Chloe Sevigny in Balenciaga

Posted on March 12, 2013

Darlings, A new and highly unusual alter has reared its head.

Meet Ruth-Ellen:

Chloe Sevigny attends the screening of ‘The Wait’ during the 2013 SXSW Festival in Balenciaga.

Balenciaga Printed Wrap Dress

Ruth-Ellen time-traveled from her job at a feed store in Oklahoma in 1931 to the far-flung future, where she became a recipient of the 25th Century’s foolproof, flawless foot transplant surgery. She is recovering nicely, but confused as to how her time machine left her stuck here in 2013, when all she really wants to do is get back to the feed store to show everyone her new feet in the hopes that Jeb, who works at the gas station down the road a spell, will invite her to the next barn-raiser.

You guys, her alter backstories are getting frightfully elaborate. We’re starting to worry.

 

[Photo Credit: Getty, barneys.com]

    • Call me Bee

      Ach mein Gott–that is perfect.  I knew a Ruth-Ellen who wore dresses from that same fabric.  Of course, they were calf-length, 3/4 sleeves and worn with sensible shoes.  I like Time-Traveling Ruth-Ellen much better. 

    • http://communionoflight.com/ Frank Butterfield

      But…. does she like toast?

      • VioletFem

        I believe it’s To-ast. : )

        • JosephLamour

          I know she goes to the barn-raiser for the bar-ba-quoa.

    • NDC_IPCentral

      WHAT are on her feet??  Holy moly, they look like weird semi-Crocs with partial athletic socks that lack toes.  Some concentrated podiatrial ugly there.

      As to the rest, lank, limp and losin’.

      • http://twitter.com/emilyf007 emily

         My reaction was nearly identical (what the fuck is on her feet?). The dress is so cute just not on her. So much potential but poor styling.

      • trisker

         Does anybody know who made the shoes? or did she cut off the toes of pink suede clogs and stuff socks in the top.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          Hmm, if Ruth-Ellen cut off the toes of pink suede clogs and wore them over socks, maybe she can loan them to Emma Stone the next time Emma decides to stuff a T-shirt under a designer dress!

      • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

         Precisely what you said! That’s a ‘Bat-Shit Crazy’ Hall of Fame candidate right there, uncles TLo.

      • BrooklynBomber

        “weird semi-Crocs” & “concentrated podiatrial ugly”

        So nice it’s worth saying twice. Reminds me of “Boys are made of greasy, grimy gopher guts, chopped up monkey meat, concentrated dirty feet.”

        • Thathoodwink

          We used to say “great big gobs of green-tinted gopher guts, mutilated monkey mitts, turpentine and birdies’ 
          feet”.

          • BrooklynBomber

            Probably regional: must have been lots of green gophers where you lived, dirty feet where I lived. I think the rest of ours was something about chopped up eyeballs, and a bowl of blood. Mmmm!

            • VictoriaDiNardo

              “great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts, mutilate monkey meat, chopped up little birdie feet..” in Ohio. It’s like camp-song telephone!  Where on earth did that come from and why did we all sing it?

            • BrooklynBomber

              These are questions for the ages.

            • baxterbaby

              A NYC variation

              “great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, little birdies’ dirty feet…”

            • FifiDubois

              This was the Chicago version too, with the added lines
              French fried eyeballs sitting in a bowl of soup
              And I forgot my spoon

            • baxterbaby

              YES!  Thank you, I couldn’t remember the rest!

            • Lisa Dugan

              Another NYC version:
              “great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, dehydrated birdy feet, all mixed in with all purpose porpoise puss, and covered in pink lemonade.  And I forgot my spoon!”  

            • ecallaw1977

              Memphis version, circa 1985–“great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts, chopped up monkey meat, isolated turkey feet, french fried eyeballs swimming in a pool of blood, oops I forgot my spoon–found a straw–slurp slurp, mighty good!”  
              Wow, can’t believe I remembered that.

            • GinaGeo

              “Great big globs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey butts, dirty wirty birdies feet, one full quart of all-purpose porpoise pus, and me without my spoon” Go Twin Cities!

          • http://stitchingincircles.etsy.com Tina

            In my school, it was just “Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, little turdy birdy feet.”

            NorCal!

            • Sara LaBatt

              My NorCal school was most like Ohio above: Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, little birdies chopped up feet”.

      • http://www.facebook.com/ann.verwiebe Ann VerWiebe

         I don’t think they’re socks – I think it’s a folded-over tongue. Not that it’s any better…

      • http://twitter.com/MindsMelding Anya&Paul

        I’m convinced that those are literally casts with heels tacked on.

      • DebbieLovesShoes

        Somehow I keep thinking of oozing globs of Marshmallow Fluff when I look at them. Never a good thing!

    • Sobaika

      So this is a joke on her part, right? She knows the internet thinks she’s wacky, embraces it, and dresses to see how far she can take it.

      • greymain

        geeez…I hope so.

    • Clueless_Jock

      Yikes I can’t believe this is Balenciaga.

      • Annabelle Archer

        Balenciaga is not having what I would consider a successful showing here at SxSW, are they?  First Rose I Can’t Smile Ever Byrne and now Ruth-Ellen.  

      • margaret meyers

        Bernie Balanciaga.  Lives on Two Shtreet in South Philly.  Got a great price on the end roll.
        You thought it was some other Balanciaga?

        • http://profile.yahoo.com/PVLRKVUTPJQ4OW2E26WIGUBCW4 karen

          This!

    • mmc2315

      Oh.  That yellow background is not helping at. all.

      I sort of like the pattern in the “model” picture.  But I don’t like the asymmetrical hem.  Boo!

    • Hell Yes, I Would!

      Love the original print of that dress. Love it.

    • Susan Collier

      Aggressively ugly shoes there, Ruth-Ellen.

    • IAmJ

      “Down the road a spell”. I LOVE you guys.

      • Chickadeep

         CLEARLY TLo have never spent much time in Dust Bowl Oklahoma. It’s “set a spell” and “down the road a PIECE.” Somewhere, Ma Joad is shaking her head.

        • decormaven

          Ruth-Ellen is clearly of the people. Remember what Ma Joad said, “They can’t wipe us out; they can’t lick us. We’ll go on forever, Pa, ’cause we’re the people.” Even with those hiddy shoes, Ruth-Ellen will persevere.

          • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

            Preach, decormaven.

          • girliecue

            The visual of Ruth-Ellen clomping down a dusty road in those monstrosities persevering her little heart has me bawling. With laughter. Thanks for the belly laugh, decormaven!

    • gabbilevy

      After you guys finish the book you’re working on now, can you publish a collection of short tales of Chloe’s alters?

      • Introspective

        id buy two of those. like yesterday. one copy for home and another for work!!

        i also would highly support an alter contest too. let some bk’s have a crack at it the way TLo used to with dress libs on the old proj rungay blogspot site…  

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Oh lord, I would so buy that book!

    • greymain

      sorry…WTF ????????????????

    • Indigo54

       Jeez, I wish that time machine had made a round trip.  Must have crash landed. Oh God, what if Jeb comes looking for her?  Nightmare!

      • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

        Wackiness will ensue!

      • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

         It’s exactly like she walked out of a Philip K. Dick novel.

    • Judy_S

      Balenciaga feed sack, yes.  The feet are mysterious, though. She is balancing forward–are there high heels under there? Or are these sandal hoofs? Or is she trying to fly?

    • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

      that is some of the ugliest footwear ever.

    • MilaXX

      dem shoes! They offend.

    • Indigo54

      Wow.  I just can’t get over how ugly those shoes are.  

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1656720157 Rachel Andrew

      You two make me so happy. Please continue to be as awesome as you are.

    • kimmeister

      It’s like she has double foot casts, which are starting to peel off.

      • Jacqueline Wessel

        Maybe Rose Byrne is holding her crutches.

    • jkatkins

      If time travel is possible, TLo will soon be dealing with some very pissed off and stylin’ Oklahoma residents from 1931!

      • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

        I wonder how many guest rooms there are at TLo Manor…

    • trisker

      Oh I just couldn’t WAIT to read it, and I HOWLED!  You guys are Too Good!!!

    • iCouture

      Oh for god sake Chloe, do somethin with your damn hair style, it is tragic!  And booties…again…..like always..
      She has such great legs, and always distracts from them with her hooves.  

    • Annabelle Archer

      We need a catalog for the Chloes in all her forms.  

      Honestly, as much as I love all you two do here, the Chloe posts are, hands down, my favorite thing.  Possibly ever.  

    • aeb1986

      If that dress walked down the runway on project runway, Nina’s response would absolutely be, “it looks…inexpensive”

      I could probably find that same dress at forever 21

      • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

        I could probably find that dress at Goodwill.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Heidi would probably opine that it looks “sad”, and she would be right. for once.

    • golden_valley

      Is she posing for a mug shot?  That’s a mug shot face.

    • joything

      Elaborate alter backstories are how Chloe tells T and Lo she loves you guys.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      She’s totally f*cking with us, right?

      Right?

    • http://twitter.com/MajorBedhead MajorBedhead

      God, I love the Chloe alter posts. They’re hilarious.

    • melanie0866

      Chloe Sevigny is one of the least attractive people on the planet.  And she can’t dress.  So why do we keep paying attention to her?
       

      • Annabelle Archer

        (gasp) Sacrilege! 

      • carolynmo

        I just watched “The Last Days of Disco” again a few days ago, and she’s beautiful in it. I wish a similar Chloe would emerge.

      • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

         Body snarking and looks assessments are against the rules. Please don’t do it again.

    • CatherineRhodes

      I like how she made the bow just slightly askew to give it an “edgy” quality.

      Does she know she’s a laughingstock, or is she playing it straight?

    • libraangel

      Chloe is an alternative universe unto herself, and frighteningly elaborate in the way she tries to make herself as unattractive as possible

    • http://profiles.google.com/dorothymichael Dorothy & Michael n/a

      her shoes are wearing a bib?!  Or did she wrap her feet in special-order pink Ace bandages and they were rubbing, so she threw in some Band-aid brand gauze to cushion the blisters?
       

    • leilah

      Frankly, her hair, makeup and legs look far worse than that over-sized vacuum cleaner cover, and shoes with heels so high and front-opening so wide that her feet are sliding forward.

    • l_c_ann

      She has made a Ballenciaga look like a house dress after lots of washings and hangin’ on the line to dry.

      That, just in inself, is sad. 

      What she has done to the potential sales of those shoes is sadder still.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        With the Rose Byrne post and this one we have the opening chapter for “The Decline and Fall of the House of Balenciaga”.

    • lobsterlen

      You know the dress is kind of cute and relatively normal but Chole always does something to make whatever she is wearing weird. This outfit looks odd and it more than just those freaky pink things on her feet.

    • SewingSiren

      I like the Oklahoma, but the marshmallow feet are a bridge too far.

    • Jacqueline Wessel

      Such a cute dress gone to hell.

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      Ruth-Ellen looks like she makes her own clothes.  I can’t believe Balenciaga cranked out that piece of sh__.

    • Super_Red

      I have never seen such utterly hideous shoes. The alter stories, on the other hand, are amazing. thank you thank you thank you. 

    • Girl_With_a_Pearl

      Pink foot casts with white cuffs.  Check.  Flower sack dress.  Check.  Hayley Mills’s hairdo from Parent Trap.  Check.  Time to hit the red carpet.

    • http://twitter.com/miahalliday Mia Halliday

      God, I sometimes live for these comments, amazing!
      Funny thing: my grandma’s neighbour’s name is Ellenruth (a very old German name) who used to work in a feed store! As so often, you guys make me day!

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      Oh, wait, now I get it!!!  She’s auditioning for the stage version of “It’s Only A Paper Moon”, right?  The Tatum O’Neil role?

    • Judy_J

      She also looks very Austintatious.  Is there an “Austin Look for Dummies” book circulating amongst the SXSW attendees?

      • twocee

        Austintatious…that is an awesome word.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          With SXSW going on we can certainly put Austintatious to good use this week.  Love it!

    • Cynica

      Oh, thank TLo, and thank YOU , Ms. Sevigny. I desperately needed a Chloe alter to brighten my day. This one is especially frightening.

    • BrooklynBomber

      Ruth-Ellen better wipe off that city woman lipstick before she travels back, or ol’ Jeb’ll go runnin’.

      And, yes, her alter backstories are getting awfully elaborate, but she’s giving you so much to work with. 

    • http://kingderella.tumblr.com/ kingderella

      my first thought:

      “Darlings, A new and highly unusual alter has reared its head. Meet Ruth-Ellen: Ruth-Ellen is sane (if a tad underdressed)”

      then i saw the shoes.
       

    • CurbGirl

      Dear Ruth-Ellen,  please, I beg you, stop cutting your own hair! Support the local time based economy and have anyone but you handle the scissors!

    • ChiKat67

      This would have been so much better if she combined those crazy shoes w/the black & white dress on the model. Still wouldn’t have been good, just better.

    • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

      There is literally no other explanation for those shoes!

    • SugarSnap108

      I can’t think of a more logical reason for the existence of those shoes.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=571205045 Kent Roby

      The world is a better place when inhabited by the likes of Ms. Sevigny (and her numerous alters) and HBC.  After her stint this season on Portlandia, I tend to think that CS’s looks are more carefully crafted than random, but I love her wackiness regardless!

    • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

      Those are aggressively ugly shoes.  And what’s up with that bow?  Is she drunk?

    • teensmom99

      Kittens will hate me but I like the dress. With different hair and shoes, I’d like this.

      • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

         The dress is fine, actually. By itself.

      • libraangel

        nothing personal, but I guess I do hate you

        • teensmom99

          My, you certainly are one bitter kitten.

          • libraangel

            Bitter – yes, I still hate the dress

    • ashtangajunkie

      Those shoes hurt me. I really enjoy her though. And I would buy all of my favourite people a copy of “The Alter Egos of Chloe Sevigny.” 

    • Mistie Holler

      I don’t really get Chloe Sevigny. I used to hear al abou how she was style icon. Then I started reading this blog. Can anyone explain it to me? I mean, did she used to dress great and now she dresses funny? Or has she just always been admired for making bold choices? 

    • twocee

      I think the hair is more tragic than the shoes.  

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F73LIJ3SJGI5AJQMXMWXCKILHI Pamela

      This looks like something you’d wear to a barbecue in July and those shoes are just ridiculous.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=535548244 Kim Baker Vidas Davey-Irvin

      the dress is … okay.  it’d benefit, i think, by losing the bow and gaining a belt for a more defined waist.  but those shoes?  are hideous.

    • http://www.facebook.com/styrch Sarah Wacksmuth Tyrchniewicz

       Huh. In that outfit she could be Hannah Horvath’s sister.

    • http://remedialstitcher.blogspot.com/ Sara Leigh Merrey

      Frightful!

    • http://twitter.com/lisledanielle Danielle Lisle

      WHAT IS ON HER FEET I CAN’T EVEN

    • peachy

      good lord. homely.

    • nannypoo

      Wait – is this Balenciaga, the actual professional design house? And this crap is what they’re producing? You may as well wear it with stupid pink open-toed hooves. I would hate to waste a perfectly good shoe on a dress as ugly as this.

      She always makes me feel good about myself. No matter how badly I’m dressed I can never look worse than she does.

      • libraangel

        I sometimes see cheaper clothes that look better than some designer duds

    • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

      TLO got this one wrong.  Evidently they did not pay attention in church school because they would realize that Peep-Toe Crocs are another warning from God about the impending day of wrath and judgement, and Armageddon.  It’s right there in Revelation.  Furthermore, Chloe’s new altar is absolutely from the future, but in the capacity of a prophet sent to warn us and urge us to repent now.  Nude shoes were the first warning.  The Bitter Kittens did not repent.  Now, it’s this.  Next, who knows?  God might open the Seal Of Nude Croc One Piece Jumpsuits on our heathen, lost souls.  You know why?  Deuteronomy 22:11 “Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, as of woollen and linen together.”  GOD MEANS IT when he talks about poly-cotton blends.  Guys, don’t mix fibers.  Also, I just realized, don’t mix Ambien and Tequila.  

    • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

      Is she psychologically incapable of selecting a flattering lip color?

    • formerlyAnon

      I unloaded hay, visited the vet clinic, and went through the McDonald’s drive through in a Ford f250 diesel this afternoon with someone whose hair was almost exactly like Ruth-Ellen’s. And she apologized for it.

      How DO you guys hit the nail so perfectly on the head?

    • Trisha26

      Without your insight into Chloe’s alternate personalities, TLo, she simply would be très tragique.

    • Belle239

      Geez, now I don’t feel so bad about running into WalMart today not exactly dressed to the nines.  Aack, this is really a bad look.

    • suz72350

      This looks like a hairdresser’s smock to me, the kind that’s made out of that crinkly, plastic-like material.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=790818401 Laurie Landry

      Lady Gaga she Ain’t.
      You nailed it TLo!

    • margaret meyers

      With the right styling and posture you can take ANY look lower.

    • DeTrop

      I kinda like the black and white look.  As far as CS goes, she follows the beat of her own drum.  Makes for good copy.

    • Melvis Velour

      That explains those howls and cackles of laughter I heard in the distance from Austin…and here I thought it was a pack of coyotes…mah stars…

    • judybrowni

      Feed sack tulip skirt!

    • bertkeeter

      Cristobal just rolled over in his grave….AGAIN!

    • guest2visits

      How does this stuff find her.. does it just show up in an unmarked package on the door step, no-return address?
      Oh and I love that special touch she gave to the skewed bow.

    • Beverly Kozma

      I love her the MOST!  Truly, those shoes …. the worst.

    • E. D.

      FUG as usual.  Switching out the shoes would be a huge improvement.

    • tereliz

      I’m starting to worry about her feet…

    • http://profiles.google.com/gillianholroyd gillian holroyd

      It’s a cute dress (I want to say “frock”) on the model; love the print, don’t love the curved hem. However. It is does nothing for Chloe Sevigny and vice versa.

    • http://twitter.com/jalae Janey

      It makes me wonder…when will we see the real Chloe Sevigny?

    • quiltrx

      LMAO that was awesome!  WHY is the dress so cute on the model and so WEIRD on Ruth-Ellen?  I know the print’s different…but it just looks so SLOPPY on her, losing what style the original had.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_WSJSS4K7IRV6LAGEPBPWFGPT7I Laurie

         On Chloe’s version, not only is the print ugly, but she’s shortened the back of the skirt. Plus, it looks like the bow is half-pulled off, like a kitten or puppy got to it!

    • http://www.facebook.com/renate.yerkes Renate Yerkes

      well its true!

    • schoep

      TLo, are you completely laughing your asses off while you’re writing these? 

    • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

      I just want to know how you guys come up with the names for her alters. 

    • mary McCall

      Those shoes- there is no excuse.

    • Connie Harbor

      Now boys…if you’re gonna go all country-fied and twangy on us, you really orta getcher ‘isms’ straight.  A ‘spell’ is a unit of time, i.e., “I think I’ll set a spell, til the een’in cools down a bit, a’fore I mosey on home.  It’s a fur ‘piece’ down the road from h’yer t’my house.”