RuPaul’s Drag Race: Dance Fever

Posted on February 19, 2013

We feel a little bad starting off this recap with what sounds like a complaint, but the challenges this episode were just okay. At least, that’s what we thought at first.

 

The theme was dance, and for the most part, it was basically a way of just stepping back and letting the queens be queens. And with this crowd…

 

That’s not usually a bad thing.

Seriously, we think this is a pretty good cast this year. We can’t say any of them stun us with their originality or even with their professional polish, but there are some genuinely funny, entertaining, shade-throwing queens in this bunch and so far, we don’t find too many of them to be objectionable or hard to take. At least not since Serena was sent packing.

 

Our first thought regarding the whole idea of a RuPaul biographical ballet was that it was a slightly funny take on the kind of self-absorption she tends to parody and she tends to value in her girls.

 

But it turned out to be oddly touching and the girls really seemed to give it their all because they’re so eager to impress Ru. A drag ballet challenge seemed both too obvious and too obvious not to do, but it was far more entertaining than we expected it to be.

 

Plus: ADORABLE choreographers.

 

It was all so heavily edited that we couldn’t possibly rate the performances except to say that Alaska did far better than we (or she) thought…

 

Ivy made a shockingly good Lady Bunny…

 

And Honey made a shockingly bad Diana Ross. So bad, that she did worse than the queen who claimed to not know who she is.

 

Also: Vivienne Pinay is just about the blandest drag queen to ever be called a drag queen.

 

But the obvious winner was Crazy-Face Alyssa, who brought some dance training with her, and a role for which her innate crazy-face talent was perfectly suited. She deserved this one. Even Coco agreed.

 

Stunning.

 

Superb.

 

They really rushed through the runway portion. Obviously, the ballet was of much more importance this week.

 

Alaska:

Just okay. It’s basic Beverly Hills Bitch and it’s been done. A lot.

 

Jade Jolie:

We continue to be impressed by how much mileage she gets out of her fishiness, but she always seems to be involved in some sort of passive-agressive drama, doesn’t she?

 

Lynesha:

Yawn.

 

Jynkx:

We don’t get it. No, really. Is this some sort of futuristic, cubist, S&M take on a Playboy Bunny?

 

Ivy Winters:

Gotta give it up: that is some PRIMO Victor/Victoria realness being served up. We think we get why Ivy’s still in the game: she’s not the most riveting performer, but she’s got some of the most polished looks in the group. Plus, she’s a cute boy.

 

Alyssa:

Like most of her runway looks, it’s a bit much, but there was no denying she was top queen this week.

 

Coco:

Coco, on the other hand, seems to be fading. This is an okay look, but it’s not her best. Granted, she did a fairly good job in the ballet, keeping up with Alyssa. We’d like to salute her for being a good sport and picking Alyssa for her team, but her reasons we mercenary and, let’s face it, secured her more camera time. This feud is too calculated to take seriously.

 

Detox:

Love the face and hair; hate the dress.

 

Roxxxy:

This queen’s getting a little full of herself and we were happy to see the judges point out the sameness of her schtick, week in and week out. Her makeup is too similar from look to look and you can’t have your ass hanging out of every dress before Michelle Visage gets tired of seeing it.

 

Honey:

We just about died when the judges all ripped into her for her caftans. What on earth is she thinking, going out wrapped in a bedsheet every week?

 

But we HOWLED with laughter when this silly bitch walked out. All that talk about “I’m going to step it up” and “I just have to show them who I really am” and what does she do? She puts a red wig on and calls it a day. THAT’S her big come-to-Jesus moment. Girl, you are TIRED. And all you did was bitch and moan all episode like it was everyone else’s fault you have no personality. “I have a lot of loud people on my team.” IT’S RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE, YOU SOUR THING. DID YOU THINK YOU WERE ON MASTERPIECE THEATER?

 

So we were not at all surprised that both of these queens wound up in the bottom. What had our jaws dropping was the actual lip synch, which was easily the worst one we’ve ever seen on the show. Two listless, bland queens wandering around a stage barely managing to move their lips. It was shocking in its awfulness. “Ru should send both of them home,” we said in that creepy, “Come play with us, Danny” unison that only long-time couples can manage.

And then? To shock us even more?

That’s exactly what she did. Good for her. The judging on this show is always dicey, since it’s more of a variety show than an actual reality competition, but we thought Ru showed some real integrity with this one. They were both so awful that neither of them really deserved to stay.

And besides:

 

Their reactions were priceless. Vivienne is serving up January Jones bitchface without even knowing it.

 

[Stills: tomandlorenzo.com]

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