let’s get you into something a little higher on the bootylicious scale, if that’s what you’re looking for.


[Photo Credit:,]

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  • Bakerlooline

    She looks visibly uncomfortable in it, PLUS is fugly. Like she’s hunching her shoulders trying to keep the dress from sliding down to her waist. Who is advising her?

    • Jecca2244

      was just thinking that. she is clearly very uncomfortable. i want to send an email to her agent and beg them to get her a new stylist.

      • Candigirl1968

        This seems to be a case of “my stylist got me Gucci, I must wear it.”

        This is not the first Girl That’s Not Your Dress that Paula has been the victim of. That stylist needs to go, Gucci or not.

    • AnaRoW

      I’m thinking she doesn’t have a stylist because I can’t imagine that a stylist wouldn’t have given her advice on red carpet posing. She’s the worst I’ve ever seen. Even when stuff fits her well she looks awkward.

    • drdarke

      “Master – twenty years ago you promised to fix my hump…!”

      Great Merciful Goddess – she looks like a cross between a female hunchback in a Universal horror movie and a losing look on RU PAUL’S DRAG RACE. I was stunned to find out she’s the same woman Denzel went back in time to save in DEJA VU and the female asskicker in M:I – GHOST PROTOCOL.

  • Ouch. I’m not enamored of the dress, which even makes the runway model look like she has no neck. Our poor girl here l

    • Sarah

      Doesn’t help that she is visibly hunching in almost every shot. As if to hide the embellishments betwixt her shoulders and head…

      • MilaXX

        For some reason I like Paula, but she has a habit of doing the “aw shucks ain’t I cute head scrunch” pose. It ain’t cute and she;s too damn old to pose like that.

        • Sarah

          Ah. Didn’t realize she was a repeat offender with that pose. Yeah, no good. She’s cool, I like her, too, but that dress needs a lady built like a coatrack, and Paula’s a brick house.

      • RedRaven617

        The “hunching” bothers me as well. I just don’t think Paula has the shoulder line to wear the dress.

  • It’s rare that you find so many Dollar Store items in one dress.

  • Judy_S

    She is so beautiful, when not wearing this dress. I didn’t recognize her.

  • Diego!

    Poor girl, she doesn’t know how to pose!!! Please hire someone to help you out in that!

  • carnush

    Oh my god. What a tragedy. It looks like she’s trying bury her head in her neck out of embarrassment. Like a turtle.

  • I can see that the dress is doing her no favors in the neck area but in some of the shots in looks like she is actively trying to smush her head into her shoulders!

  • “We think going up a size might help, but it would probably make her shoulders and arms look massive.” Too late! I cannot imagine her shoulders & upper arms looking any bigger. Someone should be fired. Fact.

  • teensmom99

    You got it on the nose–this dress is not a friend of boobs.

  • ccm800

    Doing her best lost Kardashian impression.

  • nannypoo

    This is a very pretty woman but she looks like a football player in this dress. Maybe she does anyway, I don’t know. So I googled her. Did you know there is a site dedicated to celebrities’ feet? Does that seem odd? Anyway, this is the wrong dress for her and she looks like she knows it.

  • SHOULDERS DOWN AND BACK. None of this “I’m just a girl, teehee, who me?” Her head looks like it’s on a sacrificial altar. Toss this dress into the volcano and find something more fierce, hunty.

  • So not her dress. But at least she is still looking happy to be invited and hasn’t yet caught starlet ennui.

  • C. C. Winslow

    “It’s been a long time since we’ve seen such a massive disconnect between the dress on the red carpet and the dress on the runway.”

    I see what you did there.

    • I’m surprised this was not pointed out by more people.

    • Swear to God, it was unintentional. Totally subconscious.

    • whirligig7

      I don’t see it… ?

    • hillmad

      What? Oh, it’s the premiere of “Disconnect.”

    • mightbewrong

      Somebody enlighten me?

      Edit: Well aren’t I unobservant.

  • MilaXX

    She just started pole dancing for her newest movie and I fear it’s going to be a train wreck. Paula is insanely beautiful, but cannot get it right to save her life. I hate this dress both on the runway and on Paula.

  • ConnieBV

    Stop it with the squinchneck! She looks like an overdressed turtle. Also, totally unrelated… Anyone distracted as heck by the Sweet ‘N Low neon lavender background? Is it just me? I can barely stand to look at it. I miss my taupe!

  • GorgeousThings

    Frankly, unless you’re 5’10” with a swan like neck and no upper body tone or bust, you can’t carry this off. And with all that crap it looks straight out of Regretsy.

    • MilaXX

      or Patricia’s portfolio

    • Mismarker

      Agreed. If this dress “belongs” on anyone, it’s Anne Hathaway.

  • PinkySlinky

    oh honey, no…

  • formerlyAnon

    I am always dismayed by the negative comments some dresses that emphasize a broad shoulder get – I usually like them. This, however, is unfortunate and gives the impression that the dress is too small and that she is awkwardly large – which is objectively not the case.

  • Disconnect, indeed! It’s even emblazoned all over the backdrop. If it looks bad on the model it’s probably not going to look very good on mere mortals. I don’t think you should pack up this dress and give it to some skinny starlet, Paula. I think you should give it to the next kid you meet who needs a weird ghost costume for halloween. Perfect!

    • PastryGoddess

      The ghost of Etsy past

  • whirligig7

    It looks like she’s wearing football padding under it… and the makeup/hair/jewelry are so BASIC.

    • Yes, my first thoughts were that she looks like a linebacker and that she must be a serious swimmer. Besides that the dress is hideous.

  • Eva_baby

    That dress is mad-ugly. I can’t even concentrate on who is wearing it. that is how ugly it is.

  • Indovina

    I don’t know who she is, but this is not a good look for her and not helped by her posing. Not that I think this is a good look for anyone, but it isn’t suited to her at all. It’s unflattering all around.

    But I’m just pleased that my reflexive hatred of Gucci is wholly and completely legitimate this time.

  • PastryGoddess

    Oh my. Talk about linebacker shoulders

    • l_c_ann

      I was going to ask which NFL team she plays center for.

      Then I was afraid I might be punished by having to unravel her hair when it gets caught in the crap on the dress.

  • decormaven

    I’m getting a “The Brain That Wouldn’t Die” flashback from the fourth photo.

  • Anniebet

    Oh dear. So unfortunate.

  • crash1212

    MY EYES! Wow – this is SO unflattering to her beautiful body. There must be a mirror shortage in the Patton household. Unless she wanted to look like a football player, in which case, carry on.

  • She looks so horribly uncomfortable and self-conscious in this dress. And the high neckline is really unflattering on her.

    • VCR1

      I totally agree–it makes things worse!

  • Mismarker

    I have a Thanksgiving centerpiece with that exact same beading.

  • Hhhope

    Why did I immediately think Nelly Furtado upon seeing this dress?

  • I don’t think this is anyone’s dress. Frankly, it looks like the holiday and bead sections of the fabric store had a baby and threw up all over the top.

  • SewingSiren

    It looks like her head is just sitting on her shoulders, no neck. Not good.

  • And stand up straight!

  • Indigo54

    Yuck! Who wants to wear anything with all that Autumn Is Here craft work thrown on it. Horrible! Plus that high neck line….I’m choking just looking at it.

  • Is there some “hide your necks” conspiracy going on in Hollywood right now? Is some producer out there giving rogue hickeys to would-be lead actresses? WHAT IS GOING ON?!

    • PastryGoddess

      The hickeys are probably not rogue at all

  • That bead explosion at the top is hideous.

  • mhleta

    This dress is meant for a statuesque older woman with short hair, a patroness of the arts from Sedona. Or Iris Apfel. Who put her in this? They should be publicly shamed.

  • Mock turtleneck dress? Um, no.

  • Monabel

    What became of her neck?

  • shanteUstay

    She looks heavy around the shoulders and neck.. And she didn’t dress her shape right.
    I’m fully aware she’s not what you’d call “plus size” but she looks it in this dress, which looks like best body type is lean and long to make the angles work right. Plus those awkward poses do not a damn thing to help her

  • prettybigkitty

    Gucci should be ashamed of how bad she is making this dress look.

  • flamingoNW

    It makes her look big, which is weird. And her hair looks stringy and terrible, especially with the collar. FAIL

  • Reminds me of Palm Beach matrons with their coral neclaces at Sunday brunch…rest in peace Lilly Pulitzer! Plus the wrong hair n earrings!

  • carolynmo

    Oh, dear, this is not good. Relaxing her shoulders would help (as nearly all the other kittens pointed out).

  • marilyn

    Irregardless of the crap on top, this is an unattractive dress to start with. She is skinny and it makes her look fat, whether it is loose or not. No one should wear it.

  • korilian

    Too fugly for words!

  • Tatiana Luján

    I love the dress and I would have tried it on. But if I had had a chance to look at my image in the mirror, I would have never left the house looking like a sausage.

  • Anyone else think “marshmallow” after seeing this?

  • That’s not her hair(style) either. I’m all for a weave, but Paula, please don’t do this ever again.

  • notterriblybitter

    I like how the earrings on the model match the embellishments on the dress so it looks like the beads are vines that are growing up the sides of her head and will soon envelop her head and eventually choke her.

  • the hunched shoulders make it look worse than it is.

  • poggi

    Yes, yes, yes. You guys are dead right. This is NOT her dress. I avoid high necklines for fear of the ‘ski slope’ effect and 3-d effects on my chest because I already have enough dimension there. Thank you Paula for showing me that combination isn’t just doubly bad, it is exponentially bad.

  • Imasewsure

    Yes I think this is meant to be a summer frock from those skinny B%tches who just can’t keep warm with their zero body fat, scrawny arms, scrawny legs, etc. And this is up for one of the worst of the year for me. Awful on her!!

  • Sara__B

    Has this gorgeous woman EVER appeared in public in a dress that works for her?

  • unbornfawn

    She looks like she is being strangled by some kind of orange growth.

  • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

    Brilliant minds think alike. When I saw the thumbnail I thought, “Why is she wearing my mother-in-law’s latest craft project on her chest?”

  • I am going to have nightmares about this.

  • GTrain

    it certainly doesn’t help that she’s doing that “aren’t i cute?” shoulder hunching

  • She has either lost her neck or the dress functions as a neck brace.

  • Kathleen B

    I don’t understand why some people wear their hair down and over their shoulders, when the only interest on the dress is at the neck and shoulders. Sleek Ponytail!!!! 😉

  • Trisha26

    She looks like a linebacker in this. And I hate that coral reef at the top.

    • The coral reef = WICKETY WACK!

  • MissAmynae

    This is entirely Nicole Richie’s dress. She would be killin’ it.

  • Louise Bryan

    I don’t like the dress much, but on this actress it looks like small balloons were inserted and inflated at her shoulders, and she has no neck.

  • Carly Warnock

    I feel bad for her. She looks like she knows it’s DEFCON level 1 awfulness. She’s got such a great figure and this dress gives her hulking shoulders. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything so unflattering.

  • This is a dress for Tilda Swinton, and nobody else. Whoring it up makes the embellishment at the neck look like grandma’s homemade doily over a mormon wedding gown. Fail.

  • conniemd

    Agree the craft project is fugly and the lack of a neck on her is bizarre, but the dress beautifully fits the model and hangs perfectly with a bulge. Patton looks like a sausage in casing that’s been squashed in the bottom of the grocery bag.

  • bd73

    her taste is generally crappy. i tend to give her an allowance for not being an american. even so… this is the most atrocious she has ever looked. i’m starting a support group with paula and morena baccarin as founding members. also, they need to cast her in a badass “wonder woman” movie. today.

  • January Jones could wear this well, I think.

    And oh, Paula. You are so uncomfortable, honey.

  • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

    She looks like a linebacker. With craft store flowers. I cannot look away.

  • And stop shrugging!

  • H2olovngrl

    She looks puffy.

  • The dress doesn’t look good on the runway either. Does Paula have a short neck? I think that’s the problem—besides the ugly orange stuff.

  • Aurumgirl

    She looks like she has no neck, and it is truly all the dress’ fault.

  • ThaliaMenninger

    It makes her look like a linebacker. A Native American linebacker. That is so not a good idea.

  • amaranth16

    Send it to Tilda.

  • Paula was pretty much made for Azzedine Alaia. And it’s not like Robin would complain. If Alicia Keys can rock his stuff, PP could kick it out of the park!

  • shelley514

    Why would Gucci let her wear this? Her arms look like football player GI-NORMOUS. And then it’s all topped with this weird evil clown fake cheesy a$$ smile. She always looks so phony to me. I’m not a fan.