Eva Mendes in Prada

Posted on March 29, 2013

We don’t understand Miss Eva sometimes. She can hit the streets or a red carpet looking sexy, beautiful, confident and fabulously stylish one minute, and the next…

 

Eva Mendes attends the ‘The Place Beyond The Pines’ New York Premiere in a Prada dress and shoes paired with Lorraine Schwartz jewelry.

Prada Patent Zip-Back Strappy Platform Pump

… She’s the quintessential mother of the bride.

Oh god, this is awful. It’s possible the dress could be saved with some good styling, because the shape is flattering as hell. But that color is more than a little problematic, and even if we switched out the shoes for something less horrifying, and got rid of the craft-project belt that looks like it was hand-made by a bunch of hyperactive bridesmaids, we’d still be stuck with those matronly-as-hell sleeves. There ain’t no styling in the world that’s going to make sheer, bracelet-length peach sleeves look like anything but an old lady’s dress, no matter how hot the young lady wearing it. And when we say “old lady,” we mean, like, “Queen of England” old lady, not Helen Mirren old lady.

There’s such a massive disconnect between the fabulously sexy head on top, and the septuagenarian dress on the bottom. It wounds us, darlings. If you looked like her, is this something you’d wear for a film premiere?

 

[Photo Credit: Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images, bergdorfgoodman.com]

    • msdamselfly

      Obviously the color was chosen to go with the poster. However, it does not go with her. And her expression does nothing to save it.

      • hmariec19

        Ha. Yeah, she looks pissed.

    • Jessi03

      I love the shape of that dress. I could even support the belt, if it were in a contrasting color. But the DTM shoes…the shoes, darlings! They hurt. And they sadden me.

    • schadenfreudelicious

      i am gonna go even further and call it “Queen Mother” old lady…..

    • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

      I love the colour and the arts and crafts belt! Needs good shoes and ditch the sleeves.

      • gabbilevy

        Agree. Either the sleeves or the belt, but not both. And the belt is more fun, anyway. How cute could this have been showing off Eva’s awesome shoulders?

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      Girl DOES look a mite pissed off. I would be in that dowdy frock.

    • Sobaika

      I like the dress actually – the satin shoes and the shit tacked onto the belt are major issues though. The color is pretty and very spring-y, but the look is too monochromatic considering her skin tone and hair color.

    • NC_Meg

      I actually like the dress, just not the color. If the dress were say, a rich green, the shoes were the patent ones in the photo, and those brooches on the belt were put back in grandma’s jewelry box, I think she’d look great.

      • Zuber

        OMG…I had thought about the green too…it would have been perfect but I’ll like the sleeves to be hugging her arms or rip them out…Thankyou

        • NC_Meg

          Yes! Tight sleeves would make it perfect. We’ll fix this dress for you, Eva.

          • AndresB

            Rich green? With a sexier sleeve and a neckline that doesn’t look like a padded clothes
            hanger got stuck there upside down?
            Alberta Ferretti thought so too for her variation of the design turned royal engagement dress for Princess Madeleine of Sweden last fall when it was announced she’ll tie the knot (or something) with NY banker Chris O’Neill:
            http://theroyalsource.blogspot.de/2012/10/princess-madeleines-engagement-dress.html

    • http://frockpaperscissors.blogspot.com/ kvlm

      Matchy-matchy bad styling train wreck. What is going on with her lately…or rather her stylist? I think she’s trying to embrace some sort of vintage-y ingenue eclectic vibe and it is NOT working for her. Girl, leave that business for Kirsten Dunst and similar. These clothes are wearing her, for sure.

    • samlouvert

      I think this dress would look amazing on someone who traditionally goes with vintage styling, long sleeves and arts and craft belt included. Maybe a different color though.

      • Janet B

        With some sort of hat and maybe gloves?

    • capybara_cafe

      She looks angry, too. I’d like to know the story behind this one!

    • Janet B

      I would never wear this mess if I were as young and beautiful as Eva. Heck, I wouldn’t wear it anyway. Why would anyone pick this dress for her?
      The fit of the neckline is bad and the hem looks longer in the front than in the back.

      • Sara__B

        Yes! Plus the fit through the bust is too snug — the tops of the sleeves are pulled forward and make her upper arms appear fleshy, which they’re not.

    • teensmom99

      Just to go against the tide: I think the only problem is the shoes. And I think if I were her, I would like not going for the obvious sexy all the time even though she is sex on a stick.

      • girliecue

        Exactly.

      • MilaXX

        You give that belt a pass?

        • teensmom99

          I actually do. Maybe I have a secret Etsy side . . .

      • ankali

        But it’s like she only has two settings: sex-on-a-stick and Easter egg hunt, and the latter doesn’t suit her. I get it if she wants to be little more understated, but “Mary Pickford” is not the only alternative to “Ava Gardner”; she’s got plenty of room to play with some Lauren Bacall/Katharine Hepburn-type stuff.

        • teensmom99

          Okay, Ankali, you convinced me. And the more I look at the dress I see the June Taylor dancers. Or I am 16–nope, June Taylor.

          • teensmom99

            still think her ring is GREAT.

    • BaddestMotherEver

      Cut off the sleeves, pick ONE brooch for the belt and find less fugly shoes. I think the color is great on her.

    • http://twitter.com/Mlle_D Donyelle

      Something about it screams 80s Soap Opera evening wear.

    • http://dontmakeitlikeimdumb.blogspot.com/ annabelle archer

      No, she’s the GRANDmother of the bride.

    • AlwaysCoco

      Eva…Noooooooooo!

    • VicD

      She looks ready for “Dancing to the Oldies” at a Miami Beach retirement home

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=597531608 Alan Pursell

      She’s auditioning for a part on mad men right?

    • http://twitter.com/Moondragonic Charlotte

      “You can totally re-use that bridesmaid dress later!”

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UCLO5V2YD36T7QMPKOC7YXPOFU Erica

        And, look, she did! Every bullshitting bride has now been proven correct.

        • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

          Fuck. Then we’re all doomed. :(

    • http://twitter.com/MajorBedhead MajorBedhead

      Lose the sleeves entirely, get rid of the folderol on the belt and for the love of god, get rid of the shoes.

    • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

      Those SHOES. OMG, I just can’t. They’re hideous. I actually like the dress, but the color is horribly unflattering on her. Just goes to show that even WOC can make the mistake of wearing a monochromatic column of color too similar to their skin tone.

    • Murtada Elfadl

      As Joan Rivers said never has a woman looked good in Prada

    • http://www.facebook.com/AdriannaGrezak Adrianna Grężak

      Well, the color of the dress matches her highlights…

      This is a dress a woman would pick. I don’t mind it so much, maybe in a different color?

    • flamingoNW

      The thing I like the least about this dress is the collar, but otherwise, given her rockin’ body and the amazing head that goes on top of it, it works ok for me.

    • http://twitter.com/Goldielox73 Goldie

      I hate the length of the sleeves. Is that on purpose? They just look too short to me, not 3/4 length and about an inch above her wrists. It makes her hands/wrists look freakishly long.

    • formerlyAnon

      “hand-made by a bunch of hyperactive bridesmaids”

      I’d say you can take the rest of the day off and rest on your laurels, as far as fashion blog commentary goes.

    • formerlyAnon

      Oh, and the collar bugs more than the sleeves, for me. Without it, without the additions at the waist, and with younger shoes, I could see this, actually, as a young girl’s classically feminine dance dress. (Not that I think many young girls would choose those sleeves.)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=677547537 John Hodgins

      Rose Nyland/Sue Ann Nivens called — they want their dress back.

      • http://twitter.com/Mlle_D Donyelle

        OMG! It IS Sue Ann Nivens!

      • lovelyivy

        I’ve seen at least one episode of Golden Girls where Rose is wearing this exact dress in lilac.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=811053804 Stacy Parker Cole

      Wow.. she’s so… orange.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=811053804 Stacy Parker Cole

        FU: I think this is the same problem pale blondes have wearing pale outfits. Too much of the same color in the skin tone = all looking one color. Blah.

    • Nice_Shirt

      Ditch the sleeves, shorten the hem by 3″, and add a contrasting (non-satin) belt and shoes. Fab.

    • Imasewsure

      It’s kind of an 80’s Sophia Loren…. not only would she have worn this is the 1980’s but she would probably wear it now (in her 80’s). MoB indeed

    • MoHub

      I remember that dress from 1977.

    • http://twitter.com/starrika starrika

      She seems to have a real issue picking colors that flatter her, and then on top of it, she often seems to be chasing some other style than would suit her looks. I don’t understand why she fights so hard against her looks.

    • random_poster

      Are they trying to make her into Sophia Loren?

      I’m having a hard time looking at this objectively because all I see from head to toe is deep orange sherbet.

    • http://twitter.com/CaitrinofFenris Caitrin

      I think someone needs to put out an amber alert for Betty White…..

    • Karen Tully

      My first thought as I scrolled down was “Lovey Howell would look fabulous in that!”

    • nancymae

      she is literally one color… melon. is this possibly a new easter dressing tradition? if so, where’s her bonnet?

    • MilaXX

      Yowsa! That is fugly. I wish I could rip the sleeves off the dress, throw away the belt and swap or those satin shoes for the patent leather version.

      • nancymae

        who would have thought that nude patent leather would ever be a better alternative to anything???

    • http://twitter.com/MelanieM_Texas Melanie Morgan

      It reminds me of what Cissy would have worn for her dance number on the Lawrence Welk show.

      • drdarke

        Is she wearing that dress – or is that dress wearing her?

        ZOMFG! It’s Attack of the Beige Tones!!!

        Sorry I can’t be more coherent – but truth is, @twitter-302233094:disqus ‘s got it. That looks like a costume out of THE LAWRENCE WELK SHOW….

    • nancymae

      my wrists cried out at her sleeves. if you’re going to do full lady of a certain age coverage then the cuff should hit the wrists, non?

      • Adriana_Paula

        Oui, bien sur. Quel dommage.

    • Rand Ortega

      When your prospective dress screams it’s too old for Barbara Walters, don’t wear it.

    • Elizabeth Silverstein

      Borrowing from others – make it green, lose the sleeves, get rid of the fuckery at the belt, and swap out the shoes and also maybe the hair should be up – or, or, she should of rocked the turban with this one. Yes, that’s the answer: turban. Also, where is the Gos?

    • AmeliaEve

      This looks exactly like a peignoir set my grandmother had in the 1970s. There were also matching slippers with chiffon rosebuds on the toes.

    • another_laura

      It’s ugly and she knows it. Too bad.

    • Joyce VG

      This makes my eye twitch. Wow. The shoes…

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/37TPKASIMXVUPYK5BNQFOL43KU Carina

      This is an example of why I’m skeptical of Prada much of the time. Poor Eva.

    • mhleta

      Man, she is all kinds of gorgeousness. But yeah, this is Sophia Loren’s dress, and she, btw, would look amazing in it.

    • ankali

      I don’t think this floaty, delicate, ultra-feminine stuff suits her. To my mind, she’s more of a DKNY/Diane von Furstenburg type of girl. If she wants to step out of that sleek, city-girl wheelhouse into something more traditionally feminine, then I think she’d be more successful with a designer that does it more sculpturally, like Dior or Roland Mouret.

      • http://twitter.com/lolacestmoi Lola Channing

        well said. I agree.

    • http://twitter.com/lolacestmoi Lola Channing

      hmm.

    • http://www.facebook.com/CameronETurner Cameron Turner

      1970’s bridesmaid…

    • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

      She loves the Prada but I just don’t feel like she has the right look for it. I appreciate her interest in going some place new and unconventional, it just does’t really work with her va-va-voom hair and make-up.

    • Monabel

      Plus, the hem is higher in the back. NO excuse for that.

    • jetpackdino

      Awesome link btw.

    • julesj

      Her face is the color of her dress. Not good.

    • http://aldonsusi.blogspot.com/ Susi R

      Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.

    • bringbackbeatles

      I love the color, but not on her. I think you guys nailed with “mother of the bride.” She does look matronly from the neck down although the shape is flattering. Those shoes look so dyed. I like the shoes in the picture, but no with what she did to them.

    • CeeQ

      yeah the sleeves + the shoes = fug.
      But her hair is sexy as hell! Which as you’ve pointed out, makes the rest of the styling and outfit a complete mystery.

    • BrooklynBomber

      I think she’s just dressed to match the poster. . . maybe.

    • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gabriella M

      “I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gaaaaay!”
      Serious Maria vibes.

    • Anniebet

      Never good to match your dress color to your skin tone. I can see Betty White in that dress, though.

      There’s always something about this woman, lovely as she is, that strikes me as harsh looking. Maybe it’s the eyebrows?

    • bluefish

      If I looked like Eva, I’d be wearing form-fitting reds or dark vibrant greens or sleek black. She’s got a whole young Rachel Welch thing going for her and doesn’t know what to do with it. To think that Gosling’s blue velvet is snuggling up to this tangerine chiffon brings a smile though. I do like the Prada shoes in the original photo though. I wonder if she had her’s customized to match the dress and her pedicure.

    • http://twitter.com/butternut718 butternut

      aside from the color & the styling & the belt & all that – the worst part is the grandma boobs. you just cant put vertical pleats over big boobs. it makes them look bigger & lower than they actually are. big, saggy, lumpy grandma titties. how the fuck was that a prada?

    • ThaliaMenninger

      I think someone sold her Raquel Welch’s “I am not a ho” red carpet wardrobe from the 70s. She needs to find the 10,000 Years BC fur bikini and lose the Golden Girls chiffon.

    • sweet_potato

      She looks pissed about too.

    • http://profiles.google.com/gillianholroyd gillian holroyd

      You know what this outfit needs? WHITE SHOES.

      • http://twitter.com/DuBey2 Marie Fessler

        LOL. And hose with toe patches that show with the white shoes, which are open-toed, of course.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=505225633 Nicola Anna Molly Page

      Sleeves off, a off the shoulder neck line and in a jewel tone ( I thought green immediately too) – with those changes, I wouldn’t even mind the blingy belt. Shoes that lovely should never be satin. Eurgh.

    • http://twitter.com/DuBey2 Marie Fessler

      Hate it. Hate it all. Is Rachel Zoe still styling her? I noticed she mentioned/name-dropped Eva in her show last week.
      And, lastly, IMHO, Sophia Loren NEVER looked this bad in anything.

    • DesertDweller79

      Ditch the sleeves, change the color to a jewel tone, get rid of the blingy belt and wear non shiny shoes, maybe in white? And then it might work.

    • NC_Meg

      Yes, that dress is gorgeous! (And now I will peruse the rest of that blog because I love a good royal blog.)

    • guest2visits

      Everything you said is right and yet she is looking fantastic. The worst for me is collection at the waist, I know it’s
      supposed to be whimsical and retro… but it’s just heavy and tacky. The shoes in the sample color might have
      worked better.

    • librarygrrl64

      Wow, it takes a lot to make Mendes look matronly. Yikes.

    • http://profiles.google.com/phyllis.craine Phyllis Craine

      The uneven bias hem in the last photo is horrible – I guess Prada couldn’t be bothered to hang the dress for 48 hours and re-trim the hem. (because a bias hem will stetch unevenly. This is haute coture 101 sewing). Not her fault and the Prada workroom should be ashamed of themselves

    • lobsterlen

      Lawrence Welk Show dress. Eva just say adios, au revoir, auf wiedersehen to that dress.

    • jessica walsh

      If it was blue, and she ditched the mariah carey butterfly craft project belt, I’d dig it.

    • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

      The fabric is nice, bet it looked great in person. But, of course, wrong color, hiddy belt, and she needed crazy shoes, not matchy suede ones. If there was a way to play with their silly zippers, or the emerald ring, it’s just a miss except she still looks hot.

    • ConnieBV

      Aaaack, yoga hands!

    • camillegal

      is “the zoe” still her stylist…cuz if she is…maybe its times to send her packing…