Christina Aguilera in Pamella Roland at the AMAs

Posted on November 19, 2012

We almost feel bad doing this to you all, first thing on a Monday morning. Take some Dramamine, mainline your coffee, and have a gander, kittens:

Christina Aguilera attends the 40th Annual American Music Awards in Los Angeles in a Pamella Roland dress and Jimmy Choo shoes paired with Neil Lane jewelry and a Judith Leiber clutch.

And now… let’s talk about us. Stay with us, we’re going somewhere with this:

In the last year, we made a couple (three, but who’s counting) television appearances, which instantly changes how people perceive you. That is to say, people began perceiving us; people we didn’t know. “Are you Tom & Lorenzo?” coming out of a stranger’s mouth can knock you off your game, when your game is picking up something embarrassing at the drug store. Anyway, when we had to do those three very minor and fleeting TV appearances, we fretted and fussed over how we looked, knowing that, after 6 years of making fun of celebs in million-dollar outfits lent to them and styled by professionals, the claws would be out, even though our clothes don’t cost nearly as much (and we paid for them), and we had no professionals advising us on how to present ourselves. We suppose we did okay, because there was only minor criticism coming from the bitchy public with their extended claws.

Now, you’d think having to submit oneself to the public’s bitchery would make us a little more sympathetic to what the stars go through, but it had the exact opposite effect. If we could primp ourselves into something respectable for the cameras without the kind of help all stars receive on a regular basis, then those bitches needed to demonstrate more in the way of perfection and less in the way of WTFery. Which is a long-winded, self-centered way of saying to Miss Xtina: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE, GIRL. It’s bad enough you have pornstar hair and a dress more suitable for a slightly slutty 60-year-old, but the fact that you couldn’t even apply your tanner evenly is simply NOT ON. Go home and slap everyone involved in this debacle. We want to hear the whimpering cries of gays who don’t deserve their jobs anymore. We want to read later that the cops had to be called to your house in the middle of the night to find your assistants running from the property shrieking as you ran after them brandishing an axe, your mascara leaving rivers of rage running down your cheeks.

Only then can we begin the healing process.

For Christ’s sake, your eyeshadow matches your dress exactly. Some queen needs to be whipped for that.

[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans, David Gabber/PRPhotos.com]

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  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    I,….but you see,…its just that,….
    Oh hell, its too early, I. Just. Can. Not. with her at this hour.

    • TRSTL

      I know, right? And if said panel must be added, why in the name of all that is right & wrong would you make it a much lighter color than the bodice it is attaching too?  It just makes it so obvious and tawdry looking.  And the hair…… oh my.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

         i KNOW!  Its like they were nearly out of the ombre chiffon, and none of the darkest part was still in the workroom.

        • JosephLamour

          I think its time she consulted Tadashi Shoji, master of dressing all figures. Other designers seem to not really care about famous girls who arent shaped like Rooney Mara, especially with this panel thing that just. makes. me. so. sad.

          Christina is just so pretty, and would be inspiring to people who were skinnier in their younger days (read: everyone on earth) if she would just accept that she’s bigger (things like this refutes all of her “I’m bigger and I love it!” statements in the press) and cannot wear the same things that she wore when her Candyman single was out. Which is fine! I want to be her gay, and dress her. And scrub off her orange. And gossip.

          It just makes me so annoyed when beautiful people try to make themselves into what they think is beautiful, which for Ms. Aguilera, seems to be some amalgam of Rue McClanahan and Jenna Jameson. Christina, e-mail me, seriously.

          • http://promiscuouslola.com/ Cate

            Exactly. Her new shape looks great honestly, but she’s still dressing like she’s skinny and it’s NOT WORKING. She’s so overdone all the time, and so tanned, and just so… MUCH. It’s not cute. I wish she’d tone it down a bit and dress for her shape. She could look amazing.

          • JosephLamour

            Exactly. It’s like… I’m skinny, to the naked eye, but I used to be One Direction twink skinny like 5 years ago. Now I’m shaped more like a man is shaped (which, I mean, thank you god) I don’t dress the same, because I would look absolutely ridiculous, even though people think nothing has really changed. 

            Then I show them a picture from college, and they ask to go shopping with me. LOL.

          • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

             I’d go shopping with you in a nanosec. Think of the gossip we could share!

          • JosephLamour

            Hurray! Now, to make enough money to go shopping again. LOL

          • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

            And of course the extensive, and likely bibulous luncheon would be a delight.

          • Judih1

            Yes start an online petition that we can sign saying ‘Christina, fire your gays and hire Joseph Lamour” This outfit is a train wreck from wig to toe. So sad that someone so talented, so beautiful and with access to SO much, can look this terrible – consistently 

          • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

             I would totally sign that petition!

          • JosephLamour

            “It’s already been broughten.” link below! I’m actually nervous that a lot of people are gonna sign this thing. LOL

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            My dear, I suspect that you would do so, so much better by Xtina!

          • JosephLamour
          • JosephLamour

            I maaaaay have made an online petition. The link is on my twitter. I don’t think links are allowed here, necessarily.

      • MissMariRose

         Her stylist must really hate her to do that.

        • cooperalden

          Yes.  I title this “Gays Drinking  on the Job”.

        • http://twitter.com/fncmullin Nora M.

          Clearly everyone who works for her hates her. The self-tanner guy right down to whoever took her measurements and then lied to the designer when she lost her shit about them. I’m a 10-12 with a huge rack and I can find clothes that fit, dresses even. Why can’t she?

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D3D3I75B234TXVLWNKF4GKWUIM T

          I don’t know, I feel like she WANTS to look like this, for whatever bizarre reason. THIS is how she chooses to present herself and … I don’t understand why.

        • Melizmatic

          You have no idea how many times I’ve uttered those exact words, just this year alone.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

       The inserted panel is weird because the dress actually looks too BIG (among its myriad other issues).

    • tereliz

      Thank you for clearing that up early on before I went wading through the comments looking to see if anyone else had seen that heinous panel or if I was imagining things. That should have been the first clue for Xtina that she should not have worn this. And what’s happening to her boobs?! (Clue #2)

    • Sara__B

       A drag queen would probably have inserted the panel so that, ugly as it was, at least the dress now fit properly. Look at Christina’s zipper bunch — another big mistake in an ensemble composed entirely of mistakes.

    • Louise Bryan

      Interesting comment about drag queen tricks, because I was having to work to convince myself this was NOT a drag impression of Christina, but the “real” thing / person / celebrity …. oh, whatever.

    • lacy Betters

      Oh my. I see the panel now. I don’t know why I didn’t think that a panel had to be inserted in the first place. But now after you mention it, it’s so obvious!

  • thesixthbeatle

    Trashy! The slightly slutty sixty year old comment was bang on.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1447060898 Lori Wade Miller

       I was thinking “Mae West”, but she was really slutty, God love her.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Mae was also in on the joke, which makes me love her more.

  • http://twitter.com/MinaBinaXina MinaBinaXina

    IS SHE WEARING BODY SHIMMER?!?!?! Gurl, this is NOT middle school in 2000!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It’s like she can’t accept that she’s gained weight. She’s not fat, but she can be dressing in a way that is MUCH more flattering and doesn’t make her look HUGE!!

    And the tanner has GOT to go.

    • kaleisforlovers

       That’s totally what I thought too. It’s clear she doesn’t know how to dress her bigger body. Not that that look would be acceptable on a smaller body, but still. It almost makes me feel sad for her! Almost…

      • RebeccaKW

         Dressing to fit your body is the best fashion advice I ever heard.  It doesn’t matter if you are a 2 or a 22, pick something that fits and flatters and you will look great.

        • itsnotoveryet11

          so true, at the end of the day the only person who knows what size is on the label is you. Everyone else simply sees someone looking fabulous or someone looking way bigger than they need to due to tight pulling clothes 

    • formerlyAnon

      Ms. or Mr. MinaBinaXina: BING0.

    • 3boysful

       I could not even notice the uneven tanner, I was so distracted by the excess shimmer–NAY, GLITTER–on her arms.  Yikes.

    • NC_Meg

       Glad I’m not the only one that noticed the glitter lotion! It threw me right back to 7th grade (when, ironically, I listened to Christina Aguilera.)

      • Kristin McNamara

        Haha! We must be the same age. I was thinking the same thing! :)

    • http://profiles.google.com/thisiscelia Celia

       I don’t think the tanner is the worst part…the blotchiness is due to the heavy patches of body shimmer/highlighter! ZOMGZ.

  • http://twitter.com/ticking_tocking Nobody you know

    She is just lovely and she could do us big girls a solid by really getting herself together but NO….this is what she presents to us?  I feel personally insulted.

    • Sobaika

      She’s really beautiful under all that mess.

      • HomeOfficeGirl

        OH, girl, LOL!   Sobaika WTF today, kittens!!

      • formerlyAnon

        Yes. That’s what gives it an air of “Didn’t she used to be” – you feel like you’re viewing the remains of what once was.

      • http://twitter.com/ticking_tocking Nobody you know

        I have always found her to be beautiful. She has NEVER known how to dress her body, no matter the size. I don’t why I was hoping she would be able to figure it out now but a girl can dream.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        That is what makes her showing up like this so sad. She really is so lovely, and you want her to look as good as she really can look.

    • MilaXX

       why? She was just as tacky when she was skinny

      • RebeccaKW

        I’d rather see this than underwear and chaps again.

        • http://twitter.com/alysiag missGee

          tru

      • Sobaika

        She was. That’s the thing about all these comments referring her to Tadashi Shoji, it doesn’t at all reflect her personal style, she would never.

        I still think she could stay true to herself and look better than this festering goo. Everything from the Snooki-tan to the hooker heels says ‘I have no idea how bad this looks’

        • MilaXX

          She never has. Whether it was too much makeup, applied far to heavy, showing her butt during her dirrty phase, or that horrid afro wig she wore to some awards show eons ago, she has always shown a complete lack of awareness as to what look good versus simply being shocking or outrageous. Hell Nicki in her crazy white blonde wig, drag queen lashes and neon yellow gown manage to look like crazy Nick, bur pretty t the same time. Xtina has never been able to achieve that balance.

      • http://twitter.com/starrika starrika

         Christina Aguilera was hot mess back in 2000. It has nothing to do with size; girl lacks taste.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_J7JWQYHDDQVBQFFDAEVKNPZKLM karla

      Christina has gained weight for sure, but she’s still nowhere NEAR the category of being called a “big” girl.  Stop it.

  • http://twitter.com/LOfficielEbony TheVeryLivingEND

    It’s as if she has no self-awareness…at all.

  • Beardslee

    Golly, how incredibly aging.  She looks like a third tier Mae West.
    Interesting insights from you two about looking good on the red carpet.  Makes a lot of sense.

    • MoHub

       You have now insulted Mae West—even if you did say “third tier.”

      • Beardslee

         You are right!  Mae West had wit and class and she wore her clothes with panache.  Let me amend it to ‘third tier Mae West impersonator who never saw any of her movies.”

        • MoHub

          Well amended, and I totally buy that description.

        • Judih1

          lol

  • xay

    At least the dress appears to be the correct size.

    That’s all I’ve got.

    • teensmom99

      Yeah, I couldn’t hate this as much as every one else because I loved seeing her in something the right size that actually covered up the parts of her body that people generally cover up.  I see this as baby steps (and not, thank the Lord, baby heads).

    • TRSTL

      It might be close to a right size but as kiltedntilted pointed out, it has a badly inserted extender panel in back to make it so.  Look at the shot of her back, it’s just odd looking and poorly done.

  • GorgeousThings

    I have that same wig in pink.

    That dress is unforgivable.

  • http://twitter.com/tangodiva Tanya Wade

    Chrissy Snow goes to the Adult Video Awards at her Diamond Jubilee birthday. After ten shots of Boniva.

  • http://twitter.com/connectinglines Me Again

    Look at Christina’s style choices lately.  This is actually a huge step in the right direction.  Sure, she needs to lay off the tanner, and the hair and makeup are ridiculous.  But if you only look at the dress, I think it’s a sort of nice dress for her now-fuller figure. P.S. A few of the tracks off her new album are awesome.

  • BookJunkie315

    I honestly thought she was doing homage to Miss Piggy. In that context the look works.

    • MoHub

       OMG, you are absolutely right! That is a Miss Piggy gown from the get-go. The only thing missing is over-the-elbow purple gloves.

      • formerlyAnon

        Heh. Posted my comment before yours showed up on screen. Great minds, etc.

      • Little_Olive

        Nooo, Miss Piggy would never fall into a pool of self tanner, nor forget her long gloves. And she’d be sweet, instead of revoltingly tacky, about her outfit. 

    • formerlyAnon

      That’s IT! THAT’s where I’ve seen that dress & hair. All she’s missing is the opera gloves.

    • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

      That was my first thought.

  • Srw27

    Once again, Miss Xtina has her makeup gun set to “whore”…yikes

  • Yinzerella Yinzerella

    Does anyone else think she is morphing into Miss Piggy? Just top half–the boobs, the eyeliner, the tan, the wig? I’m not slamming her for her weight.

  • Scarlet39

    To say she has ‘taste issues” would be an understatement.   If she looked at herself in the mirror before leaving the house, and was ok with what she saw, then she’s beyond help. 

  • http://twitter.com/usedtobgop usedtobgop

    I think she looks beautiful. Shame on you! There are SO many failures that picking on this looks pretty shallow.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VZLU6YVO4BRTELTTH3GRAAMWZQ Dot

      You’re kidding, right?

    • BrooklynBomber

      Unless this is a costume and a spoof (and I don’t think it is), what I see is a beautiful young woman with money and means who, for some incomprensible reason, is telling the world she has no taste whatsoever. She’s managed to make outrageously expensive clothing and accessories look outrageously cheap. In the context of celebrity watching (which, let’s face it, is shallow), this is an epic failure.

  • http://twitter.com/lelepimenta Alexandra Pimenta

    Or 1) this is as tongue-in-cheek as it comes or 2) the girl has gone certified. Either way, I’m both amused and a bit ofended by the whole look.

  • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

    Without the body shimmer, with better hair and makeup, less trampy-looking shoes and a grown-up girl’s pedicure, and a more substantial halter neck on the dress, I wouldn’t mind this so much.

  • penn collins

    I have only seen her sitting in that chair on that show, and had not realized the weight gain…and my first thought OMG she had gained some serious weight, but in the RIGHT outfit….this is not that. it only emphasizes her…weight, I thought the lighting was off- then realized the self tanner (stars use that mess) was…off. wow. Fine for a cruise ship performer but not for Miss Xtina

  • SewingSiren

    Not to mention the horrendous alteration to the dress at center back.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

       Glad to know I’m not the only one who saw that!

      • formerlyAnon

        One prefers to quietly look away.

        • http://twitter.com/annaria Ria V

          Are you British? That’s something a Brit would say!

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

        I saw it too. It’s unfortunate. 

  • http://twitter.com/LianaBrooks Liana Brooks

    This hurts. I really want to like that dress. I do. It’s pretty colors and could be stunning, but the tanner. And the body glitter. And the hair. And the … eyes. *cringe* TLo, this is a cruel thing to spring on your Bitter Kittens first thing on a cold Monday. This hurts so bad. *sits down and sobs*

    • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

       On the up-side, they must have some serious pretty in store for later as a palate cleanser!

      • http://twitter.com/LianaBrooks Liana Brooks

         We can only hope.

  • http://twitter.com/EdengalK Eve Williams

    It looks like something Miss Piggy would wear. Similar poses as well.

  • bhl_1123

    She is wearing body glitter–enough said.

  • RzYoung

    JFC I’m actually speechless I think.

  • http://twitter.com/luqluqe LuqeMann

    It’s so disturbing how I can see how much brighter her armpits are compared to her whole body. Ekh.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VZLU6YVO4BRTELTTH3GRAAMWZQ Dot

      I am just stunned that someone could willfully make their skin this color, then slather on numerous coats of body shimmer, and THEN prance around on a red carpet like it looks sexy. I mean, her skin color is just insane.

  • Fordzo

    The dress makes her breasts appear to be as large as basketballs, and I don’t think that is true.  Is it?

  • MilaXX

    Even sadder is  the fact that despite all those flaws, which I completely agree with, this is in some ways a step up for her. The face paint doesn’t look as spackled on and the hair is at least one color. I just can’t with showing that much skin and a torally effed up fake tan.

  • ralish

    It’s a shame, because with some alterations, that dress could’ve been pretty and figure-flattering. But the rest of it… no.

  • http://twitter.com/ohmybears48 Chelles

    Is she pregnant? Not commenting on her weight necessarily, but the fact that she is holding her stomach like she is and her ladies are looking so much larger than before. 

  • Freyja Canidae

    she still has NOT figured out how to dress her body now that she’s no longer 18 and waifish. the bodice of this dress does odd things to her, it’s weirdly loose and the white draping down her middle makes her look wide. 

    also, yikes to the hair, makeup, and body paint. she looks like a drag queen up close. it looks like her false lashes are weighing down her eyelids, making that “come hither” expression look really silly.

  • http://profiles.google.com/adj.blair Adriana Blair

    The shimmer body lotion…the drag queen contouring…the cheap-looking dress with matchy accessories and MATCHING EYESHADOW. I can’t with this one.

  • call_me_schmeg

    what the what? this is NO.

  • Diane_G

    Wow.  That is one butt ugly look. The dress might’ve worked had it fit differently around the bust, but the tan, wig and atrocious makeup lose it. I, um…kind of like the jewelry?

    Wait, no I don’t, not with that dress. Um, the body glitter makes your arms look…ashy?
    I tried. I feel like if I take her through a car wash-esque scrubdown for her she’d be rather beautiful.

  • RebeccaKW

    This is pretty terrible.  The bodice has no shape-if it weren’t for the cleavage, you’d think she had no boobs.

    The shoes are a bad choice.  She needs to tack off a few bracelets.  Different makeup.  While the wig is pretty bad, I think it’s better than some of the wigs she’s been sporting lately.  Certainly better than the long locks with the colored ends.  And I love some crazy hair, with bright colors.  But hers was bad.

  • sarahmichelef

    When I saw the thumbnail for this on Facebook last night I thought it was a screencap of a Sims character.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    I don’t hate this dress. The one exception is that she is so full chested, that from the waist up looks like nothing but breasts because of the dress. I love her, and her weight gain is fine with me, it looks good on her actually, but she seems to be trying to cover it with spray tan and body shimmer. No Xtina, just no. 

  • eowyn_of_rohan

    While we’re at it, can we publicly shame Pamella Roland for even designing this?  It looks like a knockoff of a Bebe sale rack dress.

  • NinaBoo

    Sweet Baby Jesus is smacking his forehead with this one.

    Where’s my coffee mug?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000088447181 Sam Smith

    She has such a pretty face and I fully support her desire not to be a skinny minnie anymore.  But she cannot dress herself.  She’s never been very good at dressing, but since she put on weight she seemed to get worse at it in part because I think she keeps picking clothes for her old body.  

  • Wellworn

    In this look, I hate the hair the most.  Everything else might take a pass, but that hair needs to go. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000905542323 Rhonda Shore

    I can’t help but wonder what outfits Xtina rejected, the ones that she finds unacceptable for public consumption…

  • mjude

    she does not need to try so hard.  i just dont get it & yes christina please FIRE your gays.

  • Jenna621

    She goes on and on about how she loves her body, she likes herself better now than when she was skinny, yada yada yada, and then she picks the most unflattering, skanky crap to wear.  It’s like she’s still trying to hold on to her “Dirrrrrrty” image all these years later and just failing miserably at it.   It’s actually sad to watch.  But then, she’s never had great style, red carpet or otherwise, so I guess we can’t expect too much?

  • StelledelMare

    No. No. No. The bad tan/bronzer combo alone is just unforgiveable

  • SapphoPoet

    She looks like she’s spent thirty years on the beaches down in Florida. Wow…just…wow.

  • ChaquitaPhilly

    You guys are so very, very right. No need to apologize. 

  • Kristina Toma

    This is in no way a comment on her body at all. It’s elements of her getup that are making me see this: 

    She’s channeling some Miss Piggy. And it’s the hair and matchy matchy clothes and make up that’s doing it. I swear, imagine Miss Piggy in that dress. You can. Easily. And she’d do a better job pulling it off, because you know, she’s a muppet. And fierce as hell.  

  • http://twitter.com/hmbscully WendyD

    The dress has potential, it’s just what’s been shoved into it that is the real problem. That wig?! BODY SHIMMER!?
    NO NO NO.

  • formerlyAnon

    I refer you all to the comments of MinaBinaXina, near the very beginning of this thread.

    I feel certain Ms. Aguilera needs a loving sit down talk, illustrated by photos of herself and of those – mostly much older and often a bit on the skids – women whom she resembles in these get ups.  Then, if she cannot be realistic about her body – honey, your weight fluctuates and it’s not where you imagine it to be? Don’t we all know about that! – a loving, caring, take-no-nonsense Head Stylist In Charge must be found. SOME advantages CAN be bought, and she needs to get about buying.

    Unless she WANTS to look like “Christina In Decline: the The Vegas Years” – only with a jawline granted by youth, not surgery.

  • annrr

    That panel on the back is embarrassing, it is such an obvious patch job. How any stylist could do that to her is beyond me. 

  • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gabriella M

    This seems like she brought in a 6 year old to pick out her outfit, makeup, accessories, etc. It’s very Barbie doll (which, no offense to Ms. Aguilera, I just think is really hard to pull off, and harder still if you can buy your own alcoholic drinks). 

    • 3boysful

       You’re so right–only a six yr old would select that many bling-y bracelets, glitter pumps and glitter clutch, pair them with bad wig and a purple ombre dress, then add the piece de resistance body glitter. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

    Gawd she looks fat. This dress might have been slammin on her a decade ago. 

  • nannypoo

    If she owns a mirror then she has only herself to blame for this fiasco. Every single element is so blatantly ridiculous that it’s almost impossible to single out one or two that are the most offensive, but I’m going with the tanner and the insert in the back that was necessary to force this crappy dress to fit around her boobs. It’s sad. She used to be cute, and that potential is still there but instead she chooses to look as trashy as possible.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VZLU6YVO4BRTELTTH3GRAAMWZQ Dot

    DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN. What the hell is going on with this broad? She looks terrifying!

  • http://twitter.com/bfnh bfnh.

    she looks like that girl you were looking forward to seeing at your high school reunion and now things are looking a lot easier than you had hoped.

  • BrooklynBomber

    This is just tragic. Why would deliberately put themselves into such a get up? 

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/GVWKCMDPWOOLT2R4KT7AAIW6XY Jimmy

    Too bad the shade of purple is somewhat beautiful and the draping is pretty well done. Have it been worn by someone else (maybe people with less curve), it might get a WERQ from me.

    But after she puts them on with that horrendous hair and styling, it becomes OFFENSIVE.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VZLU6YVO4BRTELTTH3GRAAMWZQ Dot

      I hear you. The dress (from the front, at least) isn’t so bad; it’s everything else about this look that assaults the eyes. For starters, the glommed on self tanner and glitter just make me weep for her.

  • http://korilian.livejournal.com/ korilian

    I just had a revelation. Christina does have a style! It just happens to be the kind of style that would normally win her a turn on Snog, marry, avoid.

  • http://michjeff-quiltersparadise.blogspot.com/ Michelle Young

    I think she cannot get away from her costumy self on stage and transform it into what other people wear on the red carpet.  A little sympathy on my part for that.

  • miagain

    She just looks awful… 

  • emmessell

    What is her tattoo on her inner arm?  I’m usually not a huge fan of visible ink anyway, but this looks like her child scrawled on her with colored pens before she hit the RC.  Does it usually look this bad?  Or is an important element lost in the self tanner and body glitter?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

       It looks like it came as a prize in a crackerjack box. I really hope she didn’t pay for that ink.

    • mommyca

      I thought the exactly same thing! just like her kid doodled something in her arm… 

    • http://profiles.google.com/awilsongirl Amy Wilson

      Thank you! I was just about to comment on the questionable shit on her elbow when I saw this comment. What the what is that? Listen, I am down with tattoos but as Heather said, that looks like something out of the cracker jack box. Despite all of the other busted issues with this look, that is one that kept drawing my eye. 

  • Pennymac

    She has glitter lotion on. Like a stripper. Enough said. 

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

      I sometimes still wear glitter for fun, like on Halloween or New Year’s (if I’m going to a more wild party), or when I go to a concert. But I don’t combine it with these other…. accessories.

  • afabulous50

    Bitch all you want people, I actually feel sorry for her.  She has no clue what to do with her body.  Though she states publicly that she celebrates her curves, she doesn’t know how to dress them.  I blame Disney!  And, after all those years of her starving herself to be a twig and dressing how some twigs dress, she’s just lost.  She needs our help – not our vilification

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VZLU6YVO4BRTELTTH3GRAAMWZQ Dot

      I feel sorry for her to some extent too — mostly because she’s a talented woman who degrades herself by consistently dressing like an adult film star. Not knowing what to do
      with one’s body is no excuse for dredging it in self tanner and then
      rolling it in body glitter, for good measure. This woman has loads of
      talent, as well as money to buy the services of a good team of stylists
      to help with her (non-existent) taste level. That’s the only thing that can help her, at this point. It’s hard to feel too sorry for someone who has all of the means in place (wealth, fame)to dress better, but explicitly chooses not to.

  • fungstyle

    Poor thing. I actually think the shape is rather flattering (though something more substantial that the spaghetti strap halter and less of a slit were probably called for), so at least she got that part right. But the whole thing looks like the gown portion of a show at a “gentleman’s club.” Sweetie, you’re still pretty. You can have a natural skin tone and wear things that fit and you can even show some skin – but you need to be ok with being a different kind of sexy at this point. 

  • http://twitter.com/emilyf007 emily

    so glittery… it hurts my eyes.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Trash, trash, trashy trash.

  • nicolelee

    I do think the tanner thing was a mistake, but I don’t think it’s one that she cares about, which I kinda dig. Actually, her whole “I don’t give an eff” attitude about her body and her image is refreshing. IMO anyway. 

    • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

      Honey, no one who doesn’t give a fuck how they look wears tanner, body glitter, 6-inch platforms, and ten pounds of makeup.

  • f_yeah_marie

    How the mighty have fallen :(

  • fringebenefit

    Without my glasses, I read the designer as “paranormal” something or other, and it made perfect sense. Now that I have my glasses on, whoa WTF!

  • Mismarker

    She dresses like she’s got nothing to bring to the table.  I mean, she’s uber talented, rich, and probably gorgeous underneath all that pancake and body shimmer.  She needs to fire everyone involved in the making of this “look”.  Gross, desperate, aging, and tacky.

  • B_C_J

    She is a beautiful woman who would benefit from wearing a bit less make-up. The brown blush under her cheekbones is particularly offensive. The hair is too severe. From the front, I like the dress. The color is pretty and flattering and it accentuates her curves without flashing too much skin. The decolletage is perfect.  The back, however, reveals problems that are absolutely unacceptable for an artist of this caliber.  (The gathered zipper over her butt is really wrong. The back panel addition is ridiculous.)
    The uneven tan is appalling.

  • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

    This is absolutely laughable. That hair. That TAN. And the dress is doing all sorts of unflattering things to her figure. I just don’t have the words for how godawful this is.

  • http://twitter.com/nuanc Nancy SM Waldman

    Could I just make a general plea for people to stop using 60+ year old women as the ULTIMATE INSULT! This happens all the time from What Not to Wear to TLo. You look like a 60 year old woman! Please. People. We older women can hear you! And we aren’t wearing the clothes your grandmother used to wear, slutty or not. Sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that your grandmother was a slut. Still, stop it.

    • alyce1213

      Thank you.

    • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

      You’re missing the point. There’s nothing wrong with being a 60-year-old woman. There’s something wrong when a woman in her 30s looks or dresses like one.

  • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

    Just another reminder that we’ve hit the wall on the body-snarking comments – especially from people who comment here on a regular basis and should know better. We’re banning people from the comments section for making them and we have absolutely no problem with doing it. 

  • elemspbee

    no argument here. well said T’Lo.
    But can I just say–what a canvas! Is here face skin really that smooth? She has such a beautiful face, and a super sexi body. So much to work with here!

  • Janet B

    Sad – because she doesn’t see how beautiful she could be without all of that stuff.
    Angry – because someone in her life hasn’t shown her how ridiculous she looks. 

  • Judy_J

    This is totally the wrong dress for her, the wrong hair, the wrong makeup….I know there is a beautiful girl in there somewhere…

  • BrooklynBomber

    I actually think the shape of the bodice works well for her: it celebrates her figure and, glory be, it fits! (Christina Hendricks, please take note.)  It’s just that it’s such an awful dress to begin with, and in combination with everything else she’s done here, it’s a straight shot to tackyville.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000905542323 Rhonda Shore

    Someone needs to introduce Xtina to Tadashi Shoji.

    • tereliz

      Someone needs to introduce Tadashi to hot pink before that will happen. ;)

  • jw_ny

    I don’t mind her dress as much as you guys seem to, although I really do not like it at all.  Her hair (wig?) at least looks better than usual (which ain’t sayin much…;).) Her skin/tanner and makeup really are horrendous…arms…chest…under cheek contouring…etc…all ew.  

  • Miss_Led

    Is her zipper half-open? I am afraid to know the answer.

    • l_c_ann

      My guess is that the zipper was a custom alteration adding about four inches across her bust by inserting that “V” of fabric.  The designer couldn’t have wanted that.  Imagin how much better the back would have looked as a smooth swath of darker purple.  Either side of the zipper would match the other side.

      • Miss_Led

         Thank you! It is poorly done in a particularly egregious way.

        • formerlyAnon

           It’s poorly done in a way that looks like a final-hours panic fix after she showed up 15 pounds or so up from the last fitting.

  • GenieinTX

    I want to love this.  It could be nice on a bigger girl – the light up around the face, the dark where you want to look thinner, the color gradiation is creating a waist.  When I first saw it, I thought she looked better than she had in a long time.  Then you see the bad tan and glitter, then you see the panel in the back, and the way she’s posing trying to hoochie it up.  Sigh.  It killed my high hopes for her.

  • Vera L-

    I have no qualms with Christina refusing to stay on the diet go round and be emaciated. I think she looks healthy and fabulous at a higher weight. It’s the Snooki and/or Coco as fashion consultant turn she’s taken that troubles me. 

  • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

    Her figure is fabulous right now…much better than the skinny skank she used to be. I wish she’d let someone dress her in a classic look, just once.

  • http://twitter.com/DarthJaeda Jaeda Laurez

    The eyeshadow is the least offensive part of this entire #Alphet. Be big and beautiful and a star-ruh and rock all the sequins you want (see Scott, Jill)- it can be done and it can be fabulous. This is not. This is denial.
    That drag race makeup is TURRIBLE, and I’ve seen pics of her with a normal amount of makeup on; she’s SO pretty. I’d smack her people, but having worked at her label, I know she doesn’t give a damb about what they think; this rests squarely on her shoulders.

  • marilyn

    I agree with you.  That wig and the tan are horrific.  Add in the makeup, she looks 15 to 20 years older than she is.  That being said, I see what she was trying to do.  The dress is designed to give a larger woman curves, both with the design and use of color.  It does make her look curvy.  However, it is cut too low at the top, and the slit at the skirt is too high.  

  • http://www.facebook.com/ann.verwiebe Ann VerWiebe

    Seriously, it’s a Morgan Fairchild dress. And, it makes her look heavy (which I’m sure was not her intention). 

  • Kristy Evans

    So….the real Christina Aguilera died 5 years ago, and this actually a drag queen impersonating her poorly, right? Right??

    • Super_Red

      This, exactly. I looked at it and though, “Christina, you are neither that brown, nor that transgendered. WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A DRAG QUEEN???” It’s one thing if drag is your shtick, but this poor girl doesn’t look like she’s in on the joke. 

    • Vaniljekjeks

       At first glance of the thumbnail, I honestly thought this was a RPDR post. 

  • Vanja

    I know the intent of the body spray was to give her a sparkly tan, but it just makes her look like a she has a skin condition.

  • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

    She’s only 30 years old and lovely, but she has been made up to look like Miss Piggy. Tragic.

    • l_c_ann

      Thirty going on “Rode hard and put away wet.”

  • Qitkat

    I suppose that the fact that the first thing I noticed was that *Wow, she really hit the tanning bed* (and trust me, I rarely notice such things), and then *Where did she get that nylon doll wig?* followed by *Well at least the slit isn’t too high*  followed by *I don’t think that dress was originally supposed to fit like this*…uhh, sorry, lost my train of thought. I can’t figure out how to finish that into a proper sentence. 
    So, ohhhh, Christina!!!

  • kategs

    Not only does her eye makeup match the dress in one photo so does her contouring.  That dress does a good thing for her waist but that’s about it.

  • rahrahbowbow

    Pamela Rowland is a designer from Michigan, and the papers here this morning were praising how Christina looked, so I was anxious to see what TLo had posted…  And I got to the pictures and thought…  “Dear Lord! How did the local papers think this looked good?!?!”

  • Cheesely

    I can picture Miss Piggy in that exact dress, shoes, wig, jewelry, and clutch.

  • Tatiana Luján

    I don’t hate that dress, but it fits very weirdly in the back and I truly hate the tan, the wig, the makeup and the shoes.

    • unbornfawn

      From the angle we have it looks like a panel was added in the back so that the dress would fit. 

      • Tatiana Luján

        and the zipper is all crinkled.

  • MrsMaxPower

    Picking out the negatives is as easy as finding the toaster in the tree in Highlights magazines, so I’ll go with a positive…I actually think her hair looks cute. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Stone/100001328135240 Mary Stone

    Jocelyn Von Wildenstein would have done better than this.

    Well at least she’s not sporting garage doors over both eyes, right?  But seriously, someone flung glitter on her on top of the blotchy self-tanner and called it good.

  • golden_valley

    Allow me a partial dissent.  That dress fits her.  She is not bursting from it.  As to the rest…major taste issues, but isn’t that a constant with her?  

  • mmc2315

    I’ll sit on the bench with the minority who like this look.  Yes, it’s tacky-tacky-tacky, but just perfect for her.  

  • ferngilly

    It”s not that bad.  Take into account the personality…she seems like the type of person who could care less about what other people think of her style.  For her that has been a good thing.  Yes, she could have eased up on the self tanner but that is the only truly horrible part of the look.  Everything else looks fine for her.  

  • Puck Thornton

    Miss Christina is a pretty girl, but she loves the tacky. With a warmer colour hair, natural makeup (no tanner) and a tailored dress or a lady tux she would look much better. But she stays true to her tastes and that is also admirable.  

  • Anathema_Device

    Oy, I saw this on your facebook page and wasn’t sure I was going to comment here, too. But OY!!! She has great natural material to work with and she looks ridiculous. She needs to pull a George Costanza in that Seinfeld episode where he ignored all his instincts and was very happy and successful. She just needs to do the opposite of everything she wants to do style-wise, and she’ll be fine.

  • Stephanie Labbe

    I think I could live with the dress (maybe?) but her makeup (all the way down to the toenail polish!),hair and tan are beyond horrible.

  • MaryanneGirl

    I LOVE that she’s working new curves. I LOVE that she’s not hiding behind extra poundage with tents or covering it all up. I LOVE that she’s got a killer booty & one beautiful hourglass shape, but HOW does she look in the mirror and think this is good? How does she not see that her tan has made her skin orange, and that her tanner has left her armpits white? She’s doing her new body a disservice, and this just comes off looking SAD.

    • formerlyAnon

      Lots of people (myself included) don’t judge the person in the mirror with any accuracy. The pictures in our heads get in the way. And it takes a lot of trial & error and looking at photos of oneself in the cold light of a week later to learn, by rote if nothing else, when we have to ignore what we think we’re seeing – I was barely figuring it out at 30.

      But she’s got cart loads of event photos to look at, and the money to buy the benefits of someone else’s eyes at decision time. I wish she could do better because she’s lovely, and it would be so awesome if she looked it.

    • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

      Right? She took her killer figure and destroyed it with a dress that made her look like an old leather bag in a barrel. Honey, no

  • ringthing

    To say she looks like a drag queen is an insult to drag queens everywhere. You’d think, with her ubiquitous show and all, that she’d look better at this stage of her career instead of worse. There’s a cute girl with a great voice in there somewhere. 

  • decormaven

    If there was a card-carrying professional stylist involved in this look, he/she needs to turn that card in right now. No professional in his/her right mind would have sent a client out on the RC with such a crudely-inserted panel. If you’re going to be that slapdash, just let the zipper gape open and truss her with some tape. For shame! 

  • poggi

    I love that she doesn’t hide herself, and that she is wearing color.  As for the dress, shoes, hair, makeup, body glitter and “tan”… (I have nothing nice to say so I’ll just stop here).

  • http://twitter.com/shoesforall shoes for all

    That is soem of the worst makeup I have ever seen on a red carpet

  • nancylee61

    I actually thought she looked very pretty. I do love the gown, and I like that the girls are mostly covered, which seems to be an anomaly nowadays for the well-endowed. And I love the colors and the fabric of the dress, plus, I really like her hair. I can do without the shoes and the vamping. :)

    • MaryanneGirl

      I think what bums me out the most about her is that she is always SO painted – seems like her makeup is just coated on. She’s such a beautiful woman, I just wish we’d actually see HER once in a while, you know? And not her makeup first. 

  • StillGary

    But the porn bob is a million time better than those ratty extensions adores. 

  • Robin Krug

    Bruised puce “sculpted” cheekbone = 1984. 

  • PrunellaV

    Ooh, look, she’s all sparkly! Train. Wreck.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    This? Is why you boys give me life.  TLo forever!

  • snarkykitten

    ye gods & little fishies. I’m getting second-hand embarrassment liek whoa

  • ChristySchiff

    Amen, TLo.

  • thecitysleeps

    What the fuck happened to her?  That fake tan of DOOM is the worst.  She totes looks like Lindsay Lohan level of crazy at its best.

  • http://twitter.com/iraki86 IraKi

    A. She doesn’t understand how she should dress her new more plump body.
    B. She wants to show that you van be curvy and sexy
    A+B = She looks slutty, tasteless and much heavier than she is. Honey you are hot and curvy. DRESS ACCORDINGLY!

    • mhleta

      That panel in the back just screams ” LOOK EVERYONE! SHE COULDN’T GET THE ZIPPER UP SO WE HAD TO ADD MORE FABRIC. A LOT MORE. ISN’T SHE FAT, EVERYONE? HAHAHA!!” This is not, I’m certain, what she wants her dress to scream.

  • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

    This is why she was not accepted into Patti LaHelle’s School of Bitchcraft and Wiggatry.

  • CeeQ

    She is such a pretty girl with a bodacious body. I’m a plump girl too and I would KILL for those curves. But somehow, she always manages to look trashy AND frumpy AND dumpy all at once!!! How is that even possible? Also – her tits more often than not look ginormous because of what she is wearing. Like it’s about to eclipse the sun. I mean, seriously, WTF? And the self tanner? It’s out of control, there need to be an intervention or something. Good grief, get it together Christina! 

  • allcapsERINN

    Seriously, at first glance, I thought this was Lil Kim.

  • http://cheekypinky.wordpress.com/ Rebecca

    Are those…body sparkles?

  • bd73

    dolly parton 2.0

    • formerlyAnon

       You heinously wound me. Dolly has always done “intentionally tacky” better than this.

  • ri_dic

    I mean, seriously- wth happened to her? 

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    We want to hear the whimpering cries of gays who don’t deserve their jobs anymore. We want to read later that the cops had to be called to your house in the middle of the night to find your assistants running from the property shrieking as you ran after them brandishing an axe, your mascara leaving rivers of rage running down your cheeks.

    Indeed we Bitter KIttens do want to see this. As for Ms. Aguilera, please, dear, the spray tanning has gone overboard. You’re still a lovely young woman underneath that overly done fake bronze;you really don’t need to be the color of fine corinthinian leather, chica.

  • http://twitter.com/Alloyjane Alloy Jane

    Holy crap, she looks like a well-worn hooker.

  • http://twitter.com/HeckYeahHeckNo KC

    She looks like a drag queen dressed up as Christina Aguilera.

  • kcarb1025

    I don’t even know what to say…

  • margaret meyers

    She is 31 years old.  What a mess.

  • GTrain

    This is a hot mess and I cannot blame anyone but her. Back to when she was on Oprah (to promote Bionic(?)) she was talking about how, after giving birth, she was so much more in tune with her body, appreciative of her curves and blah blah blah. How then is it she continues to dress like someone who has no clue about her body’s shape? It boggles the mind.

  • http://profiles.google.com/sauchih Sau-Chih Feng

    As a ballroom dancer who has to apply tanner for competitions (I know, it’s weird, but it’s how it’s done), her tanner really offends me. And Gurl, THAT IS TOO MUCH SPARKLE. DID TINKERBELL FART ALL OVER YOU?

  • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

    It’s weird how from some angles she looks like Kate Hudson and in others she looks like Suzanne Sommors.

  • loveisblind1

    Seriously, besides the horrid dress and hair, and so many people have been saying it for years: What is up with her makeup?! She seems to love blush that makes her look she got punched before she got on the red carpet. Look at her at a Jay Leno show: http://cdn.idolator.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/29/christina-aguilera-jay-leno-600×450.jpg

  • http://twitter.com/alysiag missGee

    I signed that petition but all that is left to say is spanks in the front, no panel in the back, and take off the spray tan glitter SVP. It’s like they took a beautiful dress and added glitter, spicy and so many things that are just…so…not nice.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=664429801 Kate Clausen

    I’m going to defend her hair.  I think this hairstyle is cute on her, and a huge improvement over awful blond and pink extensions.  And I love the colors of the dress, if not the style on her.  I feel for Xtina, a body can change a lot after a baby and learning to dress it again is hard.  However, unlike most moms, she does have access to a lot of cash and professionals whose job is to make her look good.  So I can’t figure out why she looks terrible so much of the time.

    • AnaRoW

      Her “baby” was born about 4-5 years ago. The weight gain was in the last couple of years or so and likely has more to do with her divorce and other issues.

  • frankystein123

    I have to vomit after seeing this atrocity.

  • http://www.facebook.com/zachngzy Ng Zheng Yang Zach

    SNOOKI!

  • mhleta

    You know, earlier I gave her points for relative restraint because at least she made an effort to wrastle her unruly bossoomz into submission, but I saw this again and took those points away. Not only is she wearing tanner, but it has sparkles in it. Jesus, Christina, sparkles???? I saw her on the AMAs. She was surrounded by drag queens during her entire performance. And yet they stood idly by and did nothing, NOTHING about this catastrophe. I propose we send the Gay Squad down there to bring the lot of them up on charges of gross negligence and recklessly ignoring a celebrity in fashion distress. Revoke their Gay cards once and for all and sentence them all to ten years of Dockers, polyester button downs, comfort shoes and comb-overs without possibility of parole.

  • averill stevenson

    Is Snookie doing styling now?

  • http://twitter.com/SamH4Prez Samantha

    I love Donatella but I don’t know if it’s a good thing that someone nearly half her age is reminding me of her.

  • Molly Nardone

    My Little Pony.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2P2ANLRZ6YAVGONA36I2AQJYGI VicD

    That’s X-tina?!  I thought it was Miss Piggy.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_J7JWQYHDDQVBQFFDAEVKNPZKLM karla

    Ok, Tom and Lorenzo…you guys reached with this one….this is the best I’ve seen her look in a while….yes, the tanner is off…but that’s it.  I like the dress on her….the shoes are hot.  Love the clutch and her accessories on that one hand.  I even like the color on her.  I also think her eyeshadow matching her dress is fine…it’s those fake ass eyelashes that I can’t stand, but then again, I can’t stand them on ANYONE, so that’s not saying much.  The way you made it sound, I was expecting to see a TRUE hot mess…not this.