Miss Universe National Costume 2012 – Part 1

Posted on December 19, 2012

It’s time once again for that international moment of wonder known as the Miss Universe National Costume unveilings, darlings. A bigger collection of jingo-ism crossed with light stripping you will never see anywhere else.

Hit it, ladies.

 

Angola

 ”Come to Angola! WE’RE ALL ABOUT THE TITS!”

 

 

Belgium

 ”Belgium! Where the weather is shit and the girls dress like widows!”

 

 

Bolivia

 ”Our Bolivian vegetation will FUCK YOUR SHIT UP, PEOPLE.”

 

 

British Virgin Islands

 ”The British Virgin Islands! Our women have colorful tumors!”

 

 

Bulgaria

 ”The fuck-me heels really sex it up, right?”

 

Colombia

 ”Colombia! Come for the color, stay for the taxidermy!”

 

 

Dominican Republic

 ”Please. Do not speak or applaud. The Dominican Republic does not require such vulgar displays.”

 

 

Uruguay

“BAM, MOTHERFUCKERS! FUCKING URUGUAY, OKAY?”

 

El Salvador

 ”Yes, it’s my grandmother’s tablecloth, but check out these legs, you guys!”

 

 

Germany

 ”The fuck-me heels make this totally sexy, right?”

 

 

Greece

 ”Come support the Greek drag queen industry, bitches!”

 

 

Guam

“Come to Guam. Do I have to explain why?”

 

 

Italy

“We didn’t feel like trying this year. Here’s a flag.”

 

 

Botswana

 ”Man, what I wouldn’t give for a pair of fuck-me heels right about now.”

 

Malaysia

“Come to Malaysia, or my dragon-riders will burn down your villages and a hundred years of darkness and winter will befall you all!”

 

 

Namibia

“Come to Namibia, where we will dance and party in our fuck-me heels!”

 

 

Nicaragua

 ”EAT MY SHIT, URUGUAY!”

 

Poland

 ”Polish good girls look like porn stars. Just saying.”

 

 

Serbia

 ”Do not listen to Polish cows. Serbia’s women are purest.”

 

 

Singapore

 ”Our Singaporean fabrics are impressive, are they not? You will come and buy some soon.”

 

 

Slovak Republic

“The Slovak Republic! We have a HUGE SURPLUS of old wallpaper just lying around!”

 

 

Sri Lanka

 ”It matters not to us whether you come to Sri Lanka. Your worship from afar is sufficient, insects.”

 

 

Tanzania

 ”This is what happens when you a tell a Tanzanian queen that you’re not doing that tribal shit this year. That little bitch.”

 

 

Turkey

 ”Hey, you guys. Come to Turkey. We’ll get high and listen to some great shit.”

 

 

USA

 ”SPARKLES AND LIBERTY, MOTHERFUCKERS!”

 

 

[Photo Credit: Getty]

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  • JanieS

    Malaysia and Nicaragua must have a duel of High Magicks.

    • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

      Description of Malaysia’s costume made me snorkle coffee out my nose.  And I wasn’t even drinking coffee!

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3JSTXMWWVZN2QNP2UEKJMTWD7U Isabel

        But the lace looks better than some recent dresses that TLo have been showcasing from the red carpet pics.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    Best commentary of the year boys. Love. 

  • Vera L-

    I love when y’all do these. Love it! Thanks!

  • afabulous50

    You know…I was having a really shitty day…until now! Can’t wait for part 2.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/DBSIHWVY4ECXGNXAXFXJMSCNIE Katrin

      I was just thinking that! Blah blah day and then BAM, THIS!

  • Andrew Schroeder

    What I’m gathering is that the only ones that are effective are the ones that are giant as fuck and covered in feathers and sparkles.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

       That is a long held axiom of costuming.  If you can see it from space, through heavy cloud cover, you’re good.

      • e jerry powell

         Just like Carnaval in Brazil.

      • Allison Woods

        In Seattle, where I am currently making spaghetti for tonight’s performance of Elf :the musical, we call it “the Bremerton Look.” as in, it will look good when you see it from Bremerton, which is about 20 miles from Seattle.

        • notorious

          man that’s rough but so was dating in Bremerton thanks Naval Shipyard!

    • StellaZafella

      Yup, and any Drag Race contestant could wear them better…cause THEY know how to walk in fuck me pumps!

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        Actually, pretty much any gay man who has ever worn heels.

        • StellaZafella

           I swear I saw Malaysia at Dore Alley in the 90′s…his/her boyfriend was on a RED Harley

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lucía-Gavello/1253586868 Lucía Gavello

            Coincidentally, Malaysia was her actual stage name.

      • Candigirl1968

        This ought to be a Drag Race challenge – interpret where you are from, a la Miss Universe costumes.  It would be beyond awesome.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2SYNWNMDUBJBJL66NUNMGZEIDI AnonMom

    ”EAT MY SHIT, URUGUAY!”  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

  • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

    My favorite post of all posts!  From this record, it appears:

    Italy, Estonia, Bulgaria & Belgium: no gays.
    Uruguay, Nicaragua & Sri Lanka: serious gays.

    USA: gay, but not nearly gay enough.

    • Call me Bee

      Oh–no Estonia up there.  The few of us around would have noticed.  You must mean someone else–Bulgaria, maye? 

      • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

        D’oh! I meant Serbia.

        • Call me Bee

          It’s ok.  Miss Estonia probably doesn’t have any gays, either.  :)

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

       I coulda done better for the home team in a heartbeat.  Geez does the USA costume suck.

      • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

        One assumes, for a start, you would not have made her wear hooves.

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          And sure as shit not beige ones.

          • out for a walk

            They could have at least been, oh, encrusted with red white and blue swarovskis.

          • e jerry powell

            Clear heels!

            Clear heels and a brass pole!

            (Or is that only if she’s from Florida?)

      • DTLAFamilies

        I’m thinking Chris March needs to design next year’s USA costume.

    • Introspective

      Uruguay and Nicaragua are giving me LIFE right about now!!

      This pageant is Drag Race on acid and I love every minute of it.

      • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

        However, I would say — and I realize this is well beside the point — that Miss Uruguay’s costume is making her look a little thick around the middle.  Like baby bump thick.

    • Sobaika

      Embarassed to admit how much I’m feeling Sri Lanka, Malaysia, Uruguay, and Nicaragua. Serious gays indeed.

      • kitu4

        Embarassed to say that as a Nicaraguan I’m kind of proud of the level of batshit awesome gay that went into that, the girl herself on the other hand … saw her at the gym with full makeup once.

  • Inspector_Gidget

    This would make one helluva cast for a Mortal Kombat game.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cortney-Dean/100002491593625 Cortney Dean

       Can someone make that happen? Can it also have voice-over commentary by TLo???

  • miagain

    go Botswana!!

  • AuntieAnonny

    Oh. My. God.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/XPWSQ2BDU5XJIA23AMYVBRWZBA Eric

    It says a lot that the Namibia costume looks good by contrast.

  • SteveKl

    The National Costume captions have always been and will always remain my T/Lo favorites. Huzzah.

    • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

      1. National Costume 1a. Victoria’s Secret Christmas Special

      • e jerry powell

         There’s a difference?

    • DTLAFamilies

      The figure skating posts are hilarious too. 

  • michelle shields

    Thank you thank you thank you!

  • HomeOfficeGirl

    ”Our Bolivian vegetation will FUCK YOUR SHIT UP, PEOPLE.” – YES!!  I love it!

  • 3boysful

    Squee!  This is always one of my very favorite posts, and you didn’t fail me boys!  Thanks!

    Guam and Angola are pretty unbelievable.  I’m embarased for the USA.

    • Call me Bee

      Just sayin’–I wrote almost exactly these same words before I read any posts! 

    • jtabz

      Guam!
      That *does* look like a big scrotum belt, right? Or is it just me?

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Angola’s is just mind-boggling. Ages and ages ago I took some college courses in African art and remember how incredible the textiles from some cultures are, and that whoever designed this could have done so, so much more that would be authentic and fabulous.

  • Jangle57

    Great commentary but I thought Belgium’s should have been: ‘We’re from Belgium but we wish we were from Spain’ as that outfit looks suspiciously Spanish to me….

    • 3boysful

       Si!

      • mike__tv

        Olé

    • Sobaika

      That it’s black makes it seem Spanish. But I spent some time in Brussels and that’s a pretty accurate recreation of their traditional wear, there were a lot of expensive dolls dressed like that. Very creepy. They’re also absurdly proud of Belgian lace and it rains all the fucking time.

    • EditKitten

      That was my very first thought, too!

  • MoHub

    Interesting how all the ones wearing a true semblance of a native costume  resorted to the fuck-me heels.

    • JasmineAM

      Ugly, putty colored heels, at that.

    • formerlyAnon

       Well, to be fair, felt boots, clogs and other footwear appropriate to centuries-old dances that are often rather athletic isn’t usually that sexy. Though you’d think they could hot glue something thematic to the heels if they were really trying.

  • Billie_Dawn

    Silly putty platform pumps have even made it to the Miss Universe contest. Tragic.

  • IMNAngryLiberal

    Is it wrong that I kind of want Ms. Nicaragua’s outfit?  Also Tananzia’s calls out to the nerd queen in me.

    • kimmeister

      Tanzania’s is intriguing!

    • http://twitter.com/sebwfu Shannon Beamer

      No, because if it is wrong, my heart just won’t let me be right.  Besides, she has, like, vases sewn into her huge, sparkly cape. That is both awesome and weird all at the same time. 

    • lovelyivy

       Tanzania’s is very Fifth Element!

  • theblondette

    Bow down to Nicaragua!!! Or she will devour your children.Guam, that is one lazy-ass costume. Other countries STUFFED BIRDS for their costumes, and you show up in a shell bikini?

  • dya2637

    It is important to note that Sri Lanka’s costume lights up. Also im hoping Israel gets a mention in part 2 because the outfit looks like it was stolen off an israeli drag queen. 

  • zenobar

    Miss Dominican Republic is actually serving up some Varga Girl Realness there.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cortney-Dean/100002491593625 Cortney Dean

    Oh my Stars. These are the best posts ever. EVER. I adore you two and I laughed through the whole thing. ”Colombia! Come for the color, stay for the taxidermy!” 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kim-Elmore/1308422874 Kim Elmore

    I live for these posts. TYVM, xo

  • Rand Ortega

    WTF? “Come to Guam! Our clams have their own personal clams!”
    Some (most) of these ladies look like they lost the previous pageant & this was their punishment.
    Miss Tanzania is already behind bars.

    • Sara LaBatt

      Yo Guam, I heard you like clams so I got you some clams to put on your clams.

  • Violina23

    Love it!

    Can I put in a humble request for figure skating commentary later this winter? <3

  • Joyce VG

    LOL I really needed this today!  Yay!

  • http://profiles.google.com/anplica Anplica Fiore

    Bulgaria’s heels WOULD sex up her folk costume if they weren’t SILLY PUTTY HEELS!

  • Cathy S

    Ah, it’s the most wonderful time of the year.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/DNWEFT2SVBX5T3NPMROQCT4U2U jennyv

    You guys are the best! I will be re-reading and forwarding the link to this post to everyone I know all day. 

  • Miss_Led

    It doesn’t even look like a beauty pageant; it’s like a  … I don’t know what it is.

  • Pennymac

    I LIVE for these posts, Fabulous Uncles T and Lo! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  • elirt

    THIS. MADE. MY. DAY. Thank you TLo for the ridiculously fun read! I can’t wait for Part 2!!  “Come to Malaysia, or my dragon-riders will burn down your villages and a hundred years of darkness and winter will befall you all!” — wow! just wow!

  • Call me Bee

    Squeeeee!  I wait all year for this post, and gentlemen…you delivered!  Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 
    So–why is most of the cray-cray from South America?  Just wonderin’…

  • JasmineAM

    Sri Lanka and Nicaragua SHUTTING IT THE FUCK DOWN. 

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    Just plain amazing how many of these costumes truly suck out loud, both in design and in execution.  May I say, I am embarrassed for the old US of A for that tacky piece of crap the poor dear has to wear, and try to sell the hell out of.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=571205045 Kent Roby

       To her credit, I’m assuming that Miss USA’s “Whore Betsy Ross” costume was stolen, and that she had to grab a last-minute replacement from one of Katy Perry’s “Firework” back-up dancers.

  • Groucho_Marks

    Oh Namibia — your costume is a reminiscent of lame cocktail napkins.  Hmm, perhaps they are intended to go with all of those fondue sets…
    A classic from Garrett Morris of SNL in 1975:
    “Hello. I’m Mark Mbutu from the newly emerging African nation of Namibia, a former German colony located in southwest Africa. Namibia is an undeveloped nation, and we are appealing to you as world citizens. We need your fondue sets. Many people in the United States received these fondue sets as gifts for anniversaries, birthdays and housewarmings, and often put them up on a shelf and forget about them. There are thousands of Namibian housewives who could cheer up an otherwise dull dinner party with one of these sets. Oh, please think, please give, please send. We already have enough of the little sterna cans for underneath the sets from when the Germans were here, so only send the fondue pots themselves, and the long fark–forks if you have them. [Dissolve to address on green background] Our address is: Fondue Sets For Namibia, Box 180, Namibia, West Africa. [Dissolve back to Mbutu] Oh, and we would like to thank Mr. and Mrs. Norman Prager for sending us the Water-Pik and the deluxe toaster oven. [Raises fist] Thank you!”

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Thank you for this-I do remember this and am chuckling in fond memory of those early SNL days and of Garrett Morris.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Happy day indeed! That put a smile on my pupik and a pair of fuck-me heels on my soul.

    • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

      “[A] pair of fuck-me heels on my soul” is my new way of describing being in a happy mood.

  • Hermione_Granger

    I love you so much, TLo. Thank you

  • missinmass

    Thanks so much I needed to laugh!

  • crash1212

    Wow. They do love their platform pumps, don’t they? Hilarious.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2066192 Melissa Mellon

    Guam and Tanzania should maybe start importing some fabric….

  • JMB_edits

    MY very FAVORITE post every year!!!!  The Hunger Games have nothing on us, eat it girl on fire!!!

  • l_c_ann

    Tanzania. 

    (TLo’s masterpiece)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1401197785 Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    “Sparkles and liberty, Motherfuckers!” Damn, I love this time of year!

  • snarkykitten

    Chris March should have designed Miss USA (or whatever they’re called)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Linda-Harris/1358701372 Linda Harris

    great laugh

  • kimmeister

    Poor Miss BVI.  It’s like they didn’t even try to line up the bust of the dress with her anatomical bust.

  • Fordzo

    Why does USA look like Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl?

  • oatmealpie

    Bless you. This is exactly the thing to lift my spirits after an irritating series of phone calls with Walgreens and Walgreens Mail Service.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002396153672 Ann Martina

    The final nail in the coffin of nude heels?  Nude heels with tights and a dirndl.  Snort!

  • StellaZafella

    I’m laughing soooo hard TLo!

    But I have to admit, I actually WORE Uruguay once: 1972 the San Francisco Beaux Arts Ball at the Civic Center Auditorium.
    Bitch! Gimme back my gown!
     

  • http://samanthatennant.tumblr.com/ Samantha Tennant

    This is my favorite time of the year!!

    ”SPARKLES AND LIBERTY, MOTHERFUCKERS!” will now be what I say on the 4th of July

  • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

    BAM! indeed. U go, Uruguay!

  • PeggyOC

    Memo to self.  Never read the T&L Miss Universe posts while drinking liquid of any kind.  Your keyboard thanks you.

  • Frank_821

    What’s funny is what Miss China ended up wearing. She didn’t wear a costume. She wore a Guo Pei Runway gown that was inspired by Ming Dynasty vases

  • savicevic

    Where’s Miss China? She was WERQING it.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

    Well, this IS more tasteful than the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

    • e jerry powell

      But only slightly.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

        Yes, as in, if one had to choose. :-)

        • e jerry powell

          Yes, but, sadly, one doesn’t. At least not until Trump buys Victoria’s Secret as an anniversary present for Melania.

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    Love these … I have waited all year for them. Later tonight when I’m not at work I’ll be able to give them the attention they deserve.

  • formerlyAnon

    Man you guys, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    But what’s up with the nude platform has-nothing-to-do-with-my-costume shoes? Did somebody lose a storage container backstage where the contestants had been instructed to stash footwear?

    On average, the costumes seem oddly modest this year – I wait Part II to see if the trend continues.

    • e jerry powell

       Maybe Trump has a branded goat hoof now.  Instead of the Loboutin red on the inside of the heel, there’s TRUMP in gold leaf.

  • Judy_J

    ”Come to Angola! WE’RE ALL ABOUT THE TITS!”—-maybe Lea Michelle should move there.

  • tereliz

    Oh! Did no one tell Bulgaria that the costume was supposed to be inspired by their national dress… not an ACTUAL EXAMPLE of national dress. Poor lamb. That could have been the sluttiest puffball costume ever! Well, except for that poodle “costume” at the VSFS. 

  • Laurie Bergman

    I loved all of the commentary (Uruguay and Nicaragua especially), but Italy’s caption almost made me choke with laughter. With all those other utterly OTT costumes, that sparkly flag almost looks out of place.

  • sweet_potato

    Is Miss USA holding an iPad?

    • e jerry powell

       That would make her Miss China, wouldn’t it?

  • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

    I would like to thank the ladies of Central and South America for bringing their A game to the proceedings. 

    • kitu4

      Well its the closest you get to being a celebrity here in lovely Nicaragua. Pageants are a big ass deal. 

  • Sabrina Stern

    This seriously made my day

  • http://twitter.com/stellaphone Stella Zawistowski

    Oh, how I have been waiting for this. THANK YOU T.Lo!

  • LesYeuxHiboux

    It’s the most wonderful time, of the year…. (next to Eurovision)

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

      Eurovision! Ah, Austria, what were you thinking…?

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/ZFKRECRF5BOBWB4RXAJGI4D6KA mmc

    I….I…didn’t even know such a thing existed…..wow! lol

  • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

    This is the maddiest, merriest day. I fucking LOVE these posts!

  • Synnamin

    YES! I’m having a shitty week, and this is always a mood-lifter. Why does Miss Universe, Eurovision, and Victoria’s Secret happen so infrequently??

  • TheDivineMissAnn

    Miss Malaysia looks like Kristen Stewart.

    • DTLAFamilies

      Yes! I thought the same exact thing.

  • mjude

    BRILLIANT!

  • jilly_d

    Polish cows!  SNORT!  Oh TLo, thank you.

  • SapphoPoet

    I haz a sad over Miss Germany’s shoes with those tights. 

  • http://twitter.com/emilyf007 emily

    Can I get fuck me heels while in Singapore for fabric?

    Okay that was racist but the whole damn pageant is racist. 

  • http://twitter.com/emilyf007 emily

    And can we just talk about the shoes on USA? 

  • MidArmJewel

    I have been waiting for THIS!

  • BrooklynBomber

    thank you. 

    Angola’s twist on flashing is, uh, interesting.

  • Imasewsure

    Angola… WTF? Seriously… naked lady wings? At least the 9 year old straight boys who are too lazy to walk away from the TV will get something out of this travesty… hilarious!!

  • gabbilevy

    Bless you both for the grins.

  • bertkeeter

    So that’s what ANYA has been up to!

    • e jerry powell

       Oh, Bert…

  • shasta

    Turkey’s going to sing “Who Will Save Your Soul” any minute now. 

  • marilyn

    Hilarious!

  • lilibetp

    Am I a bad person if I think the El Salvador dress is really pretty?

  • MilaXX

    The level of cray this pageant brings is awesome. Guam is darn near naked and I don’t understand why USA  looks like Lady Liberty turned hooker wearing peacock feathers.

    • calimon

      Looks like someone, last minute pulled down USA’s top to reveal a boob. Nice touch.

  • http://www.lippsisters.com/ Deborah Lipp

    I wait all year for this.

  • StellaZafella

     Hey Bee! In South America it’s not Cray…it’s Carnival Chic! ;)

  • calimon

    is Nicaragua carrying urns and orbs in her cape? 

  • M_E_S

    That costume makes me so proud to be Uruguayan.  They finally got tired of the gaucho stuff and decided to drag queen it up 110%.

  • Nonmercisansfacon

    I have to admit, I love Tanzania! As for Uruguay and Nicaragua, bowing down to their fierceness in those ridiculously over the top outfits! 

  • ojosazules

    Tilda brought me to TLo, National Dress commentary made me never want to go away. You boys are fucking hilarious.

  • Alexandra Simons

    Alexis Matteo and Yara Sophia are in there somewhere, right?

    • e jerry powell

       They can’t both represent Puerto RIco in the same year.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1594250515 Kim Brightman

    Is RuPaul one of the judges?  That can be the only reason for this part of the competition.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1594250515 Kim Brightman

    Where’s Chris March when we need him?

  • http://twitter.com/Nancer Nancer

    OMG. These are hilarious! These costumes are cray-cray! Love the commentary.

  • e jerry powell

    March of the Trump Tramps!

  • GorgeousThings

    OMG, I’m practically peeing myself I’m laughing so hard! Angola, Tanzania and Guam had me rolling on the floor. 

    And poor Italy. Germany wouldn’ t let them have money for a new costume, so they had to pull a Scarlett O’Hara and the drapes. But Berlusconi took all the drapes from the presidential palace on his way out, so all they had was flags.

    • formerlyAnon

      “Germany wouldn’ t let them have money for a new costume . . . But Berlusconi took all the drapes . . . on his way out, so all they had was flags.”
      You’re a genius.

    • 3boysful

       Re Italy–Hahaha.  Sadly, someone missed a grand opportunity to tap into their inner third-grader and cover her entirely in dried macaroni.  All the different shapes, of course.

      • e jerry powell

         Or just one really big cannoli…

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZBFH32YG44LIIZYLSQPMBXMYCU Sarah

    It is my birthday, and I’m turning 29 for the eighth time, so I am superbly thrilled that this post came up today. This commentary from TLo, combined with the Hobbit movie and dinner out on the town later, plus whatever the fuck is going on with Bolivia’s costume, have made my day.

    • 3boysful

       Happy Birthday, Sarah!  This post makes me so happy I feel like it’s MY birthday.  Have a great night out!

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZBFH32YG44LIIZYLSQPMBXMYCU Sarah

        Thank you! I did! It was full of Hobbity nerddom and fantastic cocktails. Couldn’t have asked for more…

  • Lauren Cooper

    At least Namibia looks like she’s having fun. Most of the others look like they’re ready to kill someone. 

    • Tamara Hogan

       Cuz they’re HONGRAY.

  • http://twitter.com/omg_dora Dora K.

    Is it a trick of the angle or does Miss Guam actually (and wonderfully) have hips and a belly? I just stared at this pretty much naked woman for way too long.

    • alyce1213

      She looks like a real person.

      • http://twitter.com/omg_dora Dora K.

         The others look imaginary?

        • alyce1213

          Maybe not so much imaginary as manufactured.

  • soonertbone

    Miss Universe Day is like a holiday. Amazing commentary. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=571205045 Kent Roby

    The more-cracktastic of these ensembles is EXACTLY what I want from Project Runway!  Give me more crazy-whore-Swarovksi costumes and less Marshalls off-the-rack boredom!  Hell, while we’re at it, throw in Chris March as the mentor!

    • StellaZafella

       That would be a whole new show…and I would watch it!

      They could even keep the name from the old Chris March show: “Mad Fashion”!

  • http://twitter.com/dixielou8 Ashley

    I love you guys, like I want to come find you and give you hugs!

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    These are the best posts of the year!

  • Sara LaBatt

    Poor Miss Germany.  All that and no steins of beer.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=571205045 Kent Roby

    That floor is shiny; I’m certain that higher camera angles show lots of muff or vajayjay.

  • http://twitter.com/shinobi42 Shinobi

    These are my favorite posts of the year.  

  • BeaDee

    This is magical.

  • http://twitter.com/KiraMac Kirstin McAulay

    LOVING that Miss Guam looks like she could take any of them to the floor!  A real girl… Nice to see actual curves on a pageant girl – and have them flaunted!!

  • sockandaphone

    bless this post.

  • chelwi

    Germany’s is a basic Halloween costume.

  • alyce1213

    Your Miss Universe posts are my favorite.  I’m still laughing from last year.
    Can’t wait for more.

  • voter1

    And just exactly what are they trying to represent – I see very correlation between the countries and the clothes.  Well, except Angola, which looks like they silk screened some National Geographic photos on some fabric and made a muumuu!

  • Anathema_Device

    Thank you, T Lo. I love these posts. Miss Virgin Islands looks almost apologetic.

  • http://twitter.com/jocelynarias jocelyn arias

    I await the werq for China.

  • http://twitter.com/SparklyCasanova UglyCasanova

     ”Our Singaporean fabrics are impressive, are they not? You will come and buy some soon.”  I was hoping, in addition, “… I give you half price!”

  • http://twitter.com/kerryev kerryev

    I’ve only been reading TLo since July so I didn’t know these existed. Thank you so much. They are amazing. USA 2010′s costume made me cry with laughter. 

  • BuffaloBarbara

    Sri Lanka ftw!  Bow down, insects.

    I love these posts.

  • nannypoo

    After viewing this post I can honestly say that there are a lot of countries in the world I would not even want to visit. I can’t even imagine what most of these costumes are representing. There is something fabulous about that woman from Namibia, though. I don’t know if her costume is less goofy than the others or if it’s the attitude she conveys, but she gets my vote.

  • Carleenml

    this is becoming my annual “best christmas present ever.” love you guys so much. 

  • Zippypie

    EAT MY SHIT, URUGUAY!  Oh, I’m dying from laughter…I can’t breathe…!

  • Qitkat

    God bless the insanity.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=615561081 Scott Miller

    Sri Lanka: NBC Headquarters

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3QK7O6OXEX3AYERJWQUXBSVCTY Candy Kane

    I look forward to the Miss Universe posts all year. All year!!! And Miss Nicaragua is shutting. it. down.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

    Slovak Republic made me think of very saggy boobs. 

    I like the fireworks effect on USA’s! Too bad about the one boob not being covered by the blue-green toga. So lewd.

    What’s with all the stripper heels? Also… boobs.

  • http://www.katymcdermott.com KatyMightHave

    A good friend of mine just referred to the Miss Universe pageant as the Gay Superbowl. Hee!

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    “Come to Malaysia, or my dragon-riders will burn down your villages and a hundred years of darkness and winter will befall you all!”
    A little taste of Game of Thrones here, I think.

    The Miss Universe posts are among my all time TLo favorites. You cannot make this shit up. 

  • Louise Bryan

    Sri Lanka put me in a mood for turkey sandwiches.

  • Chaiaiai

    Anyone else watching?  It’s a little disconcerting to see the woman from Malaysia with a first name like Stephanie.  Part of the fun of this is the gorgeous names!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1241487378 Lauren Lynch Fox

    Saved my whole week guys! Thanks!

  • pookiesmom

    British Virgin Islands and Italy FTW!

    Also, is it weird that I kind of dig the Tanzania costume? Like, legitimately.

  • bingo

    I love you guys.  This made my entire week.

  • BuffaloBarbara

    Is it sad that I’m glad to see a couple of actual national costumes in there, even if they have added fuck-me heels?

  • quiltrx

    I love that Malaysia got Colleen Atwood in on their costume design! :)  I bet HBC is cussing her out right now for not getting dibs on it.

    And thank you, uncles.  I was having a Debbie Downer day, and the Whimsicle Fuckery of Miss Universe is EXACTLY what I needed!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trevor-Scott/569555595 Trevor Scott

    Dominican Republic kind of looks fabulous. Namibia’s several-dozen-sizes-too-small shoes are very distracting. 

  • frankystein123

    Poland and Turkey ftw.

  • http://twitter.com/megaera919 Marti Thornton

    My husband said “Did you just scream?” Yes, I did. It was Colombia “Come for the color, stay for the taxidermy” that did me in. Thanks, lovers.

  • EEKstl

    As always, TLo at your finest!  

  • AwesomeMargie

    Your commentary is the best.  Nothing to add here.  

  • guest2visits

    Can not stop laughing….!      Thanks for this!
    So few of these make any sense. According to these outfits – the planet is in some serious trouble.
    Looks like Nicaragua went for the big bucks.  Seriously saving it for the flight home; a toss up between Guam and Italy.

  • Stubenville

    Whole lotta cray-cray goin down.

  • m0r0

    Sparkles, Liberty and the NBC peacock.

  • librarygrrl64

    Is it wrong that I kind of love that Sri Lankan one?

  • Belvane

    That fireworks costume is rather brilliant, actually. 

  • ChaquitaPhilly

    THANK YOU, Guys!
    You have brightened a cold and somewhat dreary day. Now, on to parts 2 and 3…

  • maggiemaybe

    Miss Italy made me laugh out loud. Thanks Guys!

  • jbontrager78

    I look forward to this every year.  Thank you for making me laugh until I cried, TLo!

    • dharmabum8

      Same. I forward it to everyone I know.

  • BookishBren

    Poor Guam. 

  • pdquick

    My sides hurt, and it’s your fault.

  • http://www.polymathdesignlab.com Shannon Henry

    Oh Germany, what new abomination have you unleashed upon the world? Silly putty platforms over white tights? I can’t even….

  • Jennifer Weinstein

    It’s like the Mummer’s Parade’s little brother….

    • dharmabum8

      Mummers + fuck me pumps+ push up bras = Miss Universe National Costumes. Man I miss the Mummers, having moved away from Philly. Mummers and cheesesteaks.

  • Rrroza

    What’s with all the boring beige shoes??? (Germany?)  Italy’s sadly reflects the state of its economy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=686530293 Emily Wilson

    I must say, I look forward to your Miss Universe costume posts every year.  It’s my favorite thing you guys do.

  • Dagney

    Out of all of these, Miss Tanzania is my favorite.  Minimalist, original, and sexy.

  • littlemac8

    Nicaragua (said in an American accent attempting to sound Spanish): SI