Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Penelope Cruz in Versace

Posted on November 07, 2012

Oh, Penny. Honey, no. You’ve got to know when to step away from a garment.


Penelope Cruz attends ‘Venuto al mondo’ photocall in Rome in a Versace leather trench coat dress paired with Jimmy Choo pumps.

Jimmy Choo Eros Platform Leather Pump

It’s a shame, because that’s a pretty fucking fabulous trench.

Now, you could argue that all she needs to do is go up a size and everything would be fine, but we’re going to stick to our guns here. We just don’t think this sort of edgy look suits her all that well. We think it could work as outerwear; left open, with something brightly colored underneath, but as a dress? No. It’s just not in her wheelhouse, which generally ranges from traditionally sexy looks to traditionally rich-bitch looks.

Sweetie, pack this fabulous coat up and send it off to Gwen Stefani, who’ll know what to do with it. Also: you’re defaulting to the black platform pump a little too much. Time to move on.


[Photo Credit: Kika Press/,]

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  • Andrew Schroeder

    Wait, so is it a dress or a coat? 

    • RebeccaKW

       It’s listed as a coat dress, but she seems to be wearing it as a coat.  I say that b/c of how it’s buttoned.  The last button is right above the good china, and with the way the flaps are spreading, I can’t imagine she’s not wearing something (short) underneath to keep from flashing the world.  The same with the top.  She could literally fall out of that…plus I think you can see a shirt or something, especially in the last picture.

      • kimmeister

        I agree.  You can definitely see that she has something black underneath, possibly a sheath dress.

    • MoHub

       In the words of Joanna Coles, it’s a “droat.”

  • Janet B

    She looks so youthful with her hair loose and her makeup lightly applied.

    • e jerry powell

      In a couple of angles.  That left three-quarters looks a hot mess.

    • kschwarting

      I agree.  That is some serious JBF hair, and it works for her.

  • Imasewsure

    Yes as an actual trench paired with some cool ladypants, this would be fantastic. Shoes would be hidden then too

  • Ooh, yeah, no. But her hair is gorgeous. 

  • She looks gorgeous from the neck up, though. She often goes too severe in her hair and makeup, but she looks all windblown and sexy here, which suits her.

  • Her feet look like hooves in those shoes. Dig the “dress”, but would very much have preferred it as a coat over something little, slinky, and fun.

    • e jerry powell

      I am leading a charge to do away with the goat hoof shoe of the devil!

      • Little_Olive

        Count me in the cavalry. 

  • In_Stitches

    It’s unexpected, but it’s such an improvement over a lot of her recent efforts.  Sure it looks a bit like it’s bursting at the seams, but all of her looks have lately.  Her legs look dynamite too; the dress shows them off to perfection. 

    *edited to add that her makeup is flawless and I love the wild mane of hair.

  • I don’t really understand what a “coat dress” is. Why is this not a coat? 

    • e jerry powell

      Well, let’s look under it, shall we?

      •  Well that’s the thing isn’t it. If I just don’t take my coat off when I go indoors, does it become a coat-dress?

        • e jerry powell

          Well, I’d hope you were wearing lingerie under it, at least…

          •  Oh god — flashback to Single White Female and the stiletto through the eye.

    • I own one and I have no idea how to wear it. It’s super-cute! And… it confounds me.

  • suz72350

    Ouch! This look isn’t working for her. I’m not a fan of the belt buckle on the belt or on her sleeves. Somehow they look cheap to me. But her hair and makeup are fab.

  • Introspective

    she cant breathe in this thing. i think i make out a nipple trying to break loose. and she’s tiny. so I must ask, if not penelope, who in the hell can fit it?

    that said, i also concur with the idea that even if it fit, its not her look either. i like pretty dresses on her and with the pretty hair and makeup her look could have been a knockout. but as it stands, that thing fits like a strait jacket. 

    girl no.

  • kayleymaybe

    No comments on the sex hair?

    • e jerry powell

       I can make several more…

      Mostly about that look from the left three-quarters profile.

  • msdamselfly

    Not bad   A little tight

  • B_C_J

    Yes, this coat/dress is definitely too small and therefore too tight. However, I will go out on a limb and say that if she was wearing the right size she would be over-the-top sexy and glamorous in a “movie star spy” sort of way. LOVE the wind-tossed hair and the softer make up. 

  • mjude

    the arms of the dress or coat look tight (that would drive me crazy). 

  • Snailstsichr

    I love her hair and makeup so much that everything else is a blur.

  • Joyce VG

    Only the Brits can wear coat dresses…

  • Sara__B

    Gorgeous hair and makeup, but I hope the two buttons in use were reinforced with industrial strength thread.  She looks ready to explode!

    • l_c_ann

      ‘Penelope Cruz (barely in) in Versace’

      Problem is, if she went up one or even two sizes, the sleeves would probably be too large on her.

      You are totally right about the industrial strength thread.

  • gabbilevy

    I’m wondering if she’s in weight-gain denial. She seems to be a little fuller lately, but still dressing a size down. Or maybe she’s the same size, but dressing a size too small?

    *ETA: This is NOT a criticism, just an observation. Girl is still gorgeous, just… her clothes don’t seem to be fitting lately.

  • Zippypie

    Ah, Penny, you’ve done had a baby and you ain’t gonna be the same. 

  • EEKstl

    Way too tight but other than that, I think she looks pretty fabulous.  Except those shoes make her look like she has hooves, which annoys the blank outta me.

  • lehen

    is she pregnant?  this is the second lumpy look in a row, from a woman who normally rocks the hell out of her curves.

  • As a dress? Absolutely NOT. WAAAAAYYY too tight. It would be fierce as a coat, though. As a matter of fact, it would look great on me. 

  • amaranth16

    Oooh – agreed about the fit, which suggests wishful thinking, but I’d actually love this on her if it weren’t for that.  I do wish she would commit to coat or dress here.  Penelope: Lack of visible garments underneath suggests coat.  Undone buttons suggest dress.  Please advise.

  • Jennifer Hofstetter

    Totally disagree. That look would be JBF hot if it fit better.

  • AnaRoW

    She’s got some extra weight left over from the pregnancy and either hasn’t realized it, is till hoping to get back to her original size, or doesn’t care/hasn’t taken the time to update her wardrobe.

    I’m seeing a lot of comments about how great her hair looks.  What’s the difference between how her hair is styled and, say, Kristen Stewart (aside from texture and thickness)?  Because I don’t get it.

    • From my perspective, it doesn’t look greasy or otherwise dirty. Yes, it’s tousled, but it’s obviously a deliberate styling choice so that it looks like the Platonic ideal of JBF bedhead. Kristen Stewart’s hair usually just looks sloppy and dirty and kind of sweaty, like real JBF bedhead.

  • MilaXX

    I’m in the game that she could play this as a sexy vamp if the darn thins fit, but the platform  pump is all wrong, this look calls for a pointy stilleto.

  • I guess I’m the cheese that stands alone. I think she looks sexy as hell here and is pulling it off. 

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    I’ll give Penelope a pass on this one; it might not be the best choice, but it is certainly not eye-searing.

  • patticake1601

    Her feet look like hooves. Pretty face and hair.

  • Rand Ortega

    Problem 1: It’s not a dress.
    Problem 2: See Problem 1.
    Problem 3: It’s too small.
    Problem 4: Girl, that’s not a dress or your coat.

  • RzYoung

    It looks awful but, y’know, her and Javier must be at it all the time so I reckon she grabbed the first thing she could reach from the bed and headed out the door without looking in the mirror.

  • ma_du

    I love it. Maybe it’s a european thing? (I am swiss.)
    Ok, it could be slightly bigger but otherwise she looks pretty perfect to me: a lot more beautiful and sexy than in all those satin dresses and overdone hair.

  • GorgeousThings

    Ugh. Can we PLEASE see the end of platform pumps? They passed their expiration date two seasons ago.

  • decormaven

    Aww, damn. That’s a great trench coat, but it’s so tight, I fear for the tensile strength of the belt buckle. And she’s adding to the stress by putting both hands in the pockets. Talk about your “huddled masses, yearning to breathe free”!

  • f_yeah_marie

    I think she looks good, but then again I am unabashedly biased since I have such a lady crush on her.

  • Scarlet39

    I’m getting a “I had nothing else to wear” vibe from this.  It looks like zero thought was put into it.  No jewelry, the shoes are all wrong.  Maybe she forgot she had to be anywhere that night

  • WittyCism

    So sad to see this because she looked sooo good in the L’Wren pants.  I bet she could’ve rocked some tuxedo pants with this coat, worn open.  Someone should tell Ms. Cruz that the visible strain of one’s clothes is directly correlated to trying too hard.

  • afabulous50


  • chitowndg

    The size is terrible, but I love the coat, and I disagree with TLo.  I think it would look fantastic in the correct size…

  • oohsparkley!

    I agree it’s too small. But it’s a very sexy look and works for her.

  • ccm800

    this one has always been over-rated for me as a beauty and actress. 

  • librarygrrl64

    It’s not the size at all. This is just the wrong silhouette for someone who doesn’t have a defined waist. It makes her look dumpy. I know of what I speak. Belts do NOT work on everyone; that is a myth.