Pairs Division: Lopez and Smart

Posted on October 02, 2012

Brace yourself, kittens. This might be hard for you to accept until you see it with your own eyes, but after much debate and consideration of the following pictures, we have come to the difficult conclusion that … Jennifer Lopez is officially Trying Too Hard.

We were shocked too.

 

Jennifer Lopez and her boyfriend Casper Smart attend Anna Wintour’s Paris Fashion Week Reception for President Barack Obama. Jennifer Lopez wore a dress by Hakaan from the Fall 2012 collection paired with Tom Ford pumps.

Hakaan Scarlet Red Sleeveless Sheath Dress

Tom Ford Padlock Ankle-Strap Pump

 

SHE: Woke up in Diva Town, got in her car, and drove at highly dangerous speeds until she crashed head-on into a sign that says “WELCOME TO DRAG LAND, POPULATION: FIERCE.” We hope Anna Wintour invited RuPaul to this party, just so he could go up to J Lo and compliment her on her fishy realness. From a style point of view, there’s nothing particularly wrong with what she’s wearing here. It’s just that the dress is at least a size too small on her and the slit passed by “sexy” and hit “vulgar” about two inches ago. Her hair looks very wiggy and her makeup looks just plain odd. Score: 5/10. Go up a size, tone down the AquaNet, and rethink the makeup, girl. Mama’s looking mighty desperate.

HE: Has apparently converted to her religion, which requires that all clothing fit so tightly that it restricts movement and possibly breathing. Also, that suit looks really shiny and the hem on the pants is too high. Also, he looks like a total douchebag. Score: 3/10. Mostly because he looks like a total douchebag.

Combined Score: 4/10. We sincerely hope everyone at this party pointed and laughed at them until they both ran out in tears.

Yes, we need more coffee.

 

[Photo Credit: WENN, stylebop.com, neimanmarcus.com]

    • RzYoung

      She needs to do a Salma and get with an old zillionaire

      • formerlyAnon

        Nah. She wants to feel in control of her destiny right now, even if she’s not single. A rich older guy would be less likely to follow her lead.

        edited for typos

        • MilaXX

           unless it’s a completely pussy whipped old rich man.

      • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

        didn’t she sort try that with marc anthony?  maybe he wasn’t rich enough.

    • Stacey DuFord

      But the shoes…..

      • EditKitten

        To die!

      • makeityourself

        Go over to Whiteboard for a better pic of JLo in the shoes.

    • hyperionic

      She looks as shiny and revealing as usual to me. 

    • greyhoundgirl

      It’s like they got dressed, then expanded a little bit on their way over, just enough to over-fill their clothes.

    • Patricia Gillett

      Vulgar was the right word for that dress. Which is a shame because in the right size, it has the potential to be really hot. And the shoes are fab.

      He just looks sad. Sad in that she probably spent five figures dressing and grooming him and still could not get the douchebag stench off him. 

      • 3boysful

         I believe someone posted a while back that your slit hits vulgar when people can see your tan line.

        But you’re spot-on–the dress would be great in the proper size.

      • RebeccaKW

         I think she likes it.  I’m sure he gets very little say in what he wears, since she is buying it, and she wants the suit tight, etc.  She is trying to show off the goods, make people look at them and think how hot they are, how desirable must she be to get this guy.  And in truth-very few people find him desirable. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/AdriannaGrezak Adrianna Grężak

      At first glance this doesn’t look so bad, at least she didn’t wear the platform stripper heels

    • MoHub

      Is she wearing any underwear? Somehow, I’m getting a TMI vibe here.

    • http://twitter.com/MajorBedhead MajorBedhead

      Did she have some work done on her face? She looks very…taut. And not at all like herself. 

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        I was thinking the same thing. Perhaps we’ve been “freshened up a bit” recently.

        • EditKitten

          Like, REALLY freshened up. For me, I’d at least be “meh” on the whole thing if it weren’t for everything above the neck, which looks … the opposite of real.

        • EveEve

          Shiny taut with nary a wrinkle, sag or bag to be seen = recent work.  This can not be a surprise for this type of celebrity. Plus, it bodes well for much future snark, so I’m fine with it.

        • schadenfreudelicious

          agreed, she looks “freshened” within an inch of her life…so…shiny….

          • ChristySchiff

             I think “within an inch of her life” is some kind of motto for her.

            Also, your user name is amazing.

            • schadenfreudelicious

              thank-you :)

      • DTLAFamilies

        I think she’s suffering from Nicole Kidman syndrome, aka, Botoxitis. 

      • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

        Yes you guys, I noticed it too!  Thank god for this website and the comfort of others. Otherwise I would have to spend the entire day musing…by myself!..about whether JLo had her eyes done. Which she obviously did. And recently. And that just adds to the ‘trying too hard.’

      • mmc2315

        Right.  I agree, I don’t think it’s her make-up job.  It’s that she has that ever-so-slightly puffy look (Nicole Kidman) that makes one face look “off”, esp. around the eyes and forehead.

        We need a TLo app that will fix the pictures.  Undo the Botox.  Up the size on the dress.  Lower the slit.  Restyle the hair.  Done!  

        Him?  Reeks of douche.  Not convinced it can be fixed.  

    • Le_Sigh

      JLO – WE CAN SEE ALL YOUR ABS THROUGH YOUR DRESS.  THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING.

      First cup of joe is on me TLo.  

    • Spreecord

      Her face looks tighter than a drum.

    • StelledelMare

      I was just thinking that that hairstyle makes her forehead look huge but wiggy is a good description too. Really though, she’s getting up there with Madonna on all of this. 

      • http://twitter.com/urban_gypsy Tess Danesi

        Agree. The first thing I focused on was her hairline. It just looks…wrong. I think she’s really a beautiful woman with an amazing bod who doesn’t need to try so hard all the time. Him, I just can’t with him. 

    • Spreecord

       Also, when I say things like “I wish the 3 piece suit would make a comeback”, this is not what I meant.

    • Cathy S

      I can’t disagree with anything you’ve said here. But I have to say that, although I wouldn’t wear them because I’m allergic to heels, those shoes are fabulous.

      • 3boysful

         I like them, too, and I generally am not a fan of ankle straps.  But $1100??

    • jw_ny

       lol.  Sometimes ya just gotta vent…hope you boys feel better now!  JLo & boy toy of the moment are good ones to take it out on.  :D

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Cleary/1201575213 Patrick Cleary

      I hope spectators were given a set of goggles for the inevitable moment when that button on his jacket popped off.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      She looks like a mid range priced hooker. Not good.

      • librarygrrl64

        Snaps for “mid range.”

    • http://twitter.com/debikayo Deb Oswald

      This post gave me a lot of joy!  HAHAHAHAHA  Thanks T-Lo!!  

    • beebee10

      “WELCOME TO DRAG LAND, POPULATION: FIERCE.”  You made may whole day Tlo. 

    • EditKitten

      Like, REALLY freshened up. For me, I’d at least be “meh” on the whole thing if it weren’t for everything above the neck, which looks … the opposite of real.

    • unbornfawn

      You sound a little cranky, but you are right. This should be a diva-tastic outfit. Somehow, she just looks old.

    • schadenfreudelicious

      “Cougar and Douchebag those are not your sizes”…

      • h2olovngrl

        Am I the only one who hates the term, “cougar”?

    • crackineggs

      Garments that designers lend out to the starlets should have “breathalyzer” zippers installed – if it’s too tight it doesn’t zip up.

    • http://profiles.google.com/gillianholroyd gillian holroyd

      are wide lapels coming back? (cringe)

    • Lilithcat

      That is a gorgeous dress, the lines of which have been ruined by Lopez wearing it at least one size too small.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/GLERYB7G4QX7Z5ED54AWP2JIMA Mary

      Dude, that’s not how you suit.  YUK.

    • formerlyAnon

      For her, there’s nothing especially extreme about this dress. Which just proves the point.

      Hair REALLY looks fake under the flash. With as much money as she’s got to spend, I find that unforgiveable.

      In other news: Not sure why I see her as another poster girl for A Woman Is Nothing Without A Man? Nothing wrong with wanting a companion, or even a relationship, so maybe it’s the whiff of trying too hard that sparks that thought. 

    • Pants_are_a_must

      This pretty much confirms that JLo Will Never Learn, and she’ll continue looking tacky and vulgar in public forever and ever, a-GURL.

      • janetjb

        Thank you for that!

    • RebeccaKW

      I hate his shoes with that suit.  He looks ridiculous. 

      That slit is no longer a slit.  It is a gaping hole, fighting for it’s life.  JLo, you have a slamming bod-you don’t need to do this!

    • Judy_J

      Cougar and gigolo.

    • Anathema_Device

      Only drink more coffee if it keeps you honest AND bitchy. This post was spot-on and hilarious.

    • MilaXX

      These 2, I can’t. They both need to have a seat.

      speaking of Rupaul, did you guys hear about Sahara Davenport? Apparently she passed away.

      • mjude

        i agree Milaxx!  also i just read the news about sahara.  sad.

      • julnyes

        Read about it today – it is so sudden and I feel so bad for Manila and their  family.

    • jmorino08

      Awwww!! I think he looks cute and she looks gorgeous. Just can’t jump on the Snark Train with you guys today!

    • Candigirl1968

      Jen doesn’t seem to have a stash of “when I meet people who aren’t actors or singers” clothes.  Her dress to meet the William and Kate was equally too much.  

      And if I had a boy toy two decades my junior, I’d make him put on a tie to meet the President and buy him a properly fitting suit.

    • SewingSiren

      They ought to do a remake of Sunset Blvd. staring these two.

    • http://twitter.com/SparklyCasanova UglyCasanova

      “her religion”?  You mean Scientology?

    • http://twitter.com/connectinglines Me Again

      I think you are being to harsh on Caspar.  His suit is too small, but that’s really about it.  What makes him look douchy (besides the fact that he’s J-Lo’s arm candy, which really shouldn’t factor into his score)?  I think it’s actually a nice suit and nice shoes if he wore the right size.

    • lizajane1776

      I can’t get past how much Caspar looks like my hubby when he got out of boot camp-31 years ago! Yeah, hubby wore a three piece suit, but at least it wasn’t shiny. (Although he did wear pale grey oxfords. These are at least better shoes than those.)

      She? Looks bad in the face. And I am sure that it is just that she was caught talking, but in that third picture of them, her mouth looks JUST like my niece’s fake smile face.

    • janetjb

      T Lo had the right amount of coffee to comment on this duo.

      His suit is all kinds of wrong for his body.  She’s beyond commenting on.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/DNWEFT2SVBX5T3NPMROQCT4U2U jennyv

      Thanks boys! This made my morning. It’s nice to remember that even someone whose body is as slammin’ as La Lopez still looks like a sausage when stuffed into a too small dress.

    • Contralto

      Jesus God Almighty, they dressed like THAT to meet POTUS?  I am too through.

    • http://twitter.com/Nanskatoon Nancy Skaggs

      This calls to mind the admonition I used to give my daughter: “I can just barely manage to wriggle into it” DOES NOT EQUAL “It fits.”  That you can wrestle your body into a garment is NOT. THE. SAME. THING. as it FITTING YOU. But apparently Hollywood has its own definitions for “fit.”

      That being said- she is sporting Tyra-level fivehead in these shots. Not pretty. But I honestly don’t think it’s a wig. The hairline is just not right. And yeah- she’s very shiny-faced and looks definitely like “first night out after plastic surgery recovery period.”

    • MsALVA

      TLo, you need to start enforcing the rule that any man who wears trousers with visible phone outline on the thigh is an automatic OUT. 

      • mommyca

        OMG… I hadn’t noticed… that’s just tacky! in jeans, maybe, but in a suit? no!!!!! 

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1208138556 Sara Munoz Munoz

        Caspar, that’s what your jacket pockets are for. Sheesh.

      • duneboi

        I noticed that right away, too. As someone who wears dress slacks every day for work, I make it a rule NOT to place anything in my pants pocket, especially since men’s pants style the last few years has trended towards slim. And dude needs to get a better tailor — like me, he looks to have a small waist and muscular upper body. Off-the-rack suits do not fit said body type and need altering to fit properly.

    • http://fray.slate.com/discuss/forums/3945/ShowForum.aspx nancykelley

      Pedro from the roofing crew.  Yells down to all the pretty girls on the street, who don’t even notice his existence.  What’s her excuse?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_BMEASIKJSVE6YP3DE2VLJA5CUU JulieJ

      He just plain gives me the creeps.  I find not a single thing attractive about him.

    • alyce1213

      I hate his earrings, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  It’s a little sad, the whole picture.

    • EEKstl

      “WELCOME TO DRAG LAND, POPULATION: FIERCE.” 
      Thank you.

    • aristida_girl

      the sad is strong in her, i hope she starts feeling better about herself soon… TLo once again gives me a laugh-out-loud morning, thanks guys…

    • http://www.facebook.com/aboutelle Ashleigh Boutelle

      mother and son?? wtf? They both look ridiculous. Her fivehead is crazy looking.

    • ChristySchiff

      Just once I wish I could block some time in my calendar for:  “Woke up in Diva Town, got in her car, and drove at highly dangerous
      speeds until she crashed head-on into a sign that says “WELCOME TO DRAG
      LAND, POPULATION: FIERCE.”‘

      Pretty sure a gal needs that at least once.  I hope that’s in the book.

      • SewingSiren

        Halloween is commmiinnnggg! Perfect time for a little visit.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/W7A5N4G7FDTV5U2KOHBVSB55XI Basket

      Lopez and Ashley Judd are beginning to look a lot alike.  Same surgeon? 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1129137319 Paula Pertile

      Love his shoes.

    • melanie0866

      I think it’s the earrings (his, not hers) that contribute most to the douchbagginess of his ensemble.

    • Srw27

      He looks like her pimp & she needs to lay off the Botox!

    • Jensmom1

      4th Picture of them down.  She looks like she’s channeling some Willam realness!  Do you think he’s wearing one of Marc Anthony’s old suits?  It’s really too short and tight.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1208138556 Sara Munoz Munoz

      She is hanging onto him for dear life, and he looks positively indifferent.

    • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

      She’s 43 years old – why can’t she just admit it and move on??  The dress is well into hooker territory, the fresh taut shiny face reeks of “work” being done, and the boy toy is just creepy looking.  Both of them are OUT.  That dress could have been killer in the right size.  I would love to see it on someone it fits!

    • margaret meyers

      Yuck.

    • Scarlet39

      Was her forehead always this… prominent? 

    • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

      he kinda looks like a little boy holding his momma’s hand on the first day of kindergarten.  except he’s a baby douchebag with an inappropriate relationship to his mother.

    • h2olovngrl

      She definitely has a “type”, doesn’t she?

    • guest2visits

      Yes – the dress is too tight and the slit is too high. The hair looks ok to me, and the lip color seems to work with the dress.
      He looks like he’s trying to dress to impress; stage gangsta. Too tight, too shiny, too much.

    • Puckndc

      Funny, he never looks at her…..

      • https://twitter.com/LisaF1163 Lisa

        You noticed that too, huh?

    • https://twitter.com/LisaF1163 Lisa

      OMG, there was no better way to start my day than with a TLo post making fun of her!  Jenny from The Block isn’t even on my irrational hate list, because I can give you plenty of rational reasons why I hate her!  Talentless, attention whore, drama queen, tacky, horrible actress – I could go on and on!  But let’s get to the post, shall we?

      It’s official – she now really DOES look like she’s about 20 years older than he is!  Before it was, “Okay, she’s older, she can still pull it off, etc.”, you know?  But no more.  This is “Sunset Boulevard” territory, baby!  

      The dress is at least a size too tight, as you point out.  And the slit – well, there’s no way she’s wearing panties, because you’d be able to see the edge of them with as high as that slit is.  Which means, despite how high the slit is – she’s not wearing panties.  Nice.   The shoes are great, and that’s about all I can say for her.

      The makeup and hair are pure “Blanche – didja know we have rats in the cellar?”    And as for him – well, he looks like he’d rather be anywhere but there!

      Ahhhh!  That felt GOOOOD!!!

      • holdmewhileimnaked

        she’s wearing something under that & probably, actually, a lot of things, all in the name of shapewear. i know this cos one can see em beginning to bunch in the closer shots.

    • mayavaly

      Brilliant! Sometimes a full-on bitch-fest is all that is called for. And who better than these two? Had a right old giggle at that dressing down. Thanks chaps!
       

    • holdmewhileimnaked

      it doesnt matter what yr wearing, if the guy yr going out w/ prefers to spend his time at [in?] glory holes, nothing’s gonna change.

      oh for heavens sake. i wouldnt do what she is doing, not at this late date &, truly, i cant imagine having gone this far w/ it when i was, i dunno, fourteen years old. still, i kinda feel sorry for her. i’m not sure if she knows not what she does or if she thinks that by sheer will, just like she’s forced everything else, she will force this. but no.

    • PeaceBang

      Oh, no, you don’t need more coffee. You nailed it. What’s especially fascinating to me here is how obviously besotted she is with him. This is — I don’t even know what this is, but it’s a Tennessee Williams play that was never written and should have been. This woman has got the FEVER, so obviously Mr. Shiny Suit D-Bag is serving up some cake that Mama wants and wants NOW. She’s radiating such intense sexual obsession I’m frightened for both of them.

      • holdmewhileimnaked

        cat on a hot tin roof [not the movie version]. whatshisname, i never remember, the paul newman character, is just older.

    • TieDye64

      Douchebag and Diva. Could be a fun show.

    • Fordzo

      Also, Jenny from the block needs to slow down with the Botox.

      • bellafigura1

         Absolutely … and whatever else she’s doing. She just looks almost Asian.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1355527007 Rain Jezek

      I really like his shoes. Not with that suit, though. He should send them to Matt Smith, he’ll know what to do with them.

    • DCSheehan

      The sad whiff of desperation is strong in this one.

      Actually I think she looks killer. And how nice she’s taking her son out to dinner.

    • ccm800

      The douche duo

    • Rebecca Jay

      She is such a beautiful woman.  She doesn’t need to try at all… let alone ‘too hard.’ I wish she would just stop this already.

    • librarygrrl64

      As the boyfriends get younger, the slit gets higher?