Project Runway: Tears For Fears

Posted on February 08, 2013

 

Maybe it’s because we had a full day of fashionatin’ at New York Fashion Week and we were tired and cranky; maybe it’s because we’re currently carb-deficient, or maybe it’s because some jackass named a blizzard after a fish and we keep looking fearfully out our hotel room windows for flakes, wondering if perhaps we should stock up on … well… what, really? How do you prepare for a storm in a hotel?

 

Anyway, our point is, we were bored to tears last night. Which, we suppose is fitting, since half the designers wound up spurting tears themselves. And we had to laugh, because the process has become so short-handed that people no longer need a story to explain why they’re crying. No dying or dead parents, no spouse or partner unseen for months; no explanation more involved than “I’m upset,” and the camera pulls in close to get the tear tracks, glistening in the spotlight.

This is as good a place as any to admit that we’re completely burnt out on Project Runway at the moment. In the last 18 months, FIVE seasons of Project Runway have aired; Season 9 started in July ’11, followed by PR All-Stars, PR Season 10, PR All-Stars 2: Electric Bugaloo, and now, PR S11. The previous five seasons of Project Runway took four years to unfold. We can all argue and expound on the various ways in which the show has declined, but to our way of thinking, it’s the flooding of content to the audience that’s ruined the show the most. If you have a new season every ten minutes, people stop caring and the show dries up, creatively. This is a big reason as to why our PR coverage is now limited to one post when it used to be spread out over 4 or 5. It’s because we can’t work up the energy and because there really isn’t much of an audience to read this stuff anymore.

Ah, well. Onward. Because we must.

 

Layana Aguilar and Katelyn Pankoke

Congrats to Layana and Kate! This was so obviously a Heidi dress from the moment it walked out on the runway. Her eyes lit up at the sight of it. Layana got a little obnoxious halfway through the process because she couldn’t understand why anyone would like pink fabric, but they seemed to have ironed their differences out fairly easily and the result is pretty damn good.

 

Daniel Esquivel

Congrats also to Daniel! We can’t really get behind this one. It’s very basic as a design. The only interesting aspect is the leather detailing. And it strikes us as odd that she would choose an evening gown for a press tour. Also: terrible color.

 

Patricia Micheals

We thought it was HILARIOUS how the judges all praised this look for being fashion-forward and interesting; claiming that Heidi would TOTALLY wear something like this because it would be so pleasantly unexpected – and then they pick two basic evening gowns that she’s worn a hundred times before. We thought this was interesting, but Patrica’s techniques are more artisanal than fashion. We can see her having a very successful boutique with hand-made items, but we can’t ever see her producing a fashion line.

 

Amanda Valentino and Joseph Aaron Segal

Credit to the two of them for finding a way to combine their un-combinable aesthetics. Even so, it’s only an okay dress.

 

Michelle Franklin

Interesting design, but it’s criminal what it’s doing to her shape.

 

Samantha Black

Good idea, badly executed.

 

Tu Nackchat

TERRIBLY executed, but we were intrigued by the shape and the combination of elements. It’s totally not Heidi, but it could’ve been an interesting dress.

 

Stanley Hudson

TACKY HO. It we were Heidi, we would have gotten out of our chair, calmly walked over to Stanley on the runway, asked him to bend over, and then slapped him viciously for the insult.

 

Richard Hallmarq

Ass tumor. It’s a shame, because if you take that one element away, it’s really a kickass dress. We have no idea how he got so hung up on the work that he couldn’t see the one, glaring, massive mistake in his design.

 

 

Mat Arthur

Another dress that should’ve inspired a slap. All she needs is bunny ears.

 

Benjamin Mach

Ben doesn’t seem like a bad guy, but Jesus Christ, who are these people coming into the show in its eleventh season, thinking they can waste all kinds of time on flights of fancy? Simmer down and make a goddamn dress, you whiny thing. Save the artistry for another time.

We suppose we should address whether we think Ben should’ve gone home. Here’s the thing: this is an utter mess of a dress. The one thing it has going for it is the concept, which, if it had been properly executed, would’ve yielded an interesting, sexy dress that fit with the theme of the events and the product she’s hawking. It’s also a pure Heidi dress.

This, on the other hand…

 

Cindy Marlatt

Is just a cheap dress shop dress, rendered poorly in the wrong fabric. In other words, Ben was designing something and got tripped up by his ambitions. Cindy was merely making something and couldn’t even be trusted to choose the right fabric to do it. She seems like a sweet lady and we wish her well, but she was out of her depth with this crowd.

 

[Photo Credit: Barbara Nitke for Lifetime]

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