Gwyneth Paltrow for Self Magazine

Posted on March 20, 2013

There’s something so gloriously appropriate about Gwynnie on the cover of Self magazine. After all, is there any star more self-oriented than her?


Gwyneth Paltrow covers the April 2013 issue of Self magazine in a Just Cavalli dress photographed by Matt Jones.

Unfortunately, this self-oriented gal appears to have passed through the Uncanny Valley on the way to her photo shoot.

Inside, Uncanny Valley Gwynnie gives the Sermon on the Mount:

On her diet: “I probably eat this way two or three times a year for three weeks at a time. Past that, I’m not willing to make the sacrifice. Life is about balance. It’s good to work in healthy food, whether it’s five days a week or five meals a week. And if you’re going to do it, it should be awesome food you’re psyched to make. But never cut out the brownies or the wine.”

On what made her change the way she eats: “A couple of years ago, I got really run down. I had to sing at awards shows, which was fun but stressful. I’d have a Guinness and a beta-blocker every time. I also was constantly getting on airplanes, trying to knock myself out with sleeping pills and wine, waking up, trying to sweat it out with exercise and a steam, and then working really hard all day. Eventually, I had a panic attack. My body was like, ‘What is happening?'”

On dealing with problems: “You’re not learning anything unless you’re having the difficult conversations. Dealing with things directly changed my relationships. Sometimes when you get clear about who you are, others get less comfortable because they liked who you were. It’s changed my marriage, too, but he [Chris Martin’s] up for the challenge.”

It still amazes us that any star can start a sentence with “Life is about…” and NOT stop herself in mid-sentence and say, “What am I saying? Who cares what I think about life? Isn’t my hair pretty?”


Just Cavalli Spring 2013 Collection

DKNY Spring 2013 Collection


Cute looks, though.


[Photo Credit: Matt Jones for Self magazine,]

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  • Sara__B

    She always makes me laugh.

  • imperfectlaura

    It is annoying how she speaks in “universal truths” instead of just sharing her experiences.

    • Tom and Lorenzo

      Nailed it.

    • not_Bridget

      Right. But, somehow, I just can’t hate her. (Maybe because she plays Tony Stark’s girlfriend?) Whenever she gets too profound, I just think “That’s our Gwennie!”

      • LJCdoc

        I’ll hate her for you.

        • nannypoo

          And I’ll help you with that.

      • Nelliebelle1197

        When has she ever gotten profound?

    • drdarke

      So – given her Mom’s Blythe Danner and her Dad’s Bruce Palthrow, who’d she get the airhead from? I mean, I don’t hate or even not like her, but I’m like, “Sigourney Weaver and Candice Bergen come from show biz families, and they’re two of the sharpest women in Hollywood. Gwyneth Palthrow sounds like your typical Hollywood type, with more hair than wit….”

      • formerlyAnon

        She sounds ridiculous, but look at the bottom line. She’s successful professionally, [so far] has a family life with the father of her kids, gets paid to be photographed in clothing that by all rights she’s too young for -when younger, fresher stars would love to do so – she’s not a complete idiot whatever she sounds like.

  • foodycatAlicia

    On the cover they appear to have given her Carla Bruni’s face. It’s a nice face, but it isn’t hers! I also find the choice of red nail polish really jarring in both pics.

    • Little_Olive

      I was gonna say, “but that’s not her”!! I’d never had thought about Carla Bruni, though. Great call.

      Since it’s not her, I’d say the dress on the cover is kinda fug. But because it really is Gwynnie, I’ll add that it totally does not suit her.

      Is it me or it seems like her horse is a bit lower than other times?

  • Coco Cornejo


    • Vlasta Bubinka

      to the power of 10! Let’s ku her!

      Blonde blandness abounds!
      As a mother and artist
      Spout deep truisms

  • Susan Bullard Mayer

    For some weird reason, I’ve always found Gwyneth’s cluelessness charming. That aside, they nearly photoshopped her into Cate Blanchett on the cover.

    • Sobaika

      I am seeing Joely Richardson.

      • Nimith

        I’m seeing Jessica Biel.

        • SassieCassy

          i see dead ppl!!!

          no ok i see joely and carla bruni as mentioned above

        • disqus_w6GzGpFTzD

          I see Lisa Kudrow!

      • VicD

        I’m seeing Cammie Diaz

    • maggiemaybe

      I’m seeing a young Peggy Lipton… and I find her clueless, tone deaf thing kind of endearing too.

    • Snailstsichr

      I saw Jennifer Aniston.

  • FlyoverFi

    That cover shot looks like a computer amalgam of what “Gwyneth and Kelly Ripa’s baby would look like if it was subjected to bad photoshop.”

    • schadenfreudelicious

      i was thinking Gwennie and Kate Hudson, but you nailed it as well…

    • RebeccaKW

      Holy crap. It is Kelly Ripa with Gwen’s nose. I couldn’t figure who she looked like, but it certainly isn’t GP on that cover.

  • HobbitGirl

    Is it just me, or do her thighs on the cover seem weirdly disconnected from where they ought to be? It almost doesn’t look like they’re attached to her.

  • Monday1900

    That cover looks absolutely nothing like her–I couldn’t pick her out of a line up. Second picture is cute though. Clothes are meh. Dislike her self absorption.

  • charlotte

    “After all, is there any star more self-oriented than her?”
    Probably not. JLo is the runner-up though.

    • Jeff Warhurst

      J Lo is trash. She’ll never have an Oscar. I can’t sit through a J Lo movie without thinking “Why am I here?” and then pondering life and answering the questions in universal truths.

      • charlotte

        Someone should tell her that the answer is 42.

        • TropiCarla

          @google-8ff4d8dc781b927cda5003a282f4b814:disqus FTW!

          Thanks for my first huge smile for the day.

      • Susi R

        Don’t you know J. Lo is a Golden Globe Nominated actress?!

        I’m not lying!!! Serioulsy.

        • AshleyDeHaye

          Pia Zadora was a Golden Globe winning actress. I’m underwhelmed in both cases.

    • Cz

      Uh Beyonce?

      • amaranth16

        blasphemy! :-)

  • Alyssa

    I agree with her on one thing…never give up the brownies or the wine! :)

    • Sara Munoz Munoz

      Yeah, but Gwenyth’s brownies are gluten-, dairy-, and sugar-free. I’ll pass.

      • Amelia Logan

        i’m gluten and dairy free out of necessity. I have delicious food all the time, thank you very much.

  • marlie

    I don’t really like the Cavalli, and I’d LOVE the DKNY if it wasn’t tummy-baring.

  • Shawn EH

    More hate than ever. She also starves her children. Those looks are sporty in the wrong way.

  • annabelle archer

    She is exhausting. And despite how very hard she tries to project it, I am never left with the feeling that she actually *enjoys* life at all. I don’t buy the easy, breezy cover and no matter how many times she tries to bring the bare midriff back, I’m not buying into that either.

    • Sobaika

      People who actually enjoy life don’t have to insist that they really really do enjoy life all the time.

  • Sinead

    I’m getting a Cameron Diaz vibe from the photoshopping here. Like the clothes for her, dislike the styling and photography. The second look has so much styling potential and it would look so much better shot straight on.

    I have no problem with the interview. I’d rather this than she pretends she has a completely normal life and it sort of makes me want to say , ‘Ah, bless her’ in my condescending mammy voice.

    • not_Bridget

      As we say in Texas, “Bless her heart.”

  • deathandthestrawberry

    The dress on the cover looks like a cheerleading outfit on crack. Yikes. I hate to be that person who rails about people not dressing their age, and don’t get me wrong she than I did at her age, but that dress belongs on someone like Selena Gomez.

  • Robin D. Layton

    Very cute looks. And they are clothes lots of women could wear.

  • Jeff Warhurst

    I love Gwyneth. I’ve never seen her in a role where she didn’t deliver, even Running With Scissors where she was paid almost nothing. If she wants to be a little eccentric, fine. She’s pretty great as far as I’m concerned.

    • ankali

      I don’t like her persona, but I agree that I’ve never seen her be less than competent in her roles, and usually very good (I loved her in the The Royal Tenebaums, and I think she matches RDJ very well in the Iron Man movies).

    • Eileen Duffy

      I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I don’t understand the hate. (I don’t understand it for Anne Hathaway, either.) We’re all self-obsessed, it’s just that media give celebrities an outlet.

  • Nancy Dunn

    Cheerleader ugliness, she is way too old for that look! Maybe Selena Gomez would look adorable in it. And then we have safari Ugly. And inside Gweneth Ugly.

    This woman, and those like her, who preach infuriate me. When they have to decide between rent or food, we can then talk about being real, and a “stressful” awards season. She is such a Tool.

    • MilaXX

      When they have to decide between rent or food, we can then talk about
      being real, and a “stressful” awards season. She is such a Tool.

      That is why she bugs. She preaches all this “health & nutrition” stuff with a complete lack of understanding why so many cannot live that way..

      • Nancy Dunn

        And she constantly talks about wine – wine and sleeping pills? As someone who used to like wine a bit too much, methinks Gwennie has a blossoming problem.

    • oldbobbydraper

      yeah, i’d like to know what she was “working really hard all day” doing. dollars to donuts she hasn’t done that even ONE day in her life.

  • PastryGoddess

    I keep looking at it and I have finally decided I HATE THAT CAVALLI WITH THE INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND SUNS on her. Mutton dressed as lamb is not attractive

    • janinedm

      Yeah the only way that dress makes sense is on Selena Gomez…at a tiki bar.

      • Little_Olive

        Still ugly.

  • Austen Jane

    I love all of the comments on here about who she looks like on the cover…. just about any blonde but herself. SELF failed on this one.

  • mary McCall

    Gwyneth always seems like a bright, earnest and self involved high school senior. That lack of awareness of how her statements might offend others seems immature, not smug. Sad but not tragic.

  • imsusie

    i just don’t understand the intense dislike of gwyneth. she seems regular–at least no less self-absorbed than anyone who expresses their opinions–to me. ((shrugs))

    • fringebenefit

      I am with you, Susie. She’s certainly not inspiring, but why should she be? I find her perfectly pleasant. Innocuous enough. No one has brought her in on nuclear disarmament talks, last I knew, so I think the world is safe enough to let her do her thing.

  • ringthing

    She is so hilariously unaware of how ridiculous she sounds that it delights me rather than annoys me. The only problem with her is that, in reading her quotes or, occasionally, her beyond earnestly ridiculous blog, my eyes roll so far back in my head that I can’t type.

  • Sara Leigh Merrey

    Oh, grow up, Gwynneth. I find her consistently annoying, both in her interview and in those clothes. What real 40-something would wear either of those ensembles for anything?

  • Eileen Duffy

    I like her. Certainly more than people like J Lo, who think that showing skin is the only way to get attention.

  • hotpaprika

    Something’s weird with her eyebrows lately. I keep noticing them on her photos lately, as if they’re over bleached. Also, I don’t think the colours in either outfit suit her. The first set is too strong and the second too blah.

  • LauraWL

    I think the woman is pretentious, yes. But I honestly don’t think she’s a bad person. I like some of the Goop stuff, esp. the food (and not just ironically) and generally like her style. Its very sporty (which I like) and so I give her bare midriffs and side boobs a pass. I know I am in the minority on this as people seem to love to hate her, but as a general rule if I can envision sharing a plate of pasta and a bottle of wine with someone and knowing we’d probably have something to talk about (in her case travel and food) then they’re alright in my book.

    • RebeccaKW

      I will say, at least she admits she works out and works out hard. I get so tired of hearing the junk about ‘I stay in shape just by keeping busy.’ Um.

    • Cz

      I’m the same. I feel the same way about her as I do Anne Hathaway. I can totally imagine hanging out with her and laughing a little bit inside (or outside) or rolling my eyes about the things she says and tell her “Oh Gwyn/Anne, really.”, but the woman likes brownies and wine. I can dig that. Especially now that she’s past all that macrobiotic BS.

  • Rand Ortega

    Can’t get behind any 1 who thinks they have the right to use the n word in any of its alliterations because “some of their best friends” are black.

    • MilaXX

      She made the mistake of getting overly comfortable. Honestly as stupid as it was, that wasn’t half as annoying as her so called health/nutrition tips.

      • Rand Ortega

        Yeah, causing strokes is worse than racial slurs. But not by much. ; )

        • MilaXX

          ITA. And she only gets the barest of passes from me because I honestly think she’s too stupid to realize how offensive she was being.

          • Rand Ortega

            She’s just that big of a twit.

  • YoungSally

    I like the beta blocker/Guinness/sleeping pills/wine comment. I guess perfection is stressful.

  • Susan Collier

    She has to be a walking decades-long performance art piece, right?

  • MoHub

    Eater has a lovely analysis of her latest cookbook.

  • NDC_IPCentral

    A Guinness and a beta-blocker??!!! Is she serious? Was this woman on or getting access to Rx hypertension medications? I’m pole-axed here. Beta-blockers and alcohol should not be mixed. Or is she just bloviating?

    As to the fashion – the first dress reminds me of Jeffrey Sebelia’s painted paper dress from the Recycling Challenge in PR S3.

    • Nancy Dunn

      That really struck me, too. And wine and sleeping pills? Wine, drugs, self-medicating? No wonder she is so unaware! She is playing with fire.
      (And what does a beta locker do for relaxation, anyway? Is this recommended on Goop?)

      • Tapetum

        Beta-blockers short circuit some of the extreme stress reactions, and are sometimes prescribed for people who suffer from extreme stage fright. They’re supposed to be used as a temporary fix, while the performer learns other ways of dealing with the problem, though, not as an every time thing.

        • jetpackdino

          Yeppers. I think Clonidine (not to be confused with Klonopin) is the one most often used. Even 1/4 of one knocks me on my ass. And with alcohol, I can’t imagine.

          I hope Gwyneth is getting the help she needs, although that dress she’s wearing on the cover makes me think her judgement is still impaired.

    • Jacqueline Wessel

      Yes, and followed by exercise and a steam. I’d be flat on my ass after that.

    • oldbobbydraper

      exactly. i think the leade has been buried. she just admitted(-by-rebranding) to being addicted to drugs and alcohol.

    • formerlyAnon

      Well, I did come away with the impression that she was talking about the medication/alcohol cycle in the past tense. And that it motivated her to be more health conscious. I’ll choose to believe that until shown otherwise.

  • MilaXX

    I just pretend it’s Charlie Brown’s teacher talking whenever Gwynnie opens her mouth. It’s easier that way. Both looks are pretty cute, but I prefer the second one over the first.

  • susan6

    I liked the DKNY at first glance…when I thought there was a beige colorblock at her midriff. When I realized the outfit was two pieces….no.

  • Janet B

    Dear Gwyneth, never change.

  • Diane Furstenberg

    You gotta love her – she’s got the words “smug” and “pretentious” surgically transplanted onto her face. Let’s not even get started on her eating disor..uhm…”diet”.

  • Sarah Winningham

    Does anybody else see a giant lizard penis when they look at the cover dress?

    • BrooklynBomber

      I see a monster face.

  • Wendi126

    My rational hate for her just entered Whoville and has grown ten sizes

    • l v

      YES. Thank you!

  • GorgeousThings

    Could the fact that she has osteopenia also be part of the reason she changed the way she eats? And could she admit that her eating habits throughout her life led to said osteopenia? Of course not – we’re talking about Gwynnie, the second most annoying celebumom out there.

    • alyce1213

      I’m curious . . . is the first J-Lo?

      • GorgeousThings

        Gold Star! You got it. It’s a close call between 1 and 2, but I think JLo edges out Gwynnie by a nose.

    • formerlyAnon

      I think it must be extra frustrating to be the doctor of someone who parades their denial in public print. You’d start wanting to collect their interviews for a little mini-intervention at the next appointment.

    • myristica_fragrans

      the osteopenia was caused by her wacky diets.

  • procrastinatrice

    I think she is actually rocking the bare midriff look. I can’t believe that I am saying this. I soooo hated it on Kruger yesterday, and I generally dislike it. I think it helps that the flesh color fits in with the outfit and makes it look like a part of the colorblock design. Especially on her–still hate it on the model.

  • libraangel

    Gywnnie just drives me crazy – in a bad way. Can’t take healthy, down-to earth with opposite of ego, preaching, and buying way too many expensive clothes. First look too girlish; second I like it – although it really pains me to say so.

  • libraangel

    T&L: Can you do anything about this new format? It annoys the heck outta me, but maybe I will get used to it

    • BrooklynBomber

      I usually don’t care about stuff like that, but in this case I find it confusing. Somebody posted that there’s a way to switch back (individually). . . but I couldn’t figure it out.

    • guest2visits

      I hate it too – I’ve been messing around trying to find a different way – no luck yet.

  • Vera

    I really try to like her, but she seems to be resisting my advances with megalomaniac messes like that article. Thanks for pointing out the beauty of her being on the cover of a magazine called “Self.”

  • Imasewsure

    She’s not on my irrational list (or any list really) and she looks great but she’s too old (gasp) for these looks

    • IamstillAnonymous

      She is on my irrational list, but she makes it feel rational somehow.

  • Erica

    Well, in these snippets, she mentioned drinking a Guinness and did NOT mention Goop, so this is one of the best postings featuring her in quite some time in my book. Also, I don’t know why, but I have this feeling that that couple will be announcing a divorce within the year.

    • formerlyAnon

      Sadly, yes. I always get that feeling about couples if they’re quoted talking about their communication skills. (And sadly not because I know a thing about them – but I always think having to admit that raising one’s kids together is not working out is sad. Even if everybody involved is better off in the long run.)

  • crash1212

    I straddle amusement and annoyance by all the negative comments any post about Gwennie invoke. When/if I read interviews with her, I assume she’s speaking about HER life, since those are the questions she’s asked, and never even begin to apply what she says to my life or any other “normal” persons life – because her life isn’t like mine. I don’t for a minute believe that she doesn’t realize how different her life is from normal people and I don’t think she’s preaching. There. I feel better. Also – cute looks.

  • PrunellaV

    It still amazes us that any star can start a sentence with “Life is about…” and NOT stop herself in mid-sentence and say, “What am I saying? Who cares what I think about life? Isn’t my hair pretty?”

    Truer words. Never spoken.

  • nannypoo

    I can’t think of any occasion where those outfits would be appropriate. But that’s OK, I wouldn’t invite her anyway.

  • Julaine Haraden Morley

    The photoshopping is lamentable, the Cavalli too youthful and the DKNY hard for anyone to look good in, though Gwyneth likely wasn’t responsible for any of those choices. For me, the dislike aimed at her is more exhausting than her remarks that inspire it. She’s perhaps unwise to expose how earnest she is – hard-edged sells better – but she’s no airhead. Someone asked for her opinions, she gave honest ones – so?

  • Sarah Caponigro

    Can I have the first dress slightly modified for tennis please. My clinic starts Saturday.

  • Trisha26

    “A” panic attack. Whoa! And a “no” to the midriff in look 2.

  • Caitrin

    It seems every time I read about her life, or her talking about her life, or an article that goes into her home and features her making dinner… Chris Martin always comes out of the whole thing kinda pissed and “up for the challenge.” I think he should bail. With custody, of course.

  • jetpackdino

    I’m over the fact that she won for best actress in “Shakespeare in Love” instead of my beloved Cate Blanchett in “Elizabeth.”

    I’m over it. I’m soooo over it. I never think about it. I’m not bitter, not bitter even one tiny bit.

    What? No these aren’t tears! I’m fine! Can we talk about something else? *sob*

  • Anniebet

    Her self importance doesn’t bother me. Photoshopping does. Something bizarre is going on with her left cheek in both pics. I actually like the clothes a whole bunch.

  • guest2visits

    I think the first dress looks kind of ridiculous on her; Hawaiian cheerleader, too short and too junior.
    The second is more Gwyneth by far; still affected in a California-girl kind of style, but more grown-up too.

  • kathrineb

    I don’t know why everyone dislikes her so much. She comes of as pretty agreeable if a little boring.

  • notterriblybitter

    That second outfit is just strange. Where would you wear it? To the grand opening of a new gym? A fancy pool party?

  • l v

    She makes me SO STABBY.

    She’s far and way the top person on my irrational hate list. I loathe and detest her face and her clothes and the BS she’s spewing in every article and that she named her kid APPLE. I spend most of every moment of every Iron Man movie hoping she’ll get knocked off (doesn’t allow me to enjoy RDJ, which is very upsetting).

    I also don’t think she’s particularly talented or deserving of praise (I thought that pink Oscar dress was a monstrosity) and her singing voice grates on my nerves. I was also at the Glee concert where they taped the movie and had a seat directly in front of the sound machines on the floor, where she hid for a while and made Ryan Murphy stand in front of her when she noticed a few people snapping photos. She had a scowl on her face the whole time. It just made me feel justified in my hatred since I got to declare that I knew all along she was a big, giant four-letter-word-beginning-with-a-C.

  • Kent Roby

    After reading interviews like this, I have to search for a snippet of Jennifer Lawrence as a palate cleanser.

  • formerlyAnon

    Gotta give it to her – she ought to be aging out of such ensembles – yet she looks good in these. (though I don’t know how much credit goes to photoshop.)

  • marilyn

    She is gorgeous. But she is trying to sound like she is very deep and philosophical, but I just don’t buy it. She actually sounds like someone who has been in therapy for decades and is repeating what her shrink says. All of her grand esoteric thoughts are self-centered.

  • myristica_fragrans

    i refuse to believe that anyone with such a warped relationship with food, someone who ate (or didn’t) eat themselves to osteopenia is nearly as fun or enlightened as she so desperately want the public to believe.

  • MannahattaMamma

    photoshopped the cover so much that for a minute I thought it was her bestie cameron diaz. weird.