Like us, you might be the type who scrolls down slowly to take in an outfit. And like us, you might foolishly wind up yelling, “Stop it, Dress! Just STOP!”
Marion Cotillard attends the ‘Rust And Bone’ Japan Premiere in Tokyo in Christian Dior.
Christian Dior Pre-Fall 2013 Collection
Oh, Dress. Why couldn’t you just end at the knees like we told you to? Now everything is ruined.
By the way, we highly recommend anthropomorphizing your clothing and accessories and then having arguments with them. It’s a great way to put an outfit together, even if you sound completely batshit insane. “What do we think, Belt? Can we get along with Pants today? Or are you gonna slide all around like you did last time? Remember our little talk? I’ll put you all the way in the back of the closet again if you act up today. Blouse! How are you, darling? You look lovely today. Ready to come out? What to you mean you’re not speaking to Red Pumps? Did you three have a fight? Oh, I agree, honey. They are a couple of snotty bitches.”
Of course, this pretty much ensures that you will never be on time for anything again. Also: never do it in front of someone you haven’t slept with at least a dozen times. By that point, you’ve passed the fart threshold, so your little idiosyncrasies are less likely to have someone backing toward the door.
Okay, back to Sad Dress and Sadder Hair.
Seriously, girl must be jet-lagged or something, because we haven’t seen that big a bucket of “I don’t give a shit” since the last time we were in WalMart. Honey, go back to your no-doubt resplendent hotel room, put on a fluffy white robe, order room service, and have some “me” time. When you’re well-rested, call your stylist and yell at them.
[Photo Credit: Getty, style.com]