Jessica Biel in Roland Mouret

Posted on November 20, 2012

Jessica poses in front of the Dumpsters of Fabulousness and we almost like the way she looks.

 

Jessica Biel makes an appearance on the ‘Late Show with David Letterman’ in New York City to promote her latest movie ‘Hitchcock’  in a Roland Mouret dress paired with Jimmy Choo pumps.

Almost.

We love the colors here, but then we’re suckers for a blue-green combo, as we’ve said many times before. We also kind of dig the not-quite-matchy shoes because, again, as we’ve said many times before, we’re suckers for a little tone-on-tone. There’s something aesthetically soothing about it. We don’t think raglan sleeves always work with dresses, but Jessica’s got those killer shoulders, so they suit her fine.

But MAN, do we ever hate the way this thing is shaped and the way it fits her. That weird thing in the front – we don’t even know what to say about that. It’s an awful design element. The neckline’s okay, but the way the whole dress gathers and drapes just makes it look like it’s ill-fitted. This would look so much more killer if it was just a fitted dress with raglan sleeves and a pseudo-cowl neckline.

And GIRL, you have GOT to lose the booms and the cocker spaniel hair. It looks AWFUL. Also, we hate your shade of lipstick.

Yes, that’s us “almost” liking something. Imagine if we hated it.

 

[Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews.com]

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  • blogless

    Looks like she’s trying out for wife #5 on Big Love.

    Seriously, horrible hair and hate the length of that hem.

  • neofashionista

    No
    this is An OUT bitches
    it is too big on her and only enhances her misplaced Smugness

  • v m

    I dig the dress. It’s so rare to see something different, but I detest pointy shoes.

  • afabulous50

    Can’t stand the hair and makeup – enough already!!  Get a new “do”!

    • http://twitter.com/nycloy Loy Phillips

      I realize that I am in the minority here but I really lover her hair.  The coloring is gorgeous and the cut suits her, which sets her apart from the other starlets, no?  I could be wrong but isn’t that her real hair.  It looks healthy and well cared for.  

      Agree about the lipstick though.  She should have gone with a warmer color. 

  • NC_Meg

    Yea, what IS that on the front? And I wish it was a few inches shorter. I can’t wait until this stupid hem length is out. It’s not flattering on anyone.

    • Aurumgirl

       I think it’s a detail that is supposed to signal “I have a uterus!” to the world. 

  • http://twitter.com/hmbscully WendyD

    GIRL, that is NOT YOUR HAIR. Stop trying to make it happen.

  • afabulous50

    She is #3 on my irrational hate list!

    • Erin Nice

      Good one. Who are numbers 1 and 2?

      • afabulous50

        #1 Diana Krueger
        #2 Elizabeth Moss

  • http://twitter.com/sebwfu Shannon Beamer

    I cannot with those shoes; they are eye sores.  Also, that “weird thing in the front” looks like a mouth.  Whatever it is, it’s terrible and unnecessary.  God, this girl — for all her beauty — is just a mess.  Someone needs to direct her to you boys for a makeover. 

  • decormaven

    The shot when she is in motion makes me like the dress/shoe combination more, but it’s still not a win for me. That waist detail looks like something snatched from a frock from the original The Women. Also, that lipstick must be pulled from her makeup bag. It does you no favors, m’dear.

  • Inspector_Gidget

    Is it just me or is she giving off a Leeanne Marshall vibe, especially in that first shot?

    Also, maybe it’s not coincidence that she just came from a dumpster…

    • http://twitter.com/MixedupBek Rebekah B

      I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thought this.

  • hughman

    It just screams “hospital gown” to me and that pump color reminds me of slip-on covers for shoes in surgery. 

  • gabbilevy

    Seriously, the hair and the sick with the flu makeup have GOT to go. The dress isn’t half bad.

  • Jecca2244

    i’ve had blunt bangs my entire life. I spend too much time fretting about them. TOO MUCH. but when it comes to growing them out I freak out. Honey you don’t need the bangs. What are you doing? Bangs make everything harder. 

    • bookish

       I’ve had blunt bangs for about a year-and-a-half now, and I’m always worrying that I just look stupid with them. Plus I have to get them trimmed every three weeks. But I cringe at the idea of the growing out phase. :/

      • Jecca2244

        yes the trims! Those are the worst. I used to do them myself, but now have someone do it. Such a process. I’m sure you look great with them : ) I get compliments on mine…they are just such a chore.

  • MilaXX

    I like to compare celebs on chat shows with how they look in the promo stills. This dress actually worked walking out but the hair and makeup were awful.

  • Snailstsichr

    Her makeup and hair are tragic.

  • Judy_J

    I hate the way the bodice of that dress fits.  All the fullness is gathered in the front, and it just looks saggy and baggy.  She needs a stronger lip color, too. 

  • NCDFan

    Droopy

  • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gabriella M

    The weird thing in the front reminds me of a stylized ribbon banner. I feel like it should have “Mom” or “Best in Show” or something written on it.

  • RebeccaKW

    Out.  I like the colors, but I don’t like the shoes with it.  The blues are not a match and it makes my eye twitch.  The dress is weird.  The collar, the thing at the waist.  No.

    I’m over her hair-the color, the length, the style, and those bangs-and this makeups is sad.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julie-Chase/731391326 Julie Chase

    I like the colors, but not the frump. And Jesus, why does anyone think that a pale lipstick on a pale girl like that works? 

    How does someone so fit look so bad so often? 

    So.

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    Has Roland Mouret starting designing for ModCloth?

  • Kenisha Hill Phillips

    I kind of like the lipstick.

  • Scott Isaacs

    Okay…on the off-chance that links are not allowed on comments…

    All’s I have to say is Wholesome Wear. (Google if you’re not familiar.)

    • http://twitter.com/Mylynka Mylynka

       Googled.  whoaaaaaa….

  • http://www.facebook.com/AntoniaDonnelly Antonia O’Connor Donnelly

    Yeah that hair has got to go!

  • BrooklynBomber

    I kind of love this dress, but it looks like the whole thing needs to be lifted an inch from the waist.

  • Introspective

    I said this yesterday to her team when yet another misstep was made by this fashion victim, and as a courtesy I’ll repeat:

    STOP TRYING TO MAKE “JESSICA BIEL: FASHIONPLATE!” HAPPEN. SERIOUSLY. (nobody’s buying it)

  • Trisha26

    Totally agree. Didn’t she used to be really pretty and really put together?

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Nope. This is a stupid dress draped and fitted stupidly, and she is stupid for even thinking any of this look flatters her, hair and make up included. OUT.

    ETA: You know why I keep calling Jessica Biel a fashion idiot, by the way? Because people, have you SEEN her in jeans? She looks KILLA in casual looks. But whenever it’s formal, she’s an idiot.

  • meowing

    Oh, geez, I just dumped a lipstick about that shade.  Don’t even recall when/why I bought it, other than a moment of insanity.  Jessica, let’s dump yours and mine into those Fabulous Dumpsters and redeem ourselves.

  • crash1212

    Her abdomen has a sad.

    • curiouserandcuriousest

       That was my first thought. Sad dress has sad face.

  • Rebecca Jay

    Okay, I was hoping someone else would ask first but apparently I’m the only boom-dummy.  
    What are booms?  Is that referring to her bangs?

    • kimmeister

      Yes.  They’re so big, they don’t bang, they BOOM.

      • Rebecca Jay

        HAH that’s funny.  Thanks for the explanation!

  • http://twitter.com/starrika starrika

    I like this a lot.

  • kimmeister

    Her dress looks like it’s on backwards.

  • Scarlet39

    For some strange reason, nothing ever looks right on her.   She’s pretty, has a great body, but for a reason i just can’t put my finger on, her looks are always WAH WAH WAH.

  • marilyn

    I don’t like the shape of the shoulders and the contrasting colors.  It takes the dress down to velour.  The colors and their placement remind me of a jersey that a guy would wear.  

  • alyce1213

    Frumpy, aging comes to mind.  Her hair is fine for a 10-year-old. What a combination.

  • littlemac8

    Girl cannot dress herself!  I hope no one else is doing this to her.  I think I felt better when I thought Justin was her Svengali of bad taste.  Now I don’t know who to blame!!!

  • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

    I couldn’t get past the hair and lipstick. She looks ridiculous. I think I would like the dress on someone else. But the shoes. Oh this is just a mess.

  • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

    I *LOVE* the dress, and I think it looks great on her. She needs to pull her hair back, and wear a bolder lip color, though. 

  • snarkykitten

    So is dick pink lipstick coming back? :/

  • Chaiaiai

    I love that color combo on the dress because it reminds me of the colors on the dress Maureen O’Hara wears when she has her make over in “The Parent Trap”. 

  • teensmom99

    A rare disagreement between me and my favorite gay uncles.  I LOVE this dress.  Can we agree to disagree? Well of course not but just this once.

  • quiltrx

    This dress is definitely a Monet…pretty good from a distance, but you get up close and keep asking, “what is THAT?  and WHY?”

    And I can’t stand her, can’t stand her hair.  At least this lipstick camouflages her super-wide simian mouth.

  • SewingSiren

    Love the dress (even the draped front peplum?) but I do dislike the hair.

  • formerlyAnon

    Least favorite Mouret I remember seeing. I’d like to see what’s under her hanks of hair on the shoulders, but I have no hope that it’d improve my opinion.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Helio-Trope/100000175140677 Helio Trope

    She has that conservative-now-that-she-converted-to-a-cult look DOWN. Katie Holmes, watch out!

  • http://www.ellenciompi.com/ NurseEllen

    “Also, we hate your shade of lipstick.”  THAT’S A SHADE??  Seriously, those lips are the shade of chronic anemia.

  • jmorino08

    Is she trying to start her own baby bump rumors with that thing? Gurrrrrrrrrrl, that’s just pathetic!

  • http://twitter.com/Alloyjane Alloy Jane

    I’m too distracted by the notion that these pictures story board her decision to pick her ass in public.  Mr. Crab is frowning upon her poor judgement.

  • briecee

    That thing in the front is like one of those banners on portraits that tells you the name of the subject.  I think it was accidentally left blank and should have been labelled “UTERUS”.

  • Mike Owens

    Am over the whole bangs trend. Move on, girls.

  • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

    Meh.  She looks good.  The dress does look droopy an could have been several inches shorter.  The hair doesn’t bug me so much. Like Rashida Jones, Biel is a gorgeous woman falls short in the thee fashion dept.

  • B_C_J

    At the shoulders and waist the dress seems to fit fine. However, the gather/pleat/peplum in the front does horrible things to her bust line. (The illusion of a sagging bust is NEVER a good one.)  She would also benefit from having the dress shortened several inches. Finally, she needs to do something with those bangs.

  • Le_Sigh

    That weird thing looks like its framing her uterus.

    And dear god I really dislike her booms.  I don’t even think I can call them booms b/c I dislike them so much on her.  They’re bloody forehead curtains.

  • m0r0

    Couldn’t agree more on the hair but I LOVE this dress. I’d buy it in an instant if I could afford it.

  • Janet B

    Her shoulders are just about perfect she doesn’t need the shoulder pads.

  • librarygrrl64

    I kind of like the detail on the front. It goes with the late 30s retro vibe of the overall shape and the shoulder pads. And I LOVE this color combo! Maybe it just doesn’t fit her well enough? But I just don’t think this dress is supposed to be super fitted, at least not in the upper half. Her hair continues to be a valance-and-drapes abomination.

  • http://korilian.livejournal.com/ korilian

    I like it, though it’s a bit too long for my taste. I really want to see what this dress looks sitting down though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1355527007 Rain Jezek

    I usually agree with you but I like the dress and think it looks great on her. The cocker spaniel hair has to go, though.

  • ShayShay

    Why with these bangs and no make-up, no lipstick thing.  SMH.  She looks terrible.