Jeremy Renner Double Shot

Posted on January 29, 2013

Let’s do a boy, darlings.

But can we just say that our jaws drop every time we see an ad for that Hansel & Gretel movie? It looks like a parody but apparently, it’s deadly serious. Oh, Hollywood. Silly little land.


Jeremy Renner attends the premiere of “Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters’ in Los Angeles in Lanvin.

You might want to start by toning down the eyeliner there, Liberace. Someone needs to get fired for giving you that face.

You have to be up pretty close to see the texture in the suit. We like it, but it doesn’t appear to photograph very well. And the pants are too long.  Not crazy about the matching tie either. And boy, are those shoes shiny or what?



Jeremy Renner attends the premiere of “Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters’ in Australia in Vivienne Westwood.

Seriously, WHAT is going ON with his FACE?

Anyway, we like this look much more. The color’s unusual and the look has some nice touches, like the vest and the scarf. Pants are still too long, tie is still too matchy, shoes are still questionable. Still, not a bad try.

Now scrub that shit off your face. You look like a whore.


[Photo Credit: Getty]

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  • decormaven

    Honestly! He looks like Arthur Godfrey here. Nooo! 

    • ballerinawithagun

      I know, the future crystal ball isn’t doing him any favors.

    • Louise Bryan

      …but a thin Arthur Godfrey…

  • Having seen “Hansel & Gretel”, it’s not serious in the least. More along the lines of Sam Raimi’s “Army of Darkness”. Silly, goofy, and anachronistic as hell.

    And, god gods, I think he’s wearing more make-up in these photos than he did in the movie.

    • It’s directed by the same guy who did Dead Snow, which was about Nazi zombies. Because obviously those are way worse than regular zombies. Or regular Nazis. I am hoping for the same caliber of cinematic vision in this new effort.

      Is he trying to change his look? Because he’s no Alan Cumming. Stick to your strengths, Mr. Renner, and show up in military uniform. Army fatigues or SHIELD leather pants. Either works for me.

      • RebeccaKW

         Some snug jeans and a very tight t-shirt?  Mmm.

      •  And I thought I was the only one who saw the masterpiece that was “Dead Snow”. 

        Yes to Army fatigues!

      • ecallaw1977

         Agreed.  He only works for me in the least bit if he’s brooding. Quit smiling, damnit!

        • Alyssa

          Yes, brooding & in his Shield outfit is how I prefer my Renner! This just isn’t what I was hoping for with this post, lol!

    • fursa_saida

      I 100% agree. I mean, everyone in this movie has a German accent except for Hansel and Gretel (and their One True Nerd Fan), who stomp around rolling their eyes and muttering, “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” Plus, milk bottles with missing kids on them. Plus, automatic double-barreled crossbow. Plus, everything.

    • RebeccaKW

       Well, this is good to hear.  The previews really make it seem like this serious movie, and hearing that it is a bit tongue-in-cheek makes me more willing to see it.

  • j_anson

    His hair is KILLING ME. Jeremy Lee Renner, you get that hair cut RIGHT NOW!

    • MissMariRose

       I know, right? It’s like he and Alec Baldwin traded hair and it’s making each of them look really weird.

      Jeremy, you give that wall of shellac back to Alec RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

      • Reneesance

         Horrible hair just horrible, and the makeup is making me twitch.  Also get rid of that dumbass scarf.  Jeremy you’re such and adorable man, where did you go???

        •  That scarf would be perfect if he was about to step into an overcoat. Wearing it as a dress accessory doesn’t work.

  • Sobaika

    I do not get his appeal. The second look is very good though, I like that he added the scarf especially.

    • Nicholas

      Yeah, especially after he went nuts at his Golden Globe presentation.

      The Bourne Whatever in my book.

      • AuntieAnonny

         How did I miss the Golden Globes thing? I seriously do not remember it, nor any coverage of it. Ugh.

        • Nicholas

          There was a lot of weird and crazy at that event. It didn’t stand out in light of that.

    • uprightcitizen

       The thing that struck me about the scarf, though, is that it’s the middle of summer in Australia. Almost makes me think that the captions got switched on these two red carpets … especially since it’s been pretty chilly in SoCal for the last week or two.

    • These pictures make me forget why I found him appealing ever. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with his face?!

      • fursa_saida

        THIS IS AGONY. Normally he destroys me, but this is a travesty. I’m going to replay the shirtless parts of Hansel and Gretel in my head to recover.

    • H2olovngrl

      My husband and I just watched The Avengers last night and I was thinking he looked kinda hot in it, the my husband reminded me that he also played Jeffrey Dahmer ages ago, and that totally ruined it for me. Now that is all I can see. Well, that and the creepy creeperson make up he is sporting here.

  • kittenwithaquip

    Tom and Lo, it’s not eyeliner, it’s GUYliner, because Jeremy Renner is SO TOTALLY NOT GAY. According to Jeremy Renner anyway. It must be really hard to be a dude in Hollywood; you’re SO TOTALLY NOT GAY and have to tell people that all of the time.

    • Oh yes, the whole “I must be straight because a gay man would never dress so badly/ wear such bad makeup/ wear pants that don’t fit, etc, etc” thing. *cough*bradleycooper*cough cough**

  • Stacy Farr

    I read elsewhere that he used to be a makeup artist before he was an actor. Which maybe makes this worse, not better?

    • Sobaika


      Speaking of Before They Were Famous, he was in an old episode of Angel. He was actually kind of hilariously terrible in it.

      • DeborahJozayt

        He was also in Pink’s ‘Trouble’ video as some guyliner cowboy misfit. You think the makeup is bad here, 10 times worse in that video!

      • Which episode? I have to see that. Wait, was he the young version of the old dude who used nefarious magic to stay young?

        • Isadora Paiva

          He was this vampire that Angel made when he was a bad boy, who worshiped him. It’s the 11th episode on the first season according to buffy wiki.

          • Sobaika

            Yeah! They replay the episodes on TBS I think, and I was flipping through channels and almost got whiplash.

          • Thanks!

          • twocee

            Thank you for giving me yet another reason to rewatch an Angel episode.

          • lovelyivy

             I rewatched this on netflix a few months ago- it’s so terrible it made me re-assess whether he’s any good as an actor or not.

      • Penn!

    • Yeah, I read that he enjoys doing makeup, and that’s why he shows up to places wearing a full face.

    • fursa_saida

      He talked about it on Ellen. She asked him for tips. It was pretty damn funny.

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      I’ll bet he pissed off a lot of clients, lol.

  • mamafitz

    I think he should get bonus points for not having his hands in his pockets.  Yes, too much makeup, but boy, I still love him….

  • clatie

    Did he lose a bet?

  • lalahartma

    Oh no!  He looks terrible!  Did he sell his soul, or something?

    • GinAndPopcorn

       If so, I certainly hope he kept the receipt.

  • jilly_d

    THANK YOU, TLO, for taking the words out of my mouth, and then making them more hilarious. I snorted chicken broth when i saw the first picture, and then snorted again when i read your first papragraph. Well done, fellas.

    • I know it’s a typo, but I kind of love the word “papragraph”.

  • Is he wearing fake eyelashes or eyelash extensions or something?

  • Zippypie

    He’s kind of giving a little Ed Wood vibe with the ‘stache in the second look.  I think he’d look better if he just went all in and broke out the drag.  I’ll keep imagining him in The Hurt Locker instead….

  • He’s looking very much like Gary Oldman in the first picture of the second series.  Also, I have EVERY intention of going to see Hansel & Gretel in great good cheer and the same spirit as I saw “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”, whether or not it was intended that way.

  • MilaXX

    I like Jeremy Renner, but the fit on both of these suits is awful, and the hair/face aren’t working for me either. 

  • formerlyAnon

    He makes no strong impression on me, even with what you fellas can tell is too much makeup. (I can’t tell that. I just think he looks like he missed out on the de rigeur skin care info packet that male actors seem get somewhere along the line. And that maybe he’s coming down with the flu.)  I CAN say that I hate the hairstyle. Too shellacked in place.

    I bet I’d prefer suit #1 in person, but as noted, it doesn’t photograph well.

    At least he looks like he’s enjoying himself. In a slightly manic way.

  • I’m cackling over here.  He had me going for a minute as Hawkeye, but now I’ll never unsee Liberace.  Dying.

  • By the time I got to the last picture I was all OMG STOP MAKING THAT DERP FACE. 

  • Rand Ortega

    “You might want to start by toning down the eyeliner there, Liberace. Someone needs to get fired for giving you that face.”

    1st look: Neck down, fine. Love the black lapels.
    2nd look: A tip from the George Michael School of Celebrity– Cocaine & fame are a temporary combination.

  • Literally laughing out loud at the “you look like a whore” admonishment. Exactly what I was thinking. Actually, my first thought is “what is on his FACE?”

  • crash1212

    Good question. WTF is going on with his face? He looks like a total goofball in all of these pictures. There was a time when I thought Jeremy was kind of cute…those days are LONG gone – also he managed to ruin the Bourne movies for me going forward. I thought he might be an interesting choice…wrong. OK, that last was just mean….sorry.

  • Annabelle Archer

    Love, my undying love to Tom and Lorenzo. I snort cackled at that last line.

  • imspinningaround

    I know many male actors are remarkably short, but is he like, a Lilliput or what??

    • margaret meyers

      5’10” according to the internets.

      •  Surely the internets are lying? HOW can he be that tall?

      • formerlyAnon

         5′ 10″ “official” male actor height is more like 5′ 8″ and maybe a smidge, in sock feet.

  • JanieS

    “Hansel & Gretel” was a ton of fun, and I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys cheesy-bad movies. It’s not serious in the LEAST. Also Jeremy Renner’s arms. That is all. (He looks a lot better in the movie than he does here, that’s for sure.)

  • Imasewsure

    Glad to know why his face looks so weird in all of these shots…. I thought it was because I’ve never seen him laughing or smiling but no, it’s the Maybelline… maybe he is the new face of metrosexual Cover Girl???? Nice to see smiles, nice to see effort, but no….

  • who is this and why is he mascaraing around as a movie star?

  • poggi

    Maybe he wants to host a game show?  He’s kind of giving me a Richard Dawson vibe.  

    • filmcricket

      Good call! My immediate though was “Updated Herb Tarlek” but Dawson’s better.

      • poggi

        Oooh, that’s good too. He just needs a inky ring to complete the look.

  • I was talking with a friend about him and how I just don’t think he’s got what it takes to be a leading man. He’s a good actor and does character and ensemble work well, but he just doesn’t seem to have that extra oomph that it takes to carry a movie. Maybe he’ll get the right project and change my mind.

    • Billie_Dawn

      I’m really not feeling him as an action star at all, and it’s really unfortunate that that’s what he seems to really like doing. I guess The Hurt Locker was kind of an action movie, and I did think he was terrific in that, but it was more about the setting and the character than something like The Bourne Whatever. The good news is that he has two dramas coming out later this year, so I’m hoping that they’ll remind me of why I liked him so much a few years ago.

  • Yikes! Dudes shouldn’t wear make-up when not on screen!

  • aeb1986

    I hope this isnt our “pretty for the day”…

  • Oh, Jeremy. Are you actively trying to kill my crush on you? Because this might have done it. His face looks…not like his face and his hair is freaking me out.

    Seriously, why does he look so WEIRD?

    •  Maybe because he’s smiling?  Maybe he’s seen the memes where he’s compared to grumpy cat, or that call him out for his relaxed face looking kind of scary, and he thought that he needed to show a softer side of himself.

      Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy.  His smile is just creeping me out.

      • No, I’ve seen him smiling before and he still looked roguishly charming. I…don’t know what’s happening here.

  • unbornfawn

    Who is doing his hair and make-up? He doesn’t look like himself. What have they done to this beautiful man?

    • carpediva

      He might be doing it to himself: he used to be a makeup artist! Yikes, right?

      Though it’s actually pretty funny here when he assures Billy Bush that he could, in fact, give him a “smoky eye” if he needed one:

  • ZnSD

    LOL He does his own makeup, FYI. Gay as a GOOSE. He loves loves loves clear mascara too.

    • margaret meyers

      I feel like he’s running scared with his makeup.  He knows he has hit the jackpot too late.  His boyish goodlooks played so well in the couple of films that brought him prominence, but he’s 41 and he is losing that quality fast. I think of Elijah Wood at 40 or 45 — is he a leading man? Middleage is going to be weird.

      • ZnSD

         He needs to embrace his cragginess. Men get away with a lot more aging in the face than women; he needs to relax.

  • trisker

    This post is why I read you guys!  “Tone down the eyeliner there, Liberace”! “WHAT is going on with his face?”! “You look like a whore”.  Read through this three times just for the kick of laughing out loud every time!

  • warnerave

    i am starting to notice why those gay rumors are floating around….

  • Wrenaria

    I can’t see him anymore without thinking about this:

  • Kate4queen

    Um, no, just no… thank you.

  • Drew Macaulay

    I like both looks if I crop his face out of them. And I say that as someone who generally finds JR very attractive and who likes his acting.  But what really bothers me is the the 15 year age difference between JR and the woman who plays Gretel.  In the movie, they are initially shown as children who are close in age, but as adults he is clearly not a similar age as Gemma Arterton.  Note to Hollywood: men age too, and some like JR here, age a bit more harshly than others. 

  • Jill Morino

    I want so badly to love him, but he just keeps getting douchier/trashier and douchier/trashier! Stop messing with the goods!!

  • Trisha26

    He looks nothing like himself on screen, so sad. I actually like the first look better, aside from the pant length. As for the second – isn’t it like a million degrees in Australia right now? What’s with the vest & scarf? I guess that goes along with actresses wearing Spring/Summer looks in Winter. FYI – saw the movie yesterday – total camp – unintentional but definitely a joke.

  • prettybigkitty

    You would think as a former make-up artist, he would know better.  Incredibly unflattering. 

  • MK03

    I thought Nathan Fillion was in this. Whoops.

  • UnderTheDark

    He needs to take a few tips from his British doppelganger Martin Freeman… you *can* show personality without looking like a lunatic!

    •  Doppelganger? I see no resemblance between them at all!

  • OrigamiRose

    He kind of looks like a younger Gene Wilder, smushed into the body frame of an Oompa Loompa.  With equally horrid makeup.

  • When I saw him on one of those award shows, I assumed he’d pissed off the makeup artist. Now I realize this is “a look” for him. No, darling Jeremy. Just no. Go hang out with Daniel Craig for a while. He’ll show you how it’s done.

  • subwaycars

    I love Jeremy, but he is a beauty that moves. Rarely, do I find him attractive in photographs.

    Anywho, mostly here to chime in that Hansel  & Gretal is most definitely not serious, and is totally hilarious and worth watching.

  • Adriana_Paula

    Not crazy about the lapels on #2.

  • Toto Maya

    He’s pretty good-looking in the movies, but he looks like Mr. Bates here.

  • i just dont get him. at all.

    admittedly, i havent seen “the hurt locker”.

  • margaret meyers

    He looked much younger than his age… up until recently.  It was bound to happen sooner or later.  They can still fix it in the movies, but on the red carpet the disconnect between the young aspects and the aging aspects is getting weird.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    “Yeah, sure! Line my eyes! I’m a naked, painted dancing whore for a stupid movie! I’m the twin of Gemma Arterton! I shoot stuff out of a penisgun! GIVE ME ALL THE GUYLINER!”

  • e jerry powell


  • up with pod people

    Ugh he’s so hideous to me.

  • schadenfreudelicious

    it’s a rare man that can pull off the guyliner…you are not that rare man Jeremy….

  • quiltrx

    I must be blunt…his face is looking seriously fucked-up here.  And his expressions are making it SO much worse! 

    I thought he looked decent in the H/G previews (he doesn’t do much for me generally)–but geez, it looks like someone hit him in the face with a sack full of buttholes.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    The second look is much better.  As for the movie? I’ll pass. I think I have laundry to sort, or a backlog of post-it notes to review.

  • AUGH! JEREMY! WHAT THE HELL!? He has the most fantastic face – so much character! I know he’s not the conventional pretty boy attractive, and that’s why I love it. But here, it’s like he’s trying to cover it all up with makeup and be a pretty boy. LET YOUR RUGGED MANLY FACE BE RUGGED AND MANLY!

    Also, “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters” was a pretty damn terrible movie.

  • Jecca2244

    I used to have such a major crush on him, but why does he look so aged all of the sudden??

  • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

    Sweetie, you are not Suri.  Tell him that.  

  • nannypoo

    He looks like Mike Meyers imitating him. It’s not good.

  • Jessi03

    Why does he suddenly look like an elderly woman?  What is going on, Hawk?

  • Kirsten Kirsten

    “You might want to start by toning down the eyeliner there, Liberace.”
    “Now scrub that shit off your face. You look like a whore.:
    Note to self: do not read TLo while drinking. Snorting red wine out of the nose is not a glamourous look!

  • He looks like a squashed Nathan Fillion to me. Face-wise and personality-wise. Dunno, don’t get the appeal, and this info about him doing his own make-up for red carpet events doesn’t help. Guess I’m old-fashioned that way heh

  • He’s giving me Tony Curtis vibes here.

  • the makeup is freaking me OUT! the clothes are classy but WTF!!?

  • Maluca

    I just read that he used to be a makeup artist back in the day. If this is true, maybe he’s been doing his face like this? It’s strange. And I don’t know. I don’t like the way he looks in the suits at all. 

  • If he’s going to go that overboard on the eyeliner, he should just finish the job and give himself the full Eddie Izzard. Or at the very least, the full Tim Minchin.

  • Jennifer Coleman

    Eek! He was hot in The Hurt Locker, what the heck happened? He looks a cross between Kate Hudson & Gary Oldman here. 

  • Kimmu

    Thanks to this amazing review on tumblr “It’s like the Folgers incest commercial but with less coffee” I cannot wait to see Hansel & Gretel. I can only hope it’s as entertainingly bad as Van Helsing.

    My quibble with his warpaint is that it’s so shiny. Powder, hon.

  • puffalumps

    My god, it’s like they coated him in cheap fondant. I *never* thought I’d say this, but I do not want to eat that cake.

  • mmc2315

    Irrational dislike list, for me.  

  • The worst thing: he used to be a make-up artist. Frame the face Renner!

  • ccm800

    HAHAH!  Liberace!  Bravo boys! Sincere LOL 

  • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

    That blue/black coat looks suspiciously in the Iridescent Taffeta family.  This is worrisome.  Iridescent Taffeta is a harbinger for a horrid return to 1980’s ‘fashion’ so RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

  • H2olovngrl

    ‘that’s a whole l’otta l’oreal’

    (paraphrasing something you said in regards to Heidi years ago.)

  • traceyishere

    I like the first look better and seriously, why the scarf in Australia in the middle of summer???

  • SneakyKitty

    I’m… confused.  He’s always struck me as accessibly hot, like a normal dude, you know?  But he looks so odd here I’m having a hard time believing this is the same guy.  I think I’m gonna have to go watch The Avengers to scrub these images out of my head.

  • I like my Jeremy Renner with a bit of grime and grit. Jeremy Renner should not be dandied up. 

  • Well, as a makeup artist he should know to blend the face into the neck and tone down the eyeliner when being photographed up close.  He is painted for the back row and not in a good way.  He’s a regular-looking but handsome man but apart from the suits, it’s not working.

  • Jarethee

     Oh I love you so much for that. Grumpy cat for the win, and now I can’t unsee that resemblance anymore.

  • He is not aging well.

  • DesertDweller79

    Seriously, what is going on with his face?  It is weird and awful.  I couldn’t even see the clothes.

  • Tuneful54

    #2: Flight attendant for Douchebag Airways.
    Both: This must cease, or I shall put Adam Frawley on the case.

  • gg80302

    Why does he seem so sleezy?

  • The face reminds me of the witches they hunt in the movie.

  • leftcoastpickle

    the liberace line made me laugh out loud with tears. thanks.