Gwyneth Paltrow for InStyle UK Magazine

Posted on December 05, 2012

A computer simulation of Gwyneth Paltrow graces the cover of InStyle UK.

Gwyneth Paltrow covers the January 2012 issue of InStyle UK Magazine in a Jil Sander coat.

That is some Gollum-level CGI going on there.

Jil Sander Fall 2012 Collection

Inside, Gwyneth tells us all about her life. Again.

On the hardest thing about her marriage: “Probably our artistic temperaments together. Artists are sensitive; there are ups and downs, mood-wise. Musicians need a certain gravitas and focus in order to write. The temperament that goes with someone who is creative can be challenging.”

On having more children: “My brain says, ‘Oh, I think I’m done, the kids are big now and I don’t want to go back to changing diapers.’ But a part of me would love to have another. Of course, I’m old now!”

On balancing life as a mom, wife and actress: “I look for an interesting supporting part about once a year. That’s the most I can manage. Some women can do it and that’s fantastic, but I can’t. You make choices as a wife and mother, don’t you? You can’t have it all. I don’t care what it looks like.”

And then she models beautiful couture gowns while looking bored and judgmental, which is kind of what Gwyneth does best.


Atelier Versace Fall 2012 Collection

Armani Privé Fall 2012 Collection


Never change, girl.

Is it wrong of us to want to hang out with her? She seems like she’d be fun in that “person you don’t know why you’re friends with because they’re so insufferable but you can’t help being entertained by their cluelessness” sort of way.


[Photo Credit:,]

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  • Lisa Salmon

    That’s ok, we’ll let you hang out with her and entertain us writing about her cluelessness.

    • Rand Ortega

      What Lisa said. I’d just wind up getting arrested for assault.

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      Agreed – she exists in my mind for one thing only – the “chicken cutlet” comment about a dress she wore to the Oscars.  It still is one of my very favorite zings.

    • NinaBoo

      I would like to spend some time with her to play the game, “Name That Privilege!”

    • marlie

       Seriously. I don’t think I could stand to be around her.

  • Kim Brightman

    Is the Goopster pushing bronzer now?

  • lizlemonglasses

    “She seems like she’d be fun in that “person you don’t know why your friends with because they’re so insufferable but you can’t help being entertained by their cluelessness” sort of way.” Exactly! I kind of love her. #unpopularopinions

    • Tatiana Luján

      I kind of love her too.

    • Francie Worley

      it’s “you’re,” not “your,” Mssrs. Tom and Lorenzo. That’s my teacher brain coming out.

  • Chase

    Yes, Gwyneth is totally a schadefreude friend.  You take a mean joy in watching her make an ass of herself.  I think we all have a few of those, but mine are all online.

    • MajorBedhead

      Schadenfreude friend. What a great term.

      I don’t know if I could actually be friends with her (presuming, of course, that she’d lower herself from her lofty heights enough to deign to be friends with a mere mortal like me) because I’d probably sprain my eyes from all the rolling. But I sure would love to hear about it.

      • DeborahJozayt

        Yours is eye sprain from constant eyerolling, Mine would be stomach cramps from hysterical laughter.

    • schadenfreudelicious

      i wholeheartedly approve of your terminology…:)

      • Chase

         Hee!  I wonder why.

        “Schadenfrende.”  I think we’ve created a new term.

      • AnneElliot

        Schadenfreude has become my new favorite word.  I taught it to my sixth-grader the other day, and now she’s using it too.  Vocabulary is power!

    • Mathilda Gray

      A schadenfreund!

      • Chase

         I saw this right after I replied above.  It is a very handy term, isn’t it?

  • Qitkat

    She might as well have been wearing that last face fringe jewel mask thing, I so did not recognize her.

    • Le_Sigh

      me too!  she’s been looking more… plastic lately

  • Janet B

    I can feel her disdain from here.  

  • Imasewsure

    She doesn’t really sound as bad as she used to, but maybe it’s case-by-case… In any case, I support TLo’s BFFing of Gwynnie… She’s sweet, connected and clueless (and also beautiful which is also fun in a friend). I also think she would have looked lovely here if they hadn’t basically turned her into a claymation character… strange…

    • Sarah

      Oh, she sounds plenty bad. “But a part of me would love to have another. Of course, I’m old now!”  Bitch is 40. I’m 36, and I chose NOT to have a family when I was in my twenties because the asshole I was with was not a good father for anyone. Now I have a good man, and I’m looking forward to having a baby when I’m done with my degree, probably at about age 39. Of course, I may be too OLD by Gwyneth Paltrow’s standards. Clueless indeed.

      • j_anson

        I suspect she doesn’t mean this in quite that way, just from a very specific pregnancy perspective. I’ve been told (by friends in their mid-to-late thirties who are child-bearing) that doctors do consider you an “older mother” after 35 or so. Not that you shouldn’t have kids, and as a mid-thirties person myself who hasn’t reproduced but would still like to, I respect and understand the decision to have children later! But from a medical perspective, the risks and whatnot do go up, and she has already had a couple.

        • Sarah

          No, she means it in an “I’m “old” (tee-hee, because of course I know I’m better looking, healthier, and more wealthy than 98% of any other women my age, so I’m being ironic and also of course I could reproduce again all the way up to age 68 if I wanted to because of aforementioned wealth, but this is yet another thing I’m too hopelessly self-involved and shallow to realize I’m implying.)”  kind of way. Of course I knew that. I’m sorry, I’m just sickened by people who don’t. have. one. clue. trying to give other people advice on how to live. Then again, I don’t have to take it, so I don’t. Just making the observation that for my money, she’s still as obtuse as ever.

          • MarinaCat

            I think she means, “I feel too old to have another baby.” Geez

          • Sarah

            I did make a specific point that I don’t begrudge anyone the right to enjoy her, I just don’t. So you are welcome to your opinion as to the meaning of her statement. I happen to think she’s a snob of the highest order, and I judge her as such.

  • Vanja

    I covet the Jill Sander coat, it is gorgeous as is the whole Jill Sander 2012 collection. I don’t like the rolled up sleeves on the cover, why do that to something that’s so perfect? Her face on the cover reminds me a bit of the ruined Jesus Christ fresco, Ecce Homo by Elias Garcia.

    • editrixie

      Every time I see the Jil Sander coats, especially that pink one, I die a little inside, knowing that I could never fit into it even if I could potentially afford it (that is, if I buy nothing else for a few years while paying off the Barney’s card).

    • twigg

      Her eyes in that cover are sort of looking in two different directions. One is looking off to the side and one is pointed directly at us.

  • charlotte

    No kidding, when I saw the thumbnail I immediately thought “Gwyneth? Magazine? She’s going to talk about her entitled life again!”. But all is forgiven because Jon Hamm is in that magazine, too.

  • TLJezebel

    Good God, she bores me to death.  On the other hand, that Versace is far from boring.

  • miagain

    christ allmighty, she’s a beautiful woman, why in hell did they dip her in plastic???

  • mmc2315

    Did she just call me a peasant?  😉

    She’s lovely, really, and the Versace is gorgeous on her.

  • Dot

    Oh my God…that cover photo is absolutely hilarious. She looks like a wax figure from Madame Tussaud’s.

    • decormaven

      Something about the posture reminds me of Gollum. (Whoops. Like minds think alike. I now see TLo’s caption under the pic.)

  • Anathema_Device

    InStyle covers are pretty much always the worst, aren’t they? They do a weird flattening number on many of their over celebrities, like they were photographed pushing their face against a window.

    Gwennie mildly bugs me, which is an improvement from how she used to grate. I appreciate her honesty about balancing an acting career with being a parent.

    • Kiltdntiltd

       There is also something refreshingly honest about not racing to the next Star Vehicle every second.  That she is content, (or at least says that she is) with the occasional supporting role, speaks a good deal.

  • jennyv

    Christ, her husband sounds like a moody bitch. She makes that statement about his artistic temperament in every interview! I almost feel bad for her…almost. I do feel bad for her for the implications of InStyle thinking they needed to photoshop her into oblivion though. Damn.

    • mshesterp

      Just listening to Coldplay’s music gives me the impression he’s a moody bitch…but I feel like artists belong together because they understand each other’s moody bitchery.  She’s probably perfect for him.  Both high drama!

      • Lori

        The fact that she apparently thinks that gravitas is required to write Coldplay songs leads me to agree that they’re perfect for each other. (I also think that she’s using “gravitas” incorrectly, but I may be misunderstanding what she’s trying to express. I often have no idea what she’s actually saying beyond, “You’re such a peasant and I’m not.”

    • Spicytomato1

      I know. I was thinking “a certain gravitas” was definitely code for something more sinister.

  • stubbornthoughts

    I’ve never really gotten the Paltrow hate. I think she’s a great actress and I’ve always been thoroughly entertained watching her interviews. She doesn’t seem overly, Hollywood nice – which begs me to believe she’s a realistic human being.

    GORGEOUS dresses in this spread. HORRIBLE cover shot.

    • julnyes

      She annoys me because she embodies “Born on third base and thinks she hit a triple”. Her obliviousness drives me mildly insane.

      Having said that, I think she looks lovely in this photoshoot despite the CGI cover.

      • BrooklynBomber

        “Born on third base and thinks she hit a triple.”

        I’ve never heard that. I love it!

        • julnyes

          It is wonderfully descriptive, wish I could take credit for its invention :)

          • Wendi126

            First time I heard it used was in reference to George W Bush.

  • susan6

    I thought that cover photo was Blake Lively for a minute there.  That’s some serious pixel manipulation.

    • foodycatAlicia

       I thought Dichen Lachman. Def not GOOP.

  • Shawn EH

    Plus, she’d feed you, most likely. Clueless but generous isn’t the worst combination ever. 

  • Tanya Wade

    About as much fun as taking a bath in hummus. But I love that Sander coat.

    • kimmeister

      That might exfoliate quite well, come to think of it.

      • leighne

        On first glance I read the original post as “taking a bath in humans” which was strange enough but then your response seemed even stranger.  Hummus would exfoliate well, I’m not so sure about humans though.

        • kimmeister

          I guess the humans could be armed with little loofahs and brushes . . .

  • Nicholas

    Clearly, they wanted Blake Lively, so they transmogrified Paltrow into her instead.

  • MilaXX

    She seems like she’d be fun in that “person you don’t know why your
    friends with because they’re so insufferable but you can’t help being
    entertained by their cluelessness” sort of way.

    That’s how I feel out Mario Batali. I love Mario, but we all know Gwen is queen of insufferable yet he seems to not only be friends with her, but really, really like her and my irrational hate brain does not want him to like her.

    The cover looks like someone did a computer generated aging of a pic of 20yr old Gwen. Inside pics are okay.

  • jenno1013

    I like to look at pictures of Gwyneth Paltrow while eating something that is meant to appear fried but that I actually heated in the microwave, that came in a plastic bag inside a waxy freezer carton, that has either bleached flour or corn syrup in the top three ingredients.

  • pattyw

    “Gollum-level CGI” — bless your nerdy little hearts. Every time you reference LOTR, I love you a little bit more. 

  • jonnyf8

    Lest you think she is any less annoying please go to

  • Tatiana Luján

    I would like to hang out with her, for the exact same reasons you said.

  • Sarah Caponigro

    Um, everyone is moody. Not just creative types. Hahahaha Artistic temperament.

  • xLorettagracex

    BWAH! Totally just spat out my coffee. Gollum-level CGI…. I <3 you guys so much.

  • crash1212

    I think she’d be totally fun to hang with. I know…there’s all the Gwynnie hate out there, but I’ve never subscribed to that. Also, I love that Armani on her and want that Jil Sander coat SO bad – love the bare feet – and think she’s a hoot.

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    I guess they didn’t have enough left in the budget for shoes.

  • kikisayshi

    Love that coat.

  • decormaven

    That entire shoot is a real waste of some serious couture. The styling of the inside shots is beyond lame, and the cover shot, she’s coated with so much bronzer, I’d be afraid it would rub off if I held the magazine. 

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Good lord, what the hell is that cover. Whoever wielded photoshop on it should be banned from computers.

  • Little_Olive

    I cannot with her eyebrows in the cover picture. With all the CGI and Photocrap going on, you’d think they’d make her more “rested”. 

  • BrooklynBomber

    The Jil Sander coat. Sigh.

  • Rhonda Shore

    prefer her pale to the spray tan.

  • Ann Martina

    Hmmm.  I wonder who is more insufferably “privileged.”  Gwyneth or Laura Kathleen.

  • glennethph

    I love her.  She looks fab; I especially like the Prive gown.

  • Judy_J

    I don’t know why I’m even trying to comment; I have no interest in her whatsoever.

  • DCSheehan

    I am now craving a pink overcoat.

  • afabulous50

    Oh God – I think she’d be as dull as dishwater.

  • Candigirl1968

    I would pay money for the blog of your exploits hanging out with Gwyneth.  None of this is groundbreaking or terribly interesting.  She seems to gravitate toward monochromatic dresses of a certain silhouette.  Would love to see something new and fresh.     

  • Garcia Loca

    “Gollum-level CGI” is pure genius! :)

  • Goldie

    That pink coat looks like a housecoat (robe) my grandmother used to wear.  Yuck!

  • kschwarting

    I really do not want to hear a privileged pretty person talking about how 40 is old.

  • Lilithcat

    LOVE the Jil Sander coat!  I truly miss the days when you’d go buy a spring coat.  

  • BeeBeauNYC

    That Versace gown is to die for.

  • snarkalicious

    Well, I’m staring at these pictures while looking bored and judgmental, so I guess that makes me and Gwynnie even.

  • Pamela

    Hahaha!  “Gollum-level CGI”!  LOL  The Wisdom According to Gwyneth-puh-LEASE.  No one else can possibly have up & down moods except for artists?  Marriage is such a challenge for creative people?  Musicians need gravitas?-what the fuck for?  Seriousness & sobriety for musicians?  Maybe YOUR musician.  If you feel like having another kid why don’t you pull your head out of your ass & adopt?  OMFG she makes me want to hurl….just shut up, Gwynnie!

  • quiltrx

    In the thumbnail, I actually thought that was Laurie Holden.  WAY to much ‘tampering’ here!

    And I would never, ever want to hang out with her.  I would get medieval on her ass.

    On the other hand, that could be the woman’s version of those Klondike bar commercials…if you can spend 10 seconds listening to her blather, you get a treat.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Gollum-level CGI-priceless!

  • Bob Sponge

    “A computer simulation of Gwyneth Paltrow.” LOL.

  • fungstyle

    totally agree, i would love to hang with her for the same reasons. 

  • ccm800

    Here feet are hands! 

  • Judih1

    Love that last Armani dress – even with the jeweled veil. Is that for Saudi princesses?

  • siriuslover

    hehehe, “gollum sort of way.” Do you think she reaches for her blog saying, “my preciousssss.”?

  • frankystein123

    She got her Bitch-please face going on on the cover.

  • bluefish

    Gorgeous gorgeous clothes.  She’s an odd duck — The comments about musicians needing “gravitas” in order to create are really cringeworthy.  I wonder if she knows that the word means.  But worth slogging through the silliness just to see that beautiful black Armani gown — wowie zowie.  And love the who schadenfriend thing–clever.

  • Ass Kicking Adviser

    I agree with you guys. I’ve always harbored an equal amount of love and hate when it came to Gwynnie. More importantly though, what is it with In Style magazine? Since its inception it has always created these bizarrely photo-shopped cover shots. Every month when I see it at the grocery store check out I stare and make this face trying to figure out who I am looking at. Very strange strategy.

  • neofashionista

    that cover is just scarey
    but the UK sure does love GOOP she is on one of their covers like every couple months which is more press than she gets here these days

  • j_anson

    I’ve always kind of liked her. She’s on a lot of people’s irrational hate lists and I don’t know why she isn’t on mine, because I love a good irrational hate (Kiera! K-Stew!). But she’s never bugged me, somehow. I agree that she’d be fun in a sort of clueless way.

  • Rachel S.

    “person you don’t know why you’re friends with because they’re so insufferable but you can’t help being entertained by their cluelessness” sort of way.
    ^you (Tom, I imagine) summed this up way better than I would have. I have several “friends” like this. They’re so out of touch with reality it’s hilarious. 

  • guest2visits

    I don’t know who it is on the cover, but I adore the pink coat and the pink slip dress.