Jennifer Morrison at PaleyFest 2013

Posted on March 04, 2013

We realize we’re in no position to go on about our fantasy dream job, because despite our constant whining, we’re well aware that we already have one. But an opinion does not form in our heads without eventually making a break for it and slipping out our mouths, so here goes: if Mr. Jesus came down from heaven and told us we could have any job we wanted, we’d be torn between two.

  1. Michelle Obama creates the cabinet-level position of Secretary of Taste and we are both appointed jointly.
  2. The entertainment industry comes to their senses and decides to post Style Bouncers on every red carpet in the world to ensure that no one embarrasses themselves too much. We, of course, get top postings.

We admit, it’s the latter that we wind up fantasizing about more, if for no other reason than we’d never make it through a Senate nomination process without calling someone a whiny bitch and telling them to get a grip. And it’s at moments like these that our fantasy job becomes most desirable, because we know exactly what we’d do when faced with the following.

Jennifer Morrison attends the PaleyFest 2013 Panel for ‘Once Upon A Time’ in Beverly Hills, California.

We’d run up to her, body-block her from the photographers and hiss “Go HOME, you silly girl! You look like a background character on Welcome Back Kotter!”


[Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews]

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    • Introspective

      the pants are ATROCIOUS. too big, too long and incredibly unflattering. nothing else is worth commenting on. yoga hair, tired makeup, yadda yadda yadda. 

      try again jen.

      • Chelle

        The pants remind me of those ones ladies of age purchase by mail order. Haband.

    • AwesomeMargie

      If you ever, ever, ever, EVER become Secretary of Taste, I will die!  DIE!!  I’m fantasizing about it already.  Oh, and yes, this outfit sucks.  

      • paginatrix

         I, for one, would SO enjoy the confirmation process.

        • MajorBedhead

           Me, too! There are many, many people who deserve to be called whiny bitches. Often. Loudly. And sometimes accompanied by a slap upside the head.

    • Carina

      That color is so gorgeous. Keep the jacket, burn the pants.

      • RebeccaKW

         I had the same thought.  The jacket and the bustier?  look pretty good, but those pants are an abomination.  Some skinny pants would be great.

        • korilian

          The look would have been improved even if she’d just hemmed those damn pants. I also like the tops though.

    • eclare

      I think as joint Secretaries of Taste it would be well within your authority to create regulations that would maintain style bouncers on every red carpet.  Style bouncers would, of course, have to undergo intensive training in order to learn the style standards created and put in place by the Secretaries.

      • Derek_anny

         My Libertarian side is screaming “GAH, NO REGULATIONS!”
        The rest of me is telling the libertarian “shut up, it’s just a joke.”

      • MikeW_Vegas

        They can appoint each of us unborn fawns and/or bitter kittens to be style bouncers. 

    • Mismarker

      She and Elisha Cuthbert are sisters from another mister.  It’s freaking uncanny.  Also, those pants need to be burned.  But quick.

    • savicevic

      I think hair and make up look good, and the color’s gorgeous on her. It’s just she’s drowning in it.

    • sablehunter

      I REALLY need a suit this color (minus the clown pants).  Love the jacket sleeves.

    • Vaniljekjeks

      Those pants remind me of Gumby.

    • Eric

      Beautiful color on her, and the jacket isn’t terrible – it needs to be fitted better and paired with something else, and while the black top isn’t a bad idea it edges the look into Secretary Goes Slutty.

    • Sobaika


      • decormaven

        Clown pants from hell. Burn with fire.

    • Janet B

      Oh honey, those pants are for your standard Amazon model not for women of normal stature.

    • crash1212

      Huh. Only thing I find ‘tackle worthy’ is the hem on the pants – otherwise I think this is a pretty chic look. Sue me.

      • AmeliaEve

        I agree. It’s one of those scrolling horror moments. She starts out looking great, as I load head, shoulders, bust, waist, hips, and then, uh-oh! From the knees up, I like this outfit, even the loungey fit of the jacket. I think the fitted top keeps it from going out of control, and the hair suits the casual mood. I do think I’d prefer silver jewelry, though. It would tone better with the blues, and it could be a little more casual to keep it loose and funky. But from the knees down, we need an intervention.

        • Depot'er

          I kept scrolling down wondering…OKaaaaay, T’lo does NOT like something here….and it was like I was looking up from a puddle of blue ..its like she is melting… the color is great on here, the hair and makeup not bad… (in scrolling back I realize with horror those are NOT bracelets but MORE fabric…the ‘little baby heads’ are not too awful but the I could wear those pants! (and I am 6’5″ 350!) oh dear lord….maybe we could ‘space bag’ those pants and top on her?

          eff it, go home, start over girls…

    • jackiexx

      yikes. i feel bad but she’s definitely on my irrational hate list …

    • imperfectlaura

      It looks like the “look at how big my old clothes used to be” outfit for a weight loss commercial.

    • Dorothy & Michael n/a

      HOW in hell is she walking in those atrocious pants?! And the Welcome Back Kotter reference?  Pure genius.

    • Ray Ray

      If I can manage to hem my goddam pants (ok, I HAVE them hemmed, but still), why can’t the good people of Hollywood manage to do the same?  (This is not an endorsement of formal bellbottom hospital scrubs.)

    • gabbilevy

      Giggling into my keyboard. I’ll see what I can do about lobbying Congress to form a new executive department through the Protecting Americans from Nefarious Taste Sense (PANTS) Act.

      • Nicholas

        Stupider things have been done in Congress. You may just get what you wish for.

    • Erika Schultze

      ” “Go HOME, you silly girl! You look like a background character on Welcome Back Kotter!””

      You say that like it’s a bad thing.

      Besides, she doesn’t have that GIGANTIC COMB in her pocket.

      She almost looks comfortable in this. Almost because she’s probably constantly stepping on the pants and the chemise thing doesn’t look like it’s quite got a handle on her breasts. If this had been tailored, she would have looked very cool and classic, I think. As it is, she looks like a little girl trying on Daddy’s old disco suit.

    • Snailstsichr

      You guys and Michelle would have so much fun! I’m sure the only reason you haven’t been nominated is that she is afraid ya’ll would spend all day yacking and get no work done.

      And Jennifer – if you ware going to raid a wardrobe department, why oh why did you choose Cagney and Lacy??

      • BrooklynBomber

        Cagney & Lacy—perfect!

    • Indigo54

      She’s gonna trip and bust her butt on those pants.  

    • Vlasta Bubinka

      Big floppy collar
      Disco Friday satin trim
      Just can’t with that pant

      • Introspective

        vlasta, your haiku reviews are everything! so loving the creative critique.

        • Vlasta Bubinka

          aw thanks… blushgigglehairflip

      • alyce1213

        Love your haikus.

    • Kiltdntiltd

      Jeebusandmaryontoastpoints!   If you’re gonna wear borrowed clothes, could you pick some the FIT you ferchrissakes?
      Also, I so want to work in your Washington offices.

    • Rhonda Shore

      oh no she di-int….

    • Katie Dunneback

      That’s a good color on her and that’s the only positive thing I can say about those clothes.

    • Catiline

      I was so prepared to like this from the thumbnail view, and then I was so crushed.  The color is beautiful on her though.

    • ecksor

      The color is great. The jacket is OK. The top shows the world that she had a boob job. The brows are uneven. The lip color makes her look ten years older. And then the pants. *Sigh*

    • BrooklynBomber

      I don’t see why you couldn’t do both jobs. As for this outfit, nice color. That’s about it.

    • StellaZafella

      So much could be right here…and so much is so wrong.
      Most egregious is the fact that it looks like she borrowed it from someone MUCH taller and larger than she is…
      that, and the bald fact that she appears to be so satisfied that everything is just peachy.

    • Tatiana Luján

      I think the part of her face that is closer to the darkest hair looks better. She would look pettier with her hair if she just sported her natural colour instead of bleaching it.

      • ecksor

         Blonde is her natural color. Could have looked better if she went with a softer brow.

        • MilaXX

          Apparently bold brows are a thing now. Prepare to see several lady celebs on the RC looking like Groucho Marx

          • Tatiana Luján

            I hate that trend. How much better does Julianne Hough look when her eyebrows don’t look as if they were painted with a Sharpie?

            • MilaXX

              I hate it as well, but I’ve read this on a few makeup blogs so I’m bracing for the inevitable.

        • Tatiana Luján

          not that shade of blonde.

    • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

      Lovely color.

    • Krysta

      Or you could just wash that suit some way it wasn’t meant to be washed.  There’d be less of it to not fit at least. . .

    • John Hodgins

      Picture this outfit 1974-1975, in white, with white platform shoes, peach shirt, and a huge black wig and you would have my 8th grade French teacher —  Mrs. LaFrance.  Yes, that was her name.

      • amf0001

        well, she was fated to become a french teacher then,  wasn’t she.  I hope she wore berets occassionally too!

        • John Hodgins

          If only.  Her wig was just a little too big.  

    • Emily Dagger

      This is what happens when a stylist who’s never seen Annie Hall convinces an actress who’s never seen Annie Hall to go for something “with an Annie Hall feel.” 

      • Adriana_Paula

        Wow; you are so right.

    • Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      If this had fit impeccably, this could have been a WERQ. Right now she looks like she just borrowed her mom’s suit to make a last minute appearance. Sloppy. 

    • MoHub

      Too much booby.

    • Annabelle Archer

      What in the fuckery is this?  So much potential shot to shit and back by being at least 2 sizes too big.

    • procrastinatrice

      I loved it until I hit the pants. I think the rest is working for her.

    • Susan Velazquez

      I want Tom and Lorenzo to be Secretaries of Taste! 

    • christinewithanx

       Leisure suit scrubs are NOT ALLOWED. Terrible actress, terrible dresser. Someone cancel her!

    • E. D.

      OK until you get to the pants.

    • Sara Munoz Munoz

      She should be driving the Mystery Machine.

    • MilaXX

      I don’t mind the look from the waist up, but those pants are just tragic. I would have preferred skinny pants over these horrible pants that only work on Rachel Zoe or 6ft models.

    • Imasewsure

      OOH OOH OOH she looks awful, Mista Kot-tair!! We called those Elephant Pants back in the day… bad then, bad now 

    • formerlyAnon

      My deepest style shame revealed. I’d prefer a narrower pant leg (though still unfashionably full) and I’d DEFINITELY get them hemmed. But if I were 2 inches taller (and mostly in the legs), I’d definitely wear that. I’d probably have a couple in different colors.

      Not only would I wear this, I’d feel fly as fuck in it. (To match the vocab to the era.)

    • mmc2315

      I’m ignoring the fashion and instead wondering if this shade of blue would look lovely in TLo’s dining room….

    • kimmeister

      I get the look she was going for, and it could have been cute, if only all of the items of clothing actually fit her.

    • tallgirl1204

      I like and applaud the Idea of this– the wider pant, the constructed-yet-slouchy jacket.  But the pants are just too wide and too long.   I think the bustier top is boring, — perhaps an all-out shiny cranberry menswear shirt might have done better? 

    • Dot

      Those pants are what I’d imagine the JNCO professional line to look like.

    • MinAgain

      Tailor it and hem it, or stay home.

    • Tashina Savage

      She looks great from the waist up. The color is perfect for her, and I love the black top underneath. The jacket isn’t bad at all, and her hair and makeup look great. Those pants though….so sad.

    • librarygrrl64

      Wow, this is extra unfortunate because that is actually a great color for her.

    • Monday1900

      I like her makeup and the color and overall shape of the suit but it is way too huge for her.  Too bad.

    • BuffaloBarbara

      What the… I can’t even start with those pants.

    • Anne Meek White

      Simplicity pattern 3245 circa 1974. My mom made one for me in a bright polyester yellow.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      Is she coming over straight from her other job as an office clown?

    • carolynmo

      Does these people have mirrors that only stop at their ankles??!! It’s calling hemming! Look into it!

    • Little_Olive


    • Anne StJean

      I actually fantasize sometimes about becoming a celebrity for the sole purpose of hiring TLo as my sylists. 
      And that outfit is just hideous. 

    • J. Owen Dickson

      Maybe it’s because I work with clowns (literal clowns), but I look at those pants, and all I can think of are my stilt-walking friends.  Those are stilt-walking pants if I have ever seen them (and I have)!

    • CatherineRhodes

      What’s with the fetish for unhemmed pants? This mini trend needs to die because the wearer just looks dumb.

    • uprightcitizen

      Those pants could be sort of retro cool, with their slouchy fit, if the hem wasn’t completely ridiculous. As it is, they look like those weird pants in “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert” that became part of your feet. Otherwise, it’s kind of a slick look, if she’s going to an event attended entirely by lesbians. At the Dinah Shore invitational golf tournament in Palm Springs, she would be the most chic thing in the room. But even the girls there would take issue with the hem on those pants.

    • MintaHallWriter

      Personally, I want to see you in those Senate confirmation hearings, telling all those silly politicians how to dress and do their hair. And, BTW, their accessories Just Don’t GO.

      OR…blind-tackling Ms. Morrison and wondering what fun-house mirror she looked in before leaving the house to get the proportions so very, very wrong.

    • Japanese Trash

      She’s serving up Sela Ward realness…

    • handsomegrad

       She is  obviously going for Katherine Hepburn, but  doesn’t seem to realize that the late, great chaste goddess had a team of tailors that would shame every dumbass guy that TLo have exhausted themselves over!

    • PeaceBang

      I hate this color so much it offends my morality.

    • lobsterlen

      I wondering what caused that large scar above heart.

    • Anniebet

      My take on this get up is that she’s planning a camping trip immediately after this event and wore her tent as trousers.

    • Zippypie

      She looks like she’s going to a Senate Confirmation Hearing….

    • DarkWillow

      The oversized blazer could have been a cute look with the pants. Those are not the right pants.

    • MaryAtRealityTea

      Her boobs look nice… that’s all I got. 

    • unbornfawn

      My daughter saw her in person at Paleyfest and was in complete agreement about the outfit. She did give Jennifer props for wearing pants when all the other women were in miniskirts sitting down with a crowd of people at eye level with the good china.

    • j_anson

      A perfect illustration of an outfit that only works on a model; and the accompanying point that a woman can be drop-dead gorgeous and still not be a model in that sense.

    • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

      She has no feet.  Her legs just end in wooden stumps or something.

    • Kirsten Kirsten

      I wanna see Tilda in this outfit.

    • Susan Collier

      Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was.

    • libraangel

      Are we in a time warp and is is 1971 again? And with all her money, she can’t find anyone who can hem her pants?!

    • kathrineb

      Those pants are just comical, it looks like she is smuggling something under the suit. That blue is also a pretty sad colour in this context.