amfAR 2013 Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on February 07, 2013

Darlings, a whole bunch of celebs got dolled up for a really good cause. Let’s judge them anyway!



Ashley Greene in Giambattista Valli

 Pretty. Love the belt.



Chloe Sevigny in Proenza Schouler

 Batshit crazy. No time for an alternate personality assessment, but we’re willing to go out on a limb and say that, whoever she is right now, we’re pretty sure she’s a slutty secretary in an ’80s law firm.


Chrissy Teigen

 Not earth-shattering, but pretty enough.



Emilia Clarke in Zac by Zac Posen

 Do not like the gigantic hip bow at all, but those colors look amazing on her.


Jenna Elfman

 Girl, that’s not your color or your shape. It’s an interesting dress, but it sort of hangs off her lower half and the color washes her out a little. A contrasting belt and a bangle would’ve gone a long way.


Katharine MacPhee

 It looks a little bit like something a nurse would wear during WWI, but we think she’s pulling it off. She looks great.



Lindsay Lohan in Theia

 Sixty-seven years YOUNG, ladies and gentlemen.



Patricia Clarkson

 Great color and great accessorizing, but it’s sitting a bit low on her.



Sandra Lee

 She is a special, sparkly goddess. Is this tacky? Perhaps, but we can never really get mad at the woman who introduced the concept of the tablescape to the world.



Sarah Jessica Parker in Maison Martin Margiela Couture

 Father Sarah will be saying Mass following the party.


[Photo Credit: Getty]

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  • Eva_baby

    Ok, SJP looks like she ran through someone’s clothesline, got tangled in their stuff,  and just kept going until she ended up at the red carpet.

    • Sobaika

      It’s too bad because I think she would look quite good (okay, at least better) without the black and white… thing.

      • Whollyholeyholy

        Like she just got caught in a satin sheet?

        • SassieCassy

          yeah like that is her aesthetic

    • Rand Ortega

       & drank a bottle of tequila before, during & after doing it.

      • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

        TIL i am SJP’s fashion and lifestyle muse.

    • megohd

      It looks a little like a snake.

  • Sobaika

    Khaleesi looks super different off-set.

    • I’ll say!  I didn’t even recognize her until i saw your comment.  She might be one of those people meant to be a blonde!!!

      • SassieCassy

        naww i like her as a brunette. she does look different in other ways though. she looks a lot slimmer and less muscular. less like Middle Earth Xena

        •  I read somewhere that she wears wigs for the show. 

          • Sobaika

            She does. Her wigs and Lena Headey’s are supposedly the most expensive props on set.

          • Jecca2244

             Those are some amazing wigs.

        • Middle Earth Xena, amazing!

      • Same here!

    • Whoa, THAT’S who that is?

  • PastryGoddess

    What happened to Jenna Elfmans feet?

    Patricia Clarkson should wear that color All.The.Time

    SJP = WTF

    • Girl_With_a_Pearl

      Agreed, especially about Patricia Clarkson.  I think she looks fabulous and the best dressed of the lot, although there isn’t much competition.

    • misstressofsylar

      Tammy 1 is looking mighty fine. Take that, Ronald Ulysses Swanson!

  • Lindsay …. Bless her heart.

    • Why is Lindsay even there? She’s hardly relevant other than for TMZ fodder. And Lord does she look OLD!

      • Isn’t AmFAR Liz Taylor’s charity?  Maybe that’s the (awfully tenuous) connection?

        • littlemac8

          OMG – that’s just hysterical!  Poor Liz has already done somersaults in her grave!

    • WhiteOprah

      Seriously.  It takes talent to make such an expensive dress look so cheap.  And those gross shoes!  I just can’t.  

    •  I am pretty sure that picture of Lindsey appears next to the definition of “hot mess” in the dictionary.

  • Long live Chloe and the 1001 personalities

    • Coco Cornejo

      Am I the only one who is getting a Robert Downey Jr in drag vibe off of her?

      • YoungSally

        Maybe she IS Robert Downey Jr in drag…..or rather one of her personalities is.

    •  In which 999 of the personalities are some version of “slutty secretary” or “gender confused teen”

  • mjude

    tlo said “Sixty-seven years YOUNG, ladies and gentlemen.”  LMFAO!

  • Frank_821

    My god! all I can think is poor Lindsay Lohan. she does look 67-after plastic surgery. 

  • joancarol

    Lindsey looks like she has fleas.

    • Lilak

      😀  !!!!!

  • erinbinek

    Chloe looks fine…from the neck down.  And as far as Lindsay goes, I just can’t figure out why she keeps getting invited to these events.  She looks like she needs a good rest and a lot of water.

  • Janet B

    Poor Chloe, she looks like she can’t stand up and is leaning against the backdrop.

  • MoHub

    SJP can go straight to bed in that.

  • Hm. Pat Clarkson looks younger and fresher than the Lohan.

  • Annabelle Archer

    I am at a loss for words.  Is it me or does everyone look pretty much…terrible?  I could go on a snark rant about vagina dresses, wackadoodle hair, and velvet dresses held up by ELASTIC for gods sake, but I will refrain.  Even Chloe has let me down because she doesn’t look nearly crazy *enough*.  

    •  Other than Pat Clarkson, I totally agree with you. What is this sad charity? I could pull a dress and heels OUT OF MY OWN, CURRENT CLOSET, do my own hair and makeup, and look better than most of these women. Except Pat Clarkson.

      • Annabelle Archer

        Fair enough, la Clarkson is not terrible, but she could use a good hoisting.  That’s a lovely color but the dress itself is not doing her bust line any favors.  

  • I’m afraid that even with a kickass belt and bangle, Elfman’s hair keeps that dress rooted in Twee-est Tea Party territory.

    Does Lohan get all of her red carpet looks from the AVN Awards second hand shop? I shudder to think of how much dry cleaning those need when she gets them. Or finishes wearing them.

  • kimmeister

    Jenna, that’s not your hair either.  Well, at least not for a few decades, at which point you’ll be the cutest grandma in town.

    • I’ve noticed lately that Jenna seems to be getting styled (and *maybe* botoxed?) into a Stepford mold, perhaps because of her new sitcom. Her pose is definitely stiff and uncomfortable, so that doesn’t help. Whatever is happening, it’s NOT flattering.

  • pahtyplatta

    “…we’re pretty sure she’s a slutty secretary in an ’80s law firm”

    So basically her character from American Psycho.  Is it just me or do Ashley Greene’s boobs look cross-eyed?

    • filmcricket

      Yes. She looks like a super-hero whose name is Boobs Akimbo. It also looks like that dress is cutting her head off from the rest of her body, and there appears to be a stain on the skirt. Her face looks amazing though.

      • I think that might be my new stripper name. BOOBS AKIMBO! I like it!

      • editrixie

        Oh! Someone else saw the stain! I thought maybe it was my monitor, but it looks like one major spot, and then a subtler one or two underneath that.

        Boobs Akimbo. I’m dying.

  • Lilithcat

    Lindsay Lohan is half Patricia Clarkson’s age, and looks older.  That is just sad.

    And, frankly, Clarkson is the only one here whose dress looks halfway decent.

  • lamireille

    At first I didn’t see the name over Lindsay Lohan’s picture, so when you wrote “sixty-seven years young” I thought “Wow! Who is that–she looks amazing!”

    Now I’m just sad. Why doesn’t someone intervene?

    • MilaXX

       who? Are parents are crazy and her friends enable.

      • Well, the bitter kittens could kidnap her, bathe her, feed her and help her get clean…but I don’t think that would go over well. And that’s too bad.

  • golden_valley

    Sandra Lee’s gown looked like something designed for Dolly Parton. 

    • MoHub

       Except that Dolly recognizes tackiness and takes pride in it. She herself has said, “It takes a lot of money to look this cheap.”

      Sandra Lee, on the other hand, really is tacky.

      • RebeccaKW

         I actually love the dress (I’m a Dolly at heart), but agree-I wish she’d gone all the way.  Big rings on every finger, sparkly bangles.  Bright red nails and lips.  Own it.

        • MoHub

           The problem with Sandra Lee is that she doesn’t know she’s tacky; she just is.

  • kolokOlchik

    Wow, Lindsay looks HIGH!

    • mhleta

      Ya think?!

  • MilaXX

    Ashley looks pretty, but are those water stains on her dress?
    That bow nearly ruins Emilia’s look.
    Jenna’s look makes her look  60.
    McPhee looks like she’s doing a stage production of Florence Nightingale.
    Lilo is just a bloated mess. How does she manage to look better going to court than on the RC?
    I still haven’t forgiven Sandra Lee for that awful Kwanza cake.
    SJP looks like she was smoking peyote in the dessert with Jim Morrison.

    Why are so many lady stars trying to make white happen on the RC? So few of them actually succeed.

    • Annabelle Archer

      And now I must google “Sandra Lee Kwanza cake” because while I have no idea what the story is, I assume it is hilarious.

      • Look at me, I’m Sandra Lee
        Lousy at things cu-lin-‘ry
        Really can’t bake so I make Kwanzaa cake
        It’s fake! I’m Sandra Lee!

      • MilaXX

        I’m sure it’s on youtube. Then after that google the story of the cookbook writer who created it for her. That’s hilarious.

      • MoHub

         You also need to see her Chanukah cake. And the King Cake she made from refrigerated biscuit dough.

        • Billie_Dawn

           The best thing about the Chanukah cake was that it wasn’t even kosher. Now, I know that not all Jewish people keep kosher, but really, wouldn’t you want to at least take that into consideration?

          • MoHub

             At least she didn’t try to flog it for Passover.

    • In_Stitches

       “now just fill the middle with cold apple pie filling and decorate with corn nuts!” 

  • I think Sandra Lee looks incredible…and I love how you called her a special sparkly goddess!! 

  • Oh dear Lord, I thought SJP was Mary Kate Olsen in the first half second I saw the picture…

  • In_Stitches

    Clarke and Clarkson clock in at #2 and #1 respectively for me in their very vibrant, flattering colored gowns.  Rounding out the top 3 is…Chloe Sevigny?!  It’s a great print with interesting design details.  The slit is too much, I hate the booties (but then again, I hate all booties (even the ridiculous, childish name)) and her hair is pretty terrible, but at least she’s making a statement and it isn’t slutty.  

  • BrooklynBomber

    I like what SJP is wearing, except for the thingies hanging in the front. I know, I’m the only one.

    • Sobaika

      Nope, I’m with you. I just can’t tell what that thing is. It looks like it’s hanging from the back too?

      • BrooklynBomber

        Oh, good. Yeah, I don’t know what those things are. They look like part of a halter, but it also looks as though there are shoulder straps. Very confusing. But I do like the dress itself, and the idea of it.

      • MilaXX

         it’s hanging from the back and looped around her wrist

        • Sobaika

          Wait, what. So there are three parts? The part on floor by her right hand, the part hanging on the front, and the part looped around her wrist?

          What the hell??

          • MilaXX

             exactly. I can usually get on board with her most out there looks, but this is too out there for me.

          • BrooklynBomber

            See I am fabulous dot com — scroll down, lower left, for more pictures.

        • BrooklynBomber

          There are pictures at because I am fabulous dot com that show the strappy thingies in all their glory. Lower left of the page (scroll down). It’s kind of cool.

          • MilaXX

             SJP is too tiny for this dress, although I can now see why she was attracted to it. On the model it’s kinda pretty. SJP looping it around her wrist and through a bracelet doesn’t help. Neither does the cocker spaniel hair.

    • crash1212

       You’re not the only one. I like it, too. It’s us against all the other PUF’s.

    • PeaceBang

      No, I kind of liked it, too.

  • What is it, exactly, about Lindsay’s appearance that causes her to read so old?  It’s so unpinpointable, and yet so VERY there.

    • mjude


      • ccinnc

         Rode hard and put up wet. There’s a word for that, I can’t think of it.

    • OrigamiRose


  • Rand Ortega

    Why am I only seeing Jenna Elfman’s head?
    Sandra Lee looks like the centerpiece on 1 of her tablescapes.
    SJP just looks ready to go home.
    Chloe Sevigny, LOL! Meet Megan (ME-gan). She’s heading to happy hour after a long day…
    Since “Smash” is inches from cancellation, Katherine McPhee is preparing for the touring production of the new musical version of “A Farewell To Arms”.
    Patricia Clarkson & Ashley Greene FTW.
    Poor Lindsay Lohan.

  • Lohan appears to have shopped at

  • eowyn_of_rohan

    The divine Patricia Clarkson always looks so triumphant when she poses for a step-and-repeat — as well she should!

  • mhleta

    This one did it for me: “Sixty-seven years YOUNG, ladies and gentlemen!” Thank you. 

  • BrooklynBomber

    Katherine McPhee’s dress looks more than a little like a WWI nurse’s uniform.

  • stubbornthoughts

    Oh, LINDSAY. She looks like the cracked out older sister of Za Za Gabor here.

    • emchicago

      zaza is looking realllllyyyyyy bad these days (I think she is missing a leg at this point) … even lindsay isn’t in that territory yet

  • mhleta

    Someone needs to teach Jenna Elfman how to pose. She looks like she’s been drying on a hook in someone’s basement for the past ten years. 

    • schadenfreudelicious

      LOL!! totally accurate description!

    • MilaXX

       like a broken doll

    • IAmJ

       Oh God, that was perfect. Made me laugh out loud.

  • Tatiana Luján

    I love Patricia Clarkson and it makes me glad to see her so radiant and cheerful. Gorgeous, smart, wonderful woman.

    • mhleta

      I agree. She takes the prize by a mile here. 

  • MissMariRose

    Sandra Lee looks like one of the Real Housewives. 

    • MoHub

       In a way, Sandra Lee was the original Real Housewife.

  • Its amazing when you see Lindsey and then Patricia next. Patricia looks stunning and younger than Lindsey. I think Chrissy’s dress is pretty bad, that braid thing running down the middle of her legs is very strange. 

  • pattyw

    What is Jenna Elman wearing on her feet?

    • mhleta

      I know! At first glance I thought Chloe Sevigny had chopped them off!

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Patricia Clarkson all the way, bitches.

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    Ashley Greene – FTW.
    Chloe Sevigny “slutty secretary in an ’80s law firm”– SNORT!
    Chrissy Teigen went to a spa and wore the robe to the party.
    Emilia Clarke – hate the bow, hate the color, just hate it.
    Jenna Elfman just back from her audition as Sally in “You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown”.
    Katharine MacPhee – It doesn’t get more boring than this.  And those shoes look painful!
    Lindsay Lohan – who knew Bumble the Abominable Snowmonster had a twin sister?
    Patricia Clarkson – you’re right the dress is too low, but I love her work so much, I can’t criticize her.
    Sandra Lee – a sausage rolled in glitter.
    Sarah Jessica Parker – getting ready for her starring role in “Maude – The Musical”.

    • BrooklynBomber

      Sally in ‘You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown’ — perfect!

    • In_Stitches

       Bahahaha, ‘a sausage rolled in glitter’ is definitely something Sandra Lee would make.  ‘These glitter sausages are a great addition to the tablescape for your daughter’s princess/german beerhall fusion party.  Fun for the kids AND the adults.’

  • AwesomeMargie

    Father Sarah!

  • lrober03

    Patricia Clarkson was my favorite.  Loved the accessories, and the color was amazing.  It was a bit low, but it wasn’t showing monstrous cleavage, so I’m okay with that

  • Elfman looks like a Stepford Wife. And Lilo, good LORD, I slept on my curls and didn’t groom them properly today, so I am sporting what I like to think of as the “shabby chic” look in my hair today, but that is some serious “I slept on these extensions and NEVER BRUSHED THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE” hair.

  • halleyg

    UGH to the white dresses! I’m so over this trend!

    Father Sarah, LOL!

  • Patricia Clarkson wins this round, hands down. And I hate the draperies that SJP’s wearing, but LiLo comes out on the bottom by a mile. I wish someone would tell her to hang it up.

  • teensmom99

    Very sad to see LiLo–I always thought her mother was trying to look like her, but now she looks like she’s trying to be her mother.  I actually love SJP’s look–it might help that I’m not Catholic so I have fewer associations.  And I thought WWI nurse for McPhee and am grateful to TLo for pointing out that you can look like a WWI nurse AND look fantastic.

  • 4JJ

    Lindsay Lohan is almost scarier dressed up than when she’s got her usual accessories of tank top, flipflops and cigarette.

  • Tatiana Luján

    Ashley Greene’s belt makes her look like an elf with boobs. An elf in the good sense of the word.

  • alyce1213

    Chloe looks like she got assaulted on her way there.
    and . . . Lindsay Lohan in one post!!!
    An embarrassment of riches, fellas.  Thanks.

  • LilyPad

    Lindsay made me sad. I have to go Google “sleepy puppies” now

  • Barbara Woodruff

    I’m pretty sure that Sandra Lee is still New York Governor Andrew Cuomo’s girlfriend. There’s considerable talk that he might have aspirations to the White House. Just think, Sandy could be the FLOTUS! Now there’s a scary thought.

    Also scary – the juxtaposition between Lindsay Lohan and Patricia Clark. If LiLo makes to her 40’s, I doubt she’ll look as good.

    • Barbara Woodruff

      Sorry, this was supposed to be an independent comment, not a contribution to the discussion of wigs on GoT. 

  • I’m surprised I like McPhee’s as much as I do–especially since what sold it for me was the WWII reference. Huh.

    Aside from the shoes, I’m actually pretty impressed with Lohan, although I’m getting this bizarre “Charo” vibe off of her lately.

  • E. D.

    Patricia Clarkson looked the best out of these options.

    • l_c_ann

      Patricia’s Mom has been a fixture, often elected to the City Council in New Orleans.  Patricia could dial it back a bit; the topless doesn’t flatter her and more of that blue next to her hair would be better than skin.  Now that Patricia is the age when her Mom first entered big time politics, aging gracefully happens easily inthat family, if she will make a slight effort.

  • DTLAFamilies

    Worst lighting on a red carpet ever. They all look like they should be sitting in a paper gown at the doctor’s office. 

    • margaret meyers

      But no amount of bad lighting can defeat the robustly healthy glow of Sandra Lee!

  • Anathema_Device

    Much much wincing while reading this post. Now I need Botox and a shot of bourbon.

  • Sandra Lee looks like she is wearing the long version of Uli’s Christmas ornament dress, which would actually be pretty appropriate for Our Lady of the Tablescapes.

  • Judy_J

    Father Sarah….love it!  Chloe looks like she’s ready to take on Arnie Becker in next week’s episode of L. A. Law.  And Lindsay Lohan just makes me sad.  What a waste. 

  • YoungSally

    Chloe is still channelling PIA the swiss mime performance artist….PIA is currently doing research for her adaptation of Designing Women 

  • suzq

    How is it that Sandra Lee looks younger than Lindsay Lohan?

    • carolynmo

      Oh, I was thinking the same thing!

  • Ouch. It’s late in the day, so maybe I’m just tired, but do all these ladies look extraordinarily tired to the rest of you? Did they have to trek a couple blocks to this event? What happened? It looks like they swapped their normal RC selves with their personal pictures of Dorian Grey.

    I can kind of see what attracted SJP to this dress, but I can’t look at it without thinking she was attacked by a giant boa constrictor.

    Ashley Greene looks like she’s my age and she’s young enough to be my daughter. And LiLo looks older than my mom. Patricia looks gorgeous in comparison.

    Sad … its’ just sad.

  • OK, it’s official.  I feel really sorry for Lindsay fucking Lohan.  She’s not even 30.  Damn.

  • I have never seen an uglier, less flattering, more poorly fitted group of dresses in my life.  Was there a contest that we don’t know about?  It is a sad day, when I must commend Sandra Lee, and only Sandra Lee, on having a dress that fits and doesn’t drag the floor like a Snuggie.

  • margaret meyers

    Lilo was not having a good day, was she?  Puffy faced, disheveled and teetering is no way to have your photo taken.  How long did she stay upright?

  • Presumptuous Insect

    Emilia Clarke, what. the .fuck. have. you. done.

  • PeaceBang

    I don’t know who Chrissy Teigen is, but I think you fellas went awfully easy on her.

  • MissAmynae

    Lindsay got lost on the way to the AVN awards.

    I love SJP’s look! It’s oddly beautiful, reminds me of vintage Halston or Norma Kamali.  Hair and makeup are lovely.

  • Call me Bee

    Chloe kinda looks like a guy I used to work for–same haircut, different dress. 
    SJP has gone off the deep end with this frock. 
    Jenna Elfman is wasting away!  That dress does nothing for her slight (skinny, really) frame. 

    I disagree about Sandra Lee indroducing tablescaping–Martha Stewart did it earlier and better.  Not tacky though.  Lots of ladystars have that dress.

  • calimon

    SJP is wearing the red carpet.

  • e jerry powell

    Seriously.  SJP needs a big satin cross sewed on to it, and she’s good to go. She could even rock a censer as an evening bag.

  • Deedles

    Does Ms.Teigan realize she is dressed like a feminine protection item?

  • pookiesmom

    Patricia Clarkson looks AMAZING. Full stop.

  • Lohan is a wreck. Sad to see.

    Kat McPhee looks great. Unusual cut on that dress, and I like it. 

  • bd73

    mcphee’s dress is the perfect cut for her build. that big-shouldered lana turner look. elfman looks like a paper doll. clarkson looks amazing. as good as she did in “cairo time.”

  • PaulaBerman

    Did not recognize Emilia Clarke… she looks different.

  • barbarienne

    I think Sandra Lee’s dress walks up to the edge of tacky, laughs, and says, “Yeah, I’m gonna stay right here on this line.” I think she looks great.

    Also, I can’t get mad at the woman who pressured her boyfriend into getting the NYS legislature to vote for marriage equality. She can make all the awful semi-homemade food she wants. I will say nothing.

  • Imasewsure

    Tee hee… Father Sarah… snort… love it (the comments not the outfit which is head to toe awful)

  • Frank Lithium

    Ms. Greene is serving up classical Greek goddess realness here, I approve.

  • Anniebet

    Ms. Sevigny gives me the giggle-fits half the time I see her on the red carpet – this one’s worthy of sh*ts and fits. Chin up she looks like a sulky, disgruntled 15 yr. old boy waiting in the principal’s office (can’t say neck up, cause she has none).  

    Ms. Clarke should rip that big brown bow off and clobber Mr. Posen over the head with it.

    Too bad Ms. Greene stopped on the way to the event for a snack and dropped grease on her already wrinkled skirt.

    Ms. Clarkson is divine, dahlings.

    And dammit, I LIKE Fr. Sarah’s dress. Hides a whole passel of sins.

  • notdorothygale

    You had me at “Father Sarah”. There was an episode of SATC where Carrie, after partying all night, was photographed for a magazine article about singles in NY. This photo is unfortunately reminiscent of the “rode hard and put away wet” cover shot. Fr. Parker needs to cut that hair. It drags her face down and harkens back to her mutton-dressed-as-lamb fashion choices.

  • jw_ny

    I quite like SJP’s look…it’s so her boho style and has interesting fabrics/patterns. 


    Lindsey Lohan = YIKES!

  • mom2ab

    SJP looks haggard and raggedy- that scarf vestment thingy is tied to her wrist- I mean come ON!!!

  • LILO. poor girl.

  • At first I thought Chrissy Teigen was wearing a footed onesie pajama


    Why is Ms. McPhee wearing Joans Collins old dress from Dynasty? And poor Lindsay, that really is just tragic….

  • kathrineb

    Lindsay Lohan is really tragic looking. I know I’m stating the obvious…
    It’s just every time I see her making a public appearance I feel pain. The horrendous plastic surgery, the bad style choices, it’s all so sad.