We’re running late, so let’s get to it, bitches.
We think all reality competitions could be improved by the occasional use of night vision goggles.
We also think it’s so brilliant to make the queens put on their makeup in the dark that we’re a bit surprised it took the show this long to come up with the idea.
Surprisingly, Detox won the mini-challenge. We say “surprisingly” because we never considered her among the top makeup artists in this year’s crop.
Alaska went for the funny and we kind of loved her for it, along with the “I’m showing off this bone right here” part of her runway act. We’ll get to the criticisms she received later, but we’ll say this for now: She’s genuinely funny and the constant comparisons to Sharon by the judges are getting incredibly old and borderline nasty. They’re just doing it to get her to cry on camera.
Cute. Doing a drag version of a “We Are the World”-style song is another in a long line of brilliant ideas this season.
Painful. It’s time to say it: Coco needs to be sent home. We still maintain that 90% of the drama we’re seeing from these two is completely fabricated and done in order to keep them both in the game, but even so; we’re tired of her. We’re glad that everyone else is picking up on what we mentioned last week: that she’s addicted to the drama, but back-pedals furiously when she gets called on it. She outright lied to Detox when she said she wasn’t talking about her.
Then again, Detox outright lied when she tried to act all innocent about pairing the two of them together, so there’s that. Lying drag queens, darlings. What are you gonna do?
And the girls everyone discounted get their moment in the sun. Ivy and Jinkx KICKED ASS.
Jade was an embarrassment, proving once again that the bitchiest queens almost always have the worst sorts of self esteem issues. Suddenly, loud-mouthed, opinionated, shit-stirring Jade couldn’t look up from the floor or raise her voice above a whisper. We suppose we should’ve felt bad for her, but we couldn’t stop smirking.
RoLaskaTox is beyond obnoxious (although relatively harmless when compared with The Heathers) and we clapped with glee to see the cracks forming. Alaska finally figured out that she’s a third wheel and the judges finally called Detox and Roxxxy out for having their tongues up each other’s ass, to the detriment of their performances.
Fun and really into it.
In orbit around Saturn.
Enh. We suppose she gets some credit for interpreting the challenge in an original way, but her makeup is downright terrifying.
She tends to only have one face to wear, which is not a mark in her favor, but this is definitely one of her better looks.
Again: We know a lot of it’s for show, but we don’t like how hard the other queens are coming down on her in the Interior Illusions Lounge; especially when their so-called shade consists of nothing more than “HAHA! You’re FAT!” Roxxxy joining in on the laughter only pointed out how incredibly delusional she is. Honey, you may love your body, but you’re still the biggest girl in the room, so maybe you should shut the fuck up with the fat jokes.
We can’t believe we’re defending Alyssa.
Absolutely the worst thing she’s ever worn. We have no idea what the hell she was going for here.
We think it’s ludicrous to harp on her so much for her looks when she just gave back-to-back killer performances. We love Michelle, but she’s coming off like a total bitch here.
Having said that, this really is a terrible look. The contouring is off the charts and the wig is ratty. Still, she’s so far ahead of so much of the pack that it’s kind of delicious watching the rest of them try to process that fact.
Everything she did this week was way the fuck over-praised, including this. We’re over her.
Oh, and that thing about sequins? Our jaws dropped. Come on. We don’t expect neurosurgeons in this crowd but a drag queen who doesn’t know how to use the word “sequin” correctly is a pretty dim bulb.
And everything she did this week was way the fuck over-criticized. There is nothing so bullshitty as telling a drag queen “We need to see your vulnerability.” Please. The whole point to drag is that it’s both a form of expression and a form of armor.
Having said THAT, there is a critique to be made here. It’s true that she’s resting on quirky too much and that her looks on the runway are too similar and not outrageous enough. It’s fucking ridiculous to compare her to Sharon, who had a similar sense of humor but a different style.
This was easily the best she’s ever looked on the show. If she hadn’t spend the whole recording session KaiKai-ing with Roxxxy, she might have won it this week.
But it was Ivy’s challenge to win this week. She opened her mouth and immediately all the complaints that she was resting on pretty evaporated into thin air. She just needed Ru to hand her a challenge suited her to abilities and, bless Ru, she did.
It helped that this was a really cute, witty outfit.
So Jade and Coco are thrown into the lip synch and we found ourselves briefly disappointed that Ru already did a double elimination this season. Then a funny thing happened: these bitches turned it OUT, which left us wondering if Ru was going to keep them both in.
But Ru saw something lacking in Jade’s lip synch (like a perfectly packaged fake feud with another contestant, sure to involve a lot of drama and tears) and sent her packing. We can’t say we’re all that upset. She’s fishy, but she’s also a real shit-stirrer with little to back it up.