Marion Cotillard in Christian Dior

Posted on March 27, 2013

Like us, you might be the type who scrolls down slowly to take in an outfit. And like us, you might foolishly wind up yelling, “Stop it, Dress! Just STOP!”

 

Marion Cotillard attends the ‘Rust And Bone’ Japan Premiere in Tokyo in Christian Dior.

Christian Dior Pre-Fall 2013 Collection

Oh, Dress. Why couldn’t you just end at the knees like we told you to? Now everything is ruined.

By the way, we highly recommend anthropomorphizing your clothing and accessories and then having arguments with them. It’s a great way to put an outfit together, even if you sound completely batshit insane. “What do we think, Belt? Can we get along with Pants today? Or are you gonna slide all around like you did last time? Remember our little talk? I’ll put you all the way in the back of the closet again if you act up today. Blouse! How are you, darling? You look lovely today. Ready to come out? What to you mean you’re not speaking to Red Pumps? Did you three have a fight? Oh, I agree, honey. They are a couple of snotty bitches.”

Of course, this pretty much ensures that you will never be on time for anything again. Also: never do it in front of someone you haven’t slept with at least a dozen times. By that point, you’ve passed the fart threshold, so your little idiosyncrasies are less likely to have someone backing toward the door.

Okay, back to Sad Dress and Sadder Hair.

Seriously, girl must be jet-lagged or something, because we haven’t seen that big a bucket of “I don’t give a shit” since the last time we were in WalMart.  Honey, go back to your no-doubt resplendent hotel room, put on a fluffy white robe, order room service, and have some “me” time. When you’re well-rested, call your stylist and yell at them.

 

[Photo Credit: Getty, style.com]

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  • Sobaika

    The hair is atrocious. Mullet hems are crazy, but can be pulled off by someone like Marion – if she was actually trying here.

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    It is so very rare to witness a Total Cotillard Failure, but here we are, staring one in the face. Bad color for her, silly shape to the dress, and I cannot express my feelings about what is not going on above the neck.

    • Vickiefantastico

      That hair. I have no words.

      • Kenisha Hill Phillips

        I do: Pick up the pieces.

      • TheDivineMissAnn

        My Dad was a heavy drinker, so my bangs looked like hers a lot when I was a kid.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      Is that the moment you think you did something really great with your hair and then you see it in the mirror and go. “Oh fuck, I am officially a victim”

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        Possibly one of the greatest wisdoms one can gain is the ability to dispassionately examine oneself.

    • http://profiles.google.com/gillianholroyd gillian holroyd

      TCF. I love it.

      (the neologism, not the look!)

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        And bless you, Gillian, for using “neologism” in a sentence. Isn’t a vocabulary a wonderful thing?
        Also, I love your screen name, (and the movie it comes from).

        • http://www.ellenciompi.com/ NurseEllen

          Thanks for making me recall “BB&C”. Not one of my favorite movies but fun to watch. Unlike Marion here, who is decidedly NOT fun to watch. I don’t know why anyone sent her out the door looking like this and thought it was acceptable. Her hair looks like it’s been whacked off with pinking shears.

    • StellaZafella

      It’s like no sane accessory wanted to be seen anywhere near this look… that should have been a warning.

      Oh well, anybody can have an “oops” day…(How do you say “oops” in Francais?)

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        I think its actually the same word. Kittens? Any wisdom?

        • DeborahJozayt

          Houp-la!

        • rajf

          merde

        • ankali

          Sacre bleu!*

          *Not endorsed by any actual French-speakers.

  • jw_ny

    all I can say is…at least she didn’t go from bad to worse and style the dress with the booties and long vest! that’s bad styling taken to an extreme!

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      Really! The way its styled on the model one gets the impression its to be worn grocery shopping.

      • http://twitter.com/urban_gypsy Tess Danesi

        That is some cracked out styling. At least Marion wore pretty shoes.

      • MoHub

        Or in a subway tunnel, behind a shopping cart full of one’s belongings

    • minnye

      Is that Michelle’s rain vest?

  • http://twitter.com/JeremyWPeacock Jeremy Peacock

    Go home, Dress. You’re drunk!

  • http://twitter.com/urban_gypsy Tess Danesi

    I took my daughter prom dress shopping last week and another young girl was trying on only mullet hemmed dresses. I just wanted to say “Oh honey, no,” but that was her mom’s place. If even Marion can’t work it a mullet dress, and no one with that hair can be expected to work anything (what happened, Marion?), let alone anything tricky.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=49702581 Susan Bullard Mayer

      I bought a mullet dress last year at Target. I took it to my tailor and had that tail chopped off. That’s one trend I hope to see end soon.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      I said mullet dress at White House Black Market and they were appalled. I said, what do you think that hemline is exactly? Party in the front, business in the back!

    • mskgb

      Freelance parenting is allowed in such situations.

  • http://twitter.com/Mlle_D Donyelle

    chop off the train and add Jimmy Choo Lance Sandals, this would be perfection. That and a power nap.

    • http://twitter.com/lareveuse lareveuse

      And a wig.

      • Magatha

        The three of us could probably manage to shampoo and fluff her hair while taking scissors to the dress, and it wouldn’t even take that long, and in the end, she’d be so grateful she’d forgive us.

        • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

          I could deal with the hair as long as we get to scissors that dress. She could make a lovely cape out of all that material if it gets cold!

  • Miss_Led

    Mario! (spits out coffee)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    Dear Ladies,

    Blunt bangs, boom bangs and bangs in general are not for everyone. Please stop trying to make bangs happen as a trend. They are not shoes.

    Thanks,
    Jessica

  • http://www.twitter.com/anneofnogables AnneNotHathaway

    Well. You can’t say she didn’t match her hair to her dress. It’s like when she went for the cut, she had a picture of the dress, and said “Make sure it goes with this,” and the stylist took it literally.

  • http://www.facebook.com/beccalise.deveaux ‘Becca’lise Deveaux

    I’m still giggling over “Mario” Cotillard!

  • Jecca2244

    I love this dress. not every dress has to be the standard length. But the bangs, no.

  • schadenfreudelicious

    did she attempt to trim her bangs with nail clippers??

  • http://twitter.com/lareveuse lareveuse

    Ma chère Marion, Le Flowbee n’est jamais ton ami. Gros bisous! La Rêveuse

    • formerlyAnon

      I laughed out loud. The Flowbee hasn’t crossed my mind in years.

  • JMB_edits

    Ha-ha! I was expecting the dropped ‘n’ to indicate some super androgynous look, as if she had stepped into our favorite girl’s Alter Land.

  • minnye

    Guess I’m alone in liking the sassy haircut…

    • kirkyo

      *psst…i think it’s cute too.*

  • formerlyAnon

    I LOVE the contrast between the lining and dress fabrics. The hem is stupid and tragic. But she looks way better than the model, as styled.(“Designers!, take these two fabrics and make something lovely!”)

    As for the rest of this morning’s opening salvo in the TLo Blog o’ Entertainment: there’s so much there to work with! And I need to get some of these stacks off my desk! So I leave it to other minions.

  • notterriblybitter

    I had that exact same haircut when I was a kid and my dad insisted on cutting my hair.

  • SugarSnap108

    Damn. I think if the dress had only a modified mullet, showing a flash of the blue lining, I’d like it. The hair? No. On the positive side, she looks worlds better than the model. What the hale is going on there??

  • kat89

    She looks like she matched her mullet dress to her mullet hair. C’est tragique!

  • http://kingderella.tumblr.com/ kingderella

    the mullet skirt is hiddy (arent they always?) but its also the only thing remotely interesting about this dress. without it, itd need some serious statement-accessories.
    it took me a moment to get used to her hair and minimal make-up, but i think i actually like it.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Nope, she’s pulling a Jolie again. Those bangs are beyond awful.

  • butterflysunita

    Freida Pinto in Naeem Khan and Marion Cotillard in Christian Dior. Both looks should be sheer poetry–and instead the first is a missed opportunity and this one is just hopeless.

  • Chickadeep

    The mullet cut is of course all kinds of Wrong, but the fabric itself is divine. Yes, even the blue lining. If it had stopped at the knee and been paired with a lovely necklace or a pair of eye-catching earrings, I *might* have been able to overlook the monstrosity that is The Hair.

    • conniemd

      This exactly. The fashion Gods must have been punishing us humans the day somewhat started the mullet dress cut.

  • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

    The expectations for Mlle Cotillard are so high that even something that’s “just ok” in my book is considered a failure on her part. She – and her clothes – can do so much better than “just ok.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1396777506 Christin Pardy-Nosenchuk

    and put some damn jewelry on.

  • http://twitter.com/watchinginkdry Krysta

    It really is not-good hair.

  • Indigo54

    Well…they say we should all take fashion risks sometimes. I mean, at least she tried. How was she to know….

  • In_Stitches

    It’s almost Liz Lemon’s ‘Deal Breaker’ hair.

    The dress makes me sad. I don’t even hate mullet hems, but usually there’s a curvature to the front hem sloping down to the longer back that gives the look some elegance. This mullet’s bluntly chopped hem is as ugly as her bangs.

    • KatrinaAtienza

      Oh my God I was thinking the same thing!!

  • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

    My soul just died a little because of that hair.

  • http://twitter.com/bert_keeter bert keeter

    I love Raf but get annoyed when he intentionaly does ‘awkward” for awkward’s sake! This is just plain frumpy.

  • crash1212

    I had the exact opposite reaction to this, and I usually hate mullet dresses. I think her hair is quite chic and her smile could light the world. I love the color and the fit and think she looks fabulous. Maybe I don’t mind the mullet because the color of that interior skirt is so pretty. Dunno – but I don’t think she needs a nap.

  • VicksieDo

    I love that dress. The hair looks like a wig maybe?

    • http://twitter.com/DuBey2 Marie Fessler

      Lets hope so. Then we won’t have to wait forever for it to properly grow out (a la Anne Hathaway)

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/37TPKASIMXVUPYK5BNQFOL43KU Carina

    I like it. (don’t kill me)

  • random_poster

    Thanks for the morning laugh, TLo! I am now seriously considering having a conversation with my shoes and pants this morning.

  • Little_Olive

    Don’t mind the hair as much. The dress belongs in a music video and nowhere else. The choice of lining, as if to make a point of the mullet hem, is atrocious.

    My aunt talks to clothes when we go shopping. Like “Hmm, Ralph, I don’t thing we’re going home together tonight”. I love it.

    Love the post.

  • Alyssa

    While you’re at it, order a bottle of wine & some brownies. That’s sure to snap me out of any mood! :)

  • stubbornthoughts

    That awkward moment when the cut of your hair matches the cut of your dress.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=603005248 Jeff Warhurst

    I always do that!!! LOL

  • msdamselfly

    Wow!

    I think the dress would be very boring without the extra fabric. I think it is lovely and I also love her hair and makeup! Very Jeanne D’Arc

  • msdamselfly

    What is wrong with you all? I think she looks fantastic! Her hair is refreshingly different and yet still lovely. the dress is gorgeous.

  • MilaXX

    I don’t like the hair, but it’s okay with this dress which really should have stopped at the knees.

    BTW. “far threshold? iCackled!

  • Sara__B

    I had a haircut like that once. I was four. I did it myself. With plastic scissors. (I think mine was worse, but not much.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/NadiyaOsmani Pudgy Possum

    The hair crushes me even more than the dress. How can someone have hacked at her gorgeous hair like that? That bastard!

  • jetpackdino

    I’m actually angry at a dress. It’s ridiculous how much I want to cut that thing.

    On a more positive note, that blue tote the model is holding isn’t half-bad.

  • Toto Maya

    Her hair is almost always sad, IMO. I don’t know why. She just has the weirdest hairstyles most of the time.

  • MoHub

    Would have been adorable with a straight hem at the knee.

  • susan6

    You know…..I hate most mullet dresses as much as the next guy…..but this one could possibly have worked under ideal circumstances. The pattern outside and the dark blue inside make it sort of a dramatic theater for the legs, instead of just looking like the fabric cutter got lazy. So ideally, a fabulous woman with perfect accessories, a great pair of legs, and killer shoes could pull this dress off well. But…ideal circumstances these are NOT. Cotillard is usually ideal, but whoever BUTCHERED her hair and did a half-hearted job with the makeup needs to be slapped, and hard. And the shoes aren’t working.

  • warnerave

    umm..no! the dress looks so heavy

  • jilly_d

    Most hideously unflattering haircut in the History of Everything.

  • unbornfawn

    This is why I love reading you guys! The only thing I like about this look is the shoes. I want to get my big scissors and hack that mullet off. The hair and make-up makes me said. She usually looks gorgeous.

  • EEKstl

    Oh, dress. Oh, hair. Oh, shoes. Oh, Marion! Quel disastre! (But props to this debacle allowing for a hilarious TLo post, so there’s that…)

  • alyce1213

    This is both scrollup and scrolldown fug. Horrible hair choice — it looks like they held her down and cut her hair under duress with a dull knife. The mullet dress is awful. Even if it stopped at the knee, it’s just okay, nothing special. A very disappointing Marion and Dior.

  • H2olovngrl

    She is giving me unhappy Katy Perry vibes.

  • http://aldonsusi.blogspot.com/ Susi R

    Forget the dress! What happened to her hair?

  • martha

    At least she looked better than the model

  • Tracy_Flick

    OMG did she cut her hair with the garbage disposal?

  • Donna Tabor

    See the difference between boys and girls: girls don’t EVER fart in front of boys, no matter how many times they’ve slept together.

    Talking to clothing, on the other hand…

    • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

      Now we know that’s not true.

      Ladies? We’re gonna need a ruling on this.

      • snarkykitten

        Been with my husband for almost 10 years and he doesn’t give a crap if I fart around him. But maybe this is because we are a bit old to be “boys & girls”

      • http://twitter.com/DuBey2 Marie Fessler

        Never. At least, never ADMIT it.

      • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

        Our ancestors had the great good sense to invent indoor plumbing, and damned if I’m not going to take full advantage of that leap into civility. That said, I know too many people who feel otherwise to think this easily breaks down by gender.

      • formerlyAnon

        I admit when I read this I thought “slept with 12 times might be the BOY fart threshold, but it’s not the one for most GIRLS.” Obviously it’s variable, but I know of very, very few women whose fart threshold is measured in something under MONTHS and months of regular sleepovers.

  • rajf

    not only is this the appalling mullet dress, it’s the appalling strapless dress with a slippage problem…but maybe that’s supposed to be a ‘party in the front’.

  • Tatiana Luján

    Did she cut her bangs herself? Did she want them to be an odd lenght, so they went with the dress?

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    As a single person who has lived with myself for years, I talk to inanimate objects all the time. So I’m sure I’ve had conversations with my clothing from time to time. It helps me to be objective about them and sometimes I ask them if it’s time for them to go in the give-away bag.

  • http://onionjam.tumblr.com SkipperJane

    God, I put off my haircut an extra four weeks due to a broken leg and even MY hair doesn’t look that bad!

  • sockandaphone

    “fart threshold” made me laugh more than it should

  • IMNAngryLiberal

    Out of curiosity, I ask … which designer was it who started the short dress with a train thing (at least this recent trend)? Whoever it was, I suggest we hunt them down and hurt them.

  • snarkykitten

    It’s strangely comforting to know that even Marion Cotillard can have bad fashion days.

    • http://twitter.com/DuBey2 Marie Fessler

      This!

  • http://twitter.com/lolacestmoi Lola Channing

    This is the “I had scissors in my hand while starring at a wall in a jumper” hair cut.

  • http://twitter.com/DuBey2 Marie Fessler

    The 3rd shot down reminds me of Uma in Kill Bill (I or II, not really enough of a fan to know- but it was the one where she was SUPPOSED to look bad. Or at least I thought so.
    That haircut would work on a young, American styled, girl with NO puffs or lumps or dark circles anywhere. But too me, it makes a BEAUTIFUL French woman look yukky.

  • MissAmynae

    please let it be for a role…please let it be for a role….

    Don’t love this, but I DO love the fact that she always looks so damn French. I can’t explain it- its just an aura, like when you look at Monica Bellucci and just know she’s utterly Italian, or at Audrey Tatou, who has the same French vibe.

  • Trisha26

    This dress/hair gives my IH of her serious weight – yay! At least she’s not wearing the Amish prayer shawl-vest-coat thing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1316070988 Roey Thorpe

    I am struck by the way the runway model is all accessorized to look like this is just another day look. One where you are dragging your skirt a couple of feet behind you all day… because leaf collection is a service we all like to provide.

  • Zippypie

    I never thought I see the day when I would see Marion with bowl-cut bangs and grandma’s tablecloth wrapped around her waist. The “I Don’t Give A Shit Dior” line. You boys may be on to something there.

  • allisankelly

    I can’t with that hair. And the model’s shot looks like the 360 degree dressing room on What Not to Wear.

  • Elizabeth Silverstein

    Your posts are always hilarious, but the levels of hilariousness going on here are EPIC.

  • Anniebet

    Drat, another one bites the dust. Usually a goddess divine, Ms. Marion has taken a nose dive. Those bangs are ugh, and are those actually sideburns!? Can’t be!

    Lovely dress from the knees up. She *is* in Japan where some portions of the culture might just appreciate the weirder side of Dior. She just needs a Hello Kitty clutch.

  • mmelaprof

    So matchy-matchy between the hemline on the dress and the hemline on the hair.

  • Hetha Innis

    Hell hath frozen. Marion Cotillard and Walmart have been (aptly) mentioned not only in the same post, but the same fucking sentence. JFC.

  • oohsparkley!

    I actually like some mullet hems and I think this one works. It’s something different and frames the legs. Her hair is bad. I sure hope she has it tucked behind her ears and those aren’t sideburns. Yikes! She should have big sparkly earrings. This is not an understated kind of look.

  • Jessica O’Connell

    This may have made me laugh harder than any other post. Ah, TLo, you are batting a thousand today. Well done, sirs. *Slow clap*

  • amaranth16

    Her bangs: catastrophiques.

  • Mistie Holler

    I didn’t know there was an official fart threshold. Thanks for saving me from embarrassing myself!

  • Beth Kattleman

    I thought that perhaps her dress is referencing her movie, you know, with her legs being bit off by killer whales. A movie which I have no desire to see, much as I love La Cotillard.

    • DesertDweller79

      I am going to pretend that this is true. It may help me not hate the dress.

  • bluefish

    But but but … I love the hair!