Christina Aguilera in Roberto Cavalli

Posted on October 01, 2012

Christina! Don’t move!

Christina Aguilera leaves Spago restaurant with boyfriend Matt Rutler after celebrating the release of her new music video ‘Your Body’ in Beverly Hills in a printed stretch-jersey dress by Roberto Cavalli paired with Yves Saint Laurent pumps.

 

THERE’S SOME SORT OF HORRIBLE SEA MONSTER ATTACHED TO YOUR BREASTS!

Here’s another T Lo rule, by the way: If you’re going to party your ass off with your boyfriend, don’t wear platforms. Because if you need two people to help you walk out of a joint, you’re going to look pretty trashy.

Oh, what are we saying? As if the platforms are what make her look trashy here.

And the tragedy of it all? That’s a pretty decent dress. It’s like she has some sort of compulsion to make decent items look as bad as possible on her.

 

[Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews.com]

    • MoHub

      I’d like to see the runway version of the dress. And since one does one match one’s shoes to one’s hair color?

      • Snarky_Amber

        …While wearing a lip color that completely clashes with it.

        • MoHub

           Totally missed that. Couldn’t get past the magenta tips on the hair and the shoes. The lipstick slid right on by me.

      • Susan Collier

        Pretty sure that Katy Perry does that daily.

    • http://twitter.com/Kathy_Marlow aka Darth Mommy

      I really thought her hair was part of the dress as first.  Like some sort of weird/cool cloak. She just looks awful these days. 

      • Allison Shannon

        I have been a huge Christina fan for a long time, and even I can’t understand what she’s doing lately. I really think it’s some sort of post-divorce crisis. She does look just awful.

    • jw_ny

      I love me some Xtina, but damn, that hair is ridiculous.  Dress looks good on her tho. 

      She does look a bit blitzed too…good thing she’s got a hot handler/boyfriend of her own to help.  ;)

    • janetjb

      I’m speechless, really.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

         Amen, Girl. Amen.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          Christina’s just reduced us to WTF with this look. I mean, what can you say?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=790818401 Laurie Landry

      yikes!

    • dress_up_doll

      The second image is my fave. I actually had to do a scroll-back (twice!) because I couldn’t believe how messed up she looks.

    • quiltrx

      Great dress…size up please (of course that’s automatic with Xtina, isn’t it?).  She looks drunk and/or exhausted.  And I just can’t with that hair.

      Remember ‘Genie in a Bottle’ when she was cute and fresh-faced?  Seems 30 years ago.

    • AlinaValero

      she looks like blonde snooki

      • MrsMaxPower

        YESYESYES! I think the blurry-eyed, I just puked and rallied, I dye my hair with Kool-Aid looks seals the deal. 

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/XAFAJ53QF3DLEFQB3WTLMRM75E MarinaB

      She clearly mugged a My Little Pony to make herself a weave.

      • instantkarmalr

        Friendship is magic…until some drunk girl cuts off your tail and glues it to her head.

      • schadenfreudelicious

        she appears to have stolen their hooves as well…..

      • poggi

         This and the replies made me laugh so hard.

        • http://twitter.com/Alloyjane Alloy Jane

          I know!  I love this place, everyone is so witty and funny.

      • TieDye64

        Bahaaaa, love it! And you’re so right.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      And girl looks really messed up to boot.

      • wisenhar

        She looks Liza-level messed up.  :-)

    • Anathema_Device

      Is there fashion rehab? Because I think she needs something beyond an outpatient program. She rarely, if ever, gets it right.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        She needs a fashion intervention, that’s for sure.

    • Kayceed

       I don’t min exuberant and trashy (Minaj) but this just looks sad and trashy.

      • MoHub

         Nicki Minaj always looks as if she’s having fun with tackiness; this just looks tragic and “past it.”

        • RebeccaKW

           Yes, Minaj sort of celebrates the crazy.  Christina seems to think it’s sexy…or something.  She doesn’t really have the personality to pull this type of thing off.

      • Sobaika

        Look, at least Nicki’s hair/wig is brushed and stuff it doesn’t look like a makeup counter is quite literally oozing from her pores. There’s a world of difference between their looks.

    • Sobaika

      This just makes me sad. I recently read a really powerful quote from her about owning one’s body and her size and whatnot, and she just fails so spectacularly in werqing it on a practical level that it reinforces the idea of size correlating with style and just UGH CHRISTINA GET IT TOGETHER PLEASE.

      • MilaXX

         eh’ she was just as tacky when she was skinny. Remember that horrible blonde afro she wore one year? or the assless shorts she wore during her durtty era?

        • Sobaika

          She certainly was. I just don’t think she dresses with her size in mind these days and it ups the tacky.

          • NC_Meg

            I totally agree. Everything is always a size too small on her and that’ll make anything look tacky. This is a great dress but it’s a little tight. I won’t touch the hair or shoes. I can’t.

          • Chantelle James

            I agree. For all her statements about accepting her body, I expect she still sees herself as the thinner, Drrty version and is trying to dress that. Unfortunately, she’s had a baby and she’s ten years older and her body just isn’t the same as it was. It’s curvier and (to my mind) sexier now than it was when she was baring almost everything.

            She’s been hiding behind her fake, messed-up hair (even when it was black it looked fake) and piles of makeup for years. I wonder if she doesn’t know how beautiful she is. I feel sad for her because she must be so unhappy to present herself the way she does.

    • http://profiles.google.com/marteani Barbara Guttman

      Those are some grabby tresses, I thought it was an octopus detail on the dress from a distance.  Xtina is clearly not pleased about it.  Her hair should have at least bought her a drink first.

    • SewingSiren

      Caca caca shitface.

    • http://www.ellenciompi.com/ NurseEllen

      That dress is all kinds of hot, and the pink shoes are a nice touch.  But she is the epitome of what we southerners call “rode hard and put up wet”.  What a mess!

    • merciblahblah

      Her hair is TRAGIC. Listen, I love Christina. She really has an amazing voice. It’s great that she has embraced herself and her body, but I just feel sad for her, because she seems stuck in this downward spiral that is doing nothing for her life. And I really hate seeing someone truly talented as she is who seems to be floundering. And I think of every time that I have seen her in a photo spread where she has minimal makeup on, and always think – WOW. Gorgeous. I wish she would realize that. Hmmm…maybe she HASN’T totally accepted who she is if she feels the need to become this plasticized version of herself. And now I’m rambling.

    • Judy_S

      Actually I hate that dress. I prefer the hair!

    • http://asskickingadviser.com/ Ass Kicking Adviser

      That is just a shame. That dress – though not my own personal style – is a perfectly Christina A. dress and fits her great and for once she isn’t hanging out of it (on either end) and she goes and ruins it with the trashiest hair, make-up, and shoes you could possibly choose. Sadness….

    • Susan Collier

      She makes designer stuff look like Mandee Shop. How does she do that?

    • teensmom99

      Usually I think my favorite gay uncles & their bitter kitten friends are a little harsh about seeing patterns that do weird things to breasts and vaginas–but in this case, OMG!  No one’s vagina needs that kind of attention.  As to hair, my teen’s teen bff has a much better version of hair tipped with pink. I think the trend looks passe on teens who sort of thrive on passe trends–on Xtina it is tragic.  I do think the fit of the dress is good–especially after reading today that she has said “I’m Ecuadoran and round–don’t make me stick thin!”  So feeling a little love for her–just wish I didn’t have to stare at her vagina.

    • nannypoo

      Well, I’ve thought for a long time that she needs to do something about her hair. I just wasn’t expecting this.

    • mhleta

      This bears out my suspicions that her breast implants are carrying some sort of Voodoo curse or demon possession that makes her do the craziest shit imaginable to draw attention to them. I like this dress for her, but you’re right, she went and puked all over it with those boob-crawling hair extensions. For Rebel Rock Mom Goddess style I will continue to refer and defer to Gwen Stefani who continues to hold the standard. 

      • random_poster

        The image of the sedan chair/eunuchs made me laugh out loud!  I don’t wear heels nearly that high, and I still sometimes need help walking after a few cocktails.

        I agree with your sentiments about the good dress/bad hair.  Ugh!

    • Vaniljekjeks

      That hair is tragic.  

    • Judy_J

      The pattern on the front of that dress looks like a 17th century drawing of lady parts.  Her hair….well, there’s nothing left to say, except that my 6 year old granddaughter would love to have hair like that because her favorite colors are pink and purple.

      • MoHub

         I sort of get “insect exoskeleton.”

    • mjude

      why would anyone think that “hair” looks good?

    • rh33

      Wow. I never thought of matching my shoes with my hair….

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/GLERYB7G4QX7Z5ED54AWP2JIMA Mary

      didn’t notice the “good china” emphasis in this dress given the ” I scalped my little pony” barbie doll hair extensions in the sad, fried, dried remains of Xtina’s hair.  Really, take a page from Britney’s playbook, and BUZZ it girl.  It’s beyond help.  Not even Tabitha could make that mess work.

      Long hair of your own does not respond well to extreme lightening/bleaching.  It just breaks off because you’re essentially removing the keratin in which your natural pigment resides.  Less keratin = very fragile hair.  You want longer than bra-strap length (BSL) hair?  don’t lighten more than 2 shades lighter than your natural color.

      I have hip-length hair myself and I know whereof I speak. 

    • formerlyAnon

      Is boyfriend clutching her purse to his midsection under the jacket? If not, What IS his non-girlfriend-anchoring hand doing with that jacket?

      Her hair is officially Cindy Lauper-esque, but without the self-amused irony or the joy. (Though I can only speak to what I take from it, perhaps SHE revels in it, joyfully. Maybe.)

    • formerlyAnon

      Also: I try to cut people a lot of slack about how wasted they look in still photos, since there was a 15 year period in my life where most of the photos taken of me looked stoned because I hadn’t learned what to do with my eyes when being photographed. But if she’s going to wear that hair that rumpled AND shoes in which she can barely walk, I don’t see how she can escape looking wasted, even if stone cold sober. She might want to re-think these choices, among other things.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      Nothing will convince me she’s not the real life version of Jenna Maroney.

    • MilaXX

      She’s finally wearing clothes that fit. The dress isn’t bad. It’s everything else that is awful; the hair is fried and shes too damn old for colored extensions, the shoes look payless plastic and the makeup has been applied with a trowel as usual.

    • Vickiefantastico

      She looks horrendous. C’mon, Christina! I actually love the fact that she’s a curvier woman, but she has got to learn how to dress herself! One of my best friends is very curvy, but she looks absolutely fabulous every time she steps out her front door. There is an art to knowing your body and flaunting what you have in a tasteful manner. I swear, I’m just sick to death of seeing this woman!

      And don’t get me started on the hair…

    • LesYeuxHiboux

      Her hair looks awful, like she’s trying to start dreads…which flow into perfectly smooth extensions. That red lip she favors is really too orange for her complexion. That dress fits better than most of what I’ve seen her in the past few years, but something is happening with her underoos to give her an odd corner in the bum region. Like the shade of pink on her nails and shoes, but those are some hideous platforms. She should embrace her tiny stature. She is diva enough to keep everyone’s attention without the clodhopping shoes.

    • http://twitter.com/AShinyOConnor A Shiny O’Connor

      The video is not good. I actually feel sick after exposure. It radiated hiddy.

    • afabulous50

      This makes me sad – she has such an AMAZING voice and yet there’s this.  Plus, the music she’s been coming out with lately is questionable at best.  So sad.

    • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

      OMG she is a hot mess.

    • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

      She needs two people to help her out of the restaurant because she looks to be completely trashed. 

    • http://twitter.com/stellaphone Stella Zawistowski

      Oh, hi Jem! What happened to the Holograms?

    • http://smalltownbigwardrobe.wordpress.com Catherine

      What the fuck happened to her?! She was doing so good a few years ago, fashion and music wise. Seriously, cut the hair, go up a dress size and class it up girl!

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Since she’s spoken about embracing her body and liking it, getting the dress in the right size is part of that process.  She could also jettison the oddly colored hair and go for a killer cut well styled-get the attention for looking damn fabulous, dear.

    • BeeBeauNYC

      Christina, if you are going to color your hair non-traditional colors, please talk to Katy Perry first. K thanks bye.

    • ojosazules

      The dress is hanging in there like a pro. 

    • http://twitter.com/TheRealSandraOh Sandra Oh

      It’s a great dress and great for her figure.  It’s the hair that’s the tragedy.  Looks like a cheap synthetic wig and it’s not.  :-(

    • Cheesely

      why are her arms so tan?

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      Has Ursula The Seawitch become her new stylist?

    • https://twitter.com/LisaF1163 Lisa

      It’s a great dress.  A GREAT dress.  Unfortunately, it’s being worn by HER, and her cheap, trashy, hooker-styling.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/J2VE4NE2FY2BP4QD2XOYKJGLPI Laura

      Looking a little wasted….

      • Candigirl1968

        I think it’s the makeup.  It’s so heavy and shiny that it looks like it’s melting.  

        I don’t get whether Christina genuinely thinks this looks good or if she deliberately puts herself together in the worst way possible as some kind of defense mechanism (i.e., you’re going to say mean things about me anyway, so I’ll look bad on purpose).  Regardless, it’s just gotten kind of tragic.

    • Trisha26

      And I thought her outfits on The Voice were bad…

    • jilly_d

      that dress is actually great for her body.  To bad we can’t see it for all the horror above and below it.

    • MzzPants

      She looks stoned out of her mind.

    • http://profiles.google.com/gillianholroyd gillian holroyd

      See, I think if you are going to stagger out blitzed with dip-dyed hair, Roberto Cavalli is exactly who you want to be wearing.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1596004640 Carol Conway-Long

      Tee many martoonis?

      • tinyredlocks

        HILARIOUS!!! I will totally be using that…

      • http://twitter.com/Alloyjane Alloy Jane

        Vitameatamartoonie: Tastes just like candy!

    • ccm800

      Follow Brit’s lead and shave that damn head. Those are the most overworked beat to hell extensions on some of THE most over-processes hair I have ever seen. Work a crew for a bit kiddo. Start a new trend and let natural happen. MY GOODNESS that poor head of hair – or unreasonable not convincing facsimile there of. 

    • http://twitter.com/emilyf007 emily

      She’s a trainwreck. 

    • Adriana_Paula

      It’s really a shame because in the third picture down you can see what a classically beautiful face she has under there.

    • http://twitter.com/ms_smartiepants Beth Mellone

      Oh, honey, no. I happen to not mind candy-colored hair in theory (obviously), and I am *coughcough* years older than Christina, but this is just hiddy.

    • LocMama

      She wore this on Jay Leno & I was distracted by the body she’s working with now.  You don’t really get to see how good her body looks on The Voice because she’s usually sporting a onesie or sequined tap pants.  This dress actually looked good on her but I think she’s using the hair & shoes to distract us from the new booty.  Embrace the booty, girl!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=535548244 Kim Baker Vidas Davey-Irvin

      you can drink ANYthing ugly.

    • AnneElliot

      What. The. Hell!!!!  

    • TieDye64

      Of course. Tacky as all hell.

    • Truly_Outrageous

      The hair makes her look like she’s tryin to hard.