Jessica Biel in Paris

Posted on October 10, 2012

Okay, we give up with this girl.

Jessica Biel out and about in Paris in Isabel Marant.

Isabel Marant Spring 2013 Collection/Model: Kasia Struss (WOMEN)

Isabel Marant Spring 2013 Collection/Model: Julia Frauche (NATHALIE)

For God’s sake, honey, LEARN TO EDIT.

The thing is, we like pretty much all of these pieces – no, really – but when you put them all together in the same look, you’re approaching Edina Monsoon levels of fashion victimhood. Just because it all walked a runway together doesn’t mean it’s going to look good when it’s walking down the street.


[Photo Credit: WENN,]

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  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    She’s a tragic victim of THE BEDAZZLER!!!

    • I already said it above, but – She’s a rhinestone cowboy!

    • Why, oh why is there not a Batman villain named the Bedazzler?

      •  Hee Hee. One of his nefarious attempts on Batman’s life would be the time he attempts to pour him into a giant acrylic gem stone he’s going to make, then mount on top of his lair.

        • EveEve

          Or bedazzle his bat cape so heavily that he can’t fly into his batmobile and get away.  But I digress. 
          Jessica has no eye for fashion and needs to find some better help.

          • Only the Dynamic Duo of Tom & Lorenzo can save her!

      • drdarke

        There’s a Marvel super heroine called “Dazzler”, @Gayer Than Thou – is that close?

    • B_C_J

       You hit the nail on the head. 

    • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

      Its STUD-tastic!  😛

  • While I think cropped pants are flattering on petite women, they don’t generally work on taller women. I speak from experience. You just look like you’re wearing high-waters (or as the young’uns say now, ‘floods’).

    As Tlo noted, these pieces are fine on their own. That top would be especially cute with jeans and sandals. But for god’s sake, it’s FALL. I suppose the 50 degree weather is why she threw a leather jacket over a spring/summer outfit? Learn to dress for the season/weather, people.

    • RebeccaKW

       And certainly never crop pants with booties that leave a gap of skin showing. 

    • DaringMiss

      As a 5’9″ tall woman, I completely agree with you about cropped pants.  I have tried several times over the years to wear cropped pants and they just never looked right on me.  

      (Plus they gave me flashbacks to my tragic childhood in pants that were never long enough!)

      • Yes, me too!! Tho now I’m 5’8″ which is not gigantically tall, I was always the tallest girl in my class growing up and reached my current height when I was about 12. From the ages of about 9 to 14 I was incapable of finding clothes that fit. (Since I had no hips or breasts, juniors sizes didn’t fit me either.) Am still traumatized.

  • *looks down at outfit*

    I suddenly feel better about myself. THANKS, JESSICA BIEL!

  • BeeBeauNYC

    That’s a lot of sparkles for one outfit.

  • deathandthestrawberry

    Why is she holding her purse like that? It’s really bugging me. I also just realized I need to add her to my Irrational Hate list. Megan Fox hasn’t been bugging me lately, so Jessica can take her spot.

  • Sobaika


    I will do it much better justice than Biel ever could. Please send it my way. Thank you.

    • lovelyivy

      i LOVE that shirt. I have already fired up Gilt, Ruelala AND ideeli to see if i can find an acceptable substitute. Alas no dice.

      • 3boysful

         Grab your Bedazzler and MAKE yourself a copy!  🙂

    • Fightcha for it.

  • Oh honey, NO!  The pants are awesome. The jacket is hilarious with it though.  It looks like someone attacked it with a bedazzler so the jacket would “go” with the pants.  And as a side note: I am begging you here, lose the bangs. Bangs only serve to broaden your lovely face, and you already have very wide, high cheekbones. 

    • formerlyAnon

      I like the broad cheekbone look. But then, I tend to like strong bones over conventional pretty.

      •  I come, originally, from western Pa. And the number of people of east European extraction is very high, so I grew up with a fondness for the “high and wide”, thing, facially.  I just feel that the bangs, shorten and broaden her face too much. And she is so lovely, she needn’t mess with her facial proportions in that way.

        • formerlyAnon

          I totally agree that she’s lovely.

          And we’re kinda sort of almost former neighbors, one generation removed! My mom was first generation Polish-American from Pennsylvania. (Though she fled within a week of graduating high school, never to live there again.)

          •  Born in McKeesport, and grew up in and around Pittsburgh, myself.

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            My dad grew up in a tiny coal town, Kittanning, so far west that it was almost in the next state.

          • librarygrrl64

            I know that one, too. Pittsburgh has always been more like Ohio/the Midwest, than it like most of PA/the Mid-Atlantic anyway. It’s a wiiiiiiide state. And that turnpike ride is brutal. 😉

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            Our family made one pilgrimage back to Kittanning so that we could all meet Dad’s folks. It seemed like the longest car trip in history.

          • librarygrrl64

            And it always seems like it’s raining when I drive through central PA. I think the mountains trap the weather or something. Also, back in the day, before cassette and CD players and iPods, as a kid I remember that the only radio stations you could get on the turnpike in central PA were country or Christian. It’s Pennsyltucky! 😉 My dad did have a CB radio for a while, and that was fun. We would talk to the truckers.

          • librarygrrl64

            I know EXACTLY where McKeesport is. My dad worked there back in the day. 🙂

          •  Oh to the Em Gee!  

          • librarygrrl64

            Your past is safe with me. 😉

          • Oh my dear, it is FAR too late to attempt to conceal my past.  lol  But I appreciate your loyalty, nonetheless.

          • librarygrrl64

            Hmmm, now that you mention it, I *thought* I saw a few billboards on the turnpike with your face on them…..

          • A good publicist, is a wonderful thing.

          • librarygrrl64

            Well, a better publicist would have included the kilt.

        • My BF’s family owns a Polish pizza joint in Trucksville, PA.

        • librarygrrl64

          As I’ve said before, valance and drapes, valance and drapes. That’s all I can see when I look at her hair.

          Also, shout-out to PA, baby! 😉

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Every time I see this woman I just want to scream in horror at those bangs.  I think they do nothing, absolutely nothing for her.  As for the outfit, one of these pieces teamed with more subdued/subtle element swould work.  Altogether? YIkes.

    • NC_Meg

      I think the whole outfit is hilarious and I can’t see a red leather jacket without thinking the wearer is paying homage to Michael Jackson. (But I think even MJ would have drawn the line at a bedazzled red leather jacket.)

  • I think the worst part is combining the jacket and the pants. She looks like she should be a Michael Jackson backup dancer. Without the jacket, it would look much better, albeit too blinged out for daywear (probably why she grabbed the jacket in the first place). A matte red trenchcoat (if she had to go for the black/red/white combo) would probably have made this look more chic and daytime. 

    • MoHub

       You’re right. This looks as if it came from the Michael Jackson estate sale.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        The Michael Jackson estate sale! I can’t tell you how much I love this!

  • BeeBeauNYC

    Does the handler get to have his own umbrella or is he just stuck in the rain?

    • formerlyAnon

      I’m guessing the latter. The little people, they won’t melt.

    •  I am relieved that I’m not the only person who thinks about things like this. 

    • Kimbolina

      I think it would be pretty hilarious if he was carrying an umbrella in each hand.

      • I wonder if the umbrella is bedazzled too!

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      The fact that La Biel has a handler who holds the umbrella just adds to the tacky hilariousness of this outfit.

  • OwnsHairlessCats

    It’s almost seizure inducing.

  • CFNA1981

    maybe Marant gave her the pieces with the condition of using them all together…
    have u thought about it :OP

  • schadenfreudelicious

    its like a Michaels craft store vomited on her….

    • Or a Michael Jackson craft store.

      • schadenfreudelicious


    • bitchybitchybitchy

      I was at a Michaels just yesterday and it was suspiciously low on sequins, beads, etc..

  • formerlyAnon

    EXACTLY what you said. I like each piece separately (if not necessarily for everyone), but it’s laughably Too Much.

    But if you have the kind of life where someone walks just out of frame carrying the umbrella that shields you from the rain, I imagine one can lose perspective.

  • I like all these pieces, but putting them together was a TERRIBLE idea. It looks like she fell into a brad machine.

  • With her I dont think its necessarily about being stylish.  I think she’s trying to say, “Look at me. I have the clout to wear head to toe Isabel Marant straight off the runway! I’m so powerful? Right?”
    Its like she’s trying to convince us she’s relevant.
    That red jacket, for instance, isn’t even that great but it’s the kind of high impact clothing that gets photographed and is easily identified.
    She’s making a statement.  I think it says more about her state of mind than her style.

  • PeggyOC

    That shirt, with jeans.  Stop there.  You can wear the boots if you must with it.  That jacket goes in the bin, as its shoulders are tragic.  The trousers with some other outfit, one including footwear that is NOT ankle boots.  She’s one of those people who just doesn’t know how to dress for her body, and seems to constantly be putting on what someone who doesn’t like her tells her to wear.

    • Cathy S

       Yes. Absolutely. The top and jeans. Full stop. That would be really cute.

  • first thing i said was, “what the FUCK is she WEARING?”  that pretty much sums it up.

  • tereliz

    Tragic is right. There’s a such thing as too much of a good thing, Jess. You do know that hordes of Parisian girls were snickering at you behind your back, right?

  • StellaZafella

    In my youth I sometimes just threw on whatever “looked and smelled clean” from the bedroom floor…who cares, I’m just going up the street for coffee.
    I guess this is what the rich and famous find lying on the bedroom floor the month after fashion week…

    • formerlyAnon

      I kind of love this image.

      • StellaZafella

         Me too! I didn’t mean it as an insult, just and observation.

  • hyperionic

    Wow. Those pants are bitchin’. 

  • jilly_d


  • homofascist

    Those two runway looks are FIERCE!  Maybe they would be a little too much IRL, although one could imagine a Zoe Saldana or similar stylish celebrity pulling those off on a slightly more casual red carpet.

  • You should see my stank face at this outfit.  I do love that top though. 

  • SewingSiren

    I think she needs more studs. MOHR!

  • patticake1601

    Less is more!!!

  • alyce1213

    She wore that in Paris?  I’m so embarrassed.

  • JulieThomas

    Avenue Montaigne (it is?) can only just about count as a ‘street’ in fairness to her.  Outdoor fashion runway with rain, trees and leaves more like.   What everyone else said about too many dazzly bits.

  • Just because they are different colours doesn’t mean this isn’t WAY too matchy-matchy!

  • Jangle57

    Thanks for the laugh; I about spit my tea out.  Maybe she has a clown audition?

  • And there’s so much BULK — where is it all coming from?  It doesn’t add that much weight to the models, and Jessica Biel is certainly not a large girl.  But somehow these are making her look much wider than she really is.

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    Also, boot stank.

  • Jessi03

    Girl.  Get your life together.  Look at your life.  Look at your choices.

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      What, what, what is she doing?!  🙂

      • Jessi03

        She may have taken a roofie from a priest.

  • Dot

    The whole outfit is pretty ridiculous, but that purse looks especially silly to me.

  • pattyw

    I’ve had it with people who can’t carry their own umbrella. You’re Jessica Biel, not Cleopatra.

    • schadenfreudelicious

      agreed, perhaps if she learned how to use that perfectly good shoulder strap on her purse she could free up a hand??

    • Patricia Gillett

      Just what was the thought behind that choice? That she needed a dedicated umbrella holder so we would not be distracted by the wonder that is her outfit. Good lock with that.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Every single item in this outfit is already too embellished. Biel, you’re a fashion idiot. That’s it.

  • Coralie Legister

    Pearly Queen!

  • Everything she’s wearing is heavily embellished. I suppose she’s not looking to creep up and surprise anyone from behind.

  • Kayceed

    She looks like such a joke, poor thing.

  • IAmJ

    Ok, yeah, this is a trainwreck. Did she lose a bet or something?
    The red pants look really cool on the model, and I think the gladiator sandals work quite well with them. The booties Jessica chose make her legs look kinda stumpy. I also love how she decided her look needed more embellishments so she grabbed the studded purse. Oh, girl.

  • EditKitten

    This is the dumbest fucking outfit I’ve ever seen.

  • Janet B

    We’ve turned the corner on another season; from wearing Holiday dresses in August to Spring outfits in October.  

  • RocknRollmom

    The only way this “works” is if Justin gets a similar studded outfit a la the Brittany/Justin denim red carpet look from years ago!

  • mjude

    no no & no

  • FashionShowAtLunch

    Also, you can’t hold your own goddamn umbrella? You’re not on the red carpet, you’re walking down the street, holding nothing but a little pocketbook. Sheesh. 

  • shirab

    I am starting to worry about what she might wear to her wedding.

    • I’m not worried. I’m looking forward to it with eager anticipation of some major WTF!

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Can we hope for a genuine WTF on the order of My great big celeb/gypsy wedding?

  • dress_up_doll

    Despite all the bling she’s wearing, she certainly looks pissed-off. Tacky as hell, but still pissed-off.

  • charlotte

    I want to unsee this.

  • wwilson008

    All she needs is a fanny pack, and she is my grandmother and her friends on their way to Atlantic City for the weekend, just about to board the tour bus that is leaving from the church parking lot in 10 minutes.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      In the part of the world in which I grew up, I’d add a few blonde streaks in her hair, which would also be pouffed out-plus the fannypack and then they’d be ready to rock the casinos in Jersey!

  • HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!  I can totally see Edina rocking the complete ensemble!!!

  • RL McGruder

    She just hurt my heart.

    In other news, I covet that skirt.

  • altalinda

    To quote the master, “That’s a lot of look.”

  • Imasewsure

    Really do love all of these pieces and maybe could see the pants and shirt alone as ok together but all together is proof positive that we all should just leave this girl alone. She has no taste. There is no hope

  • mommyca

    to me the jacket ruins it, both the top and pants are not bad together… and on top of that she added the boots! good lord!!! 

  • CFNA1981

    the only thing wrong is the over embelishement (a lot), and the jacket is one or 2 sizes bigger (the pants in plane leather and a simple white tshirt and this would be a hit)… oor at least a cool ensemble for a normal day wear…

  • Joyce VG

    Haaahaahaaa… to quote Jessica from the Fug Girls “Whimsy + Whimsy = Terror.”  Haaahaaahaaa!

  • that top would be fabulous with a pair of well-fitted, worn out jeans and some strappy sandals. 

  • WittyCism

    Maybe that’s her showing that she REALLY loved that collection, ;).

  • AnnaleighBelle

    The theme is Skittle Pox?

  • Ha ha ha ha! Hee hee hee! Oh my! I think the booties tipped it over into hysterical territory. 

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    TLo said: “The thing is, we like pretty much all of these pieces – no, really – but when you put them all together in the same look, you’re approaching Edina Monsoon levels of fashion victimhood.”  Somehow, I just know that Edina would have still pulled this off, from sheer force of personality, and a shitload of booze.

    • Snailstsichr

       Edie would have the (atrocious, overworked) hair necessary to carry this look off.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Precisely. She’d also have a really hot young guy as her umbrella “handler”, too.

  • Garanimals for ladies. How in the world did she ever think wearing the pants and jacket together were ok? How?
    I like the pretty top though.

  • MilaXX

    She only needed to wear one of those pieces at a time. That looks like a little kid putting on everything in the closet at once. She could have worn the jacket with jeans and a t. The pants with a simple black top (which btw would look great on KStew). The top with a pencil skirt, etc…..
    This just looks crazy

  • RebeccaKW

    I am in love with the first runway look, with the red pants.  I love the shirt in that look.

    However.  The jacket and the boots take this too far. 

    And I say it every time.  I HATE those bangs.  (I wonder if she overheard Justin telling someone his dream girl has blunt bangs and that’s why she is sticking with them)

  • Sara__B

    At least her sunglasses aren’t Bedazzled.


  • 3boysful

    What all ya’ll said.
    And why is she on the street with an umbrella handler, and then suddenly she’s sporting shades.  So is it sunny or raining?  Where do I get me an umbrella handler?

  • Trisha26

    Did she lose a bet?

  • The pieces walked the runway together….in the same show…but not on the same model….at the same d_mn time.
    I’m sure the PR folks at Isabel Marant are loving this….not.

  • Judy_S

    Perhaps it’s a strategy to avoid paparazzi–everybody will be looking at her clothes and forget to wonder whether her face is familiar.


  • I love the top. The rest of the look needs to go. 

  • thegoberneitor

    she is so innocent… but i´m pretty sure this is pure vanity, the boots fit perfectly in a complete exaggeration!!

  • Kyle Crawford

    They Told Him Don’t You Ever Come Around HereDon’t Wanna See Your Face, You Better DisappearThe Fire’s In Their Eyes And Their Words Are Really ClearSo Beat It, Just Beat It

  • Larkin21

    Beautiful pieces but, exactly, should not pair them with one another. Let alone throw all of them on at once!

  • Why does she always have such bad hair?! 

  • Sunshine16

    Must have those pants (to wear with nothing else that is bedazzeled, of course)!

  • kimmeister

    I’d love to see her try to make it through an airport security scanner in that getup.  She’d have to strip down to her underoos!

  • Nelliebelle1197

    “Just because it all walked a runway together doesn’t mean it’s going to look good when it’s walking down the street.”

    Truer words were never typed.

  • RoxieRider

    Wow, I LOVE these on the models. Chic hippie biker. Awesome.

  • MissMariRose

    Cant. Stop. Laughing.

  • lrhg

    Is everything she’s wearing studded? Good lord girl.

  • ojosazules

    Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell, rock

  • LesYeuxHiboux

    But, you guys, she’s so beautiful that it’s really hard for her to wear clothes like other people do. They have to be riveted to her body to prevent the gale-force winds of her sheer hotness (good for mussing the hair attractively) from blowing them clean off!

  • JuliaInBlack

    If I were a celebrity this would be my PMS-day outfit.  It’s crazy enough to make people look twice and back off before I snap at them, and anytime I wanted a relaxing full-body massage I could just drop and roll around on the floor.

  • TheOtherChristina

    I think everyone else has already covered my main points, so I’ll just tack this on:

    The arms go INSIDE the sleeves, Jessica.

  • l_c_ann

    I like the red jacket and I’ll just overlook the rest (even though the pieces are sitting down, screaming for equal time).

  • TieDye64

    Yikes, that’s a whole lotta look there. 

  • Love child of Tinkerbell and Michael Jackson.

  • dear lord, the bag is studded too? Has she no shame?

    Do think her hair is looking good here and normally I dislike her bangs.

  • jw_ny

    what do you mean…Jessica did edit!  She decided to forgo the glitter socks and glitter glove. 


  • I really love the top. 

  • lizlemonglasses

    I don’t go “out and about in Paris” often, but when I do, I dress as a Star Spangled Banner.

  • holy shit WHAT?

  • sashaychante

    Victim of a NAIL GUN attack

  • Mary229

    She is such a cute girl.  Would love to see her in just regular jeans with a great top.  Not all this busy stuff!   Pretty girl, though.

  • Anathema_Device

    Oh my god. Full-on belly laughs from me. I mean, sweet jeebus, even the BOOTS AND THE BAG ARE BEDAZZLED. 

  • turtleemily

    Michael Jackson would’ve rocked this.

  • ferngilly

    Whoa!  This is like…straight out of the 70’s!  

  • kcarb1025

    Why do we pay attention to her again?

    She has zero acting talent. She CLEARLY has no style. So…. I don’t get it.

  • It’s not even the the clothes that bother me, although they are awful.  I saw the hair and the face and I shit you not, I actually thought it was Jill Zarin from RHONY!  Gaaaah!  Not good all around.

  • ccm800

    Is she just effing with us? 

  • Contralto

    Bless her heart.

  • sk8tfan

    I have never seen such a naturally beautiful girl make such tragic fashion choices.

  • guest2visits

    Jessica belongs in a certain retro-rock musical.  Too much. And then there’s the purse.

  • librarygrrl64

    What the hell am I looking at here?!? You guys have truly seeped into my brain, because I was JUST about to say “Edina” and/or “fashion victim.”

  • Oh lol.  At least she whole-heartedly admits she’s a fashion doofus.  Until she actually hires a stylist, she’s gonna keep showing up to things looking like a toddler dressed her.

  • AnneElliot

    Sweet Jeebus on a breadstick, must EVERYTHING in this outfit be bedazzled????  Even the purse and shoes.  

    It makes my eyes hurt.

  • Totally agree. Each piece is pretty cool on its own, but way too much together.

  • neofashionista

    i love the coat and top individually but the pants are hideous!

  • Jennifer Coleman

    OH, HELL NO. 
    That is all.

  • She looks like a Christmas tree.

  • BPlease

    All of Biel’s taste is in her mouth.  I hate this look so frigging much (and I love Marant) that I’m kind of close to hating her too…the white purse is taking me over the edge. 

  • I want to be so rich I can afford to pay someone to hold an umbrella over my head when it drizzles.