Pairs Division: Renner and Arterton

Posted on February 13, 2013

Hansel and Gretel apparently can’t keep their hands off each other.



Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner attend the German premiere of ‘Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters’ in Berlin. Gemma Arterton is wearing a Miu Miu dress.

Miu Miu Spring 2013 Collection/Model: Martha Hunt (IMG)

HE: Appears to have toned down the makeup since his last appearance on this site. That can only be considered a good thing. The look is nice, if a little standard. The tie could’ve been more exciting, but it all comes together rather well. Totally digging the cufflinks, which you rarely ever see anymore. It’s just a simple, polished look – and we can’t find one good reason to complain about that. Plus: his hair looks great. Score: 9/10.

SHE: Has a black hole between her legs, threatening to engulf everyone near it. And that’s us being polite. We could’ve gone whole hog on the vulgar jokes here, but we’ll leave it at that. It’s not a bad-looking dress, but someone should’ve realized that, in photographs, the only thing anyone was going to see was that abyss between her thighs. Also, the hem is dowdy and the back looks entirely too fussy. Hair, makeup and jewelry are pretty, though. Score: 7/10. Lose the black hole, dear.

Combined Score: 8/10, which seems a little high to us, in retrospect.

A note from your fabulous overlords: It’s our last day at New York Fashion Week, and we’re booked solid with shows to attend, which means we may or may not update the site after this post. We make no guarantees. It all depends upon when we Hit the Wall. Also: We didn’t/couldn’t watch Revenge, RuPaul’s Drag Race, and The Walking Dead this week, so we may or may not recap them before the next episodes air. We’ll try, but again: we make no guarantees.

But if our kittens really miss our input, you can tune into the Derek & Romaine Show on Sirius Radio 108 at 8:20 PM eastern tonight and listen to us run off our mouths about Fashion Week and Project Runway and whatever else pops up. In fact, you can (and should) call in with your questions (866-305-6887) because we love getting a chance to talk to our Precious Unborn Fawns. If you don’t have Sirius Radio, you can sign up for a free trial at their site.

[Photo Credit: Getty]

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  • BrooklynBomber

    Miu Miu, that dress is ciukiu.

    •  Pretty ugly, and pretty apt to stay that way.

  • I would score her much lower.  I am not so sure that dress can be saved.  

    • BrooklynBomber

      I think it’s the proportions. On the model the skirt has some shape to it (which it does’t on Gretel), but even then it looks like it’s pulling down, dripping and drooping earthward.

    • Sobaika

      SAME. A 7 out of 10 is exceedingly generous.

    • lovelyivy

       Agreed. It’s extremely unflattering on her and takes her straight to frumpy.

    • ecallaw1977

      Horribly unflattering.  I think it may be as low as a 2 or 3.

  • Annabelle Archer

    Excuse me ma’am, you seem to have a bit of a hurricane on your dress.  
    What a shame, she is quickly rising to the top of my girl crush list.  

    • ballerinawithagun

      Hurricane, in the eye of the storm…What a beautiful woman and nobody is dressing her correctly.

    • Alyssa

      I see a swirly vortex surrounding the black hole of her ladyparts…either way, it’s not attractive. She is so gorgeous, and needs a new stylist!

  • Kenisha Hill Phillips

    You know how when you tug on that tiny piece of wallpaper and an entire patch comes off? Yeah…

  • For being so covered up, the dress is rather whorish.

  •  I’m mostly curious about the back of the dress, the sideview shows some pretty strangly plassed buttons I can’t quite figure out..

    • kimmeister

      The point of all the doodads on her back appears to be to make sitting in a chair as uncomfortable as possible.

    • Meg0GayGuys6

      Yea, me too.  It looks like the back is being held together by those old hair ties that have the big balls on them. 

      • Qitkat

        This made me laugh out loud.

      • lovelyivy

         I used to LOVE those as a kid, even though every once in a while one would pop or the ball would hit you when you took them out, and it would sting like a bitch. Dangerous but cute accessorizing is the best….

    • RebeccaKW

       Yes, I agree.  It’s like seeing the back a mannequin and the clothing is crimped in the back by binder clips so they fit the model as snugly as possible.  It’s weird.  It’s odd and ugly and, as kimmeister said, uncomfortable.

      • Troo that! I didn’t really see or mind the “crotch abyss,” but when I saw the back, all I could think of was somebody at Miu x 2 didn’t know how to finish the dress and strapped it together with the elastics and buttons I have on my busted accordion file folders.

  • formerlyAnon

    I can’t argue with the scores though I’d downgrade her more for the back of the dress than the black hole. I’m rarely as struck by the loins-framing clothing as are others, though.

    Love the shout out for cuff links. A youngish man Gave Me Life yesterday because of his tie bar and grey suede shoes. (I’ve been in the midst of the frumpy rumpledness which is academics at a conference – many of the women at least try, though we mostly fail, most of the guys don’t even try – it’s similar to the guy/girl gap on red carpets everywhere.)

    • kimmeister

      Ditto.  I knew the PUFs were going to be all over the black hole and its placement, but the randomness of everything on the back is a whole lot worse.

      My hubby loves cuff links and has many pairs; unfortunately, it’s hard to find shirts for him that require them!

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Mr. B3 and I occasionally watch CSpan 3 or whatever it’s called for book panels and conferences, and I have wished more than once that I could reach through the screen to straighten a tie, or gently ask the presenter to please, please comb their hair before getting up to speak. 

      • formerlyAnon

         In fields even *remotely* associated with technology and/or data-as-a-concept wearing a tie at all puts you waaaay ahead of the curve. Even if you’re using it to wipe your mouth.

    • editrixie

      Thank you for saying this. I’m kind of struck by the hostility of some of the comments here today…really, whorish? I just don’t get it.

      I have some cufflinks in my jewelry box. I used to wear a lot of men’s shirts back in the day, and I loved wearing cufflinks. I’m built like a linebacker so I could often wear guy’s stuff well. I still love those links — wish more women’s shirts had that option.

      • StellaZafella

        I have a friend who collects high end vintage cuff links…He wears them in his ears.
        He’s young. I’m old(er) and would borrow them for my dress shirts…but somehow, I. just. can’t.

        • formerlyAnon

          Nice cuff links are a high risk borrow, anyway. They have a propensity for getting lost, so you end up with three half pairs and only your least favorite ones left in an actual set. Or maybe that’s just me.

  • MoHub

    black hole was precisely my reaction. Don’t get sucked in!

  • Oh thank goodness Jeremy Renner. You’ve fixed that shit up good.

    • IMNAngryLiberal

      He still kind of looks like a jackass to me … just a jackass with less makeup which I suppose is an improvement.

      • StellaZafella

         I’ve seen him in a number of things now – and he’s good. I just don’t get the heat for him though.
        Like Robert Wagner (in a bygone day) – Everybody was all over him and all I could say was that he knew how to wear a suit.

    •  I think the real problem with Renner’s recent red carpet appearances isn’t the clothes or the make-up, but rather that smile that’s so forced it seems more a grimace than a smile.

  • Tatiana Luján

    I don’t think this dress works with those shoes. I think the dress needs to be paired with edgy styling in order to work.
    The hem doesn’t look so dowdy in the runway.

    • 3boysful

       Agree–it seems to work better styled down a bit.

  • There’s a vortex on her nethers and he’s Tony Curtis’s sleazier younger brother. I think 8 is really very generous.

  • kimmeister

    It’s nice to see Jeremy in a non oil-slick suit that fits!

  • MilaXX

    I think he is much improved but I don not like her dress at all. Even if the length was shorter, I think it’s a bit mature for her. I realize they rarely coordinate outfits, but It would have been nice if she was wearing a bright color.
    No argument with the scores.

    I keep missing the radio shows. Hopefully I an get home for this one.

    If you are rushed, perhaps a skip the full post and do a “previously” paragraph on next week’s recaps.

  • decormaven

    A designer pubic patch? The wha??

  • tallgirl1204

    What a terrible dress.  Dowdy on the model (what was with the big grandma purse?).  Seriously, this looks like something I would wear on a bloated day, to work in my very dull office in a very backwater town.  Because I was out of clean clothes.  And I am 54 years old. 

  • MzzPants

    Boring looking actress + WOMB DRESS = Go home.  Start over.

  • I am so going to see this movie, and I make no apologies for it.

    Her dress is too long, and ugly, to boot.  He looks like a man in love, and it’s adorable.

  • Can’t look at him now without seeing Liberace. Sigh. 
    Oh Miuccia. Were you making a joke with this dress? “You see, we will put a big black box of a black hole on this dress. The Americans will love it, no? So raunchy.”
    Also, kids show challenge on RPDR. I don’t know how y’all can resist recapping that! 
    I still haven’t watched the new Walking Dead either, so I’m with y’all there. Boyf hasn’t watched the season finale from last season. He needs to get on that. 

    • demidaemon

      I know! RPDR was an enjoyable hot mess with a side-bar of overdone soap opera drama. I’ve been waiting for TLos recap since Tuesday!

  • unbornfawn

    Can’t take my eyes off the black hole, what a design disaster. Awful. Aside from that they look pretty good. Glad Jeremy toned down the makeup. 

    Have a great time on the radio tonight!

  • Zippypie

    Oh that dress is tragic.  I think you boys were generous.  It’s not just that Eye of the Hurricane print, it’s the fit.  The fit is awful, but I’m not sure it can be fit to her properly since it’s really a sack with some weird ass buttons and a way too long hem.  Ugh.  It’s just really boring.

    TWD was a serious disappointment. Supposidly this week will be better. You didn’t miss anything. Even if you don’t watch this ep, you’ll know exactly what happened if you just pick up the next. Therefore, you know this ep sucked.

    He definitely looks a hell of a lot better.  Love the vested suit and cufflinks.  Definitely needed a better tie.  Don’t like him pawing her.

    Maybe it’s just the concept of this movie, but it’s just repelling me.

  • PeggyOC

    Renner looks better, but that hair is still too high.  Dude, you’re not tall.  We get it.  Stop hair-compensating.

    • barbarienne

       He needs to learn that in his case, lack of height is working great. I loves me the tall guys (Richard Armitage, Hugh Jackman, etc.), but Renner has that manly-man solidness that is equally dreamy.

      And sheesh, it’s not as if 5’10” is short. Plenty of A-list actors are no taller than that.

      • 4JJ

        Or not as tall as that…

      • formerlyAnon

         Right. The hair just looks like HE thinks he should be taller. Even if that’s not why he wears it.

  • ChaquitaPhilly

    Scum and dreck swirling around the drain… how poetic!

  • It’s the length of her dress that bugs; but personal best for Jeremy. He should always think “Oceans 11,” “Rat Pack” or “Secret Agent” when he picks a suit.

    • Does anybody ever look good in that kind of dress? That length is just weird.

      •  I think the length was okay in a 1930s wool pencil skirt, with a little stretch for a break at the knee? But not in a shapeless detritus swirl like this. It just …. stops, for no reason.

  • Why would anyone think a vortex skirt would be a good idea?  Glad to see he got rid of the guyliner.

  • That black hole of a va-jay-jay scares me.  No wonder I’m gay.

  • tinyredlocks

    French cuffs and cuff links-LOVE! Cootch vortex-not so much…

  • she:Has a black hole between her legs. = screen spray

  • 4JJ

    I inherited an ugly ring from my mother-in-law that had four small diamonds that belonged to my husband’s maternal grandmother and four small rubies from his paternal grandmother. I had a jeweller friend use the stones in cufflinks, and he created a beautiful round link in white gold, rimmed in rose gold, with the stones set into a Celtic knot design (homage to my husband’s Irish-Scottish ancestry and a celtic symbol that means endless love as an homage to family & marital ties). He has a couple of other pairs of cufflinks and several french cuff shirts, and never fails to get compliments on them from women and men.

    Was it the 1980s when there were some women’s white shirts with cufflinks? My daughter (22) would love one now. 

    • l_c_ann

      In the early 60’s I had Meyer of Norwich blouses and some (IIRC) Ship n Shore that required cufflinks.  Any seamstress worth her salt could sew a woman’s blouse with cuffs and make it link necessary.  A double (folded to be double) cuff would really make the cuff links stand out.

      • 4JJ

        Thanks! Great idea.

  • Judy_S

    OK, I will comment because everyone hates the dress. I think she looks amazing in it. Better than the model. She looks 8 feet tall. Yes, there is a hurricane in the wrong general area (though it’s not actually decorating her crotch, it’s too low down–perhaps that’s the problem, we are inured to crotchification), and whatever is going on in the back does not work with her hair. But she seems to carry it off, in my eyes anyway.

  • l_c_ann

    Color blocking  gone tastelessly wrong….what else can you call it, a patch on her sn**ch? 

  • Janet B

    Despite the fabric the dress is boring on Gemma.
    I don’t know who told Jeremy he needs makeup, but they ought to take it back because he looks silly, although less so than in other recent appearances.

  • lobsterlen

    Hansel and Gretel? A serious Buffy the Vampire Slayer version of Hansel and Gretel? Really? She doesn’t look very happy. Her only hope is that the black hole dress will swallow her whole so she doesn’t have to push this mess any longer.

  • B_C_J

    Her dress is totally boring. The length is aging. The print leaves a lot to be desired. This beautiful woman deserved better.
    He looks handsome and polished. 

  • altalinda

    Good luck on the radio tonight.  Any chance that you were planning to attend the benefit at the Palomar on Thursday that Mondo is gracing?  Perhaps the Philly PUFs could gather.

  • Dot

    Boring shoes, boring dress. Zzzz.

  • snarkykitten

    He looks way more enthused to be there than she does

  • he is on my irrational hate list.  he just seems like a douche to me.

  • barbarienne

    What the hell is happening on the back of that dress? “Oh, shit, we need to hold this together. Do we have any buttons? Only weird plastic things in unmatching, gigantic sizes? They’ll have to do. Now hand me that bailing wire and those shoelaces. Hold still, honey, and we’ll see if we can get this to stay closed…somehow.”

    If you can’t tell, I am far less offended by the black hole than I am by the presence of things that will prevent the wearer from ever sitting on anything more confining than a backless stool.

    As for Mr. Renner: he has managed to wear ill-fitting suits so many times, it’s a great pleasure to see him in this. Dude has a great body, and it deserves to be dressed in something that fits.

    Not loving his hair. I get why he does it, but he soooo looks like a politician in these shots.

    • 4JJ

      A friend of mine is also of German-Irish descent, and has that same fine, straight hair. Deadly to style. He used to slick it back like that, then he kept it short and let the front flop down in a sort of early Hugh Grant (though it lacked the thickness and body of Hugh’s hair). In fact, he tried about a dozen styles and his hair always looked bad. I believe it is impossible-to-style hair, especially in traditional men’s cuts.

    • formerlyAnon

       Your first paragraph is the entertainment highlight of my day, so far.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    That dress is pretty heinous in general, black hole or no black hole. This is not working for her.

    He is Craiging it up, but he looks more like he’s about to start singing showtunes.

  • bluefish

    Black hole between her thighs, sucking all life into its orbit made me laugh.  You gentlemen phrased it with more wit.  Funny stuff.  He looks like he channeling 1960s Tony Curtis here.  Not a bad thing.  I love cufflinks too.

  • kirkyo

    The dress looks freaking fabulous on the model, however. But maybe credit to the model and her awesome glasses + other accessories.

  • Erich Treeby

    Ma’am, your vagina’s event horizon is showing…

  • Stubenville

    No love for RuPaul, TLo? Or just backed up with other stuff…

  • conniemd

    The instant I liked at the picture, my eyes flew to the big black hole in the front of the dress. it’s so eye-catching in the worst possible way. I’d love to ask the fabric designer why leave a big hole in the middle of the design.

    And as for cuff links. i love them. My hubby wears mostly cuffed shirts with suits and it allows for some pretty cool accessorizing with different stones. Bought him a nice pair out of red murano glass in Venice.

  • kathrineb

    This look ages her.

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    He looks very good.  That dress on her just looks crazy; the print is just so terrible, it ruins what could have been an otherwise lovely look.

    And although I do miss your “Walking Dead” recap, we totally understand!  Sometimes you just have to give up zombies for beauty!

  • I would say the Hansel can’t keep his hands off Gretel. Her body language looks like she’s tolerating him touching her–either that or she is very red carpet uncomfortable.

  • Gretel just looks very vapid and vacant to me…

  • littlemissstrange

    I love you T Lo. You guys work so hard. And even when you’re tired as shit you still make us laugh with black hole vagina jokes. GET ON OVER HERE *bear hug*

  • Frank Lithium

    What’s wrong with some sibling PDA? Cute couple, dressed decently.

  • Prudentia

    DAMN! I missed you on Derek and Romaine! It’s my drive-home radio show and today I left early. Sigh. Hope you had a great time.

  • Susan Collier

    What a bizarre looking dude. He should be in morning news or something.

  • That hem length is almost as awful as her movie looks.

  • fursa_saida

    I LOVE cufflinks because I used to do up my dad’s for him when I was a kid. 

    I think if you shortened it and fixed whatever the hell is going on in the back of the dress, it could be all right. Hair up might be better for it as well. As it is, though…no.

  • a seven???? you gave that a seven?? you MUST be exhausted darlings… shower, drinks, refresh. Then relook at the black hole?

  • guest2visits

    Eeesh… apparently the model’s cool shades are what’s needed to make this sort of dated print work.  The back looks like it might
    be better looking than the front – not hard to do with that weird vortex.
    He looks good; darker suits are his friend.