Jessica Simpson in Dolce&Gabbana on Jay Leno

Posted on January 16, 2013

A cartoon version of Jessica Simpson sat down with Jay Leno, you guys. It’s amazing what they can do with special effects these days.

 

Jessica Simpson makes an appearance on ‘The Tonight Show With Jay Leno’ in a Dolce&Gabbana dress paired with Casadei shoes.

Not to be inarticulate, but the dress is whatever. She’s J Simp. She’s pregs. It’s all part of the image. But sweet motherfuck-all, what is going on with that hair? There’s honky-tonk, and then there’s just plain old trailer park. That’s a kitchen sink dye job right there. And worse, it’s horribly aging.

Look, we’re all for the country-girl schtick and the big Texas hair. It suits her. But there’s a fun, sassy way to do that, and then there’s what she’s got here: ’80s televangelist wife hair. Freshen that shit up, girl. It’s 2013.

 

[Photo Credit: NBC]

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  • Judy_J

    My first thought when I saw these photos was that if they do another biopic on Jayne Mansfield, Jessica was born to play the part.

    • call_me_schmeg

      THIS!!!!

    • http://dorothydamage.wordpress.com/ Dorothy Damage

       You are so right, she would be perfect for the role.

    • http://robot-heart.tumblr.com heartbot

      That is exactly what I was thinking!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=509434130 Michelle Le

      if that doesn’t work out then she can play Coco, Ice-T’s wife. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=717694656 Luisa Vervoorn

        Or Anna Nicole Smith.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=805505 Steph Foster

           YES!!! She’s got ANS DOWN!

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    I literally do not understand how it is possible to subject hair to that much bleach and not have it snap off.  Tell me that’s a wig.  Please?

    • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

       well, she does have her own range of fake hair, so I assumed this was that.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Cleary/1201575213 Patrick Cleary

       Yeah, that hair is mostly extensions.

      • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

        Yup, the sausage curl layers scream extensions, but near her scalp it looks – well, real isn’t quite the word I’m looking for…

      • Knightley

        Definitely extensions or she’s wearing something from her wig line. 

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1241487378 Lauren Lynch Fox

          I always assume when you see actresses/models/reality tv people with long blond hair like that, that it has to be extensions. Natural hair could not withstand that much bleach and grow so long. It is way too goofy blonde.  Also, what is with these women being pregnant in the skin tight get ups? Being pregnant is a natural thing. There are lovely clothes that can make you look beautiful, no matter what your size. I am tired of seeing people in the entertainment industry having pregnant women looking like this. It does not present them as strong, it almost mocks them.

    • jenno1013

      Serious wig question here.  I saw “Good Hair,” Chris Rock’s documentary about the culture surrounding African-American hair (great film by the way), and in that it was explained that most of the hair for A-A weaves is sourced from India, where Hindus periodically undergo a head-shaving ritual.  Is that also the source for lighter-colored extensions/wigs?  I’m wondering if you can bleach that hair one time and it will stay intact, unlike “growing” hair where every root touch-up inevitably reaches previously-bleached hair, weakening it.  Anyone know who originally grew Jessica’s hair? 

      • sweetlilvoice

        I read about this industry once and I believe that the Indian hair can be dyed into many different colors. If I’m wrong, someone please correct me. I found it a little unsettling that the hair is used for this purpose but it is a ritual to cut it. Better than tossing it out I guess. The article also said that when an Indian woman is seen with really short hair she is thought to be a very religious, good woman. Overall, pretty interesting. I’m going to see if my library has that documentary.

        • akprincess72

          It’s definitely worth a watch, I found it fascinating.  I’ll never look at processed hair the same way again.   

        • http://profiles.google.com/ameliaheartsu Amelia Logan

          I think the people see it as an offering. They know that the temples sell it.

      • http://profiles.google.com/ameliaheartsu Amelia Logan

        You can also buy natural blonde hair. The more rare a color is the more expensive it is. So Black or Brown hair is a lot cheaper than natural blonde hair is. Most of it does come from india but they still buy from all over the world.

  • MilaXX

    I think she’s wearing a half/partial wig. I can’t see a lace front at her hairline, but that is some pretty flammable looking hair.  She looks awful, but I guess she’s laughing all the way to the bank.

  • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

    Heavens to Murgatroyd, she’s got her Anna-Nicole on, doesn’t she?!

    • mshesterp

      That’s what I thought–straight up Anna Nicole…honey, throw some realism into your look.  It won’t kill ya.

    • http://twitter.com/Alloyjane Alloy Jane

      There ya go!  Was trying to think of who she looked like here and boy, does that look not suit her.  Yikes.

  • MilaXX

     it is

  • http://www.facebook.com/theAccidentalHousewife Leah Elzinga

     all I see is pageant hair.

  • MRC210

    That’s Ellie Mae Clampett’s hair.  And while I don’t usually get all “Pregnant ladies shouldn’t do that, pregnant ladies should do this”, if that is her hair and not a wig (or Ellie Mae Clampett’s), it seems over-processed for a pregnant lady.

    • Little_Olive

      Yes, very much. More than Anna Nicole, too, who was at least doing (trying) the whole new-Marilyn thing. 

      That is way too much animal print for that dye-job. Go one or the other, honey. Or maybe neither.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

      I always liked Ellie Mae Clampett. She was like a pin-up girl with a pet raccoon. I sort of wanted (still want?) to be her.

  • marilyn

    At least her roots aren’t showing.  She is starting to morph into Anna Nicole Smith.  Yikes.

  • StellaZafella

    As Dolly said to the queen who requested a song by another female country star: “Y’all got the wrong Blonde, darlin!”

    I’m seeing a bit of Deanna Doors, too…which is not meant as an insult.

  • MarTeaNi

    “Hmmmm, I wonder if this is too much boob for Leno?  I didn’t realize they’d gotten quite so…well maybe if I just bring my hair forward…YES!  Yes, their escape attempt is foiled.”

  • theblondette

    TBH her body right now looks like mine looks all the time without being pregnant, sooooo I like it XD 

  • decormaven

    Whoa, Nellybelle. That’s a lot of bod to fit in that bodice. 

    • kimmeister

      Each boob is literally bigger than her head.  That’s the part I thought was cartoony.

      • mshesterp

        Oh my God, you are correct.  I know she’s chesty and pregnant, but those are literal babyheads.

        • J. Preposterice

          I feel for her. I am also chesty, but oh my god, when I am knocked up, these goddamn things could take out Tokyo.

  • Imasewsure

    Wow a personal worst… pregnancy is no excuse for this

  • e jerry powell

    Because it can never be said enough:

     BARGAIN BIN ANNA NICOLE SMITH.  And I don’t care if she’s pregnant (which she is), this look is too tight for her girl parts.

    • AthenaJ

      I know, in the first pic her ladybits look like a vortex. Girl this is Not Your Dress x infinity.

      • e jerry powell

        Right?

  • Annabelle Archer

    Girl! That is not your hair.

    • AthenaJ

      Literally, I think!

      • Annabelle Archer

        exactly!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VW5XHSH45FBZ2ZEZJARYHILIZQ Leah

    Is she able to dye her hair right now? I mean…ammonium + bleach + baby? Not good, I think…

    • lindsmh

      Yeah, I thought dying your hair while pregnant was a big no-no. At least, that’s what Baby Mama taught me.

      • estella_nyc

        It is now thought that dying hair during pregnancy poses little risk to the fetus, but caution during the first trimester is still advised.  http://www.americanpregnancy.org/isitsafe/hairtreatments.html

  • alyce1213

    What the hell is she doing pregnant and maybe breast-feeding with that bleached head?
    The fumes are so bad. For the health of her babies, I’m hoping that it’s a wig and/or extensions.  

  • Susan Collier

    What does she do again?

  • Rand Ortega

    There’s so much twang in this look, country guitars around the world are melting from the reverb.

  • 3boysful

    Dress is too tight, and who besides some suburban grandma/cougar  (and I realize there are BKs who fall into that category, but I don’t think you’d opt for this outfit) wears full-on animal print?  That tight?  With hair a color not found in nature?  And black hooves?

    But bless her heart, the makeup looks nice.

  • trisker

    TLO you two are SO funny.  Laughing out loud at my computer from this description!  “plain old trailer park” is my fave.

  • sekushinonyanko

    It’s hard to look at this and not go “oh, so Hugh Hefner finally managed to knock up one of his girlfriends. Well good for them…”

  • ojosazules

    Anaconda dresses are a bad idea when heavy with child. Wrong impression somehow.

  • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

    I just can’t with that dress. And her hair is AWFUL. The icing on this tacky cake is the bubblegum pink lipstick/gloss.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/KBNJ6GJTXYEE6BON3WGK6KEGT4 Elizabeth

    So … a bit personal here. I’m pregnant, and just getting to that point where I need to get some bona fide maternity clothes (the horror). I discovered that Jessica Simpson has a line of maternity clothes (some of which are kind of cute). However, in reading the online reviews, most buyers complained that the clothes all fit tight in the bust and/or didn’t work at all for bustier moms-to-be. I find it odd that such a well endowed woman (I mean, sheesh) put out a line of maternity wear that only works for small busted women. Maybe she doesn’t wear her own designs?

    I’m all in favor of pregnant women still rocking cute fashion, heels, etc. Save us all from those horrible sack frocks (especially anything involving suspenders). But she looks pretty hoochie here. As most posters have noted, it’s probably the cheap looking hair. I dunno … I wish she would drop the sex pot act. She’s baking her second kid … time to mature a bit.

    • kimmeister

      Apparently she wants her wears to have their cups running over.

    • VeryClaire

      From this picture, it looks like she likes maternity wear that is too tight. That dress is not big enough for her bust or any other part of her. I would think you’d want to be a little more comfortable than this when pregnant (and when not). It’s not just the hair, tight leopard print with your boobs spilling out is always hoochie. 

  • margaret meyers

    This is her style — the big blonde hair, the boobs, the heels, the silliness.  It’s what she does. 
    I think she looks healthy and happy, and I think that dress was a great choice.  It is doing a lot of work for her.

  • CPK1

    Yikes! She is a pretty girl, great bones but she looks horrendous with that hair and the orange skin. Like a walking environmental disaster

  • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

    There’s no need for someone so rich to have a dress that fits so awful. Hair’s a bit much, but, oh well, of course, and her makeup looks great.  A mixed bag.

  • teensmom99

    I love it when TLo says what I was thinking except they are a whole lot cleverer.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ginny-Ellsworth/534496198 Ginny Ellsworth

    I think she got the wrong animal print. With hooves and udders, perhaps something in a nice black and white Holstein?

    • margaret meyers

      Kinda harsh.  That’s her body you’re mocking.

  • Pterodactyl111

    Those shoes are awful though.

  • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gabriella M

    That hair makes her look like Anna Nicole Smith, and that’s a pity. 

  • greymain

    amen.

  • VeryClaire

    Did she somehow manage to have camel toe in a dress?  I didn’t realize she is pregnant. Didn’t she just have a baby like last week?

  • j_anson

    I would pay money to see her get a role on True Blood. I believe that show NEEDS her.

    • ohayayay

      yes. yes. 1000 times yes.

  • guest2visits

    For me it’s not the hair.  It’s the Flintstones maternity dress. I must say she looks very pretty, especially sitting down; but please God
    women – if you’re pregnant; the dress is too tight if it’s clinging to your crotch for all it’s worth under the baby bump.

  • Trisha26

    Tacky is as tacky does.

  • SewingSiren

    She looks like Anna Nicole Smith from the neck up, and Divine from the neck down.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    I think it’s time to rethink the hair-color and style. This shade of blonde looks so flat;there’s no tonal variation that would give it more life and look more natural.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Murphy.J.Colin Colin Murphy

    No, the dress is not whatever. It is unacceptable for her to be wearing animal prints like this. EVERY time she does, her stomach unequivocally looks lopsided. 

  • quiltrx

    So, you don’t have to look like a pregnant stripper when you’re on TV, do you?  Because this is precisely what she looks like.  The dress is too tight and not flattering, and those boobs are mere threads away from a nip slip. 

    And I can’t even talk about the horror show on top of her head.

  • jw_ny

    Her hair is ridiculous…borderline cowardly lion.  I imagine at least 1/3 of it is fake…

    That dress…ack!  What an ugly, dull/lifeless print & color!  Those light colored patches on her thighs reminds me of those stupid jeans that have the bleached out thighs and butt.  The whole dress just looks way to tight and tacky. 

     

  • http://twitter.com/leasetegn Lea Setegn

    Is it just me, or does she look like Anna Nicole Smith????

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/DBSIHWVY4ECXGNXAXFXJMSCNIE Katrin

    Do I see Spanx???

  • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

    I don’t even think the ‘Dolly Mama’ herself would tolerate that fakey looking hair.

  • fiestyfashionfem

    Bless her heart – she’s trying so hard.  Sweetie – you must be tired.  That animal print is so sad.  You need some color in your life; but no more in your hair.

  • barbarienne

    Her hair is so fake it looks like a wig. I guess it could be bad artificial fiber extensions.

    The dress is killing me. That baby is going to come out squished. Jessie, we know you’re pregnant, but they do make maternity clothes in sizes much larger than you, I promise.

    • Candigirl1968

      She almost looks like she is having a Britney moment – brittle too blonde hair, heavy shoes, and dress that’s a size too small and as unflattering as it could be.  There were a lot of ways to go here, and she checked all the wrong boxes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=805505 Steph Foster

    Is it awful that I didn’t know she was pregnant and just thought she got fat?

  • bluefish

    Loni Anderson did all this much much better back in the day.

  • Vera L-

    She looks like Kyra Sedgwick’s meatier sister. The pattern on the dress is awful. If the pattern were better, I’d like it in a kitchy way. 

  • TRSTL

    I swear, I expect her to stand up and start belting out “Stand by your man” after the interview. Awful………

    • TRSTL

      Looking again (like a car wreck, I just had to…) I think if she had simply pulled all that hair back into a slek, big ponytail, this would have taken the look in a totally different direction and redeemed her.  Yes, the dress is uber tight and the lighter areas are somewhat unfortunately placed but with a sleeker hair, it wouldn’t be so obviously trailer park.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Samuel-Hawk/522821430 Samuel Hawk

    I thought biopic of Anna Nicole Smith. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000088447181 Sam Smith

    Horrendous and I don’t understand how she has a billion dollar fashion design empire.  I would never look to her as a fashion icon and therefore would never buy anything from her line, but its wicked successful.  What gives.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ginny-Ellsworth/534496198 Ginny Ellsworth

    Too much candy for a dime.

  • ecallaw1977

    I think she’s becoming a caricature, but I think it’s 100% intentional.  She seems to be kind of in on the joke, similar to Dolly.

  • Alyssa Stanfield

    She reminds me of the blonde pastor’s wife from True Blood…although I like her character better!

    • JosephLamour

      I love how she’s now Mindy’s best friend on The Mindy Project. The dye job is awful but I love the way her hair is… swooping?

  • mozzer0906

    Her colorist should be taken out back and beaten.  She probably paid like 500 for that dye job.  

  • Jessica O’Connell

    Now available – Pregnant Redneck Barbie.

    Her hair just looks straight bleached. It’s truly terrible.

  • http://twitter.com/peacebang Victoria Weinstein

    Oh, but the dress is grabbing at her crotch and she’s almost falling out of it on top and bottom. Girl, for the love of your unborn baby, have some dayum dignity. Not too much, because we love your adorable tacky JSimp schtick, but just a little.

  • http://www.facebook.com/aboutelle Ashleigh Boutelle

    I thought Anna Nicole had left us…

  • libraangel

    She still has a beautiful face though. I just don’t understand how she could be a judge on ‘Fashion Star’?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jacoryd JaCory Deon

    Poor thing, she is serving imitation Miss Piggy in the worst possible way (because La Dame Piggy would be way more polished than Jessica Simpson ever has been).  The hair looks very synthetic, the dress is too short/tight, the print is unflattering on her body, and her shoes look like church pumps.  The only good thing I can say is her makeup is quite fresh.  But my god, she really doesn’t have the taste does she?  Just goes to show even the richest woman can’t do it right if the taste isn’t there.  

    As an aside, this is what’s maddening about these celebrities: you have tons of money, people giving you clothes/jewelry, a team to do hair and makeup, and you still make piss poor choices that you’d never dare see a stylish woman (or man) rocking in real life.  There’s really no excuse for them to ever look so busted.

  • TheDivineMissAnn

    I think pregnancy becomes her.  As it does for many pregnant woman.

  • Stubenville

    As Dolly Parton said” “It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.”

  • Call me Bee

    As another poster stated–she is laughing all the way to the bank.  Bless her heart–I think she’s having a ball! 

  • Don Hackett

    so, jay leno had jessica rabbit on as a guest?  and she stopped by the flintstones’ to borrow a dress from wilma.

    also, isn’t her bump a little huge considering the baby’s not due ’til summer?  she said she’s controlling her weight gain this time and all, but…uh…just sayin’.  maybe it’s just the way it’s displayed, wrapped in a leopard print bandage.

    posted by sleah in norcal  (disqus, i’m begging you, help me with this problem)

  • http://twitter.com/WholeLottaJulie Julie Elder

    She’s just picking up where Anna Nicole left off…

  • ThaliaMenninger

    I am not on board with that dress and the way it clings under the bump, drawing attention to her crotchal region. It makes her look like she has sweat cling. And, oh yeah, the hair. Just no.

  • Beverly Kozma

    I give her a gold star for having no dark roots.  I hate dark roots.

  • Rebecca Jay

    No matter how silly she looks, I always think she looks cute.  I guess it’s the perpetual happy, goofy, whatever-ness of her.  

  • ccm800

    preg or not that she eve got a weight loss company to pay her a dime is some kinda coup. 

  • loveisblind1

    Girl, that is not your hair color… Especially with that awful orange spray tan!

  • http://twitter.com/ChelleSparks Chelle

    Her face is looking gorgeous!