Oscars 2013 Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on February 25, 2013

All right, people. Here’s everyone we didn’t get to. We’re exhausted, so they’re only going to get the quick n’ dirty, drive-by assessment. We almost feel bad about that but hey, if they’d worn something really impressive, they wouldn’t have wound up stuck in this rundown, now would they?

Hit it, also-rans!

 

 

Amanda Seyfried in Alexander McQueen

It’s not fair to saddle her with all the blame for the hundreds of thousands of washed-out dresses last night, but we did kinda throw up our hands by the time she got out of her limo. It’s pretty enough, but we think she’s a gal who needs color.

 

 

Amy Adams in Oscar de la Renta

Nothing says “Academy Award Nominee” like a dress that looks like a dirty dust ruffle.

 

 

Catherine Zeta-Jones in Zuhair Murad

Mrs. Michael Douglas is NOT FOOLING AROUND, PEOPLE. SHE’S BACK – AND YOU WILL PAY ATTENTION TO HER.

 

 

Fan Bingbing in Marchesa

We loves ourselves some Bing Bing, but this is just a bit too “folded-napkin.” Pretty, though.

 

 

Helena Bonham Carter in Vivienne Westwood

We’ve seen better from you, Missie. Your hair’s a fright and your dress looks like a pile of laundry.

 

 

Helen Hunt in H&M

Helen Hunt, to Ryan Seacrest: “My dress is from H&M!”

Tom & Lorenzo, to Helen Hunt: “It looks it!”

 

 

Jacki Weaver in Rani Zakhem

Bless her heart. We have no idea what the poor dear was thinking.

 

 

Jane Fonda in Atelier Versace

Miss Fonda kindly requests that you eat it, bitches.

 

 

Jenna Dewan-Tatum in Rachel Roy

We give her a lot of credit for not going flowy right now, nor is she doing the “LOOK AT MY BUMP” thing. It’s an unusual choice for a preggo, but she looks pretty good.

 

 

Jennifer Hudson in Roberto Cavalli

We don’t love the matchy-but-not-quite shoe, but the dress is gorgeous.

 

 

Kelly Osbourne in Tony Ward Couture

This looks fine here, but it all got very sloppy very quickly on camera. When they ran out of celebrities to talk to (and by the way, what happened there?) and were seated at that giant E! conference table, she was all askew.

 

 

Kelly Rowland in Donna Karan Atelier

Could’ve done with a slightly more demure slit, but the dress is dramatic and gorgeous.  Jamie Foxx was certainly in awe. He practically drooled on her.

 

 

Kerry Washington in Miu Miu

Very, very pretty. Love the color. The bodice looks a bit stiff and heavy, though.

 

 

Kristen Stewart in Reem Acra

This is one of the worst formal outfits we’ve ever seen her in. It washes her out and it’s terribly unflattering to her shape.

 

 

Kristin Chenoweth in Tony Ward Couture

It’s a lot of dress, but it’s the Oscars, so you might as well go for it. We think she looks awesome.

 

 

Melissa McCarthy in David Meister

Worst of the night – by FAR. And it pains us to have to say so, because it really doesn’t have to be like this. This is a pinned, draped, voluminous nightmare in battleship gray – totally and utterly unflattering. The opposite of pretty. Melissa, whoever told you you were stuck dressing like this because of your size is an IDIOT.

 

 

Olivia Munn in Marchesa

She looks like a box of Valentine’s chocolates – which is not a bad thing at all. She looks great with some makeup on her; something we’re not used to seeing.

 

 

Queen Latifah in Badgley Mischka

Pretty much flawless.

 

 

Reese Witherspoon in Louis Vuitton

Pretty. A little stiff. We don’t love the cups or the titbow.

 

 

Salma Hayek in Alexander McQueen

It’s a crime to do that to those magnificent boobs.

 

 

Samantha Barks in Valentino

She kept it very simple, with just enough sex appeal. Seems like a funny thing to say about a gown plunging down to there, but it struck us as a classy way to go when you know you’ll be standing next to Anne Hathaway and Amanda Seyfried on stage.

 

 

Sandra Bullock in Elie Saab

It’s pretty, but we’ve seen her in this a dozen times.

 

 

Shirley Bassey

SEVENTY-SIX YEARS OLD, PEOPLE. Bow down.

 

 

Stacey Keibler in Naeem Khan

Stunning. One of the absolute best of the night.

 

 

Zoe Saldana in Alexis Mabille Couture

We think the top half gets a little too fussy and precious, but we love the bottom half and those layered hems.

 

Alright, kittens. We are OSCAR’D OUT. We’ll be back early in the a.m. with all the best and worst of the after-parties! Ciao, darlings! Daddy and Daddy have to go pass out now.

 

[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PR Photos, Getty]

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