Jessica Alba Double Shot

Posted on March 14, 2013

Darlings, let’s all be really hard on Jessica. Ready? Go.


Jessica Alba arrives at MTV Studios in New York City.

Okay, that’s actually really cute. Somewhat standard in a lot of ways, but we have no real complaints. Total lie; we have one: those shoes look kinda hiddy.

Geez, we really wanted to vent at her. Let’s see if we can work up some bile for the next one.


Jessica Alba attends book signing event on Long Island in New York.

Now THAT’S more like it.

*cracks knuckles*

She’s all “hunting season” on top and “mom pants” on the bottom, with a bag that looks like it should be strapped to the side of a pack mule. Awful. We hate this one. With the heat of a thousand burning suns.

Are we being too hard? Have you formed opinions on these two outfits, like we encourage everyone to do? Good. Hold that thought as we turn the floor over to The Hollywood Reporter for some primo bitchery that puts us to shame:

“She’s suddenly ubiquitous, this type of actress — just not on the big or small screen. She graces red carpets and Fashion Week front rows wearing next season’s Dolce, Zac, Marc and Elie — the perks of being a personal friend of the house — with the most-craved Celine or Alexander McQueen bag, not yet even on preorder, on her arm. Yet she might not have done a project in years, and if she has, well, you haven’t heard of it. Still, she is a legitimate actress, having starred in a few rom-coms, action flicks or horror films, looking gorgeous in all of them. No fake noses or weight gain for this girl.

Today, said actress spends the majority of her time modeling on arrival lines as opposed to runways. Remember when models just wanted to be actresses? These days, a certain lanky, large-eyed genre of B-list-and-lower actresses have, for all intents and purposes, added “model” to their business-savvy hyphenate titles. Meet the 2013 version of the model-actress — or, the mocktress.

But don’t pity her. She makes the majority of her income — a very good income — this way. Last year, according to sources in event planning, marketing and branding, Jessica Alba and Kate Bosworth each earned $100,000 per public appearance.

Maybe they weren’t paid to attend Chanel shows — they just got to keep 15 grand worth of clothes and bags — but they were no doubt monetized for attending the Giffoni Film Festival in Italy, the opening of the Montblanc concept store in Beijing, the Audi Aspen Holiday party and the Topshop/Topman store opening in L.A. Alba alone attended about 43 events in 2012 — the old “opening of an envelope” line comes to mind — and for tres chic Diane Kruger, it was 31 events. Kruger is becoming better known for being well-dressed than her occasional yet interesting acting choices. No doubt she makes more money that way.”

Scroll back up and re-assess those outfits, in light of what you just learned.  Did your opinions change?

NOW do you see why we’re such judgmental bitches when it comes to celebrity style?



[Photo Credit:]

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  • Annabelle Archer

    Day-um that is a lot of shade.  

    Though, it was nice of you to let her cocker spaniel hair slide.

    • SassieCassy

      i wouldnt call this cocker spaniel hair. its not hanging limp on either side down to the boob. hers looks GOOD at least. shiny and healthy. and these are pretty casual outfits not red carpet

      • Annabelle Archer

        Sorry, but when I see a middle part and long curls framing the side of a face, all I see is Lady. (As in and the Tramp)

        • birkatbaby

          then what is hair supposed to look like according to you? i think her hair looks fabulous – shiny, healthy, a nice curl.

          • Wow. It’s a descriptive summation, not a slam. I didn’t say it looked fried, or like raggagy extensions, I said it has a middle part and with curls that hang down the sides her face, much like a specific breed of dog with long, curly, face framing hair.

      • It is very healthy looking hair and it doesnt look like there are extensions or stuff

  • Nope, my opinions didn’t change. I’m harder on the first one than you are – I bloody HATE peeptoes with tights.

    • kimmeister

      I can’t exactly tell what the shoes in the first look actually look like, the only thing I could tell was that they were open-toed and therefore a terrible choice to pair with tights.

      •  YES!!! OMG, thank you both for realizing this and restoring my faith in humanity!  I don’t know where these women get the idea that tights can be worn with anything but they are wrong — I don’t care how stylish or adorable you are, a peep toe is supposed to show your pedicure, not your toe seam.

    •  Peep-toes and tights actually make me angry.

      • Little_Olive

        Me too!! You cannot imagine by reaction when girls here were “nude” tights with sandals because they cannot be bothered to find an evening shoe for a wedding. I mean not even peeptoes, open sandals. At weddings. I need chocolate. 

        • oohsparkley!

          Ha! We used to do it all the time way back in the day. It really was a thing everyone did. We all wore pantyhose with sandals and peeptoes. (I still want to, it makes the legs look better). So it doesn’t bother me much.

        • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

           Was a trailer involved in this wedding?  Was corrugated metal in evidence anywhere?  Then I suppose it would be OK.

    •  I can’t stand the first one because it’s utterly shapeless. And that skirt looks too high and too boxy. I don’t care how much money they make, only that they provide fodder for T Lo to talk about so that I have an excuse to ignore my professors in class.

  • Dhammadina

    She’ll always be Max, the Dark Angel, to me.  She can draw on her mutant ninja clothing skills, but with better shoes.  

    • MilaXX

       The one role I liked her in. Then it didn’t matter if her acting was wooden, since she wasn’t supposed to be a regular human.

      • Dhammadina

        She was very young then, and she registered vulnerability on the screen quite effectively, as both a loner and in among  her band of misfits (bike messenger archetypes!).Since then (wow that show was on in 2000), I have become delighted by her ability to wear clothes so spectacularly well, given her basic black cat-jumpsuit from those Dark Angel days. I hope she finds another successful TV or film niche. 

        • H2olovngrl

          I always remember her from the movie, Idle Hands. She was pretty enjoyable as the pissed off, long suffering girlfriend/love interest. My other favorite part of that movie was the phrase, “catch ya on the flip flop!”

    • Meg0GayGuys6

      Haha I still only see her as either Gibby, Kirstin, or Kristen from Never Been Kissed.

    • charlotte

      Same here. So I’m not the only one who watched that show.

  • Anathema_Device

    She has always bugged me. Other people have Gwennie & KStew on their irrational hate lists, but for some reason, Alba has always been on mine.

    As for the outfits, I think she needs a cool/statement necklace and funkier shoes with the first look. I don’t mind the second look all that much, with the exception of gray patent pumps with that outfit? Really? No thanks. On second look, I think those pants are more army surplus than mom pants.

    • Yeah she’s on mine too. She’s one of those mediocre actresses who talks a lot about how nudity in film is degrading and yet often takes roles that are insipid and sexistly written even without nudity. So I roll my eyes heavily when I hear her talk. Plus she was the worst part of the already terrible Fantastic Four movies. 

      • Anathema_Device

         Yes! I can take a little attitude when the actor or actress can back up the goods with talent and interesting work.

      • lovelyivy

         That is not an irrational hate- your reservations sound completely reasonable to me! Since dark Angel ended (I liked the show and she was pretty good) I find her, at best, totally inoffensive. Nothing to make me love her or even like her that much, but not enough there for me to actively dislike either. She’s oatmeal.

    • urbanamish

      i see nothing irrational about hating gwyneth paltrow.

      • H2olovngrl

        That’s because Gwyneth had a tendency to go around acting like a smacked ass. She seems to have been made aware of her unlikeability though, so she isn’t nearly as insufferable. I would imagine that it helps when you align yourself in a movie series with an enormously likeable actor like Robert Downey Jr. I hope her publicist is well paid.

    •  She’s always been on my hate list too. Mostly because I could never understand the fervor surrounding her, considering her fairly few mediocre acting gigs. Yes, she’s beautiful and “exotic”, but there are plenty of other beautiful, exotic and talented actresses to heap all of the attention on.

      • urbanamish

        i can give you seventeen concrete examples, but i simply don’t have the energy (i must need a cleanse).  but i will say you show far to much reverence for her beauty , which i only see as expensive grooming and the antithesis of exotic …and her “talent” which is basically based on her dexterity with a british accent, a gift of precise diction from her truly talented mother.  

        •  I think she’s absolutely lovely, but I wouldn’t call her “exotic” either — to me, she’s the very picture of the girl next door. 

        • H2olovngrl

          I don’t think you get that kind of pretty from good grooming.

        • No – I’m not saying that that’s what *I* think, rather, that’s the only reason that I can think of that so many other people find her to be so fabulous. Personally,I think she’s very pretty, but not particularly remarkable.

          I guess I should have been more explicit in my comment. The “exotic” comment was supposed to be sarcasm. 😛

  • That orange jacket is hideous and, with those pants, makes her look wide, which is a pity because orange and green can be a very chic combo. But this isn’t it. 

    As for the first outfit – yawn. 

    I want to get paid to wear clothes. Sigh.

    • kimmeister

      The particular shades of orange and green that she’s got on are a good pairing (at least they don’t remind me of a carrot), too bad the shape of that coat is so yucky.

      • 3boysful

         Re: Shape of coat–just picture someone who is not a size 0 in that!  Yikes!

      • RebeccaKW

         Well, they are kind of reminding me of 70’s kitchens.


  • Especially true about Diane Kruger. I just know her as Pacey’s wife and a pretty damn good dresser. That’s it. 

    Even though I’m hearing she has a new show coming out on one of those cable networks. 

    • SassieCassy

      i think diane kruger is an exception to the rule. shes been in higher profile stuff (inglorious basterds) and has a background in modeling and she can wear clothes hella better than dark angel over here.

      also i dont think she is married to pacey.

      • Oh yeah. Diane knows how to wear clothes! I don’t consider Jessica a fashionista icon that the media tends to lump her as. She’s just okay to me.

        Meanwhile, thanks for the heads up about her not being married to Pacey. I had no idea. 

    • MilaXX

       girlfriend, they haven’t jumped the broom yet

      • Lori

         And apparently don’t intend to. Diane has publicly said that marriage isn’t for her and she never wants to get married again. (I have no idea what Pacey has to say about it.)

        •  I can get behind that — as long as it’s not “we can’t possibly get married until everyone in America can”.  I applaud the sentiment behind that, but the way it’s said by actors always seems so… false that it’s just irritating.

      • Oh wow! Here I was thinking they were. They’ve been together for so long that I just assumed. 

    • AthenaJ

      I’d normally be irrationally annoyed by Diane, but she was great in Inglorious Basterds so she gets a pass-for-life from me (unless she wears another damn beret…).

  • TheLaurenJean

    That’s appalling. If I’m spending $100,000 to have you here, you better look like you took A MOMENT to put your outfit together, rather than sending in a blind toddler to grab whatever items it first encounters.

    •  Well, the actresses, from what we’ve seen on the Rachel Zoe show and Brad, Brad World, don’t pull their outfits together. They are literally dressed by other people, from a big pile of clothes, shoes, and accessories, so it’s not really their fault that they don’t look good. For the most part, they’re just sentient (barely) mannequins.

      • EveEve

        That’s the impression I get from watching those two shows as well:  the stylists are making the decisions on what these mocktresses are going to wear to a given event, and the mocktresses are paid to wear it and make sure it gets seen and photographed.   It is such a cynical world, that I’ve come to question even the “woman on the street” looks of these folks, who just happen to be wearing and clutching often tens of thousands of dollars worth of goods while out walking the pooch.  sigh

        • Vickiefantastico

          Yes, I’ve had a rude awakening to all of this since coming to this site almost two years ago!

      • Unless they’re contractually obligated to wear something, most celebrities have final say on their public appearance clothes. They pay stylists for their expertise and connections, but it’s rare that any female celeb would simply hand over all decision-making to their stylist. That’s only the case when the stylist and celebrity have a long relationship with each other.

  • Sobaika

    Second outfit is pure, unfiltered, ugly. The first is very cute but I’m wearing a version of that sitting behind a desk at work. She is not really a fashionista, no matter how many people want us to believe she is.

    • filmcricket

      No, she’s not. She’s a very attractive hanger. She’s not a model & she’s not much of an actress, but she’s got a pretty face, nice bod, and is presumably easy to work with at this type of thing, since there doesn’t appear to be a spark of personality there at all.

  • YayaGurl

    I’ll tell you the real crime- whatever bookstore she is in not only stocks Bill O’ Reilly’s piece of shit book about Lincoln but is actively pushing it by shelving it cover forward.

    • ChiliP

      Calling that “book” a piece of shit is being extremely generous.

  • deathandthestrawberry

    Well, in all honesty, this line of work suits Alba better. She’s a terrible, dull actress, but as a red carpet fixture she bugs me not. She’s very pretty, and unlike the other Jessica (Biel), she doesn’t make my eye twitch every time I see her on my screen. I wish Diane Kruger acted more, but when she appears of the red carpet she usually brings along Joshua Jackson so that’s a win in my book. I just can’t get worked up about the mocktress, or whatever they’re called.

    • SassieCassy

      ‘mocktresses’ im gonna borrow that term!

    • Introspective

      you summed it up perfectly. jess is yawn inducing on screen but that lovely face of hers and thin physique is tailor made for a photograph. and why go thru the demoralization of auditions and no call backs, when you can just show up somewhere and get a check, free designer swag and the chance to never let people forget your name despite a forgettable body of work??

      shit id do it if i looked like her and hadnt already spent tens of thousands on schooling so that “i would be judged for my mind only.” whatever. cause im still judged by my looks every time i set foot in my office. and i still fret all over my looks before leaving the house cause i know im being judged.

      all that to say, werq that shit and take it to the bank. 

      (edited to add my judgment: jesus that second look is aggressively shitty).

      • nancymae

        My assignment for the day: incorporate “aggressively shitty” intoevery conversation I have today. Thank you!

    • littlemac8

      But why is no one commenting that she is at a BOOK signing!!!! Are you trying to tell me she wrote a BOOK!! That she has anything to say???? that I or anyone I know would want to read??? Disbelief!

  • I was hoping you would bring up the “mocktress” article. $100,000 for an appearance!! Life isn’t fair!

  • Emily Giovanni

    Wait, Diane Kruger is an actress? I thought she was a clothes-wearer/event-attender.

    • Well, part of it is also that Diane does foreign films still – last year she was in two.  She didn’t really hit the “American” scene until Troy and National Treasure for acting. 

      • Alexandra Murray

         Yeah, I think a lot of people don’t realize how much acting she’s done, since a lot of it is foreign or smaller films.

    • I second that. Everytime I see her, I think….have I seen her in anything? Ever? 

    • deathandthestrawberry

      I thought she was excellent in Inglourious Basterds, but I think she is more famous here for dating Pacey. 

  • MilaXX

    I think she got it about 75% right in both looks. I think the first would look better with a pair of booties. I like the color in the second one, but not the bulk of the jacket & the bag is just hiddy and somehow cheap looking. The hair is the second look is also a but greasy and flat.

    • Janet B

      Her hair (and face) look as if she’s way too hot in that jacket.

  • libraangel

    Oh, poor Me: I scroll down and then get SO disappointed! Why the blue skirt, why the shitty tan/brown/olive pants? Why, I ask!

  • Janet B

    Unfortunately, my opinion didn’t change much. 

    First outfit is boring.
    Second outfit is hideous. Second look at second outfit: shouldn’t have someone ironed her pants and found a jacket that’s better fitting?

  • Heh. Like anyone would truly turn down making that kind of money if offered. “No, I’m sorry. I must go back to sawing wood on my father’s farm for that is the honest, hard, labor I truly crave. The sweet, succulence of earning $100K by being beautiful and being able to hang around a single location while photographs are taken of me is repellent and goes against my true, hard-working nature.” Sarcasm aside, it is kinda annoying. 🙂 

    I still don’t get the hunter outfit though. I mean, if you’re making that kind of dough, you are making enough to hire someone to stand by your door and go: “What are you wearing? No.” Which is scary because it means she dressed herself which means she doesn’t really have taste overall. Like when a designer on Project Runway says: “I have to stick with with who I am as a designer”, and you’re sitting at home yelling at the screen: “THAT ONLY WORKS IF YOU HAVE TASTE AND YOU DON’T!” 

  • tallgirl1204

    I actually really like the pop-of-orange jacket with the more subtle side pieces.  I’ve been seeing that assymetrical tight bomber jacket in interesting textiles a lot (o.k., well, a lot on Hayden Panatierre on Nashville, my secret addiction)– at any rate, I think she looks better in the second picture than in the first (although maybe boots would have worked better?), and she looks pretty good in the first. 

  • There are a slew of other’s just like her that I’ve noticed over the year as well.  I would prefer her to trot around in expensive clothes and goods than give another try at acting.  

  • I actually like the second outfit more than the first. I love the orange jacket and the green pants. Having said that, JA means nothing to me as an actress, so the term ‘mocktress’ absolutely applies to her as well as dozens of others. Diane Kruger is in a league above, however.

  • filmcricket

    Soooo glad to see Kate Bosworth mentioned in that article. I have never understood her appeal – Alba’s at least pretty – and could not for the life of me figure out why she kept getting invited to things. Now I know.

    The proportions feel off in the first look and those shoes are beyond hideous. The second ensemble doesn’t bear mentioning.

    • Sobaika

      Kate Bosworth and Jessica Biel regularly duke it out for the top spot on my Irrational (Rational?) Hate List.

      •  Jessica Biel annoys me — every time I see her, I just get this general feeling of dissatisfaction with humanity.  She can’t act and she’s all the same color!  Her skin, her hair, her lips… and they’re all shades of beige!

    • kimmeister

      Before she got all emaciated, Kate Bosworth was actually quite pretty.  She was adorable in Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!

  • Imasewsure

    How is this really something new? Mocktresses are just doing it for themselves now instead of for the studio system… as long as they look good, I don’t really care… I like seeing beautiful things in motion (and most of them shouldn’t be acting anyway)

    • libraangel

      The Kardashians are invited to some red carpet events, but I hope no one is paying them! They have absolutely no talent (as we all know), but are being paid millions for their show and living a wildly extravagant life. During these dismal economic times, when people do not have jobs or struggle to pay for their mortgages, they should be ashamed of themselves. Sorry, I’ll get off my soapbox and stop ranting.

      • MaryAtRealityTea

        The Kardashians get paid exorbitant amounts for events, sadly! especially Kim. I heard she recently got over $100k to just show up at some party in Nigeria for like 15 minutes. Depressing. And Kim always dresses so terribly so there’s not even cute photos to show for it!! 

  • DTLAFamilies

    That Hollywood Reporter article is so weird. I’m not sure why we’re supposed to have contempt for these women. They have a job, they do it well enough to be paid substantial amounts of money to continue doing it. There are way worse things they could be doing (reality TV, “stolen” sex tapes). So what’s the problem? Especially since nearly all major actresses are doing the same thing. Everyone is a shill for the fashion houses every time they set foot on a red carpet no matter how many Oscars they may have.

    • i take issue with it because at this point these people are just famous for being famous. seriously. they are the fashion industrys answer to a kardashian.

      • DTLAFamilies

        Well it’s not like they falsely linked Saddam Hussein to 9/11 in order to justify invading another country for the oil. I guess what I’m saying is that in the grand scheme of things this doesn’t even rate as a minor sin. It’s just silly, at best. 

        • Sobaika

          If we look at it that way then nothing on this site compares to the Really Big Stuff.

          In the context of this world, the fashion world, I personally don’t like the ‘mocktress’ appearances. Every time I see them I wonder, “Who are you? Why are you here? How did you score an invite??” Especially when most (like Jessicas Alba and Biel) don’t really push the envelope or wear clothes that well to begin with.

          • DTLAFamilies

            When it comes to fashion I can be just as entertained by Alba and Biel as I am by Jennifer Lawrence or  Emma Stone. I don’t really care why they’re there. Look at Solange–she gets the invites because of her sister. But she dresses really well so no one gets bent out of shape about it. I don’t care if the person wearing the clothes can act or not. I won’t see them in a movie but I’ll happily snark on their clothes on this site. That’s why I’m baffled by the HDU’s directed against these women. It seems disproportionate to the “crime.”

          • SassieCassy

            yeah we are missing each other here

            because solange can DRESS (and has a musical career and endorsements all her own) while j alba can not

            so that is why ppl are annoyed, bc she is there parading around looking like a damn fool in that hunter getup for no reason and gets paid truckloads for it

    •  I’m not sure why you think you’re supposed to have contempt for them. It’s just a slightly bitchy (in the Hollywood Reporter style) report on a kind of behind-the-scenes business transaction of which the public is largely unaware.

      • DTLAFamilies

        Calling them mocktresses is an invitation to point and laugh (though maybe the word contempt is too strong). It’s clear from the comments that a lot of people resent them for getting so much money for being red carpet mannequins. My point is I have no problem with it and don’t understand why other people do. 

        • Well, that’s the beauty of opinions. Although I think you’re overstating the contempt behind “mocktresses,” which might be derisive, but has an actual meaning in that many of the women cited are known as actresses but make the bulk of their money doing something other than acting.

          • DTLAFamilies

            Isn’t that true even of actresses who have legit careers? How much did Jennifer Lawrence make on her Dior contract? The whole purpose of the red carpet is to move product, whether it’s a film, TV show or clothing (I know you know this, I’m just thinking through my fingers). So when someone is posing on the red carpet, it doesn’t really matter if they are good at something else besides wearing clothes. In that moment, you are shilling and your compensation is based solely on how many units move once your photo is published. Jessica Alba may be a shit actress but I bet the designers see a sales bump every time her photo appears on a website–which is all that matters in this context.

          •  Jennifer Lawrence just won an Oscar, so I don’t see how she can be compared to people like Alba and Bosworth, whose acting careers are stalled at the moment.

            You seem to want to defend these women against some sort of accusation but there’s no accusation being made here; just an illumination of a business contract that some people don’t like for various reasons. Actors get criticized all the time for shady or tacky endorsement deals, so we fail to see why this is getting such a vigorous defense from you.

          • eleanorofaquitaine06

            Of course there’s an accusation being made here – that somehow, on some level, these women are equivalent to prostitutes, as opposed to some “purity” around fashion that some commenters believe exist. There is no difference between what these actresses are doing and models – they are both legitimate ways of making a level, and I see no reason to hold Alba or any other actress in contempt for it.

  • eowyn_of_rohan

    It’s probably a public service that these paid appearances and ghostwritten lifestyle books keep Alba & Co. off our screens anyway, so I won’t complain.

    • MaryAtRealityTea

      Ghostwritten lifestyle books from the semi-famed make my eyes twitch like nothing else! Also that they represent themselves as some sort of guru of a holistic lifestyle, natural parenting, healthy eating (GWYNNIE – ok so she’s legit famous, but still ghostwritten and annoying),table setting – whatever! 

  • I read a really interesting critique of her somewhere, that argued that she’s basically making her money off being a “cute mom” who lost her baby weight really quickly and still manages to look (mostly) fashion-forward. Not sure how I feel about that, but it was a unique perspective. She’s never struck me as much of an actress, but she does have a certain appeal – good for her for being able to work that.

  • VioletFem

    Well as a graduate student, I am clearly in the wrong line of work. I’ve always suspected some of actresses of basically, coast on public appearances to make a living after a while. 

  • l_c_ann

    Back in the day, we really liked the character she was in Dark Angel.

    Now as to the article putting these appearances into perspective: blech on all of them.  The skewness that this puts on/gets passed along to the pricing of designer clothes may be responsible for the colapse of clothing lines, losses of jobs, etc. that have nothing to do with the value of the clothes themselves, but with the supposed need to fund this fluff and the people whose income is dependent on the receipt of such fluff.I feel somewhat dirty knowing how much they get for this and my innocence is officially lost.

  • Judy_J

    The first outfit needed a belt and different shoes.  The second needed a different everything.

  • another_laura

    I’m not surprised that she’s paid to appear, I mean, heck, why not?  But for JA to earn (based on HR) over $4 million to stay thin and pretty and show up?  It’s the magnitude that kind of kills.  I haven’t seen any of her films.  Now, Diane Kruger, I thought she was superb in Inglorious Basterds and she really comes off as an expert clothes wearer – I hope she makes more per appearance.  And you know it’s a competition.

  • melanie0866

    If I could make money just by showing up somewhere in clothes I didn’t have to pay for, I’d do it in a heartbeat.  Unfortunately, no one seems to want to photograph 50-year-old moms from Texas.

    p.s. First outfit is pretty cute, except for the shoes;  the second one I hate but that’s just because I hate the color orange.

  • LauraWL

    Not to get all cynical up in your business but these women are PHOTOGRAPHED and analyzed wherever they go, including here (and other “fashion” and “gossip” sites) and generally associated brands like that sort of thing. Don’t thing that brands don’t track what sites mentions what pictures from what events and don’t consider that a “win” when their brand spokesperson is photographed and dissected. 🙂 That is why these women charge what they do. And Alba particularly is pretty innocuousness as a brand spokesperson, people generally like her (people in the comments aside) and identify with her as a pretty working mother/woman, etc.I’m pretty biased but I think this is new media. This is why T.Lo Inc. can be successful, so I certainly don’t begrudge Alba and the “mocktresses” their new media “jobs.”  

    • LauraWL

      Which is to say, it doesn’t really matter if you like her clothes or not. What matters is that she put the effort in and that you are TALKING about it. 😉 

      • I cannot disagree more. TLo’s opinions matter A LOT, and THAT is why this site is so successful. And she did not put any effort here, that’s the whole point they’re trying to make! And all those smiley faces don’t make your opinion sound any less bitchy, btw.

        • LauraWL

          When did I say that T.Lo’s opinion didn’t matter? If anything I said they DO matter. Associated brands track this site. Isn’t that what I said?! That they DO matter? My point was that I don’t begrudge mocktress as a job title, bc this is a new world of media and they are makin’ it work. Just like T.Lo Inc. is making it work. *headshake*

    • We don’t begrudge them their jobs either. We do, however, reserve the right to judge them when they show up at those jobs wearing weird or shitty oufits, which is the entire point of our red carpet coverage.

      • LauraWL

        Cool cool. It did sound a bit like you were begrudging the job of “mocktresses.” I didn’t mean to imply that you weren’t free to judge them. Haha. That is what makes you guys so great. I love it which is obviously why I come here. I was just trying to pull back the curtain a bit on the business of this stuff, bc I watch this new media stuff for a living.

  • Indigo54

    I ain’t mad at her making money just to show-up somewhere and flounce around in fabulous clothes. Shoot, it’s good work if you can get it.  I love both outfits!  

  • I will never be ok with peep-toe shoes and hose/tights. Never.

    I like orange and that shade of green together, but I kind of hate THAT jacket. For once, these are the right nude shoes for what she’s wearing, though the bag doesn’t really seem to go with anything, and it looks kinda cheap to me from this angle.

    And that article? Oh, SNAP.

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    Well that was an interesting blurb from The Hollywood Reporter…I had no idea. I recently read that many models get “paid” in clothing and often work for free so they can get good pictures for their book. So as with most of life, the wrong people, those who don’t work, are being paid while those who are doing the work get the shaft. Now I’m kinda depressed…I foresee a cocktail at lunch. 

    • jackie cohen

      I was thinking the same thing! Here we are, slaving away in a crappy economy, trying to put every extra dime into a college/retirement account (yeah I’m that age) while they get paid $100k (!) to show up at an event! So depressing.


    She’s always really rubbed me the wrong way.  Now I know exactly why and don’t have to feel guilty about it anymore.

  • Jennifer Coleman

    Black peep toes with stockings. 50 lashes.

  • thesevenendless

    Her second outfit makes her look like a barely fashionable pumpkin.

  • lrober03

    I like the second outfit better, but the outfit doesn’t really speak to what kind of event she’s dressing for.  It’s almost a street outfit, almost a party outfit…who knows

  • E. D.

    On #2, my biggest issue is the shoes.  

  • Jess is also popular in the suburban Bar Mitzvah and Back-to-School night circuit, as evidenced by these two outfits.

  • The fact that she has a very pretty and striking face helps these outfits. Sad but true–when you’re pretty like that you can get away with more.

  • Make that money while you can, girl.

  • rococodada

    My irrational hatred for her suddenly became rational.

  • nannypoo

    She looks OK in both outfits, and I usually think she looks OK, but why would anyone pay her to attend their event? Does anyone want to see her?

  • Erica_Vuitton

    I feel the need to point out, she’s not at some random book signing like the caption or the article might suggest. She’s actually at her OWN book signing as part of a national book tour aka getting paid to go to work.

    And why wouldn’t you wear “mom pants” when peddling your “easy tips for living and parenting naturally” to rich, suburban moms on Long Island? Don’t you two always say dress for your event?

    • “Dress for the event” doesn’t mean “Free to wear ugly clothes.”

      • libraangel


      • Erica_Vuitton

        BLAME BRAD


          That’s not how it works, hon.

    • MaryAtRealityTea

      You wouldn’t wear “mom pants” because rich suburban moms don’t wear mom pants. They wear eco-friendly Rag & Bone skinny jeans with Loubs and $1000 sweaters. 🙂 

  • ojosazules

    Those are old man pants. That is one fucked up outfit. What’s she doing in front of all the Lincoln books in hunting season orange? 

  • Lilithcat

    What bookstore is that?  Is it just used books (I know that two-volume, slip-cased edition of The Diary of Samuel Sewall is out-of-print) or mixed used and new?  It looks intriguing.  Not that I’m ever likely to go to Long Island  .  .  .

  • Don’t like her or hate her-in fact, she doesn’t even appear on my radar, which is worse.  I’ll save my irrational hatred for Ms. Paltrow & her lame-ass cookbook that no one besides her would want to buy, much less use.  Be more like Gwynnie?  No thanks.
    SO tired of actresses with their cookbooks. 

  • MzzPants

     GRRRR.  I’d take a great actress, imperfectly coifed, any. day. over this girl and her peers.  Or a drag queen.  So that’s it.  Either lunch with Dame Judy or dollars for one of Ru’s girls.  Everything in the middle is just bullshit.

  • veronkimo

    No. My opinions didn’t change. I LOVE the first look! It’s so prim and proper  and it looks so effortless! I also like the second look. She looks great. It’s not the most modern look in the world. Yes, it does have some elements that take it a little maternal, but overall, the look is luxe! I love it. She looks every bit the good looking/dressing model that she is being paid to be. 

  • MaryAtRealityTea

    That article was sublime. I hate to admit it but I like Jessica’s coat. I wish the color was different though, but I liked the shape of it and the interesting accents. The rest of the outfit was atrocious. Those pants! 

  • Anniebet

    I dunno, but all the venom spewed still doesn’t change my mind. She’s pretty, making a living doing what she does, and usually looks great. The top outfit is cute, the bottom one not so much, seriously not so much. The bag is entirely utilitarian – prolly has her supplies for the book signing. 

    If you’re gonna rag on her for taking money for appearances, at least use two examples that are legitimate. The book signing is to promote her own work, not shilling some designer’s clothes.  

    • It’s amazing how many people think we’re ragging on her for taking money for appearances.

  • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

    Who is the woman with hat and the BEAUTIFUL LIPS next to her?  I want to know THAT woman.

  • bd73

    can’t stop laughing.

  • Scoobydrew

    the last pic – an outfit so boring the first thing I noticed was that Bill O’Reilly’s Killing Lincoln is prominently displayed …

  • Cz

    I wish my job would pay me $100,000 to make an appearance. I mean, I really make an effort to look stylish in a sea of khakis and blue button down shirts.

  • sweetlilvoice

    I actually really like outfit number 2. At least it’s cheerful!

  • pookiesmom

    She looks like Rose Byrne’s happy alter ego.

  • olivelovetree

    Thanks, TLo, for showing us the light.

  • inrainbows

    I really like her rocking that Red Nokia Lumia 920 😀