HERE! HERE’S YOUR DAMN RECAP, WHINERS!
What we mean by that is, sorry we’re a day late, darlings.
Is it us, or is the Pit Crew criminally under-used this season?
Here endeth the complaint portion of this recap. Because this was the first top-to-bottom enjoyable episode of the season. And why was that? Because DRAG IS BACK, bitches!
Sweet Jesus on a breadstick, Shanell. What the fuck is going on with your face?
We do love these little mini-challenges when the girls are forced to come up with a look in mere minutes, because the results are always kind of hilariously bad.
Come on. Tell us you wouldn’t run screaming in terror if you came upon any of these ladies in a dark alleyway.
Anyway, we mean it: this episode worked on every level because – and pay attention, now, RPDR producers – it was all about drag. It was drag essence. It wasn’t a weak attempt at recreating a ’70s variety show or game show; it was about drag queens being drag queens; bitchy and fabulous and performing for a crowd.
First, the library was re-opened, with the fun twist of having the girls do their readings as cheerleaders. Never not fun.
Then, the ladies were given bio-ladies to work with to come up with a dance routine based around – what else? – one of Ru’s songs. Said bio-ladies being Kelly Osbourne, Vanessa Williams’ daughter Jillian Hervey, and, scraping the bottom of the barrel, Pia Zadora’s daughter … whose name escapes us and we don’t feel like looking up because she kind of got on our nerves anyway.
Man, Kelly O must’ve been pissed, standing next to these two never-heard-of-thems.
Jillian was game for anything, had great hair and a great ass, and is a trained dancer. Chad and Shanell lucked out.
Pia2 was about as interesting and talented as her mother. Raven and Jujubee are fucked.
Kelly O is Kelly O. We rag on her sometimes, but we do really like her, in that never-met kind of way one likes celebrities. She’s a nuclear-grade fruit fly and she’s earned her bona fides with the gays.
Hasn’t aged a day.
DIVA MAGNIFICA. Eat it, Diane!
They looked pretty good. Shanell had the weakest look of the three of them, although Jillian’s makeup was a bit scary. But of the three groups, they were the most polished. Sure, it helped that Jillian could dance and they let her have the spotlight, but Chad and Shanell are pretty polished performers themselves and besides, as Mary said (to an uncomfortable silence where no one wanted to make the obvious follow-up point) that it’s best to let your star performer have the spotlight. They were the clear winners.
Their routine was kind of awkward and half-assed, but what it lacked in technical aspects was made up for by Kelly’s presence and the costumes, which were the best out of all the girl groups. Plus, they worked the “crowd” (of LOGO employees) better than the other groups.
Pia2 was useless and the costumes were extremely disappointing, but Jujubee and Raven did what they do best – vamped it up – and that helped save the routine from disaster.
In the end, it came down to Rujubee and Yarlexis facing off for the lip synch. Honestly, we couldn’t tell from the edit how it was going …
But hyperactive Yara couldn’t leave well enough alone and she wound up hitting the buzzer, something that no queen is ever likely to do again, because it wound up getting them eliminated.
We were shocked. We really thought Ru was pushing to give a Latin Queen the win this season. We can’t say we disagree, because we were never as in love with these two as Ru seemed to be. Yara’s okay, if a little bit much to take after awhile, but Alexis’ low self esteem and defensiveness had long ago worn thin for us.