Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Scarlett Johansson in Rodarte

Posted on November 19, 2012

We trust that the following pictures speak for themselves and we won’t have to explain to you why this is Not Your Dress, Scar:


Scarlett Johansson attends the premiere of ‘Hitchcock’ in New York City in a Rodarte dress paired with Gucci shoes and Lorraine Schwartz jewelry.

Rodarte Spring 2013 Collection/Model: Valerija Kelava

Also: Those Are Not Your Shoes. And That Is Not Your Makeup or Hair.

Jesus Christ, you’re absolutely gorgeous, genetically gifted in a way that makes most of the rest of us jealous. There is no reason for you to be in front of cameras looking so shitty.

In other news, Hitchcock looks like a lot of fun. We had issues with Scar’s casting as Janet Leigh, but she looks surprisingly like her in the previews, and even more surprising, she got her voice and mannerisms down pretty well too, which couldn’t have been easy, since Janet, bless her heart, wasn’t what we’d call “distinctive” in any way.

Anyway, lose this look completely, girl. Burn it if you have to.


[Photo Credit: Janet Mayer /,]

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  • LadyCelia

    I don’t think that’s anyone’s dress!

    • JLH

      Yes, more like, “Fashion, that’s not your dress”.

      • kikisayshi

         Exactly! And not her lip color either. Eww.

    •  I think it could be Kristen Stewart’s dress, but that’s definitely no one’s shoes/hair/makeup.

    • A. W.

      She looks like the goth teenage daughter of a well-to-do family, who has begrudgingly shown up to her dad’s christmas party in the most belligerent dress she could find at H&M.

    • DesertDweller79


    • exactly what I was going to say

    •  I was just thinking the exact same thing. It looks like it was made out of leftovers from a Waverly end-of-bolt sale cat fight.

    • bellafigura1

      I could see KStew rocking this head to toe.

    • jjfg


    • Exactly my thought as soon as I saw this!

  • lovelyivy

    Maybe she can put it in a box and send it to Keira Knightley? Minus the hair, which is NO ONE’S hair.

    • Keira: I could make it work, but why would I want to? Do I look like someone who wears other people’s handed down dresses? PLEASE, OTHER PEOPLE WEAR MY HANDED DOWN DRESSES!

  • elleg929

    The first thing I thought was, “Girl that is not your LIPSTICK!”

    • MoHub

       Absolutely. I almost didn’t see the dress, I got so stuck on the lipcolor.

      • margaret meyers

        She looks pasty and puffy.

  • That front panel with the “vine” fabric outlining it looks as though it was made from Hobby Store rejects. 

    • charlotte

       The pattern would look nice on napkins though.

  • Oh god, this whole thing looks like it came from the reject pile of the “Marijuana Queen” costumes that Lady Gaga and Rihanna wore for Halloween.

  • crash1212

    Man, this is really just one big FAIL – from limp hair to orthopedic shoes. That’s a difficult dress in the best of circumstances.

  • I’m not sure that’s anybody’s dress; it looks like a DIY project using table linens/placemats.

    PS – She has a Mjölnir tattoo? Thor’s a great guy and all, but isn’t he already taken?

  • MaryanneGirl

    “Jesus Christ, you’re absolutely gorgeous, genetically gifted in a way that makes most of the rest of us jealous.” Hahahaha. 

  • Sobaika

    Pure unfettered FUG.

  • Isana Leshchinskaya

    the title really should have been girl, that is not your makeup. thanks for bringing it up. none of the paler ladies, scarjo, seyfried, and even the warmer-skinned j.biel-timberlake, can pull of that bloat corpse lip color. it only works on the olive skinned and upwards, nc30+, yo.

    • DesertDweller79

       Sigh.  That lipstick color would look amazing on me.  ScarJo, you should obviously give it to me!

  • neofashionista

    i think you should start a Girl thats not you Face post TLo and make this the headliner, this does not look anything like her
    maybe a sleep deprived heavily medicated half sister version of her but otherwise that is NOT her face
    (or her dress I concur)

  • AthenaJ

    Too-dark lipstick, grungy hair, horrible outfit – I think Scarlett is having a 90’s flashback.

  • What’s the captial “A” for, in shrubbery no less?  That’s all I can see.

    • DCSheehan

      Ass. As in ‘The wearer of this dress looks like ass.’

  • I am enjoying the fact that all the starlets are being “stabbed” by Anthony Hopkins in the Hitchcock poster background!

  • Introspective

    this is aggressively labor intensive on the eyes (thanks Georgina for that one)

    hair, makeup, dress, shoes- everywhere I look my corneas are seared. girl stop. now.

  • donnaINseattle

    Whenever y’all state “that is not your dress” I always consider if it is something Tilda would wear . . . definitely a not.

  • That’s Nacy Botwin’s dress to a “t”.

  • hughman

    That dress is Pucked Up. 

  • That is not anyone’s dress, specifically if ScarJo can’t pull it off. Also, I’m sad to see the 90’s shade of burgandy/purply lipstick is back. I will not be participating in that trend again since I was a victim the first time around. 

    ETA: This is a bit Kesha for my liking.

    • MilaXX

       I like the dark lips for the Fall and Winter, but they really only work with actual Fall/WInter clothes and like red lipsticks, you really must find your shade. So far both she and Jessica Beil have failed to do so.

  • Susan Rappenwolf

    Isn’t that ivy print from the old email borders we used to lavish on our correspondents?

  • Puck Thornton

    Trying too hard, failing miserably. And honey, stop braiding your hair like it’s 1992.

    •  Heidi Klum had that do in a recent post too – it must be the new Pinterest braid. Awful. At least she didn’t wear the horrible skivvy underneath like the model.

  • Joyce VG

    Did she have her hair done by prison ladies?   There was one picture of this somewhere else and she looked ok.  But these pics make her look awful. Wow.

  • Also not her shoes, lipstick, or eyeshadow.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Is she gunning for a Poison Ivy role in a Batman movie I haven’t heard of?

  • MilaXX

    This is a look deserving of hissy fits and the beating then firing of assistants. Everything is just wrong; hair, makeup, dress, and shoes.

  • DCSheehan

    They’re not her tattoos either. Where’d she have them done, a nightclub bathroom?

  • frannyprof

    why oh why does she do this so often? a personal worst, to be sure, but not the first time she’s had us shaking our heads at her fashion/styling choices. I don’t get it.

  • CeeQ

    Only one word to describe this: awkward.

  • kimmeister

    I know the guideline is that if you play up your lips, you shouldn’t play up your eyes, but she seriously doesn’t appear to have a drop of makeup on her eyes.  What the heck!

    I actually don’t mind the dress, but everything else is terrible.

  • I do not get her.  I just don’t think she’s all that, mainly because it bugs the crap out of me that she can’t ever pose with her mouth shut.  That ‘sexy’ open mouth just makes her look dim.

  • What am I missing? I think she looks amazing in this dress! I’m been drooling over this new Rodarte collection. The lipstick? Doesn’t work but I love everything else! Sigh. If I was a celeb, I’d be on every worst-dressed list. 

  • amywinns

    When someone who looks this good looks this bad, it just kind of makes me angry. (Not jealous. Just disgusted.)

  • LJCdoc

    She looks painfully uncomfortable. Also, I REALLY want to see that movie!

  • nannypoo

    Her makeup is the worst part of a really tragic look.

  • MoHub

    I didn’t even recognize ScarJo with that makeup. Aargh!

  • getouttadodge

    Nice Skrillex hair.

  • Burn it and smack whoever didn’t talk you out of it.

  • Judy_J

    She looks like a person who absolutely does not want to be where she is.  Everything about this look is just awful….hair, makeup, shoes, dress, accessories (or lack thereof). 

  • Even perfect people have (way) off days. Makes me, a mere mortal, feel better.

  • sweet_potato


  • The dress isn’t flattering but the styling is simply god-awful.

  • Fug shoes.

  • allcapsERINN

    I actually think the dress is kind of cool but maybe for somebody with longer legs. And I kind of like it better with the neck and sleeves. *ducks while people boo and throw things* It belongs on someone edgier, in an edgier place, like at an offensive art exhibit in a dark warehouse-converted-gallery full of people trying to be all artsy and controversial and stuff. But it doesn’t bug me as much as her Xanax face does. She has the same look I get when I’ve taken about three of them.

    Shoot, I love Scarlett Johansson. I feel guilty as hell now. Sorry, Scarlett.

  • NCDFan

    Ahem, Alert to fashion designers: Don’t put pleats that stick out right over the tummy. End Alert.
    Alert to makeup artists: Pale ladies with dark red lips look like vampire wannabees. End Alert
    Hairdresser Alert: hair styles which expose the hair underneath and make the hair look like a grown out dye job suck! End Alert
    Stylist Alert: Quit with the hoof shoes already! They’re hideous and make our legs look short. End Alert.
    Whoo, that’s too many for one woman!

  • MrsMaxPower

    My 1994-5 prom make-up with chavtastic/early Cheryl Cole hair.  And the dress just looks like a Poison Ivy costume.

    And is it just me that is getting a MAJOR Stephanie Tanner/Jodie Sweetin vibe from the first picture?

  • Zippypie

    Honestly, I don’t think that could be anyone’s dress.  It’s a hideous apron.

  • She looks exhausted. Her face says “I don’t give a sh**” and her hair/makeup/dress/posture/everything seems to be seconding that notion.

  • Snailstsichr

    That ivy on the bodice is 80’s quilting fabric ; my Mother used it in the guest bedroom. None of these fabrics should be in the same garment – and that is the least of the problems with this dress.

  • Comus

    Compared to Jessica Biel channelling Dorothy Zbornak, this doesn’t make me feel stabby … but definitely needs different shoes.  At least it’s an interesting look that skews youthful, but she’s not pulling it off (unfortunately).

  • mom2ab

    And can we just use this as exhibit 1 for the prosecution on “why the stupid ugly bare legged trend that only looks good on teenagers at the beach” should go away?  There is beautiful ultra sheer hosiery available that can make your legs look gorgeous and really finish your look.

  • myristica_fragrans

    i could’ve made the top of the dress with the ivy brush in gimp.

  • DominoEstella

    I hate that color of lipstick.  It looks good on almost no one and especially not a blonde.  I hate that it’s come back.

  • Not only are the dress, makeup and hair godawful but she’s posing like a stoned, bored teenager at a distant aunt’s wedding.

  • It’s the 90s!

    • mhleta

      It’s a powder room curtain in the 90s.

  • margaret meyers

    This is  n o b o d y ‘ s  dress. Rodarte often veers into home-sewing-land.

  • guest2visits

    I liked this look from the waist up.  I don’t know how to fix the skirt to make it right; in fact the back is pretty bad too.
    And the shoes are unflattering. Maybe this IS a look to just forget completely.

  • bertkeeter

    None of that look should be anyones! FUGLY!

  • quiltrx

    This dress is a shame!  It’s so much less than the sum of its parts…I would really love to see who *could* wear this dress.

  • I assume she’s wearing the giant R on her chest because she’s auditioning as the sexy version of Robin in the next Batman reboot. Right?

  • Call me Bee

    Yikes.  This *may* have worked if it were floor length, if she had worn different shoes (and just thrown these into the trash…) and if she were wearing less makeup and a different hairstyle.  Eh…forget it.  It’s awful top to bottom. 

  • formerlyAnon

    With the right make up, hair and shoes, the dress might work. Kinda.

    My deepest hatred here is for the shoes.

  • watchmeboogie

    Wow – every last detail of this look is wrong, wrong, wrong. It’s kind of surprising that she could even look this bad.

  • Sarah Thomas

    Actually, I like that dress, but it’s the only thing I like. 

  • She has such a white trash face in this makeup.  I hate it.

  • decormaven

    Isn’t that the same shade of lipstick Drew Barrymore wore in Poison Ivy? This entire look is unbecoming, especially the shoes. 

  • LuisaNL

    damn, those are some seriously ugly shoes. the dress is not much better and I agree with the BK, this might not be anyone’s dress. also, that hair is ridiculous.
    ahhhh, that’s better.

  • f_yeah_marie

    My reservations about this film are not due to ScarJo, who I’m actually a fan of, but rather Jessica Biel.

  • MoHub

    I finally figured out my reaction to this dress: It’s like the cocktail dress equivalent of a Christmas sweater. And we know how we feel about Christmas sweaters.

  • mhleta

    Ew. The ivy reminds me of that awful Waverly print that was on the walls and windows of just about every subdivision in suburban America in the ’90s. SJ as Janet Leigh????? WTF? HAVE THEY NOT HEARD OF OR SEEN JANUARY JONES?!? She’s a clone for JL!

  • Mor Sh

    I get that she wanted to try the berry lip trend, but the dress does practically nothing with her figure. Rodarte only looks good on people who are stick-thin. Like Kirsten Dunst.

  • Toto Maya

     Sorry, I can’t even see anything other than that hideous lipstick. What dress?

  • Sweet Jesus, what happened here? Is this a cry for help?!

    • sun

      a cray for help?

  • ShayShay

    Those shoes give the appearance that someone chopped her feet off. Cray!!!