Pairs Division: Biel and Timberlake in Tom Ford

Posted on February 19, 2013

We were kind of hilariously cranky trying to put this post together. They’re celebrities, wearing designer clothing, attending a London fashion show, so you’d think this was right up our alley, but we find them both so irritating that all we can do is utter our disgust and/or annoyance. “GOD, they get on my nerves.”

It’s coming out of left field, because we never had particularly strong feelings about them before (which is to say, negative ones, but we weren’t making a crusade out of it or anything), but something about these pictures is causing our right hands to involuntarily rise up, the urge to slap so strong in us that we can’t even control our limbs; like something out of Poe, if he wrote about fashion and celebrity bloggers, which, let’s face it; he should have.

So let’s get to it, shall we?


Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake attend the Tom Ford Fall 2013 in London.

Tom Ford Spring 2013 Collection/Model: Juliet Ingleby

SHE: Is serving up Agent 99 realness, which means that, for once, the booms are actually working in her favor a little bit. Okay, no. Not really. Them booms is INSANE. The dress, on the other hand, is sharp and sexy, with a slightly harder edge than she normally works. We like it on her. The shoes are an okay choice, but don’t quite elevate the look the way a really kickass pair could. We’d be inclined to score this fairly high, grading it against her normal boring RC choices, but we simply can’t get behind any look that’s topped off with that Sarah-Palin-on-steroids hair of hers. Whoever keeps advising her that this is a good look needs to be deported. Also: the look is calling for some jewelry.  Score: 5/10. And that’s mostly dress.

HE: Is so nakedly attention-seeking that we find it almost blinding. If he and Lea Michele ever, God forbid, became a couple, it would be like a celebrity supernova of narcissism. Having gotten the insults and bitchery out of the way, we’re forced to admit that we find nothing objectionable here and he actually looks pretty good. Score: 8.75/10. He’s wearing a suit that fits him well. Let’s not act like he cured syphilis or something.

Combined score: 6.875/10. They’re awful.


[Photo Credit: Getty]

    • WendyD

      I hate her hair SO MUCH. Who thought bangs that are too long but start in a weird point at the top of her head were a good idea?!

      I like Justin just fine, but he does look crazy in these photos.

      But not as crazy as HER BANGS. 


      • gabbilevy

         Seriously, the CRAZY EYES are a new edition to the JT oeuvre.

        • lamamu

           Those crazy eyes of his reek of, “I love marriage. I really, really love being married. Can’t you see? CAN’T YOU SEE HOW HAPPY I AM BECAUSE I REALLY, REALLY LOVE BEING MARRIED TO THIS WOMAN! CAN”T YOU SEE HOW DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY I AM?”

        • RebeccaKW

          Just the thumbnail picture had me thinking “WTF is up with crazy-eyes?” Then I get the full post, and it’s every picture.  Is it a cry for help?

          • Kristin McNamara

            I once heard that if you can see the whites of your eyes from over top your irises…. something is seriously wrong with your face.

            Okay, so maybe she second half of the sentence that I heard wasn’t that, exactly, but the moral is: that is NOT a good face to be making if you are not actively trying to convey surprise or horror at that moment.

            • poggi

               Or trying to pretend you are sober when you are not. 

        • Katie Agnew

          Perhaps he is overcompensating for his wife. She has a hard time keeping her eyes open with all that hair in them.

        • Le_Sigh

           Right???  Its seriously freaking me out. 

      • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

        Yeah, the top of her head looks like a Hershey’s Kiss. 

      • kikisayshi

         Agreed on all accounts.

    • deltabronze

      What’s with his eyes? Did he have something done?

      • Carly Warnock

        they’re very bright and open. hmm.

      • cooperalden

        You’re right.  They have gone all Liberace.

        • Lisa_Cop

          Botox done wrong, I think.

      • JasmineAM

        “Do we look like happy newlyweds?! Look perkier goddamnit! SMILE!!! Look like we actually like each other!”

      • jack mackenna


    • Andrew Schroeder

      Do they even warrant a post?

    • Sara Brams-Miller

      Wrinkled pants!!!  WRINKLED PANTS!!!!  

    • aeb1986

      I’ll always be a JT fan (even with the crazy eyes he’s sporting here) but I think everyone can agree that is NOT her hair. To be such a gorgeous woman and ruin it with her style choices. Just unfortunate.

    • Sobaika

      Something about JT’s crazy eyes says he to run away to Nova Scotia. He is practically channeling Britney.

    • capybara_cafe

      That is NOT a skirt for sitting down in. I can’t look away from the wrinkles in the pleather. Also, I am so done with these window pane check suits. The suit fits him well, but it’s unattractive, and the shirt underneath is even worse. Blech. 

    • Ashleigh Boutelle

      Geez you guys! ;) 

    • Roosevelt 85

      I LOATHE Justin Timberlake.



      GO AWAY!

    • rkdgal

      Straightening his hair was the only good thing he’s done since SNL. It looks SO much better on him than the brillo pad that god gave him.

      • Carly Warnock

        this is simply an amazing comment. brillo pad. hahahahahaha.

      • Darva Sutra

         Agree wholeheartedly with your comment on his hair.  He looks so much better this way it’s not even funny.

      • sojourneryouth

         Now if he would only do something about the neck pubes.  Cuz….gross!

      • lovelyivy

         Yup. Buzzfeed keeps posting pictures of him during the Nsync era and his hair is just OVERWHELMINGLY awful. Bleached, dry, over-gooped brillo pad.

        • algaechick

          Brillo pad/Dry Ramen block hybrid.
          (I dunno what happened to him-somewhere after NSnyc and before ^this^, I used to find him hot.)

    • Annabelle Archer

      She has a serious case of, what do they call it, dick mouth?  Is that right?  
      He has crazy eyes and I stopped counting at three different kinds of checks going on. 
      But the though of him with Little Miss Of Course 2012 sent me into a fit of giggles.  

      • Michelle Le

        DICK MOUTH

      • Sara Munoz Munoz

        I believe they call it “DSL”. An ex used to say that. I won’t elaborate, but it’s not too hard to figure out.

    • throwaneyeonthis

      I like Jessica’s look but find it ages her.  Not only her but the model as well.  Might just be the styling for both but no way would you think of this as a look for a 20 something.  She is definitely falling into the Hollywood Wife category.  As for Justin, did he have some work done (besides straightening his hair)?  A little botox maybe?  Disconcerting to see at his age.

      • lovelyivy

         i was thinking it was super political wife. This outfit is pure Cindy McCain.

    • Carla_Charlton

      Laughing and agreeing

    • jennyv

      I just can’t accept his newly straightened hair. It seems so vain and ridiculous and he looks like such a giant dork.

      • stubbornthoughts

        Absolutely agree. He looks like Ryan Seacrest. I just can’t. JT should just always shave his hair off, all the time.

    • throwaneyeonthis

      I just looked at the pictures again.  I think Justin has new veneers.  

    • uprightcitizen

      Not sure what I’m missing here about the narcissism. He’s not doing any bizarre posing (Lea Michelle). He’s standing there having his picture taken with his wife, smiling, in some nice clothes. What’s he supposed to do differently?

      Methinks your dislike is definitely irrational. You have only to watch him host SNL to know that he’s bright, talented, and has a great sense of humor (especially about himself). As to her bangs, she has a high hairline and a big forehead. I’d bet anything that, like all of us, she has an outsized perception of it as a flaw and has cultivated a hairstyle that endeavors to cover up that acreage. A mistake? Sure, but not one deserving such vitriol. Seriously, guys!

      • Tom and Lorenzo

         Lighten up.

        • Tom Shea

          Because “They’re awful” is light comedy. WAAAH.

          • Tom and Lorenzo

            Well, yeah. Lighten up.

          • Tom and Lorenzo

            Well… I certainly thought it was hilarious.

            Lighten up.

      • JasmineAM

        She could always do side bangs, which in my opinion would look so much better than these blunt bangs. Rihanna has a huge forehead/high hairline (she’s made fun of it herself) and she never lets it stop her from doing whatever the fuck she wants with her hair.

      • Carly Warnock

        her forehead isn’t big though! her face and bone structure are gorgeous.

      • Sara L.

        Yeah, I kept thinking, as I scrolled down, “He’s just standing there. Am I missing something?”

      • algaechick

        Irrational statements and vitriol are one of the (many) reasons I regularly visit this site.

    • IMNAngryLiberal

      Maybe she has a third eye in the middle of her forehead and she has to wear bangs to cover it up.  (I know that sounds wacky, but no wackier than that she maybe thinks that hairstyle looks good on her.)

    • lizlemonglasses

      She: Manages to look pretty bad, consistently, and it’s shocking for someone blessed with so much natural hotness. He: Is just as shocked by this as the rest of us!

    • Rand Ortega

      I can’t. Just. Can’t.
      He looks meth high.

    • libraangel

      You two are making me laugh so hard that I am spitting in my coffee! Stop it you guys! (BTW, I agree)

    • Monday1900

      I love you TLo!

      “If he and Lea Michele ever, God forbid, became a couple, it would be like a celebrity supernova of narcissism”  God forbid indeed!

      • Rand Ortega

         I firmly believe putting that out into the ether, even whispering such a horrifying sentiment, could bring about the apocalypse.

    • aahlife

      It appears that Mr. Timberlake has had a bit of not terribly successful eye work. Originally, his eyes upper lid skin drooped next to his lash line with a normal sized eye opening.  Now he constantly is looking surprised and/or excited. 

      • formerlyAnon

         Is that what it is? I was perplexed. Maybe it’ll sag back into normality, eventually.

    • Vivi N

      Such a boring couple. Goodness.

      • MilaXX

        Wish they would sashay away with Viviene Pinay & Honey. They are just a boring.

    • JasmineAM

      I love JT, but Biel is just so…blah? Bland? Does she still act or something? I don’t even think I’ve heard her speak before.

      • MilaXX

         she’s appeared in tv & movies, but I don’t think the poor girl an at her way out of a paper bag.

      • Tonia Smith

        I’ve never understood her appeal.

    • cooperalden

      They have the combined sex appeal of Donny and Marie…There doesn’t seem to be anything going on there!

    • Janet B

      Her outfit is too mature and her hair is for a little girl. 2/10
      He looks a bit rumpled and his beard is silly. 6/10

      They both look as if they are tired of smiling for the cameras.

    • KateShouldBeWorking

      Today is a test-paint-samples day, meaning I’m literally more engaged by drying paint than I am by Biel.

    • Tatiana Luján

      He looks like he is on meth. Her hair is awful and her makeup makes her look like a wax figure.
      Nevertheless, she deserves a better score, that suit is kickass!

    • Deitra S.

      Justin Timberlake is very surprised to see you, TLo.

    • Imasewsure

      Gotta offer up some weak defense here… I have no emotional reaction to either of them…. they both look good (not great but good) and even with the booms I’d give her a 7.0 or so…. better shoes would have brought that up considerably… I have many many others ahead of these two….:)

    • Tracy Walker

      Dear lord, he’s got a raging case of the crazy eyes. I didn’t even see the suit.

    • MilaXX

      I like her dress but I think it’s a bit aging for her. It feels like something a 40something would wear, not s 20something. Also her hair continues to suck.
      He just comes across as slimey even dressed in a very nice suit.

    • OrigamiRose

      She’s a beautiful woman, yet she continually ends up looking twenty years older than she is.  I don’t understand it.

      Editing to clarify: Twenty years older is not a negative, I didn’t mean that. But she just looks… old-bad. No one at her age should look old-bad. And yet she always does. I don’t have the words for it, and I apologize if anyone took this to mean something else.

      • MilaXX

         Looking at the model pick I just realized that’s not her dress. That’s Julianne Moore’s. Send it to her shoes and all & it totally works.

        • OrigamiRose


    • NC_Meg

      She looks ridiculous and he has a serious case of crazy eyes.

      I still refuse to believe they are a real couple, let alone husband and wife. 

    • 3boysful

      I kinda love the top of her dress, but what’s with the shiny panel on the skirt–is it a shiny center panel?  Is it swooping to the side?  Does not compute.

      Bangs, bangs go away.

    • formerlyAnon

      I’d bump her up to 7/10 because I don’t hate her hair. Don’t love, but it’s been so much worse. I do have severe reservations about her makeup palette, though. I’ll let his numbers stand because I really like the suit, but WHAT’S WITH HIS EYES??

      I’ve seen him a million times, it’s not like you could have avoided it over the last 10 years or so and I’ve never wondered why his eyes were OPEN SO WIDE.

      Edited for spelling error.

    • schadenfreudelicious

      Crazy eyes and bad bangs…

      • Rand Ortega

         Sounds like a new pop duo– Sonny & Cher, Captain & Tenille, Tegan & Sara, Crazy Eyes & Bad Bangs.

    • f_yeah_marie

      I cannot stand her, she’s one of those celebs who aren’t good for anything except being fodder for mockery, at least in my opinion.  I actually had wanted to see that Hitchcock film until I found out she was in it :|

    • Nikki Jeffries

      Stop HATING on my boy JT!  I completely don’t agree that he is an attention-whore on the level of Lea Michele.  He always comes off as funny and cool to me.  Everyone gets a different vibe, I guess.

      • formerlyAnon

        I like his appearances on Fallon. That and SNL is the only time I’ve seen him in years, I think.

    • d4divine

      I agree on all counts. I would really like to know why he consistently looks better than her. What is up with that?

    • Candigirl1968

      The dress needs to be hemmed a few inches.  Below the knee is not a good length for her. 
      Like Kelly’s purple/grey hair, I suspect that no amount of hating is going to make those bangs go away…

    • stubbornthoughts

      This is my new ultimate favorite T Lo post. I share your sentiments exactly, and the fashion ones here, too.

    • joancarol

      He’s got crazy eyes.

    • elemspbee

      gold: “Let’s not act like he cured syphilis or something.”

    • The Versatile Chef

      Is he high?  I mean, seriously.  Look at them eyes.

    • AuntieAnonny

      I am getting such strong “We’re just like Will and Kate!” vibes from this. I don’t even dislike them, but these photos are bugging me.

    • d4divine

      All jokes aside, I think his eyes look that way because he was caught slightly off guard and he overcompensated by bugging his eyes out..which is unfortunate.

    • mjude


    • Sam Smith

      He looks like he is on drugs of some sort, what’s up with his eyes in every photo?

    • PrunellaV

      God, would it kill her to color up those lips a little?

      • Gabriella M

        Apparently she is allergic to lipcolor. Maybe she’s worried it’s all made of carmine. 
        I’m kidding, of course. I really doubt J. Biel knows what carmine is made of. 

    • Zippypie

      Has he just snorted a line or has someone stuck a rod up his bum?  She….I just can’t.  Slap away, boys.  Slap away!

      • Gabriella M

        Haha finger up his butt was my first thought too. 

    • E. D.

      Her hair is crazy.  Those bangs need to be totally recut to avoid the triangle.

      He looks OK aside from the tweaked-out look on his face.  That shirt/pocket square combo doesn’t quite work.

    • leave_Blake_alone

      You’re being too hard on them. We all know her hair is ridiculous, but I think it actually is working, a little, with this look. I’d give her a solid 7. He gets a 9.

    • ChaCha_70

      Enough about JT and JB, that Tom Ford model is serving it! Striking! 10/10.

    • david


    • Belvane

      I’ve actually grown to like him quite a bit. He’s got a sense of humor about himself which is very attractive. He dresses like he enjoys clothes. Gotta love a man with a pocket square. (She needs more lip color, though.)

    • Pants_are_a_must

      His current incarnation makes me want to repeatedly slap him in the face. Her goddamn booms are infuriating and I’m sick and tired of her face.

      They can both just fuck off.

      The dress is nice, though.

      • harlowish

        Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • LauraWL

      This WAS a Tom Ford show where they wore Tom Ford clothes, so maybe there was a whiff of distaste rubbing off from that? I think they good although she could have used some jewelry. And I feel her about the bangs, if your hair isn’t very full on top you have to have you bangs starting WAY back on your head to get any volume. Or, you know, just don’t cut bangs. :-)

    • MinAgain

      The skirt seems a tad long on her, and he looks like someone goosed him right before the picture was taken.

    • prettybigkitty

      Justin looks more than a little crackety.  Just sayin.

    • Isana Leshchinskaya

      what  are booms?

      • Sara__B

         Really long full bangs.

        • Isana Leshchinskaya

           oh! ok! thanks :)

        • libraangel

          I thought you meant her sagging bosoms

    • CallMeJane

      My first thought when I see them is that they are trying so hard – I guess trying to be top tier, A-listers.  Then I start wondering what it takes to be an A-lister because surely he has achieved it.  Or maybe there are some people who, regardless of their achievement, just won’t be let into the club. I think that’s the case with them. Watching them continually come up short is getting uncomfortable.

    • lrhg

      “If he and Lea Michele ever, God forbid, became a couple, it would be like a celebrity supernova of narcissism.” 
      Oh my gawd, can you imagine? Let’s not give them any ideas…

    • GhostOfMisterPamuk

      Pretty sure J. Biel is the most boring human alive. 

    • Nonmercisansfacon

      Whenever I feel an undecurrent of JT hate rising in me (because he can be annoying), I immediately go to my  “D*ck in a box” and “Motherlover” clips and it calms me. Anyone who can satirizes bad 90s R&B and pop boy’s bands like this must be ok underneath it all (unless it was all Samberg’s!). 

    • ccm800

      isnt it a little early for Timberdouche to get an eye lift or is he just that tweeked?

    • Anathema_Device

      Oh dear god, did he get mega botox like Kidman? He is doing that insane “smile with the eyes” because the brows won’t move. Or maybe he just downed 3 Red Bulls?

      I like the dress on her a lot. Haaaaaaaaate the hair with the burning passion of a 1,000 suns.

    • Michelle

      Definitely don’t see the narcissism you guys are detecting from Timberlake. I’m neutral about the guy and I really can’t see what it is about these pics that are so rage-inducing. Love the plaid pattern though. I will always applaud a plaid suit. 

    • MissMariRose

      I’m going to ignore the point of this post and focus on the fact that I have just discovered my newest crush. Juliet Ingleby! Come let me love you, you superfierce bitch, you!

    • Anniebet

      Those eyes are giggle inducing. His suit is sweet, though. The checked pocket thingy is twee. 

      Now lets tear her apart? Nah, too much trouble. I’ve detested those bangs and that huge, toothy mouth for so long I don’t even care anymore.

    • Trisha26

      Her booms are insane, his eyes are insane, hate her dress, it looks cheap & too big, love, love, love his look.

    • peachy

      awful though they may be, i LOVE how they both look. Fantastico~

    • Jecca2244

      Are her bangs real or are they clip ons? 

    • oldbobbydraper

      she just always looks terrible, i’m sorry. i don’t know what she’s had done to her face, but it’s fairly tragic.

    • Sarah Caponigro

      Did he get botox around his eyes?

      • n a


      • formerlyAnon

        I have decided that I hope so. Most other possible explanations are worse.

    • kaycem

      what is he doing with his expression / crazy eyes in these pics…?

    •!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      To be fair, if my wife had that wicked case of pointyhead I’d probably have crazy eyes from trying not to fall down laughing. 

      (Ok, who am I kidding?  Kids, learn to moderate your substance intake before making public appearances.  Oy.)

    • Kayley Maybe

      After a bad day, I totally needed this.

    • n a

      Ugh… Media whores.

    • Gabriella M

      WHAT IS THAT FACE, JT? Did someone stick a finger up your butt right when your picture was taken? Were you surprised that you liked it?
      We bitter kittens aren’t surprised. 

    • PeaceBang

      I applaud your hostile disdain because it makes me laugh. I am very upset with myself for thinking that Timbertweak’s outfit is super cute. Good Lord with that face, though. I can only spare a passing glance at her booms before I myself also fly into a rage. 

    • silaria

      You guys feel about Timberlake the way I feel about Taylor Swift.

    • SewingSiren

      Wax works. Both of them. 

    • quiltrx

      I have the unnatural, unbelievable hatred for these two also. I hated them separately, and now the total of my hatred is more than the sum of the parts.

      And you are GIVING THIS BITTER KITTEN LIFE with a Poe reference!!!

    • Sara Munoz Munoz

      God I love you guys.

    • Sara Munoz Munoz

      They are just so pleased with themselves, aren’t they?

    • Antonia O’Connor Donnelly

      I am so over her bangs, the end.

    • another_laura

      BWAH!  Late to the game, but thanks, T Lo, luv ya for the giggles, smooch!

    • boweryboy

      Justin looks like he did a bump in the bathroom before he stepped in front of the camera. 

      And I just can’t with her. I just can’t.

    • decormaven

      “Let’s not act like he cured syphilis or something.” Nope, but his crazy eye is giving me the itch.

    • Vera

      I’m not feeling her hair, and she could use some bling, but overall, this is one of her better looks.  He looks good as well. I’ll give them a combined 8.5.

    • GorgeousThings

      SHE: looks good

      HE: looks like he just snorted a quarter ounce of cocaine.

    • Cathy S

      I love that dress but it’s so dark in the pictures I can’t see how it really looks like on her. He looks okay.

    • mmc2315

      My eyes zoomed right past crazy face to that LOVELY window pane suit.  GORGEOUS suit!  

    • AZU403

      Low-cut jacket with nothing on underneath = DON’T.

    • Danielle Lisle


    • nannypoo

      Sorry, but I like him. And it looks like he brushed the white powder off his lapels when he left the bathroom so it’s all good. There’s no proof.

    • jack mackenna

      I have a big 14-year-old-girl crush on JT. sorry.

      he looks like he’s tweaking though.

    • marlie

      I would have given her an 8 for the dress (I love it, and the shoes too), but those 2 points off are definitely for the hair. He looks great, but I have no idea what’s the deal with the crazy-eyes. 

    • Susan Crawford

      A Study in Self-Absorption. Of course.

    • m0r0

      I think she looks fab and LOVE the hair on her. It finally makes the thick fringe look good. But if all you see is Sarah Palin then you are blinded by dislike.

    • Alyssa

      They are both on my irrational (actually, reasonably rational) hate list. Can’t stand either of them. Her bangs are dreadful, and while JT has a nice suit on, his crazy facial expressions are too much for me.

    • Shawn EH

      It’s that they’re married now. It’s a whole Mr. and Mrs. Smith thing. What was questionable apart is insufferable together.

    • valerie saenz

       They look so tense. Both of them. Unnerving.

    • Jessica Charlotte Siewierkiewi

      The Imp of the Peverse must have come out yet again. And I agree, if Poe could write bitchy, scathing reviews about books, I can only imagine what delightful words he would bestow on fashion (mistakes). 

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      I don’t think either of them look THAT great.  The clothes don’t really fit either of them that well.  And those bangs are way too heavy on her.

    • GTrain

      Not feeling his crazy eyes. Never feeling her at all.

    • glennethph

      This is like Katie Holmes, without the Scientology to save her from. Only the cult of the God of Douches, JT.