RuPaul’s Drag Race: Curtain Up, Claws Out

Posted on January 29, 2013

YAY! It’s back!

 

And y’know? It was honestly such a good opening episode that it caught us off guard just a little, proving (to us, at least) that RPDR has not yet surrendered to the been-there-done-that-ism of Project Runway. There’s still some life in the old girl.

 

Now, we cannot even begin to keep any of the names straight, let alone matching the drag personae with the boyfaces, but this felt like a fresh, fun, high-drama set of queens. Very little resting on pretty or glamour with these girls; so far, at least. For now, there are a TON of characters on display and every queen is selling herself like she’s got an expiration date.

 

Near-naked men with enormous bulges are always welcome too, of course.

 

Genius.

We are, on some level, surprised that it took them until the fifth season to insert a random musical number for no apparent reason. We’re hoping next week they all do something equally as random like ice-skating and lip synch.

 

Poise. Pose.

 

Perfection.

Okay, we’ve got a LOT of ground to cover, so let’s roll up our sleeves and get to it, ladies.

 

Jade Jolie

Enh. S’alright. She gets the prize, though, for being the absolute fishiest queen the show’s ever seen, to the point where it’s just a little eerie. The very mannered laugh got annoying VERY quickly, though.

 

Roxxxy Andrews

 Just okay But Roxxxy’s fun.

 

Detox

 Winner – and we can’t argue with that. It helped that the dress was so visually interesting, but she really made the most of it.

 

Serena ChaCha

 Funny, but unintentionally so. This was all Mike Ruiz’s work.

 

Alyssa Edwards

Just okay. GIRL IS A HOT FUCKING MESS, THOUGH. My GOD, is that one queen who needs to switch to decaf. We have only a bare-bones understanding of what lies behind her epic feud with Coco, but the obvious playing to the camera that both of them are engaging in leads us to treat the whole thing like the soap opera it clearly is. Strap yourselves in, because these two ladies are going to play this thing to the HILT.

 

Jinkx Monsoon

 Not great – but she’s definitely one of the more colorful queens in the lineup. The narcolepsy thing is hilarious, even if we take it with a huge grain of salt.

 

 

Penny Tration

 Oh, girl She just had “cannon fodder” written all over her. Not because she’s a big girl, but because she just didn’t have much style. This is seen-it-done-it drag. We couldn’t help thinking that Ru thought so right from the beginning. There was a slight feel of looking down her nose.

 

Vivienne Pinay

 Fabulous picture – and we love Vivienne’s attitude – but she needs to step up her look.

 

 

Honey Mahogany

 We kinda thought this was awful and found her irritating.

 

Ivy Winters

 Just okay.

 

Monica Beverly Hillz

 Pretty bad.

 

Lineysha Sparx

 For being this year’s Glamour Girl, this is a pretty poor effort.

 

Coco Montrese

 Pretty good. She and Alyssa could go either way; entertaining or tiresome. We’ll see. Expect a forced teamup at some point.

 

Moving on…

Congrats to Roxxy! We thought this was well-deserved. Girl clearly loves the water in her basement and she loves to show it off. She’s good with the bitchy confessional stuff too.

 

A little bit too wacky, but not a bad effort.

 

We thought the dress looked Adult Video Awards and the hair and makeup were terribly harsh.

 

Pretty, if lacking in personality.

 

She’s giving face, and we’ll give her credit for putting together quite a look, but she could’ve used some editing.

 

Lorenzo loved this, but Tom agreed with the judges. It’s not that it’s over the top; it’s that it’s over the top with no theme or reason behind it. It’s just … stuff.

 

She’s got the skills and the look, but she seriously needs to calm down. That is not good face-giving.

 

Old-fashioned and cheap-looking. A sad effort.

 

This is so fucking insane that we kind of love it. She picked a theme and she worked the shit out of it.

 

REALLY needs to step it the hell up. She’s very pretty, but this is dull.

 

It’s not the most original look in the world, but it’s striking as hell and she sold the shit out of it. Which is good, because her piss-poor non-effort in the photo shoot challenge had Ru looking at her sideways.

 

Sure, it’s kind of drag-tacky, but it’s an impressive effort considering she made it out of trash. Like we said, she’s this year’s Glamour Girl. The pretty one who everyone else is going to hate.

 

Cheap. Harsh makeup.

 

Bitch needs to GET THE HELL OVER HERSELF. We so wanted her to go home just for her pretentiousness and attitude. Also for the weird fucking dress.

 

But when she and Penny went through the lip synch, it was obvious who wanted it more. Penny just kind of folded up, giving a listless and half-assed performance.

 

It’s a shame. We didn’t think she was bad, she just didn’t bring it like you need to when 13 other vicious queens are competing against you.

 

[Stills: tomandlorenzo.com]

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