RPDR All Stars: Let’s Get This Party Started

Posted on October 25, 2012

Kittens, we were traveling and doing real-world stuff for a couple of days, so can you forgive us for being late on this recap? Can you, darlings? Really? Because some of y’all were quite annoyed with us for not paying Ru’s Girls the respect that they’re entitled to; the respect they could get from any stranger on the street. This filled us with fear, because after making y’all wait a couple days for our thoughts…

 

Now we’re gonna trash the joint.

Don’t get us wrong, we were happy to see the girls again.

 

And the boys again.

 

But Miss Ru lost us right out of the gate with that lame-o “permanent teams” thing. We’re all for seeking out the drama on a show like this, and we certainly don’t watch it for its fairness in judging, but … we don’t know… it just seemed to cut the competition off at the knees before we even got started.

 

And let’s face it, Pandora got screwed. Mimi was trying her damnedest to appear not-crazy, but it was all there, behind the eyes. You just know if she’d stayed in the competition, there would’ve been some serious mascara tracks running down her screaming face at some point. Usually, we get annoyed with contestants who just mentally check out, but we didn’t blame Pandora one bit. She saw the writing on the wall. And it was written in glitter lipstick, in letters ten feet high: NOT A FAIR COMPETITION BY ANY STRETCH.

Again, that’s fine; that’s what the show’s always been, but it seemed like a lousy way to start things off. The cannon fodder got sent home with the top contender. When that’s the result of your machinations, your competition’s in trouble.

 

Poise.

 

Eleganza.

 

Servants.

As for the competition and challenge itself… we’re still not feeling it, y’all. We don’t know if these queens are just on their best Miss-Manners behavior or if the challenge didn’t inspire them to rise to the occasion, but that was one LONG ninety minutes that ended in a really dumb elimination.

Although we have deep suspicions that this permanent team thing won’t last and/or that we haven’t seen the last of some of the eliminated queens. We’ll see. Ru and Co. seem determined to fuck with the format as much as possible.

 

Drag queens really are living the high school clique thing writ large, aren’t they? Most of the teams suffered from being way too similar. Sure, Yara’s kind of out-there and Alexis is more conventionally glamorous, but they’re not far enough apart to challenge each other. The results overall were just okay.

 

Their runway showing was uninspired – although the Teletubbies bit had promise – but their pictures together showed how well a team like this works when the participants each have something different to bring to it. They’re both comedy/glamour queens, but they’re different enough in their looks to make it seem fresh. It was a good choice for the win.

 

The funny thing is, we think these two might have worked as a team. Mimi’s a mess, but she does have some comedy skills and comedy is Pandora’s main strength. Their pictures had some value to them, even if their runway showing was piss-poor.

Raven really turned up the dials on her bitch-o-meter, no? Girl is not fucking around with getting her camera time. We know Ru gets all moist whenever a queen has the nerve to take off the drag, but we thought Raven’s starfish salute was too much of a ploy to stand out from the pack without doing anything interesting. Also, we love Jujubee, but her inner bitch gets unleashed when she’s around someone like Raven.

 

We think they have potential as a team. They’re both weird. It’s just a matter of harnessing that weird to make a cohesive whole, if that makes any sense. We thought the runway showing gave us a hint of what they could do together, but they didn’t take it far enough. They were right on the cusp of doing a good “Univision soap opera bitch diva” thing.

Oh, hunties. What a mistake for these two to pair up. Not only do they not challenge each other, they actively bring out their shared worst traits. Shannel and Chad are all about the polish, but when you put them together, nothing else rises to the surface. They each need to be paired off with someone like Tammie or Latrice; someone who’s not so polished but has tons more energy.

 

Even the lip synch segment was kind of sad and energy-free, no?

 

It’s not just us, right? Honestly, we didn’t go into things with our expectations in the stratosphere or anything. At best, we thought we were in for an entertaining hour + of seeing some of the best queens in the show’s short history. But these ladies all need a shot of red bull or something, because the whole thing felt kind of by-the-numbers to us.

And we’ll say it again: Pandora got really screwed.

 

[Stills: tomandlorenzo.com]

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