RPDR All Stars: In Your Satin Tights!

Posted on November 21, 2012

Of COURSE we didn’t forget, darlings! Think of it as our little pre-Thanksgiving gift to you.

Complete with meat.

Good GOD, those ladies look ROUGH.

This was cute enough, we suppose. We find ourselves missing the occasional photo shoot. These challenges are designed to put the queens in uncomfortable or awkward situations and then see how they handle it and whether they can be funny in the moment. That’s fine, but it seems to us at this point that the queens are a little too aware of that fact.

Fabulous.

DEEPLY disappointed. She is hilarious and yet it seems like anything she said got cut out of the conversation.

A classic. A monument to camp. The Mount Rushmore of camp. Never change, girl.

The challenge was cute and allowed the girls to splash around in both the “camp” and “glamour” pools, leaving them to their own devices to be as creative as they wanted to.

Her secret identity was standard Chad in a lot of ways. Her superhero look was colorful and weird, but you kind of had to be told that she was a superhero at all. Sure, she’s got boots and a cape, but so do a lot of other drag queens. Still, not bad.

You can just take everything we said about Chad and insert Shannel’s name. The secret identity was pure Shannel and you kind of needed to be told her supervillain look was a supervillain instead of just a fetish hooker. Points for being the only one to actually wear a mask.

Secret identity: standard Jujubee. In retrospect, we’re seriously disappointed no one tried to work a drag Diana Prince look. Come on, ladies. Her hero identity looked good but seemed half-assed to us. It needed a cape, a mask, a belt, boots, or some sort of insignia to really sell it. Any one of those would have been an improvement. She just looks like a standard sci-fi character. These queens are clearly not nerdy enough to understand superheroes.

Secret identity: Once again, a standard Raven look. Have these bitches never heard of Barbara Gordon? Jaime Sommers? Tsk.

On the other hand, her supervillain look was pretty amazing. All the props to her for going the unexpected route. This looked more like something Sharon Needles would’ve come up with – and THAT, bitches, is a compliment. Raven’s so in love with her own face that we found ourselves impressed that she would cover it up like that.

Chad and Shannel won, which seems kind of random to us. We suppose the fact that they utilized a cape, boots and a mask were enough to give them a win.

Soon to be a collector’s item, no doubt.

And so the Rujubee team was set against each other, in the campiest, funniest lip synch we’ve ever seen.

Come on, you can’t believe all that weepy, All My Children-style emoting was REAL, did you? You would’ve thought a Nazi told them to choose which one of their children would be allowed to live. Girlfriends were playing it to the hilt, which is just the kind of thing Ru likes to see. It was HILARIOUS.

And of course, the ending was exactly what everyone expected. No complaints here. A Chad & Shannel-heavy finale would’ve been kind of boring. Rujubee are clearly the stronger queens (to our eyes, anyway), so it only made sense to keep them in the game. Ru’s little last-minute shakeups are getting pretty predictable, but we can’t seem to work up any outrage over it. This is as it should be.

 

[Stills: tomandlorenzo.com]

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  • VioletFem

    Thoroughly entertaining episode. I really like the superhero challenge. I also want to give an Oscar to Jujubee and Raven for their Sophie’s choice-inspired lip-sync. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=555593309 Alexis Peñafuerte Wenceslao

    Elvira is a goddess

  • ccinnc

    I want Raven’s dress so hard. (ETA – not the black one.)

    • StellaZafella

       Speak to Ru’s people…it came from HER closet.

      • Melizmatic

         It totally looks like it.

    • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

      the fabric reminds me of that get-up that suede made for the young photographer on pr.

  • andcoh

    Okay, I was reading another forum and people were talking about crying during the lip synch and I couldn’t barely contain my laughter.  It was so fake.  A hilarious and clever idea on their part.  The challenge was fun but I think it actually would have been better early in the season, it would have benefited from more gals.

    • http://www.facebook.com/Cyllenius Maurice Depestre

      …”it would have benefited from more gals”… Totally agree. Manila Luzon would have killed this one!

      • Alec Lawson

        Right!? Was this not custom-made for Manilla and Latrice?  Latrice really could have channeled some Ursula the Sea Witch Realness here.

  • kleah

    i saw Chad at Mood last week! Looked very fashion-y in drapy drop-crotch pinstripe pants.

    • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

      you should get some kind of reality tv award for that sighting!  it’s like running over a pregnant nun-  bonus points!

      funny how our monikers are so similar…

  • formerlyAnon

    “These queens are clearly not nerdy enough to understand superheroes.”
    The breadth of perspective and inherent respect for the subjects of this blog that are revealed in this comment are why I can’t imagine quitting y’all, ever.

    (Fun challenge.)

    • http://www.facebook.com/mary.nease Mary Nease

      I’ve wanted a drag superhero challenge for years, but arghhhhhh I would finally get it when such un-nerdy queens are in the running. We need some Mystique up in her. She’d have done it right. If any of my drag queen friends ever want me to make them a drag superhero look, I’d be alllllll over that. Discounted labor and everything.

      • formerlyAnon

         Somebody better take you up on that offer!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Oscar-Olalde/850370401 Oscar Olalde

       agreed!!, and you put it in such eloquently words, sexy! :)… anyway, count me in as a comic book nerd that will follow Tlo forever!

  • MrsMaxPower

    I was disappointed in this episode because it was SO forced to me…forcing me to be annoyed with Shannel, forcing me to be sad or upset about the Raven/Juju situation, forcing me to think the judges were dumb were for awarding Shad with the win, etc. I really hope the finale brings some real realness.

    • StellaZafella

       I get what you’re saying MrsMax…but after all this time watching and seeing how this show works – do you really expect to see anything near real realness? It’s easier to just take the WHOLE thing with a big ol’ grain of salt and giggle that, (even Untucked), is an improvisational soap opera with some very talented non-actors.

      • MrsMaxPower

        Hahaha – well stated and true enough…Oddly, I’ve tended to enjoy the Untucked’s more than the episodes for the majority of the season. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Angelica-Smith-Mertens/150401222 Angelica Smith Mertens

       Those damn questions are totally forced…you know the ones…not only in the workroom, but also on Untucked.  I love the responses to them, but it sounds so rehearsed and pagenty….

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Stone/100001328135240 Mary Stone

     That lipsynch was MASTERFUL.  Basically we’re just going to STAND here and give you tragedy with a capital TRA.  “You leave me no choice” indeed.  I hope if there is another season of DRAS, the “team challenge” will be limited, and not the standard going forward.  Too many interesting people went home too early.

  • Frank_821

    yes these Queens don’t understand the genre

    if you want to check out a truly fabulous superhero queen try to find a copy of this faboo superhero flick from indonesia called Madame X by Lucky Kuswandi. She’s the superhero Jujubee was trying to be

    • RebeccaKW

      Would love to see that.
       
      I think Raja and Sharon Needles would have killed this.

      • http://www.facebook.com/mary.nease Mary Nease

        And Mystique Summers too, just because she is clearly the nerdiest person ever to have been on the show. Her drag name is derived from two superheros, after all. 

        • RebeccaKW

          It would have been great if someone had done some body paint, given themselves blue or green skin, etc.

        • AnotherG

          Oh. My. God.  I never realized, and I have collected X-Men since the *mumble mumble*.

        • H3ff

          Are we even 100% sure about that though? Mystique isn’t exactly a unique name, and the ‘Summers’ could just as easily be derived from Buffy Summers.

          • http://www.facebook.com/mary.nease Mary Nease

            She mentioned it somewhere. I can’t recall exactly where, but I know that she’s said that X-men are the root of her drag name. 

      • StillGary

        Right-O! Wish this challenge had shown up earlier to see what Latrice, Manilla, Pandora and (sorry, I will speak her name) Mimi, could have come up with!

        • DinahR

          Right!  Can you imagine what Tammi Brown could have come up with?  lol  Ru needs to recycle this challenge earlier in the next regular season.  

    • http://twitter.com/theickfactor Andre Poernomo

      I’m from Indonesia and I saw that film. Absolutely friggin funny! The villains have Hermes bags as their weapon, but fake Hermes bags so they’re called Herpes bags. Hahahaha…

  • cooperalden

    Can not stand Chad (“What’s the matter Momma?”  translates to “i need guarentee some air time here”).  Plus, how does a 41 year old man look 84 in every thing he does?  It’s always Alrene Dahl “today” to me.

    • formerlyAnon

      Man, you shot me back many decades with that Arlene Dahl reference. 

    • Frank_821

      Honestly I find Chad a little off-putting this season. Like he’s being bitchier and a little condescending. I didn’t get that vibe last year. Also I am seriously over his continual Hunger Games references. Come up with fresh material lady

      • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

        He should be eliminated on the spot if he does that Hunger Games thing again.

        • Melizmatic

          Chad was sooo disappointing this season; she does not do ‘bitchy queen’ well at all.

          Like, stick to what you’re good at, boo.

           ”He should be eliminated on the spot if he does that Hunger Games thing again.”

          This, 1000 times.

          The books weren’t even that good at all; so please quit trying to make Hunger Games references happen, Chad.

          http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6b43pdc441qcfgp5o3_500.gif

        • StellaZafella

           Frank and Vera, watch out what you wish for…she’s re-reading the Hobbit next.

          • formerlyAnon

             Laugh of the day, so far. (And I’ve already spent an hour or so on this blog, so that’s saying something!)

        • StillGary

          Right and JuJu and Raven ended up playing out the finale! 

      • StillGary

        In Untucked Chad said the funniest fricken thing to Shannel after she was gushing on about their deep Meryl Streep- Glen Close, top-bitch relationship of respect   — something like, “I haven’t always known how to accept your admiration, but now I can” I cannot remember the exact line … but it was soooo cringe worthy and hilarious  It’s like Chad starts to talk without ever knowing what he’s going to end up saying! 

      • http://twitter.com/taijuuuh Taija Hurri

        The thing is, I loved Chad in his season because he just seemed so genuine and sweet – the entire opposite of what he seems to be this season. Bad editing, or attention going to his head?

        • AnotherG

          Someone who saw him live recently said that Chad had warned folks he was much bitchier this time around.  He felt the need to be more drag-mothery his season, but since the all-stars were all professional, experienced queens, the gloves were off.

    • StellaZafella

       I always heard Chad had some snarky biatch in her…after all, she’s a proFEShional!

      But I’m thinking more Kitty Carlisle…;)

      • formerlyAnon

        This has NOTHING to do with the topic under discussion, but now I’m thinking about Orson Bean and Tom Poston for the first time in, well, a LONG time.

  • Stubenville

    Very amusing epi, even with the wholly predictable “twist” after the LFYL. I’m thinking Juju for the win at this point. 

  • http://profiles.google.com/marteani Barbara Guttman

    Shannel loses points for me.  The getup strikes me as oblivious, ditto for Juju.  All the secret identities are profoundly boring.  You’d think superheroes would bring out something way more interesting in the queens but while some of these looks are very well executed, none of them are remarkable.

  • Maggie Muellner

    Anyone else think Raven’s superhero was a doppelganger for La Toya Jackson?

  • VermillionSky

    Raven and Jujubee had the better overall look, in my opinion, because they looked like more modern super heroes/villains.  I liked looking at them more than the other two, especially Raven.  If Jujubee had boots and a utility belt with holsters for her ray-gun and baby oil I think they would have won.  Raven’s was perfect, and she had a mask, too (a clear plastic mask over her nose and cheeks that she removed for the LSFYL.  I love Chad and Shannel, but their characters were more old-school and not as interesting visually for me.

    • StillGary

      I do agree, but Shannel’s was pretty elaborate — even if she did end up resembling “the gimp” a little too much!

      • http://twitter.com/onetimeko maybe more

        Maybe getting too nitpicky, but I actually HATED that Shannel’s outfit was so elaborate. Superhero/villain looks are all about striking simplicity. No artist could draw Shannel’s bits and bobs in every panel, so her look has to be dumbed down to be drawn. Meaning it doesn’t work for me as a supervillain look.

  • MilaXX

    I was only impressed with Raven’s villain. However, I still think Ru will give the win to one of the older queens, and I think it will be Chad. I’m more excited to see the new batch for the next season. I think all of them have been revealed now. As expected Sharon’s boyfriend Alaska made the cut.

    • andcoh

      Alaska and Detox (who was in Willam’s Chick-fil-A video).  I’ve been so bored with all-stars that S5 had better be tons of fun.

      • http://twitter.com/AdamCAtkinson Adam Atkinson

         With Alaska and Detox on board, the show will have to work HARD to squelch the fun!

  • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

     Rujubee’s Choice.

  • http://twitter.com/stellaphone Stella Zawistowski

    Oh my goodness, queens playing basketball in day drag was the most entertaining five minutes of my week, quite possibly of my year.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Cleary/1201575213 Patrick Cleary

    This challenge makes me sad that Manila or Pandora isn’t still in the race. Could you imagine what kind of superhero (or villain) they would have come up with? Why didn’t we have Team Pandilla? 

    • Melizmatic

       I KNOW, right?

      Latrice as well; they cut the 3 most entertaining queens before this challenge, that’s just insane.

      Lastly;

      OMG- Pandilla would have been sheer AWESOME….

    • StillGary

      NICE NAME!!! But they would have killed each other — I think (about Drag Race way tooo much) Pandora would have been threatened by Manilla’s cleverness and superior fashion sense. Pandora would have been better paired with one of the prettier queens who would play the “straight man” (LOL) and left her in charge of the comedy.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

    Raven in the b-ball outfit looked like he belonged on Welcome Back, Kotter. Ick.

    • StellaZafella

       OOO! OOO! OOO! Mahy name is Ahnuld WHOOOOOOOREshacK!

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_H3XBSNN3JLZWI4R2EPZ2BQYT5U Suzanne S

      “Klinger (from MASH) reporting for duty” is all I could see, but I liked your comparison as well.

  • StellaZafella

    The lip-sync was, in my opinion, only missing the subtitles. If the song had been in Spanish and the titles in English it would have been a great send up of the Latina Novella. I believe, too, that there is real camaraderie on each of the teams…but I don’t believe  for a minute that any of these queens misses seeing the chance to play the camp/drama to the hilt.

    A belt, or any body accessories would have obscured the fact that Juju was sporting some major girl body in the white slicker suit…and that’s HARD to pull off when , as with Juju, you use so much augmentation: There’s just so much that can slip south or go wrong without a busy costume to cover the movement. Her whole under-body padding network must have been wrapped in Saran! She really gave the fishiest look she’s ever done…and that’s saying something for Juju.

    I never thought I’d say it…but Raven actually outdid herself. Major kudos in my book.

    I love Chad AND Shannel…I will always love an old school pro in a drag competition. I really don’t think their capable of going very far beyond their respective wheelhouses at this point because, after all this time, they’ve probably already tried many other looks and decided that anything but what they’re doing now is a mistake.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1183772509 Jen Hughes

    I’m such a sucker. I still bawled during that lip sync. Next week though? BETH FUCKING DITTO. I’m so excited. 

  • halo323

    By far the best episode of the season.  My husband and I were dying laughing at the basketball segment.

    I love them all and these were my choices for the top four from the beginning, but now that the teams are broken up, TEAM RAVEN.  I live for that girl and always have.  And she killlllllllled it in that villain outfit.  And Rujubee has been in the bottom for a few weeks now… everyone loves a good underdog story! 

  • Melizmatic

    No, my dears; I did NOT believe that “Sophie’s Choice”-style lip synch for one minute.

    As soon as they both broke down into tears, I knew that nobody was Sashaying Away.

    Basically, the entire episode was rather anticlimactic, IMO; nothing happened that was unexpected, except maybe Raven covering up her face.  (Good call, btw.)

    Everything else was totally predictable.

    I’m so over All Stars, and sooo ready for January to arrive; bringing with it Alaska, Detox and Jinkx.

    Bring on the new and interesting girls, stat!

    • http://www.facebook.com/wesley.vanderwallen Wesley Vanderwallen

      Alaska is in the new season?! ;A; BLESS

  • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gabriella M

    Man, Elvira, can I copy your contract with the devil to look that good at 60? I don’t look that good now. 
    Also, my first thought on the insistence on capes was the scenes from The Incredibles: “NO CAPES.”
    Also, I thought Jujubee’s worked as a take on the 70s Diana Prince when she wasn’t allowed to be Wonder Woman anymore but was still being a kung fu superheroine or something (forgive me, I’ve only seen covers). Or a little AliasslashAeonFlux. 
    I definitely would have given the win to Rujubee, personally, though that may be my own biases showing. I thought Shad’s look was visually cluttered which in turn made it uninteresting. I suppose Shad’s stories were better though. 
    I didn’t really buy the lip sync, but I found it more depressing than funny. I dunno. 
    Jujubee ftw! Or Chad, though her ego’s been insufferable this season (but whose hasn’t, really?).

  • StillGary

    Did anyone else think of the hunger games, where Katniss and Peta refuse to go at it? 

  • Vincent Macaluso

    I can’t breathe.

    • AnotherG

      Tyra, is that you?

      In fairness, though, it’s entirely possible that Juju’s body suit-plus-padding was suffocating her.  She looked like an adorable little parsnip about to explode.

  • TheOtherChristina

    This show suddenly got, like, ten times better by sheer virtue of Alexis Mateo not being on my damn TV.

    Jujubee is still my very favorite but I have to say I am incredibly impressed by Raven’s adaptability and willingness to take risks. Her supervillain look gave me the vapors. And I say this as someone who never really warmed to Raven the first time around.

    • http://twitter.com/theclarinetist Donald Hite

      Couldn’t agree more, although it would have been entertaining to see what kind of ridiculous, frenetic super hero train wrecks they would have come up with.  

  • margaret meyers

    Celebratin’ my Outtie with this here belly tattoo.

  • Susan Collier

    Seeing Elvira now, I’m beginning to believe that she really is a vampiress.

  • DinahR

    I was waiting for a ‘librarian by day, superhero by night’ catwalk and they pretty much all looked like divas 24/7.  It’s like they heard Ru say Supermodel and could not stop themselves from shoehorning that type of look into their secret identity.  But it would have made more sense and been more fun if the nurses/hospital technicians by day looked like… oh, I dunno.  Nurses and hospital techs?   Raven and Juju’s secret identities weren’t even on Earth so I guess that didn’t matter.  I agree, these gals weren’t nerdy enough to get what they were supposed to do in this challenge!  

  • http://twitter.com/theclarinetist Donald Hite

    I personally think that Rujubee were the clear winners (Chad and Shannel were just a bit too tacky for my tastes), but the top 4 thing was pre-decided and Ru knew Rujubee would give a more emotional lip synch (even if it was artificial).  Fake or not, I think it made for good TV.  Because the manipulation on this show is so well documented and seems to be acknowledged by everyone, it’s almost easier to give in to it and just go with it.  There’s no “I think this might be fake…”  instead it’s like “Of course it’s fake… but it’s so juicy I don’t care”.

    Even though this season started out kind of lame, I’m actually liking the kinship between the queens now (as opposed to the pettiness that usually exists in the final phases of this show: glasscock, sanchez, o’hara…).  I liked that Chad literally cheered when Ru announced both were safe (I don’t know if the contestants are in on the predetermined twists, but I thought Chad’s reaction seemed genuine).  It seems like they’re all there to celebrate drag and each other, and less focused on beating each other.  At this point (aside from the money), there probably isn’t much advantage to winning anyway.  These are all well known/successful queens and the screen time All-Stars is giving them is probably worth more than the prize money anyway for furthering their careers.

    Even if it is contrived, I think this season has taken a decided turn for the better.

    • StellaZafella

      I couldn’t agree with you more, Donald. and what makes me enjoy this site and the bitter kittens all the more is how we “get it” and are open about loving the good satire…even when it makes us tear up sometimes in spite of ourselves.

    • Iroqhard

      I agree. I was wondering if anyone else noticed the “YES!” that came out of Chad when Ru announced a top four, not three. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Angelica-Smith-Mertens/150401222 Angelica Smith Mertens

    No, Manila should have been in the finale if not the WINNAH!!!  This was an entertaining episode.  Loved the game of “FISH”!!!

  • Linderella

    Oh, good, I’m really not a bitter old queen, and it’s not just me:  I thought the lip-synch was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in years!
    My partner and I called it “RuPaul’s Drag Race:  Hunger Games Edition.”

  • http://twitter.com/theclarinetist Donald Hite

    Has anyone commented on Sean’s weird tattoos yet (or whatever they are).  What’s going on there?

    • AnotherG

      I’m pretty sure they’re his robot seams, because . . . he can’t be a real little boy, can he?

  • Markatha

    Ru was gorgeous, as usual.  She gives such good face! 
     And so does Elvira.  She never ages a minute.  She looked beautiful. I love her.
    I enjoyed this episode and all the girls.

    This short/doubled up season has been more frustrating than fun at times.
    Please re-think things before the next all=Stars Ru Darling.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Melissa-Janes/1307910218 Melissa Janes

    Yes, yes, yes to all the character possibilities you mentioned. Just makes me sad Manilla wasn’t around. She would have nailed this challenge. Possibly Pandora too.

    I don’t know, I’m starting to get bored of the soap opera tears routine. At this point, I’m rooting for two things: for Chad to win and this series to end so we can get to Season Five. It’s so predictable! I get that its intentionally contrived with a wink, but there at least needs to be /some/ notion of actual competition. Gets boring otherwise.

    But Season Five of the regular show looks like it could be exciting. They revealed all the queens in the running, and I’d love to see a post about all of them here! They put Detox Icunt on, and I can’t wait for her to make the sensitive baby queens weep.

  • e jerry powell

    I remember seeing Elvira nekkid back in the day, when she was still just Cassandra.  I never know what to make of her anymore.

  • shanteIstay

    I ont care what the judges Sid, Jujubee looked on point. Did Jessica alba wear a cape in fantastic 4? No! And she didn’t were half as much as Jujubee! That was such a silly critism. We are in 2012 nerdy or not, our super heros don’t fly around like superman anymore

  • pdquick

    That moment in Untucked where Jujubee and Raven are having their cry fest, and then Jujubee says “pull my finger” and belches–Emmy-worthy.