RPDR: Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Drag Queens

Posted on March 12, 2013

Mamas! Mascara tracks! This one had it all, darlings. Granted, we almost never believe the queens on this show when they put on a teary scene, but we suppose we’ll have to let our hearts soften a little and pretend to take the tears at face value.

And a Happy St. Patricks Day to you too, Ru! Erin go stuff-her-bra!

Another fabulous idea for a challenge. We were pleasantly surprised once the library was open because these queens may just be the best collection of readers the show’s ever had at one time. Usually, during the read sessions, at least half the queens wind up embarrasing themselves because good shade-throwing requires wit and intelligence and bless these girls, that’s not always in surplus with this crowd. But except for one or two clunkers, everybody did really well. We looked forward to the roast, expecting some major reading for filth, but it was a little disappointing in the end.

Adorably befuddled.

 

So congrats to Miss Coco for your highly scripted win! Aw, we’re being mean. It’s just that there’s a fairly easy to spot cycle of tearing a queen down so that she can declare she’s going to pull out all the stops and then declaring her the winner in a triumphant moment. Having said that, she deserved the win. She was truly funny and fully committed to the character she was playing.

Still, we can’t tell you how much we’re over her. It’s a shame because she’s a fast-talking queen with a lot of look to her, which means we should love her to death, but her constant moping and seeking out drama while pretending like she’s above all the drama has gotten BEYOND annoying. Her claim in the Lounge that Alyssa read her while she remained an absolute lady was totally laughable. How can you be a drag queen and be so defensive all the time?

We have to admit Alyssa has definitely come out of this feud looking like the better queen.

 

She was funny too, but we’re a bit surprised the judges didn’t bitch about this look. It’s a standard Alaska look, except with a blonde wig.

 

Also hilarious, but that’s no surprise. What was a surprise was the glamour she brought. She finally shut Michelle the hell up. She looks fabulous and we’re kind of in awe at the contouring on her nose. It looked drastically smaller from every angle and every lighting situation. That’s some pretty world-class makeup-ery. We don’t know what took her so long.

 

HUGE disappointment. First, we weren’t crazy about the look. We spent too much time trying to figure out what she was going for. It’s some sort of odd cross between Michelle Visage and Elvira.

But it was her performance that really had us down. She’s so naturally droll and funny when she’s not trying. The problem here was, she was trying – and it was obvious and uncomfortable to watch. Granted, she got some really good lines in, but her delivery was way off, she was noticeably nervous, she looked at her cards way too much and she fell back on saying “Fuck” to fill in the dead space. Not the worst by a long shot, but probably the most disappointing.

 

Roughly about as disappointing as we expected. She also wasn’t close to being the worst, but the girl has no comedy chops at all. And we’re annoyed that they judges never call her out for relying on pretty much the exact same look every time, with just the wigs switched out.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! POINT AND LAUGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Okay, we’re mean. And we’re not laughing at her sob story (which, admittedly, we had a hard time accepting as a true emotional response and not a frantic ploy to remain in the game), but at her HORRIBLE BOMB of a performance. She’s been so outrageously full of herself in this competition and frankly, she’s delusional. She can put a look together (albeit a succession of very similar ones) and she’s got some sass and style to her, but there are too many queens ahead of her in the line. We think she’s beginning to realize this and, instead of sacking up and re-committing herself to the competition (like Coco did when she had the same realization), she turned to making excuses, attacking the queens with more going on (like Jinkx) and having a big weepy meltdown at just the right moment.

 

Another totally delusional queen. She really seemed to think that her succession of barbs was going to be met with raucous laughter, even though every time she showed what she was working on, everyone told her it wasn’t funny. Plus, she crossed over from throwing shade to just throwing insults.

 

So it was down to the two queens who bombed the loudest and truth be told, they really did both kick ass in the lip synch. This is why the lip synch works so well as a gladiator arena; because people like Roxxxy can’t rely on excuses and bullshit and people like Alyssa have to suck it up and deliver instead of focusing on feuds and back-biting.

 

We knew before Roxxxy even pulled her little stunt that Ru was going to keep them both in the game. Let’s face it; we knew that back when she did the double elimination a couple weeks back.

 

[Stills: tomandlorenzo.com]

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