Jennifer Lopez in Preen

Posted on February 15, 2013

We stared at these pictures for quite a while, our brains scrambling desperately to make sense of what we were seeing. After a time, we found ourselves voicing the same conclusion; the only conclusion one could make, really.


Jennifer Lopez attends the Topshop Topman LA Opening Party in Los Angeles in a Preen dress paired with Brian Atwood sandals.

Brian Atwood Colorblock Leopard-Print T-Strap Sandal

This bitch has LOST IT. We think we speak for all humanity when we say, “…the FUCK?”

Where is our supervillainess? Our Diva Magnifica? Our Drag Superstar? WHAT IS THIS MESS?

J Lo, we hate to do this to you, because what we are about to say will induce in you paroxysms of rage and accompanying mascara-streaked, vase-smashing, assistant-firing meltdowns, which will then give way to a bone-crushing despair that will open up the possibility of adopting the lifeplan of never getting out of bed again. Brace yourself.

You look like an eccentric 70-year old with too much money.


Everybody! RUN! She’s gonna blow!




[Photo Credit: Getty,]

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  • Alyssa (RPDR) must’ve learned how to give face from JLo, judging by these pictures.

  • You look like an eccentric 70-year old with too much money. <— who is about to sneeze, also. What is with the sneeze face she is giving here?

    • That’s “her” look. I watched her step and repeat at the Grammys, and she makes the exact same face at every little “X” of tape. 

      • MoHub

         I think she’s simply had her face pulled so taut, it’s permanently locked in that look.

      • kikisayshi

         I’m pretty sure that’s her sexyface (so she thinks anyway). I saw old RC pics of her (a la green plunging Versace Grammy dress) from 10+ years ago and she was giving all pretty smiles. I am so over the bitchface from all of these 35+ ladystars.

    • Vlasta Bubinka

      I was thinking 70 year old in a bad drag revue in the ’70s performing to either “Copacabana” or “Do You Like Pina Coladas?”  This character is Miss Kiki, and she hasn’t perfected the lip synch yet.

      • littlemac8

        I’m so happy now! I just had a great snorting laugh over Miss Kiki.  Her dream is to sing a duet with Barry Manilow!!  (Sotto voce: never to be realized…)

        • Vlasta Bubinka

          No, she won’t. Quel dommage. She’ll spend her days singing Bette and Babs into a tatty hairbrush.

    • CakesOnAPlane

      Girl is smizing so hard, I think she may have pulled a muscle.

    • LambeeBaby

       I think her sinuses were bothering her and she couldn’t mouth breathe.

  • BrooklynBomber

    You look like an eccentric 70-year old with too much money.


  • FrayedMachine

    Her face giving seems permanently stuck in confused/confuzzled but I guess I’d look like that, too, if I were wearing that.

  • Sobaika

    She looks totally cray cray right now.

    • oldbobbydraper

      i literally flinched upon setting eyes on her.

  • E. D.


  • Tatiana Luján

    Where did she get the idea that that face expression with her mouth open makes her look good? I couldn’t even focus on the mess of her clothes.

    • GorgeousThings

      She looks like a grouper fish with her mouth open like that.

      • Vlasta Bubinka

        didn’t there used to be a cartoon about a evil, self-centered grouper?

  • If there was ever a perfect time for a patented Michael Kors “disco ball explosion” comment, it would be now.

    • zbird17

      That’s a SNAKE skin disco ball explosion… even better.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Somewhere there are the flayed bodies of Burmese pythons rotting away, their skins used for this horror.

  • Jecca2244

    I like the dress by itself but the shoes are too complicated for the look and the collar clashes with the lipstick. 

  • Pants_are_a_must

    It says something, when JLo is covered from head to toe and it’s horrific. Wow. 

    And I never thought I’d see the day where a shoe would be too much for her.

    • MilaXX

       don’t you just imagine they go “Clump, clump” every time she takes a step?

      • Pants_are_a_must

        I’m imagining she actually had an assistant carry her everywhere in those shoes, a-la Wintour.

      • sojourneryouth

         Seriously!  Those are some Angry Shoes.  They are also Schizophrenic.  And Suffering from Leprosy.  They are some of the ugliest shoes I have ever seen, is what I’m saying.

    • 3boysful

       I was going to say that at least we have a star dressed for winter during the winter.

      But she needs to retreat to her spa/dressing room, have an elegant soak, and have her assistant buy up all of these photos.

  • Lori

    I realize that in the big scheme of the crazy she’s working here this is a small thing, but why is she wearing that lipstick? 

    • Isn’t that the exact shade 70 year olds with too much money in Miami wear? Pretty sure it is. 

  • DinaSews

    Sadly this woman refuses to grow old gracefully. Bucking the system jokes at the Grammys, giggling like a school girl when asked a question, dressing like a 20 year old (no explanation for THIS), and trying to put on a sexy face.  I much preferred her before her ‘comeback’. 

    • Sobaika

      Hmm. I have sort of the opposite reaction to her. I love that she looks this great after twins, has had the same Cavalli-by-way-of-the-Bronx aesthetic for years (the drag queen in me applauds), is a woman past a certain age (25) and past a certain size (2) and is unapologetic about it all. Basically everything you mention is a positive for me. I also still want to scream SELENASTAQUI!!! every time I see her face.

      I have no excuses for this outfit though. Bad bad bad.

      • MilaXX

         agree, I don’t mind when she’s rocking the diva look, but this is fug with no purpose.

      • RebeccaKW

         I’m with you on all points.

        (I love the shoes.  Not with this outfit, but they are right up my alley.)

      • DinaSews

        Don’t get me wrong, I love the DIVA look!  But there is ‘knowing it’ and ‘forcing it’ and I think she forces it.  To me it all screams fake instead of sexy.  She has a rockin bod for any age.

      • Sorry, anyone who has her money and resources (nannies, butlers, personal trainers and $$$) can look great after twins. I’m just saying. 

  • those shoes are strangely phenomenal. I need them in a “where-the-hell-would-I-ever-wear-these-glorious-things” kind of way.

    • Sobaika

      I LOVE THEM. Just not here on this getup.

      • LongTall_Sally

         Or with black tights, ever.

      • PeaceBang

        I love them too, but as furniture.

    • l_c_ann

      If your daughter wanted to marry a guy from a total snob family, you’d wear those shoes and that dress for the first (and probably last) meeting with his family.

      • thanks for describing every date I’ve ever been on 😉 ridiculous shoes for life!

    • Funkykatt

      I checked, they are on sale for only about $500.00.  Here is your big chance, just don’t eat for a month. 

      • judybrowni

        There’s a reason they’re on sale.

  • VicksieDo

    She must have srsly pissed off her team!  At least her stylist!! 

  • Jessica Rowe

    AGREE! Oh JNO.  No no no no no no no.

  • lilibetp

    This is just all kinds of wrong.  NOTHING is working here.

  • twocee

    All bow down to our new alien overlord.

  • LuisaNL

    oh, honey, no. just, no. dig the shoes tho. 

  • She looks like a drag queen who dresses up in drag for the very first time at the age of 58 and gets it all wrong so she is really, really sour about it.  btw what about that make up on her forehead? is this supposed to look like that?

    • I doubt the makeup line all across her hairline was intentional.  I’d bet someone’s about to get fired for that.

      • SassieCassy

        bad blending

  • Susan Collier

    Rccentric 70-year old with too much money… or a Kardashian. Same thing really.

    • Sobaika

      I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… Kim Kardashian would never.

      *hangs head in shame*

  • Deac82

    Wearing a solid black skin tight dress that fully covered her appendages?  Those shoes could have worked.

    Btw, everyone needs to check out Advanced Style to see how the truly awesome 70-year olds dress 🙂

  • Judy_J

    I am astounded… could she appear in public looking like that?

  • Does she not realize how ridiculous that “smolder” face (that she constantly makes) looks? Can Tyra give her some smizing lessons or something?

    • mhleta

      It’s so forced and phony. Does she think we’re all looking at her going, “Wow, she can barely contain her sexuality. She’s a lioness!”

  • Hey, it’s at least more interesting than all of that BEIGE we’ve been seeing.

  • BayTampaBay

    The pink lip stick clashes big time with orange neckline.

  • l_c_ann

    I could take some of the sparkly fabric and make it into something beautiful.

  • StellaZafella

    Clearly, she fired her gays and this is what they sent her in the mail…she wore it anyway, because she just doesn’t think anyone could hate her THIS MUCH!

  • It’s sort of Solid Gold Dancer goes to meetings.

    • Kayceed

      Hee! And you know she had a minion call to find out about the backdrop so she could coordinate.

  • Cloveradams

    That outfit, it has to be said, has everything: Squares (*textured* squares), stripes, florals, metallics, pumpkin trim, black trim, an elbow-patchy carryover from the front of the dress to the back, leopard (with turquoise piping), and bright orange. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen fabric (?) drape (?) quite like this – it looks like wrapping paper you’d use for a gift for Morticia Addams.

  • I think this is a case where you can have either the shoe or the outfit.  You can’t have both.

  • OrigamiRose

    Maybe this was Caspar’s once a month “you get to dress me” challenge.

  • MilaXX

    THAT. IS. AWFUL! Hate the in head hair, wtf wearing a pink lip with those colors. If there ever was a look calling out for a nude lip, this is it. I’m so-so on the dress, but not on board with pairing it with tights. And then we get to the true needle scratch,…. the shoes.
    I CAN NOT with this look. 

    •  I think she’s cruising for stress alopecia scraping her hair back like that. Her hairline looks not quite right.

  • schadenfreudelicious

    JLo, please close your mouth, the constant sexy time face is making me very uncomfortable…the outfit should be burned with fire but it appears to be flame retardant…

  • That lipstick is tragic and for some reason those shoes just scream Jersey shore to me. I can’t imagine anyone NOT from Jersey ever wearing those shoes. Awful. And I know you weren’t asking, but this is an OUT from me.

  • carpediva

    The absolute worst she has ever looked, FULL STOP.

    It might be the worst that anyone has ever looked.

  • AnnaleighBelle

    Can’t she breathe through her nose?  Her “fierce” face makes her look congested.

    The dress is hiddy and unflattering, the shoes are an insult to the sighted, and, as Cintra Wilson once said, J-Lo is j-l’Over.

  • VeryClaire

    The only ugly things in this look, from the top: the hair, the lipstick, the dress, the jewelry, the shoes.

    The good things: um, her tights and her nails?

  • That shit cray.

  • formerlyAnon

    Are we CERTAIN that her boyfriend didn’t design that dress? I  mean, I know it is attributed to Preen, but there’s no other reason I can think of to wear it. Much less in public, in which to be photographed.

    “You look like an eccentric 70-year old with too much money” AND a surprisingly youthful command of high-heeled platforms.

    •  Maybe Preen’s a low talker? This certainly looks like a puffy shirt incident.

  • kschwarting

    How many disco balls had to die to make that dress?

  • decormaven

    “Everybody! RUN! She’s gonna blow!”… and metallic glitter will fly everywhere. 
    Is there a shot of this design from the back? It defies description.

  • butter nut

    that face!  it’s the same stupid, slack-jawed, “smizing” shit she does every time there’s a camera pointed at her.  can we please start making fun of people who serve too much face?

    • Dot

      Her face looks so fucking stupid, I can can barely look at photos of her. What part of that expression does she think looks good? She looks like she smelled a fart.

    • I think the absolute worst part is that she looks absolutely stunning when she smiles/laughs.  The smizing is just ridiculous. 

  • I like that the dress pattern matches the carpet, was that planned?  

    The dress is okay if paired with different shoes, a different lipstick color, up a size and different hair.  

  • I could only come up with “…the fuck?” myself. And if she doesn’t stop it with that damn face she makes…I am at a loss for words with this one…except that no one thinks she is as cool as she is. It will be the death of her popularity. 

  • GorgeousThings

    Did you ever see the movie “Robots”? She looks like Robin Williams’ character in the dance sequence at the end.

  • unbornfawn

    “You look like an eccentric 70-year old with too much money.”  Exactly! I might have to add a pissed off one. What’s with the bitch face all the time?

    • Sara__B

       The Fug Girls have a photo of her SMILING in this outfit! (No teeth are showing, but it’s still a smile.) Amazing.

  • Annabelle Archer

    “…the only conclusion one could make, really.” As I scrolled down all I kept thinking is “She has lost her damn mind.”  Glad to see we are in agreement. This one could take the Fug Madness title this year, she is a contender for sure!

  • alyce1213

    Preheat oven to 350.  Bake for 1 hr.

  • afabulous50

    I saw these pictures earlier and I KNEW you were going to show this!!  BRAVO!!  She looks like a hot mess!

  • jw_ny

     wow…that is some seriously bad taste! 

  • mhleta

    It’s crazy, but I kind of like the shoes! They’re wonderfully drag. The dress is definitely Long Island wife of a plastic surgeon out for lunch at Le Cirque. 

  • She’s gonna go full Sunset Boulevard one day. 

  • margaret meyers

    Head to toe Fashion Victim.  Nothing here is working. Including her Bitch Face.

  • I think this zoomed right by THE FUCK and landed smack in the middle of DA FUQ??

    • Annabelle Archer

      It’s true.  She’s too crazy for proper English at this point. 

  • janierainie

    I was thinking the same thing she has LOST it!!

  • She looks fat in that dress and those nails are downright scary!

    • OrigamiRose

      It’s a testament to just how cray cray this look is that for once, I didn’t notice the nails.

  • Stubenville

    Where’s Kors with a disco comment when you need him?

  • Alexandra Simons

    Hola lovers! I am now certifiably bat-shit cra-cray. That is all.

  • kaycem

    like an outfit that an eccentric 70 year-old might wear, i like all the pieces individually (those shoes are cray, but i still love them) but NOT together.  and black tights?  it *almost* would’ve been semi-okay if the tights hadn’t come into play.  

    no, i lie: the pink lipstick, every piece of jewelry, the nails / nail color … all of that PLUS the tights need to poof-be-gone to make this an almost semi-okay look.

  • B_C_J

    Gorgeous woman in a heinous dress wearing heinous shoes.

  • A.

    I think the shoes or pretty cute, but when you pair it with that dress it all just reads way too much.

  • ConnieBV

    “You look like an eccentric 70-year old with too much money.” Yep, JLo from the neck up, Betsey Johnson from the neck down.

  • Tamara Hogan


  • UglyTalents

    I hope to someday be an eccentric 70-year-old with too much money! Also, I’m sorry but I kind of love the shoes. Just not with that mylar-balloon dress. 

  • plinkiedoodle

    As much as I love you, Jlo my dear, our favorite gay uncles are right…

  • MzzPants

    It’s high time she received her own category and judging criteria on this blog.  She certainly defies all other standards.

  • Those shoes are godawful, and I really hate the severe bun that she always resorts to. Also, the color of her lipstick is making my eye twitch – it’s too much of a non-complimentary contrast to the fugliness that she’s wearing. 

  • editrixie

    The terrible dress, the tights, the awful shoes, the horrible hair and landed-fish face…I have the vapors.

  • Martha Deutsch

    Who decided that that facial expression a person makes right before a sneeze was hot or flattering? 

  • snarkykitten

    I can hear our Orange Dutchess crowing: she looks like a disco ball!!

  • patticake1601

    I just can’t get past the fact that she matches the background letters. The whole outfit is fug.

  • Dagney

    I love this.  I would wear that entire outfit.  

  • Alyssa

    Poor JLo must being going through a crisis of sorts right now to even consider leaving her house (or hotel, or whatever!) like this. This is not the diva we’ve come to know & expect!

  • wawawah

    Wrong, wrong, wrong! 

  • J. Preposterice

    all I can think is “Tron”.

  • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

    buffalo bill from silence of the lambs has gone into fashion, and he made JLO an outfit out of fergie.

  • Modern Granny out for a Disco Night.

  • GTrain

    i love it when exceptionally vain people look a hot damn mess.

    • NYCGlamourpuss

      It really is amazing – it makes my day!

  • fauxhawk

    Dammit, when will she ever close her mouth? It’s driving me crazy! She’s so gorgeous but I can’t take that pose anymore…

  • Random detail, but seriously: is it possible for a shade of lipstick to clash any harder with its surroundings?

  • nannypoo

    And again with that face. You don’t look fierce, Honey. You look dim.

  • Scarlet39

    She has got to stop making those faces.  It’s not sultry,  It’s not sexy.  It’s stupid.

  • Melizmatic

    Gurl… NO.

  • RocknRollmom

    And one should never dress bat-crap crazy if it is going to make you look fat!!  And then …those nails?!   With that lip color?  The mind boggles.

  • Call me Bee

    It was not so bad…till I got to the shoes.  They just put her in crazy country. 

  • peachy

    has she taken up residence at Grey Gardens? good lord.

  • demidaemon

    That’s a lot of look.

  • Hideous from head to toe. 

  • NYCGlamourpuss

    I love when you put up posts where we get to make fun of JLo.  LOVE them.   They’re more fun than knowing that there’ll be an “Of course!” at the end of every Lea Michele post!

    And this?  She looks like a 70 year old TV dinner!

  • Lilithcat

    We think we speak for all humanity when we say, “…the FUCK?”

    My reaction exactly.

  • kikisayshi

    Tacky-ass mess!

  • a) Love the shoes, I’ll be honest. b) Why does her photo face look like she’s about to sneeze?

  • Fire everyone, but keep the shoes.

  • samo_samo

    I kinda like the shoes a lot…but absolutely not with that disco ball of a dress. 

  • unbornfawn

    Wait a minute, didn’t I see those shoes in Tron?

  • quiltrx

    I hate her version of ‘giving face’.  She always looks like someone just called her a cunt or something.  Maybe they did.

  • My exact reaction was: “Dude. What. Dude. What. Dude. What. Dude. What. No no no no no no no no no no no no no.”

  • kathrineb

    That is one hell of an ugly dress.

  • harlowish

    Thank you, gentlemen, for posting so many pictures of her in this outfit.  Scrolling down was the best laugh I’ve had all day.

  • What a sad woman.

  • It’s like she won the hiddy matching contest. 

  • PeaceBang

    I knew this would happen. I’ve been saying for a year that chica needs a serious vacation. This is a cry for help. Also, why does she have to stand like a centaur? 

  • My reaction to this was “of course”. And that she needs to close her mouth. 

  • She got dressed in the dark.

  • ccm800

    add to list of shit about this one that annoys me to no end: mouth breather. SHOT THE HOLE

  • AllegraS

    Am I the only one who gets Spiderman’s web when looking at that thing she is wearing? Why on heaven’s name anyone would do that not only to herself but to those who may have the misfortune of seeing… that…thing. And those shoes are someone’s revenge against all women. Or maybe who ever committed that crime against good taste – leave aside “design” – should be forced to wear them in New York crossing the street against the light. 

    • joancarol


      • AllegraS

        Yes! I completely forgot about Tron but that too.

  • Jennifer Coleman

    All she needs is giant, black horned-rimmed glasses.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    What is the world coming to when a diva falls so far?  Run, run for your lives!

  • Anniebet

    Can’t. Stop. Giggling.

  • WHY DOES SHE KEEP DOING THAT TIGHT BUN HAIRSTYLE?? It looks AWFUL. Who is she listening to??

  • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

    Ah TLo, you’re psychic! Although the phrase that escaped from my lips was, “What the BLOODY FUCK????”

  • Valerie Jones

    Wilhelmina Slater, 2040!

  • She’s currently being styled by R and M. They are doing her so wrong.

  • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

    That lipstick is wrong.  It makes my eyes spontaneously tear up.

  • libraangel

    Thank you for all the laughs you give me, T&L. What can I say? Where can I start? Explosion in the disco? I don’t know. And what is up with the tight hair lately: instant Botox?

  • bd73

    she’s not a diva: she is disco itself. (she lost a bet or let her children pick that out.)

  • fkwrhgerg fwgwegf

    i jack off to her everynight