Top 15 WORST 2012 Red Carpet Looks: 10 to 6

Posted on December 27, 2012

It’s all going according to plan, darlings. We put up lists; you guys all scream and pound your fists and generally accuse us of drug and alcohol abuse; we sit back, laugh, and have another (handful of) butter cookie. Lather, rinse repeat. We’re such master manipulators. We should probably get around to taking over the world one of these days.

We can’t, however, count, which is why Chloe’s entry is at the top of this list after spending all of yesterday at the bottom of the previous one.

10. Chloe Sevigny in Valentino

Chloe Sevigny attends the premiere of ‘American Horror Story: Asylum’ in Hollywood, California in a Valentino dress.

Miss Chloe is making the first of two appearances on our list this year, which means that, believe it or not, this is NOT the worst thing she’s worn in the past year. But it’s hideous, that’s for sure.

 

9. Maggie Gyllenhaal, Retiree

Maggie Gyllenhaal attends the ‘Won’t Back Down’ screening in New York City.

After 47 years of service to the New York Public School system, Miss Maggie graciously and eagerly steps into the newest stage in her life: NOT giving any more years of service to the New York Public School system.

 

8. Emma Stone in Rochas

Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone attend the world Premiere of “The Amazing Spider-Man” in Tokyo, Japan. Emma Stone wore a Rochas dress paired with Christian Louboutin shoes.

A shit-brown Lucy Van Pelt dress paired with Rue McClanahan’s old makeup job. We think that about sums it up.

 

7. Amanda Seyfried in Givenchy

Amanda Seyfried attends the 66th Annual Tony Awards in NYC in Givenchy. Sandals by Givenchy. Jewelry by Fred Leighton.

The look on her face really sells it, right? If that’s not an “Oh, FUCK. I look like shit and there are cameras here” expression, we don’t know what is.

 

6. Johnny Depp in Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp attends UK premiere of “Dark Shadows” in London.

Elderly gay wind chime.

 

 

    • http://promiscuouslola.com/ Cate

      OMG… Amanda looks ridiculous. WHY DID HER GAYS LET HER LEAVE THE HOUSE LIKE THAT?

      • Sobaika

        That one is wrong, so very wrong. It didn’t have to be, but the length and fit are so off on her and I think the belt only serves to make the look even heavier.

      • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

        Oh, to be a fly on the wall and hear a) what she said to them before this event that made them do this to her and b) what she said to them after the event…

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_U5LTVYHX32MGMMXR33G7TOXVR4 Magdalena Monzerrat Ontiveros

        NO, johnny nooo!!! 

    • Synnae

      Johnny Depp in Johnny Depp- BRILLIANT!

    • call_me_schmeg

      elderly gay wind chime still gets me.

      • http://twitter.com/purpleprose78 purpleprose78

         me too.  I giggle whenever I read it.

        • gabbilevy

          Same!

      • Sing4yursupper

        Too, too funny.

      • Introspective

        and what’s worse is that TLo could have pulled any RC pic of him in the last 10 years and found some windchime realness all up and thru his look. for johnny its no one off- its his go to look. 

        • formerlyAnon

          For me, that makes it better, not worse. It’s not elegant by a long shot but it’s him/his chosen image.

      • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

         I hope when that’s no longer funny some bitter kitten will put me out of my misery.

    • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

      I’d totally forgotten that Amanda Seyfried dress. It’s times like this when a poor memory can be a blessing.

      • lovelyivy

         In the face of all that ugly on poor Amanda the rest of the list pales. Everyone else just doesn’t look that bad!

      • MoHub

         Saddest thing about that dress is that it’s under the Givenchy banner, when Givenchy himself would never have dressed anyone in anything like that. After all, Givenchy dressed Audrey Hepburn, and can you picture her in that monstrosity? I’d rather not.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          I like to think that Hubert de Givenchy would have quietly garroted anyone in his atelier who would have allowed this look to be publicly shown.

    • aritae

      Those peep-toe Naturalizers really make Maggie’s whole look for me.

      I will say, though, as a teacher I’ve been required to attend many a public school retirement party. And while we all inevitably wear some version of that very outfit, raucous shit goes down. Ain’t no party like a pantsuit party…

      • Sing4yursupper

        It’s as though she was saying “This lace jacket will make my look dressy.”

        • aritae

          :) Which is pretty similar to a conversation my mom and I had in a Kohl’s in Branson this past weekend.

      • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

        I think we’re all being too hard on Maggie.  As a retiree from the public school system, she looks très chic!  It’s not like she was a movie star with a gorgeous lumberjack brother.

      • Le_Sigh

        She just looks so pleased with herself doesn’t she?  I wonder its because she’s picturing the impending cocktails afterwards.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          She’s got that “I’m an artiste and I’m above motherfucking fashon” smirk on again, doesn’t she?

    • http://twitter.com/peacebang Victoria Weinstein

      Elderly Gay Wind Chime!! HOW do you do it? Oh, fellas, you give me life. Now I have to see my therapist to help me deal with the trauma inflicted by Miss Seyfried’s outfit. That dress. With that belt. I keep replaying the moment when some over-caffeinated stylist persuaded Amanda that all her look needed was matching cheap screaming orange “pops of color.”

    • Prolixity Julien

      It’s likely the flu talking, but Emma Stone’s dress looks so comfortable to me.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

      Amanda is not even number one??? Yuck!

    • mjude

      a belated merry xmas to my bitter kitten friends.  TLO, thanks for the laughs this year.  BRILLIANT post indeed

    • http://twitter.com/aidanboleyn Aidan B

      “Elderly gay windchime.” LOL.

      • Sing4yursupper

        Funniest line ever.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001871458633 Eileen White

      Dear TLo:

      I wish you would get on with taking over the world.

      • Monabel

        Indeed.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

         Sooooo true!   if nothing else, the entire planet would be far more stylish.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      I wouldn’t mind Johnny’s look nearly so much if that jacket wasn’t 3 sizes too big on him.

      • MilaXX

         Nope,because he is an incredibly handsome man who insists on dressing like Keith Richards peer despite the fact that Keith is 20 years older. If he wants to dress like a hippy, talk to Lenny Kravitz, if he wants quirky, talk to RDJ or Ewan McGregor. This looks like he robbed a goodwill bin.

        • Martha Deutsch

          It looks like he robbed John Goodman’s wardrobe from the set of the Big Lebowski.

    • hmariec19

      Haha. Maggie Gyllenhaal, Retiree. I die.

      Also, why is Emma Stone wearing a potato sack?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1208138556 Sara Munoz Munoz

      Rue McClanahan’s makeup. YEP. 

    • Monday1900

      This feature is as much Tom and Lorenzo’s greatest one liners as anything else.  I’d buy a t-shirt with Depp’s mournful visage and “Elderly Gay Wind Chime” printed on it. 

      I think Amanda could have salvaged that look if she’d lost the belt and matching clutch. 

      • Snailstsichr

        And if her lipstick didn’t match her belt.

        • e jerry powell

          Or her bag…

          • libraangel

            Do ANY of them have stylists – or friends – or mirrors – to tell them how bad they look?!

    • Monabel

      A re-conceived version of Ms. Stone’s brown dress could work for me.  

      • e jerry powell

        Nope, she’d still look like a piece of shit with twee shoes.

    • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

      My pretend future husband The Sev gets on this list THREE times with TWO outfits.  I know y’all said it was a counting mistake on your part, but I know better.  That is just the kind of magician she is.

      • Introspective

        look with all those personalities she rolls with, she will NOT be contained by a straightforward numbering system for the worst dressed list. 

        Chloe, Caress, Tiffani and the rest of her home girls deserve 3 appearances in 2 slots. and you will deal.

        • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

          I KNOW!!!!  she is not multi-personality, she is multi-dimensional.

    • AuntieAnonny

      Either I’ve got a great memory and can recall every single post you two have made this year, or you’ve taught me well because I can tell you very specific reasons why all of these suck. Even the ones I actually like, I can’t disagree that they should be on this list.

      Year reading TLo = well spent.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=529792223 Eileen Washburn

      I disagree re: Emma – think she can’t look bad, yet. Thanks to you guys for a great year of fashion commentary!

    • nannypoo

      These people give me hope. No matter how badly I screw up I can’t possibly look worse than they do. I’m surprised by Maggie Gyllenhaal here, though. She usually dresses even more frumpily than this. I think this is actually one of her best looks.

    • elirt

      “Elderly gay wind chime” is hands down your best caption yet!  Love this list. I cannot wait to see the top 5!!!

    • Wendy Wetzel

      Elderly gay wind chime….. * snort*

    • MilaXX

      If ever there was a reason to throw a phone at an assistant, Amanda’s outfit  definitely qualifies.

    • Imasewsure

      Wow I missed Emma’s the first time around…Had the pleasure of seeing these other gems however. Duly awful as noted.

    • decormaven

      Chloe’s outfit- a cross between a blouse and a dress. Hence, a bless! Thanks for bringing it one more time, TLo!

      • l_c_ann

        Or a drouse.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cortney-Dean/100002491593625 Cortney Dean

      Elderly Gay Wind Chime is my new favorite. I LOVE IT!

    • guest2visits

      As bad as the other entrants are;  (JLo’s glamorous but misplaced snake on an office dress, or Scarlet’s short green amor outfit,
      Christina’s my-little-pony-disco number, Amanda’s dejected circus act.. or all the others; I still think Chloe’s is the most scary.
      Something about this psycho-split jokeresque Valentino is sooo disturbing. It fits ok and it’s made fine but it’s completely
      demented looking.

      • libraangel

        like someone put two dresses together and then ripped one sleeve off. Horrible!

      • Comus

        Wearing a frock horror is event appropriate, at least, since she’s at a premiere for American Horror Story. This frankendress could be a split personality costume for a couple of Chloe’s personas.

    • kschwarting

      At first, I was all “Emma Stone’s dress isn’t that bad.”  Then I scrolled down and realized that it made poor tiny Emma look about ten feet wide.  In addition to the dung-colored dress and terrible makeup, that really isn’t her hair either.

      • Dhammadina

        For the Emma Stone, Lucy van Pelt dress absolutely nails it!!

        • libraangel

          Never thought about it, but yeah, it is a Lucy dress

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/XPWSQ2BDU5XJIA23AMYVBRWZBA Eric

      #7- the dress could have been passable but the big orange belt is a NO WAY!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=632785463 Sarah Sheldon

      I really need to remember to not drink anything while reading this site. My work computer almost ended up with water on it.

    • Peeve

      Thanks for the best laugh I’ve had so far today, gents! I know Johnny Depp doesn’t give a flying fuck about ‘fashion’, but he just looks like an idiot. The dirty, skanky hair doesn’t help much, either.

    • msdamselfly

      Cant agree about Ms Stone– Thought she looked fabulous

    • Pants_are_a_must

      ELDERLY GAY WIND CHIME.

      I love you guys.

    • libraangel

      LOL! “Elderly gay wind chime”! So funny and so true! Johnny Depp always looks like shit. It is almost like he wants to cover his handsomeness.(Is this a word?) Amanda- SCREAM!!! And a question: Emma: what are those two line/nipple thingies where her breasts are? Are they darts? Are they nipples? If so, aren’t they too low – for such a young girl?! HA HA

    • DebbieLovesShoes

      “Elderly gay windchime” made me laugh ’til I accidentally snorted!  

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Elderly gay wind chime-I’m afraid my hysterical cackles have traumatized our cat!

      As for Amanda Seyfried, her expression does indeed say it all, and further sinks an already sad look.

    • MoHub

      Chloe–
      Quasimodo called; he wants his hunch back. (Get it? Hunchback? I hate myself!)

    • formerlyAnon

      Elderly gay wind chime IS brilliant. And he’s not pulling it off as well as he did when younger (few are.) But whether it comes from my deep seated pro-Depp bias or unerring fashion eye (stop rolling those eyes!), I cannot imagine this as one of the 15 worst of the year. 

      Basically, if I can forgive the horrible creepy Willy Wonka with which he (and Burton – let’s scapegoat Burton, yes?) besmirched the memory of Gene Wilder’s brilliant Wonka, I can definitely forgive this ensemble. It’s only the hair that’s a stretch.

      Poor Ms. Seyfried looks like a last-minute-Halloween-costume gone terribly wrong.

      (edited for stray words, poor choice of words and other indications that insufficient holiday chocolate has been consumed to fuel the brain)

    • quiltrx

      I DO still love our Elderly Gay Wind Chime, and I HAVE worked that into conversation, and it will NEVER not be funny.  I love you, T Lo.

      I can’t believe I forgot Amanda’s nightmare, made of pieces of leftover Cirque du Soleil costumes. (shudder)

    • siriuslover

      Yes, I agree with all of these today, just as I agreed with all of your worst looks yesterday. These are bad. Love Johnny Depp, but wind chime indeed.

    • BrooklynBomber

      “After 47 years of service to the New York Public School system”
      “Lucy Van Pelt dress”
      “Elderly gay wind chime.”

      Perfect.

    • unbornfawn

      A whole lotta crap in this group.

    • rainwood1

      I’m with you on all of these except Johnny.  He has a personal style that is his signature and I respect him for that.    

      • libraangel

        I respect him for his choices also, but doesn’t he realize he makes himself look bad and greasy/

    • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

      But that’s the way Johnny Depp always dresses.

    • bitterk

      Johnny Johnny Johnny, we need to talk

    • http://www.facebook.com/AntoniaDonnelly Antonia O’Connor Donnelly

      Elderly gay wind chime will never get old for me. Bahahaha.

    • allcapsERINN

      “Elderly gay wind chime” — LOLOLOL!  

    • m0r0

      The Johnny Depp comment is perhaps your finest…….EVER.

    • e jerry powell

      Tack a lacy peplum on it, and Miss Chloe’s ready to go to figure skating nationals.

    • janierainie

      Amanda looks like someone is pointing a weapon off camera, forcing her to “get out there on that red carpet now!”

    • KatieKissinger

      Poor Amanda, she’s a gorgeous girl who just looks downright miserable here.  The color choices and hair, and makeup, and EVERYTHING are just so so wrong for her.

    • LilyPad

      “Elderly gay wind chime” made me spit soup at my computer