Victoria’s Secret 2012 Fashion Show Part 2

Posted on November 08, 2012

HookerFest 2012 continues, kittens! Part one can be found here.



Rainbow Brite Hooker!


Fabric Store Hooker!


Beetlejuice Hooker!


Five-Year-Old Girl’s Bedroom Hooker!


Flaming Abalone Hooker!

Wicked Hooker of the West!


Baby New Hooker!


Mail Order Bride Hooker!




Leopard-with-Tits Hooker!


Marquee Hooker!


Hawaiian Hooker!


Queen of the Hookers!


Rodeo Hooker!


Mrs. Claus, The Lean Years Hooker!



[Photo Credit: Getty]

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  • dress_up_doll

    Love Mrs. Claus! She’s got the right attitude and apparently giant candycanes shooting out her ass.

    • H3ff

      Not to mention her fierce-as-shit PVC accessories. Mrs Claus will OWN your ass.

    • Winter_White

      Bettlejuice Hooker has an attitude too — and actual weapons.  Halp us!

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Her alter could be Wheel of Misfortune Hooker

  • What is the point of this fashion show? It’s just tacky and ugly and makes me weep for society.

    •  It’s absolutely hilarious and easy to make fun of rather than super serious folded-paper-napkin cocktail dresses? I honestly don’t think ANY of this is to be taken seriously…

      • fiestyfashionfem

        Except it will be televised and millions of little girls (and boys) and men and women will see this shitola and think that it is “fun” and “cute” and “sexy” – when it is totally reinforcing and adding to the overwhelming existing sexualization of girls and the infantilization and objectification of women.  That’s what makes it so crappy and shitty.  I love fashion – I really do.  But this shit isn’t fashion.  

        • alyce1213

          This.  And it’s quite serious, actually.

        • agentilities

          I am a legal alien, can someone explain why this show is put on each year? Are these the latest lingerie trends for next season? seriously confused

          • Billie_Dawn

            Basically, it’s the TV network’s decision. The ratings for the show are always high (apparently, people like seeing attractive women in their underwear), and the TV network knows that they can make a lot of money off of advertising during the show. Plus, it’s basically on-air promotion for Victoria’s Secret, even if no one actually wants to buy what’s on the show.

            It all comes down to money. I’m sure you’re shocked 🙂

          • littlemac8

            Of course, you’re seriously confused!  This show makes no sense whatsoever and therefore you cannot expect yourself to understand the cultural context in which it occurs.  Suffice it to say, like many things in American culture (misnomer) we have to top ourselves every year and so the spectacle gets bigger and bigger and so blown out of proportion that it’s hard to remember what it’s all about.  The show is a thing unto itself and none of us will be wearing this crap in this or any other season.  Thank you.  

        • Winter_White

          Wait wait wait –  this is televised?!  Seriously, I’m confused…I assumed it was just a silly VS stunt-thing.  Is it an actual TV special?  

          • tereliz

            Every year. *eye roll* Like the holidays can’t officially begin until dudes have the slutty outfit picked out that they want to buy their lady-friends for Xmas. 

          • Winter_White

            I had no idea!  So…it’s like Miss America/Miss USA pageants, just more honest about what they’re selling.

          • Pinup Ghoul

             It would make sense if they actually sold these cracktacular costumes, but they don’t. The only things they actually produce for sale are the tiny little pieces of silk and lace frippery covering the models’ primary and secondary sexual characteristics.

            It’s a shame, too, because I know some burlesque dancers who would murder another human for a chance to purchase those amazing feathery wings.

          •  Maybe they will this year, it’s more costume-y than ever

          • Little_Olive

            Oh honey, you *wish* they were silk. I think you could blow the whole thing up in a flame ball with a single match. 

          • Pinup Ghoul

             I should amend that to say ‘acetate and lace frippery’, I think.

        • Judih1

          PREACH!!! Each year it just gets worse.

        • briecee

          The thing I find terrifying is the number of these that appear to be inspired by children’s board games and toys.  Because if you think Candy Land = sexy, you probably belong in therapy and/or prison.

    • Introspective

      seriously. this shittery is horribly eye searing and makes for appalling social commentary.

  • EAV

    I…I am so confused about why there are Tinker Toys in a VS fashion show.

    • onefifteen

      Just Beiber was there performing. Seems to fit.

      • Pinup Ghoul

         That sucks. So all of these girls from 9-16 are going to tune in to watch Bieber perform, and see this bullshittery presented as normal or even desirable. Eew.

  • MilaXX

    Gosh I did even worse this time. I only got Rainbow brite hooker. Seriously these costumes have gotten ridiculous.

    • UsedtobeEP

      I didn’t do very well, either. It makes me feel better that someone else was playing. Although I did like my “Alice-in-Wonderhooker” better than TLo’s “Pedohooker.” To each his own, I guess.

      • Celandine1

        Oh yeah I went straight to Alice too. Wonderhooker is brilliant!

    • Pinup Ghoul

       Rainbow Brite Hooker looked to me more like a Sock Monkey hooker. I’m not sure which is more gross in terms of sexualization.

      • kitu4

        It was meant to look like a sock monkey. The themes were flowers (hawaiian hooker, Georgia O’Hooker), circus (Beetlejuice hooker and Tiger wtf hooker), toys (Rainbow brite hooker, Tinker hooker), months of the year (baby new hooker, Mrs. Claus the lean years hooker) and last but not least random feathers and headresses (no idea). I feel ashamed that i know this but I saw them on jezebel and it was all laid out like that, so yeah that would make rainbow brite hooker very gross in terms of sexualization. 

        • Pinup Ghoul

           Yeah, I just read about it on Jezebel. Still gross.

          • kitu4

            Disgusting. I find the one that resembled Alice in wonderlad (Pedo hooker?) but was actually made to  look like those dress up paper dolls was the grossest, especially knowing there was no paper dress in the back. 

        • Little_Olive

          Oh, not at all all over the place. 

          They used to have some kind of theme. If a little bit, it protected the show from the random glorified hooker (the costume, not judging the models) they show now.   

        • I thought it was a Cheshire Cat hooker, since there was the Alice-looking one. But now that you say it, the ears were round, so it must have been an homage to sexy sock monkeys.

  • Janet B

    I don’t understand the Flaming Tiger’s choice of boots.

    •  Or the green underwear. It just doesn’t go!

      • Janet B

        Of course this is the runway and only meant to be inspiration not actual street wear. (*wink*)

        •  Hey, when *I* go out dressed as a Flaming Tiger Hooker, I go matchy-matchy. It’s only appropriate.

          • DeborahJozayt

            I think the boots should have been frosted flakes cereal boxes. They’d be gggggggreat! 

      • Rand Ortega

         Really? Just that? LOL!!!

        • My eyes are bleeding too much to narrow down the other issues!

          • Rand Ortega

             True ‘dat! Who thinks about tail placement & flame alignment when your hemorrhaging?

          •  Or even the fact that there appears to be a vulva at the base of the tail.

          • Rand Ortega


          • bitchybitchybitchy

            Double ack, and I now need a brain bleach!

          • I’m always glad to see the word ‘vulva’ used correctly. Often people say ‘vagina’ when they actually mean ‘vulva’ – including 1/2 the monologues in the Vagina Monologues, which drives me crazy.

    • Little_Olive

      She just bursted out from her 1st grade pageant costume. She needed something to draw the attention elsewhere -standard Stacy & Clinton rules. 

  • schadenfreudelicious

    poor Mrs Claus, all that pleather must be causing some seriously chafed thighs…..

  • I watched The Village just the other day, so Fabric Store Hooker could be Shyamalan Plot Twist Hooker. 

  • MissMariRose

    Thank you for skipping the No Doubt Video Hooker. I can only go blind with rage once per day.

    • Cathy S

       I saw her on Jezebel. Double-plus ungood.

    • Sobaika

      Seriously. What’s with this industry and its absurd need to feature sexualized Native Americans? I do not get it.

      • DeborahJozayt

        It certainly wasn’t my dream to sleep with Chief Sitting Bull growing up.

      • NCDFan

        They sexualize anything. I’m more concerned about the little girl look.

        • It is so incredibly creepy. Who thinks that is sexy? Other than a pervert, obviously. 

        • Sobaika

          Which thankfully isn’t in this ‘fashion show’

          Anyway, I think there is something particularly damaging about the continued treatment and dehumanization of Native cultures.

          • NCDFan


  • HomeOfficeGirl

    Mail Order Bride Hooker is my fav from this round!! 

    • Pinup Ghoul

       Agreed. It’s shockingly subtle when compared to the others, and the wings are really pretty.

  • They do look like hookers, but I can’t help it, I LOVE the VS Fashion Show. Adriana Lima and Miranda Kerr are ridiculously beautiful. It’s certainly a guilty pleasure, and I, of course, go on a diet the VERY next day.

  • I love you guys.

  • YayaGurl

    Makes the Miss Universe costumes look downright understated.

  • Am I wrong, or is number 2 actually supposed to represent Sock Monkey Hooker?

    • Pinup Ghoul

       You’re right. She’s from the ‘Toy Box’ segment of the show, which is pretty creepy.

  • Cathy S

    The two flaming hookers were my favorites. Flaming Abalone Hooker was my favorite caption. All the snaps to TLo.

    • tereliz

      I couldn’t imagine what else she was supposed to be. Flaming abalone is the only thing that makes sense. Occam’s razor, and all that. 

  • Le_Sigh

    ohmagah – Flaming Tiger WTF hooker right outta the gate – so many hearts right now for you two.  

  • fiestyfashionfem

    Oh for fuck’s sake!  I can’t even. I’m – well – shit.  Tinker-fucking-hooker!  I love you guys.  Thanks.  I needed that.

  • LJCdoc

    OMG, Rainbow Brite Hooker has a tail!!!

    • kimmeister

      I’ve been wondering where it’s attached . . .

  • The Stylist Has Lost Their Damn Mind Hookers!

  • Inspector_Gidget

    Have to go with Flaming Abalone Hooker as my fave. The epitome of random, which perfectly sums up this show!

  • lucyloo222

    Jeez, at first I thought “Wicked Hooker of the West” had no arms. I thought, “One step forward for disabled models, hurrah!” only to have that thought dashed when I realized she was wearing gloves.

  • Rainbow Brite Hooker moonlights as Mac Loading Symbol Hooker for Apple HQ parties. 

  • Fabric Store Hooker actually put her outfit together as a salute to hurricane response teams in their yellow ponchos/raincoats. 

    •  I was thinking, “Slicker Hooker” for her.

  • Peter Hepburn

    TInker-toy hooker’s outfit made me think of Wendy Pepper’s first PR outfit in season 1.  Was Wendy really a visionary?

  • newtonGOTbeaned

    Fabric Store Hooker blew my mind. They made her a whole giant dress, but the only functional parts are one sleeve and the sash. And it is seriously alarming how Flaming Tiger Hooker’s outfit is so mismatched.

  • Marquee Hooker works in Vegas, bien sur. 

  • Rainbow Brite hooker is actually Sock Monkey hooker.

  • frannyprof

    What I find disturbing is that so many of these outfits have childhood/childlike references. It’s like VS is daring all pedophiles to come out of hiding. And it continues to infantilize (sp?) women. 

  • kolokOlchik

    Flaming Tiger WTF Hooker FTW

  • wisenhar

    Five-Year-Old Girl’s Bedroom Hooker looks a lot like Dollar Store Angel Figurine Hooker.

  • NDC_IPCentral

    You have me chortling again, stifling what ought to be guffaws, because I don’t want to let the office here know I’m playing a smidge of TLo hooky.

    Flaming Abalone Hooker just knocked me out, and then you had to top it with Mrs. Claus, The Lean Years Hooker!  Thanks so VERY MUCH; this made my day.

  • Hawaiian Hooker’s bra was worth – literally – $2.5 million. Let’s let that sink in, shall we?

    • tereliz

      O_o ?! I was going to make an “expensive lei” joke about that, but I think my brain is broken.

    • Pinup Ghoul


  • wisenhar

    Hehehe, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hooker.  hehehe

  • alyce1213

    Great, again.  Gaaah, I hate these stupid, garish getups.

  • Jecca2244

    Half of these outfits are so unflattering to these women’s bodies. What is the point again of this show? To sell bras? I read yesterday their call time was 9 am and the show didn’t start until 7 or 8 pm. Rough!

  • Charmella…a DIVA at large!

    Love the captions boys! This show is getting more and more ridiculous! I can’t believe that Les Wexner signs off to spending so much money on this crappy show! Justin Beiber and Rhianna cost a fortune!

  • Anathema_Device

    I love these posts so much! Thank you thank you thank you.

    What the hell is Leopard-with-Tits Hooker carrying? A golden lamb?

    • tereliz

      She’s the worst of the infantilized ones, to my eye. It’s like she’s holding a toy and wearing fleecy PJs that expose her shiny brassiere. W. T. F. ?????!!!!!

  • BazoDee

    There really are no words. 

  • Yeehaw Hooker! (Rodeo Hooker seems a bit tame.)

  • Don’t they usually do some stupid bra made out of diamonds? 

    • It’s the Hawaiian one, apparently. Though I do like the orchids. The shoes remind me of Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy.

  • Judy_J

    Marquee Hooker is good, but my first thought was “Carnival Midway Hooker”. Or, going a step further, “Roustabout Hooker.”

    • Pinup Ghoul

       I’m sad that Toubadour Hooker wasn’t invited.

  • Kate4queen

    Wonderful. 🙂 If only their bra’s didn’t fall apart 2 weeks after you buy them I might be more excited. 
    I go Chantelle or M&S!!

  • “Fabric store hooker.” That’s what my husband calls me after I’ve been shopping at Jo-Anns.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      My dear departed best friend and I used to visit one of the best fabric stores in our area to, as my friend put it, “fondle fabric”.

  • Qitkat

    Please please don’t let VS *designers* be involved with The Hunger Games sequels.

  • mjude


  • StellaZafella

    It is what it is. As a drag queen, I wonder which ones Willam and Carmen and Sonique are lusting after.
    As a gay man I grew up on All American Male doing the same thing with great looking boy models…they sold underwear and made it sexy, I don’t see a problem with such overstated objectification when VS is lingerie anyway…It’s when “fashion houses” try to pass this sort of thing off as ART that I give a big ‘ol raspberry.

  • hillmad

    oh great…just great :/

  • Jennifer Coleman

    Oh, that ‘predict a TLo hooker name’ game was so very fun!

  • decormaven

    There.Are.No.Words. They’ve incorporated childlike items into some very adult lingerie, which is all kinds of wrong in my book. Thanks for helping us to laugh at the sheer lunacy of it all. 

  • Flaming Abalone Hooker, Wicked Hooker of the West and Tinker Hooker. I sound like a crazy laughing person in my office right now.

  • UsedtobeEP

    I showed these to my husband. His guess for the second one in round two was “Fruit Stripe Gum Hooker.” 

  • Did we miss Poodle Hooker from the back of Beetlejuice Hooker picture?

  • Keeping a straight face when you’re wearing any one of these get-ups takes real talent. 

  • onefifteen

  • In_Stitches

     A lot of these look a little low rent for the VS Fashion Show which is normally an extravagant display of hilarious opulence.  Some of these look like they were made with cardboard and finger paint. 

    • Qitkat

      Often known as *artsy-fartsy*

  • sweetlilvoice

    Dear God, these are all amazing. Thank you for reminding us how insane VS can be.

  • butter nut

    holy shit i did not realize how juvenile the theatrics of this circus had become.  how the fuck is any of this sexy?  who is this supposed to appeal to?  and who the fuck invents these costumes?!?!  

    • DCSheehan

      Clearly not aimed at either of us because I’m with you – do straight men like this? Why don’t they just get real porn and be done with it?

      • In my, um, sustained research in this area, most straight men have no use for lingerie – they just want it OFF. I could be wearing white cotton panties and a sports bra for all they care. So your questions are good ones.

      • I’m pretty sure my husband would not respond to Sock Monkey Hooker or Tinker Toy Hooker.

  • CurbGirl

    What the heck is Leopard with tits hooker carrying? A golden calf seems rather old testament.

    • ampg

      I think it’s a toy dog.  I actually think that outfit is supposed to be a play on footie pajamas, which makes me want to puke.

      • tereliz

        Yes. I got an extreme YUCK vibe from that one for this reason. 

      • CurbGirl

        Footie pj hooker-ick!

      • Pinup Ghoul


    • DCSheehan

      Imagining that it is a golden calf just made this 1000% more awesome! The Bible is full of hookers so it keeps with the theme!

  • another_laura

    My fave moniker from this bunch is Flaming Abalone Hooker!  Bwah!

  • PeaceBang

    Mail Order Bride Hooker will CUT you, yo.

  • tereliz

    I know it’s probably just like, Stockholm Syndrome or something, but I think I kind of want Five-year old girl’s bedroom hooker’s underbust corset. it has CHEVRONS, people!

  • judybrowni

    Hooker is funnier, of course. But in actuality, not street-walking wear, but literally, stripper-wear.

    Flaming Abalone Stripper, still funny.

  • granddelusion

    This is disgusting. Children see this stuff and develop eating disorders.

  • Pinup Ghoul

    No, seriously , WHY? There HAS to be an actual reason for this to exist, right?

    I want to take 5 Year Old’s Bedroom Hooker and yank that corset back into place! A well-made corset shouldn’t be off-center!

  • SoThenISaid

    For the last one, I’m going with Ho Ho Hooker.

  • I thought for a bit on this post that they were putting wings on all of them and had to scroll back. Nope, not on leopard, not on witch. Ah, only when wings are *appropriate.*

  • JasmineAM

    I’m not sure if I missed it, but there’s a girl in the VS show dressed in full on Native American cultural appropriation gear. She has a giant headdress, turquoise jewelry, loincloth, and whatever other terrible shit they could throw on her.

  • Sartorial_She

    Brilliant! Only you two would work in an Erte hooker reference.

  • JulieTy

    Rodeo Hooker looks like Cowboy Curtis Hooker!

    • Cowboy Curtis is awesome and I will not have him degraded by that comparison. 🙂

  • VS always does a hookertastic show, but let’s be honest can never get enough of it!

  • CPK1

    second verse even more cracktastic than the first. Bless you TLO for your captions. I think you should be the official hosts next year


    I think that was actually the “Life of Pi” hooker.

  • Vaniljekjeks

    I was having a really bad night until I read this.  I love you guys.  So much.  

  • jo

    This reminds me of a demented version of the Mummer’s parade.  Can you imagine the planning meetings… “so, this year we’re doing holidays… hooker holidays… we need to remake Mrs. Claus… with CANDY CANES coming out her tush”

  • c decker

    Tinker Tart

  • nc17

    Some of these concepts VS came up with were lazy, and they look poorly executed for the money that went into it. These girls better be glad they don’t have to lip sync for their life. 

  • Wait. Why does Rainbow Brite hooker have a tail when Leopard with Tits Hooker is tailless? Someone needs to be fired.

  • this is the best VS Fashion Show commentary ever. Ever.

  • Also, I feel bad that somehow Karlie Kloss got sucked into being a VS “model” that bitch is fierce on the runway. She shouldn’t be doing stunts like this, it’s an insult to what models really are. ESPECIALLY her “native american” hooker costume

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      VS does usually get some well-known models-Heidi Klum used to do their show.

  • Call me Bee

    Oh my Lord.  So many boobs.  (Though I must say I like that some of these models/hookers are a bit meaty–like real hookers!) 

    • tereliz

      That’s because they’re all the “plus size” models that have too many curves for fashion week. Sadly, the VS “fashion show” may be the only runway some of these girls get to walk, and then its swimsuit and lingerie modeling the rest of the year. 

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Hookerfest 2012-now that is sheer genious-thanks for the hilarious parade of cracktastic today!

  • “Flaming tiger WTF hooker” and “Rainbow Brite hooker” had me laughing my ass off. I think Rainbow Brite is supposed to be a sock monkey, b/c I think she has a tail…?

  • ‘flaming abalone’ sounds like a venereal disease…. and beetlejuice hooker could be ‘things to do with 4 rolls of duct tape hooker’

  • Rosington

    OK, seriously?  You guys make me and the hubby cry laughing every year with the VS posts!!!! 

  • J MN

    Is Adam Levine there looking for a new girlfriend?  He goes through them fairly quick.     

  • Question: What is the actual POINT of this show? It’s obviously not to show off the actual lingerie, so what’s the point? Just a fun thing to do every year? I mean, that’s valid, it just seems like a lot of pomp and circumstance just because…

    • It’s good advertising. A fancy flesh show that gets their brand publicized and adds to their appeal in key demographics.

  • No only was Tlo’s post hilarious, I think the comments on this and part I were some of the best I’ve read on this site… both insightful AND funny.  Thanks all! 🙂

  • guest2visits

    One year I saw this show and the outfits were a pretty fantasy; well made and even beautiful.
    All of these seem to be a mix-up of Saturday morning cartoons and a very third rate Vegas act.  A circus for desperate models?

  • sdgreengirl

    Some of the models look familiar.  Are any of them famous?  I have never looked at the VS fashion shows before.  What are they usually like?  Most of these outfits don’t seem bedroom-friendly, even when the props are removed.  Seems ridiculous but maybe that’s the point.

  • Do any of these looks make sense to anyone? I mean, is the target audience women? Because I think they are ridiculous and nothing to aspire to. Is the goal some kind of fantasy wish-fulfillment for men? Because I’d love to know what man’s secret fantasy involves having the woman wear tinker toys.

  • oohsparkley!

    This extravagaza is all kinds of wrong on so many levels. But it sure makes a funny post. It’s better to laugh at it all than to cry.  

  • margaret meyers

    The upside is that this display is so bad it might put an end to this annual shitfest.

  • quiltrx

    Film nut that I am, my immediate thought upon seeing Fabric Store Hooker was actually “Hammer Horror Film Wench Hooker.”