Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Vanessa Hudgens in Naeem Khan

Posted on March 15, 2013

Someone needs to tell Vanessa that Carnivale is over.


Vanessa Hudgens attends the premiere of ‘Spring Breakers’ in Hollywood, California in a Naeem Khan gown accessorized with Neil Lane Jewelry.

Naeem Khan Fall 2012 Collection

Ay-yi-yi. So much to unpack here. The grass skirt? The tribal warrior bodice? The showgirl shoes? The pinterest nails? The exceedingly odd lack of eye makeup, which is all the more noticeable given the aforementioned showgirl shoes and cray-cray dress? The totally-do-NOT-go pinterest nails?

Once again, Miss Vanessa has made the mistake of piling Too Much Look on her tiny little frame. We actually think this dress has a lot going for it, but it really needs to be on a much taller drink of water.

Vanessa honey, pack this up and send it off to Stacy Keibler, then write a note to that nice Mr. Roland Mouret and see if he’ll send you over some of his sleek, simple designs for you to wear. Run along, now.


[Photo Credit: Getty,]

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  • Sobaika

    Vegas showgirl meets Dothraki warrior woman.

    Sounds a whole lot better than it looks.

    • Carol Melichar

      Vegas show girl was my first thought followed by Vegas show girl’s little sister.

    • Louise Bryan

      Carmen Miranda, who is in mourning, so she left off her fruit basket hat and opted for a black look…

  • PeggyOC

    While they didn’t manage to alter the top for her torso (and I’m not sure how they could), I’ll give props to whomever had to shorten this skirt for her. That could not have been easy.

    • Little_Olive

      I think it was Oscar Blandi.

  • formerlyAnon

    I am usually slow to cry “costume!” – or if I do say “a bit costume-y” I usually like the garment.

    Not in this case. I am unsure where this would be appropriate off stage. (ETA: Honest to god, the more I look at it, the more she looks like a featured extra in a ’50s movie scene set in a tropical-themed nightclub)

  • I really want to like her, but for goodness sake she needs a new stylist.

  • I’m here for the bodice. I can’t with the black Hula dancer’s skirt.

    • Sobaika

      I will gladly take that fabulous skirt off your hands. It looks like it’d be so fun to flounce around in!

  • Pants_are_a_must

    I’m blinded by the tackiness. Help.

  • That’s not anyone’s dress.

    Now, Vanessa could make it work if the skirt were a simple black mini.

  • Janet B

    If the top were a print instead of beads and whatnot I’d say it was cute.

    • Little_Olive

      They look so amateur! I think it’s what I hate most. Well, together with the muppet in an oilspill skirt, which is also swallowing her. And the matchy-but-not-really shoes. And the leg. And the fit on the bodice. Oh, whatever.

  • charlotte

    This is bad enough already, why did she have to ruin it completely with the Angelina leg?

  • Beardslee

    You posted that fingernail photo just to get your devoted readers going! And I am happy to oblige. Awful. The cherry on top of a real mess of a look.

  • This girl is always feeling herself in the most crack-tastic outfits. I mean, points to her for not giving one shit. But really girl, please, stop this madness.

  • MilaXX

    why does this tiny young gal insist on piling these busy dresses on her little frame and then over-accessorizing? HOT MESS.

  • This one has MAJOR taste problems. After all, she did win Fug Madness last year! Which BTW is about to start again, yay! Shout out to Heather and Jessica!

    • Introspective

      seriously, Fug Madness 2013 is calling her name…

      By the way, its time to start a “Vanessa, you’ve gone off the cliff again” set of posts. because the “Girl That’s Not Your Dress” posts, as much she OWNS them, still cant fully encapsulate the absolute shit show that is apparently her exclusive style of dress.

  • eowyn_of_rohan

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha ::takes a breath:: hahahahahahahahahahahahaNO.

  • Reminds me of some of the dance costumes from the Liz and Dick version of Cleopatra. Hollywood African.

    • Little_Olive

      I was gonna say Eddie Murphy’s Prince in New York, but yours is better. And kinder.

    • Vlasta Bubinka

      Project Runway unconventional materials Hollywood costume. I can just hear someone: “I made the beading out of pasta and painted it with a marking tool! The skirt is Swiffer!”

      • “It’s made from dozens of feather dusters, and a bead curtain from Cost Plus!”

    • Rand Ortega

      Took the words right out of my keyboard! I immediately envisioned old bad Tarzan movies where the natives work themselves into a lather w/ some nutty tribal dance the producer made up at the last minute.
      By Liz & Dick version of Cleopatra I’m assuming you mean the 1 Lifetime just aired. LOL. They obviously spent a buck o’ five on the costumes, much like this…dress.

  • Anathema_Device

    I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: Flesh-colored lips freak me the fuck out!

    I don’t mind the bodice on the dress. It is pretty cool. I don’t mind the dress, really, but you’re right that it is totally wrong for her. Needs to be on a tall fashionista. Not on someone who looks like she works at Forever 21 or something.

    • I hate flesh-colored lipstick too. I think I can blame JLo for that… she does it all of the time. I don’t know why so many ladystars keep doing it!

      • Anathema_Device

        When women want a natural lip, they should wear something close to their natural lip color. Hudgens looks like she put her lipstick on in the dark and grabbed a concealer wand by accident.

        • Tashina Savage

          I think a nude color on the lips can be really nice, if it’s done right.
          When I wear my flesh colored lipstick, I always get compliments on how
          fresh my face looks and I get told I look younger. She obviously isn’t doing it right. You hit the nail on the head with your comparison to a concealer wand.

    • Yes, I want my lips to blend into my face….

      You’re not alone in being freaked by it. It’s not natural!

    • I’m with you on the lipstick. is this a new color called clearasil?

  • She’s not tall enough for this. She looks like she’s trying on her big sister’s dress.

  • This looks like the product of a non-traditional materials challenge on PR.

  • Qitkat

    But it is Chewbacca’s dress.

  • gabbilevy

    What the actual fuck, Vanessa.

  • God, I hate Pinterest, and Pinterest nails are even worse.

  • I’m just going to go back to the Matt Smith pictures.

  • Erica_Vuitton

    She normally goes full on war paint face with messy yoga hair for the RC so I think the sleek hair and minimal makeup is actually refreshing. But that dress is laughably TOO BIG and the Jolie-leg-pop-pose needs to be declared as O-V-E-R by someone who has the power to declare such things.

    • H2olovngrl

      How did Jolie not get snickered at every time she did that? Ye gods, celebs are delusional!

      • Erica_Vuitton

        I knew there was someone who wasn’t too afraid of the “Jolie-Pitt” power couple aura to point out the absurdity of that RC move!! I had to Google his name but Jim Rash from The Descendents accepted his Oscar while standing Jolie-esq and got a good laugh from the audience for it.

    • j_anson

      I like how in one of them she’s doing the bend-and-snap arms, too.

  • hellkell

    Is this a lost Project Runway dress? It looks like a shitty craft project.

  • Imasewsure

    She needs to change her name to “Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Vanessa Hudgens”… not that it is anyone’s dress in my mind. Hideous!

  • subwaycars

    Everything about this is horrible but somehow I weirdly like it. IDEK, maybe it’s too early in the morning.

  • Anathema_Device

    On second glance, in the 4th picture down, it looks like she is about to do the chicken dance, appropriately enough.

  • Ah-hahahahahahahha. Ridiculous. Sorry. I can’t take that dress seriously for anyone.

  • H2olovngrl

    I feel like the dress, hair and make up would all be OK without all the tackytackytacky accessorizing. A little color on the lip would he nice, but I think she has the chacha chops to make this work if she would just tone it down a bit. There is so much going on that she looks like she should be dancing on slot machines at the Rio in Vegas.

  • fungstyle

    There are a lot of things that someone needs to say to this girl. Stop it with the duck lips, for a start.

  • Indigo54

    She wasn’t supposed to wear this, her stylist said not to, but she was determined. So she sneaked out the window when nobody was looking, went around the corner, slipped into this retrofitted feather boa then made her way to the red carpet undetected. When the photos were published, she still didn’t have a clue.

  • There is nothing to be done with the dress; it’s hideous.

  • Sweet baby Jeezus, this is bad. A complete and total head to toe fail. If you’re not going to prom in the wilds of Africa, there’s no excuse.

  • MoHub

    Parrothead gone wrong.

  • j_anson

    Man, I actually like that dress on the model, but it’s amazing how putting a slit in it and sticking your leg through the slit like you think it’s the one thing everyone should take away from the experience takes it straight from “mildly edgy with a slightly problematic tribal element” to “racist Vegas showgirl.”

  • twocee

    A macrame potted plant holder falls in love with a Koosh ball.

  • dickylarue

    I heart this little tart.

  • l_c_ann

    No bone through her nose? An opportunity missed.

  • marilyn

    That looks like a black hula skirt. Nothing good can come from it.

  • kirkyo

    Such an attention-seeking miss should definitely not be forgotten come late-December.

  • She definitely needs a stylist or a new stylist. She’s treading dangerously close to Ke$ha territory.

  • leilah

    Mayan burlesque dancer.

  • E. D.

    That skirt is hideous.

  • librarygrrl64

    I don’t think this is ANYONE’S dress.

  • SorayaS

    Aww I like it! Loveee the make up- a smoky eye would have been a bridge too far and even red lipstick would have made it too costumey (or more costumey than it already is).

    Keibler is too American Classic to wear this. It belongs to someone young and edgy.

  • Anniebet

    All I can think of is a flock of naked ostriches showing up at Vanessa’s door in the middle of the night demanding their feathers back.

  • kathrineb

    How can we help her when she wears gaudy dresses like this?

  • bd73

    there she was freshly showered and blown out with her sparkly nails drying. the doorbell rang. she answered it to find an empty gown. next thing she knew the dress had slipped over her freshly sleek head and whisked her out the door against her will.

    damned cursed gowns.

  • MissAmynae

    omg, she’s morphing into Zac Efron…..

  • Bless her, she’s trying to be Jennifer Lopez.

  • My daughter told me the other day she unfairly dislikes Mila Kunis because she mixes her up with Vanessa Hudgens. (She’s 13, part of the demographic formerly targeted by the HSM franchise.) I told her just look for the duck face.

  • Andrea Tange

    a) the bodice is way too big around on her (it’s impossible to alter, so she needs a different dress); b) the bodice looks much better on the runway where it’s lined with a flesh-colored fabric rather than with black, which makes the beads look cheap; c) it is not clear that this is anyone’s dress. The bottom looks like it was made from dead Sunffleuppagus, dyed black.

  • lilazander

    I like the dress, but the wearer is so BLAH! it’s hard to even notice or have an opinion…

  • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

    I just am sitting here thinking that I honestly don’t know the point of that dress. Where would ANYONE wear it? I can understand it on a runway – it’s a piece of art -it’s designed to evoke other fashion ideas that can be translated into wearable clothes. But really taking this directly from the runway and wearing it? Where? To dinner? I would so drop salad dressing on the feathers and then how would my feathery lap look? And those beads? I can hear them popping off if I take a deep breath. Sometimes a fashion look needs to STAY ON THE RUNWAY. Like someone needs to put one of those things like they have on grocery carts so they don’t leave the parking lot on some runway looks. OK. Rant over.

  • Beverly Kozma

    She always looks so totally pleased with herself.

  • pop_top

    LMAO at that pic of her where she is caught mid-pose, the try-hard just emanates.

  • peachy

    oh my. it’s just…all….wrong…..

  • libraangel

    How many Lhasa Apsos did she kill for the skirt? Well, she could kill those dogs with her nails

  • capybara_cafe

    Glitter polish just DOES NOT work on talons.

  • OMG this is HIDEOUS!!! i can barely speak.

    lord o’ bones, the wildling warrior from game of thrones, goes on vacation and learns tahitian dance.