Salma Hayek in Roland Mouret

Posted on September 20, 2012

Oh, Miss Salma. This couldabin a WERQ if you’d just followed the T Lo Way.

Because this is a killer dress…

Salma Hayek attends ‘Savages’ photocall in London in a Roland Mouret dress paired with Giuseppe Zanotti shoes.

Giuseppe Zanotti Bow Detail Platform Pump

… but those are baby heads. You can afford to lie on a bed of couture every day if you wanted to, so there’s not a reason in the world why you couldn’t get this in the correct size or had it altered to fit you better. Your babies need to breathe, girl. And the skirt is pulling too much across the hips.

Also: the shoes make us cranky. Fine. Do matchy if you want to, but at least match to the least dominant color. Don’t strap on a pair of shoes that match your skirt exactly. And we suspect the shoes were chosen solely for that reason because stylistically, they really don’t go with this dress. Sleek dresses call for sleek shoes, girl. This was not a dress that required suede platforms with big floppy bows on them.

 

[Photo Credit: Getty, giuseppezanottidesign.com]

    • kimmeister

      She looks like a caricature of herself.  Those shoes are outrageously wrong.

      • ballerinawithagun

        Exactly, she is a cartoon character.

        • Candigirl1968

          OMG, yes.  

        • LesYeuxHiboux

           I was going to say something to the effect of Jessica Rabbit.

          • http://twitter.com/Alloyjane Alloy Jane

            No, this is Bugs Bunny in drag.  Those are totally Bugs Bunny platforms.  But Bugs would never show that much cleavage.  Oh lordy, this is… Penny was so tacky it was funny but this is so misconceived it’s just sad.

      • aykhan

        Those shoes need to be taken out and burned!

    • call_me_schmeg

      those are some serious baby heads right thurr.

      • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

        Jesus Christ she’s got an impressive rack.

    • Anathema_Device

      Those shoes are so awful with that dress, I don’t even have the words… And the boobs! It looks like she has four of them.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        Quatre’ boobed!

      • charlotte

         The babyheads sure aren’t premies!

    • Scarlet39

      She needs an intervention.  How can somebody,  who lives a life where money is no object, consistently look so wrong?

      • boomchicabowwow

        I’ll take a shot at that!  Because in entertainment/modeling/advertising et all, your looks are only valedated my the pople in power if your are INCREADABLY thin (if your a woman, I mean).  So I’d guess – from a bit of experience, mind you – that even when you look like Salma, even IF you like what you see when you look in the mirror, you are pavlovianly condition to feel better about yourself if you can fit into the 4, instead of the 6.  And no, I not sure “pavlovianly” is a word either.

    • MoHub

      Baby heads, indeed!

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        I think I love you for this.

        • MoHub

           Hey! I’m just thrilled someone got the reference.

          • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

            Have you ever seen the Musical? It’s available on Netflix if you haven’t

            • MoHub

               I’ve seen both the movie and several stage productions. Love Stubby Kaye’s Marryin’ Sam.

            • alyce1213

              Honey, I saw it live, with Peter Palmer (swoon) and Edie Adams, that’s how ancient I am. It was my very first Broadway show – I was 6. I’ll never forget it. (The second was My Fair Lady. I love my parents.) 
              Back to what this is about – yes, Moonbeam McSwine! 

            • MoHub

              I may still be older than you! My Li’l Abner references go more to the comic strip than the musical although I’m an aficionado of both.

              Still, I envy you.

            • Jepham

               My Fair Lady was my first Broadway play, also. Rex Harrison was in it but Julie Andrews had already been replaced. I can’t remember who played Eliza when I saw it way back in the dark ages.

            • alyce1213

              Maybe Sally Ann Howes? That’s who was in it when I went. My folks saw Julie Andrews, but by the time they took us she’d left the show. The amazing and wonderful thing was that middle class people could afford to go to musical theatre, any theatre, as a family. Not any more.

            • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sierra-Delta/100003182924700 Sierra Delta

              Wow — Sally Ann Howes!  I haven’t heard that name in decades.

              I think she starred in a live TV production of “Jane Eyre” in the early 60s.  At the time, I was reading the novel, solely because my pre-teen self thought it was my kind of book.  I remember deciding that Sally Ann was way too pretty to have been cast as plain Jane — my very first disappointment with a casting choice I considered dubious.

              But what a thrilling performance for the pre-cable age.

            • boomchicabowwow

              ^This little side convo makes me swoon.  I’m a 38 year old mother of two from one of the flyover states that fell in love with broadway because of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s huge spectacles (I know, I know, I was 16, cut me some slack), but I’ve since come to love all it’s aspects.  I’m a little in awe that I’m posting on the SAME BLOG as someone who saw the ORIGINAL PRODUCTION OF LI’L ABNER!  Hey Alyce, can I have your autograph?

            • boomchicabowwow

              ^This little side convo makes me swoon.  I’m a 38 year old mother of two from one of the flyover states that fell in love with broadway because of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s huge spectacles (I know, I know, I was 16, cut me some slack), but I’ve since come to love all it’s aspects.  I’m a little in awe that I’m posting on the SAME BLOG as someone who saw the ORIGINAL PRODUCTION OF LI’L ABNER!  Hey Alyce, can I have your autograph?

            • Neverbuynewclothes

              Saw a touring production of My Fair Lady with Rex Harrison in Portland, Oregon, before Portland was at all cool — say, about 1965 — when my dad had flu, and my mom took me instead.  Magical night.  Responsible for a life of unrepentant, rampant Anglophilia.

            • makeityourself

              Jubilation T. Cornpone!

      • ballerinawithagun

        Yes, maybe cut the skirt a little raggedy on the bottom also.

      • Sarah Thomas

        Please. She’s clearly an Appassionata von Climax.

    • Violina23

      She’s posing in that first picture as if it’s a coming out party for her boobs…

    • http://www.facebook.com/AntoniaDonnelly Antonia O’Connor Donnelly

      sloppy

    • Sobaika

      MY BOOBS HURT JUST LOOKING AT HER.

      And I’m no fan of the shoes either.

    • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

      I really just don’t understand WHY ladystars (or their stylists) REFUSE to go up a size. They don’t look in the mirror like the rest of us and say “I could use a little more space; I’ll go up a size”? Because I did just that not a week ago when I was shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding. And it was so much better to wear a dress that I could breathe in. 

      • BuffaloBarbara

         Yes, and it’s not like anyone sees the size!  Wear the right size, and no one will be thinking, “Oo, she’s up in a (gasp) FIVE.”  But if it’s too small, it calls attention to itself.

        • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

           THIS.

      • Sobaika

        I really do think celebs live in an alternate reality. Case in point: Remember Diane Kruger’s giant Dior at Cannes? She literally had to call Joshua Jackson into the bathroom and have him cut her out of it.

        I get high fashion and committing to a look, but what the fuck is that about.

        • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

           The funny thing is, they live in an alternate reality where – if the dress doesn’t fit – they have minions to run out and GET another dress posthaste! That’s the part that makes no sense to me. They have all this access to designers, tailors, etc., and they’re not being used to their best advantage.

          • boomchicabowwow

            That may be true, but I can totally believe that (as I said above), many ladystars are conditioned to see the size number of the dress as the ultimate validation of their physical self worth.

            I’m a 38 year old mother of two from one of the flyover states, and I have to use all my theripucal “self-talk” to walk into the dressing room with a size 12.  In the past two years I’ve gained 30+ pounds and haven’t been able to fight it, even though I’d spent the previous 20 years as a 5 ft 10′ size 6 (or 4 when I tried harder).

            My body dismorphia comes from years and years as a “big fish in a small pond”, in terms of local theater and modeling. I CANNOT imagine how much worse off I’d be if I’d spent my late teens and early twenties with the ENTIRE WRLD telling me I was drop dead gorgeous and that my body was perfection.

            How do any of these non ingenues deal with the inevitable fact of a aging, changing body?  What a mindfuck.

            END RANT/

    • http://www.katidom.com/ Kati B

      I think this rule applies to ALL OF US: Just because you can zip it up, doesn’t mean it fits. Live it, learn it. 

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZBFH32YG44LIIZYLSQPMBXMYCU Sarah

        Hear Hear! And I’d like to add that even without zips, just because you can stuff/smash/wrangle a garment so it is on your body SOMEHOW doesn’t mean it fits. (I’m talking to YOU, 350 lb stretchpants lady.)

    • janetjb

      The bodice color complements her skin very nicely.  The rest is so horribly bad, nothing could rescue this look.

      • VeryClaire

        The colors are great, agreed. It’s a great dress – would have looked fab in her size.

    • mjude

      no reason for it.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

        And no excuse.
        (Off topic side note)
        Thanks for stopping to say hi at my blog. I REALLY need to get back to it.

        • MilaXX

           what’s the addy to your blog?

          • http://www.wordydoodles.com WordyDoodles

             Click his handle :)

        • whitrome

          You have a blog! Yay! I always enjoy your comments here, so if you don’t mind, I’d love to check it out.

    • Alexandra Simons

      This woman has enough money to buy multiple mirrors. Did she not look at herself in at least one? Perhaps she was blinded by her tits.

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      Awful.  She has a beautiful face and a beautiful body; this is NOT her (or anyone else’s) dress. 

      Also, I’m calling Child Services for those abused Baby Heads.

      • kschwarting

        I agree, she’s total knockout, but I do think this could be someone’s dress…as long as it fit properly.

    • GorgeousThings

      Really? I would have put this square in the “Girl, that is not your dress” category. Between the ill fit, the drab colors, and ugh – those shoes! Sorry, I can’t agree that it got within ten miles of a WERQ.

    • rawrgrowlrawr

      As a relatively flat chested lady, I possess a straight man’s fascination with boobs. Normally I’m all “YEAH BABY” to Salma’s delicious lady pillows, but this just looks wrong. She stuffed the chic right out of this dress. 

      And the shoes are horrendous. I’m looking at you, Giuseppe Zanotti.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      Really. All I can see is BOOBIES. Just boobies.

      • j_anson

        I really suspect that was kind of the point. Girl has a target audience.

        • http://twitter.com/thesquizz Lauren

           As a hetero cis-female, all I can see is boobies too. Yet, I don’t think I’m her intended audience.

    • Judy P

      The shoes are ridiculous. The dress is too tight, but I can barely see that past the shoes. I want to take a hacksaw to that platform.

    • http://twitter.com/delysia_lafosse Delysia LaFosse

      I blame the shoes more than the babyheads for killing this look. The dress itself is fantastic.

    • Sarah Thomas

      That literally looks exactly like a Stop Staring dress you can buy anywhere on the Internet for less than $150. How do designers get away with this?

      • Kimbolina

        Yes, this is exactly what I was thinking!  Totally Stop Staring.

    • schadenfreudelicious

      Girl, that is not your boobs dress size, oh and the shoes are hiddy….

    • lalagigi

      This is a strong, dramatic dress that belongs on a slightly less curvy body. Salma’s extreme curves and pulling across the hips distracts from the seaming and detailing of the dress.

    • BuffaloBarbara

      If she wanted to go matchy–which I don’t mind as much as you guys do–I think she’d have done better with the red–the top, the belt, and the shoes matching, the skirt as the contrast.  Granted, it would have had a Barbie feel, but split this way, it looks like a red outfit on top and a blue one on the bottom.

      I can’t even think about the baby-heads.

    • NDC_IPCentral

      ACK!

    • http://profiles.google.com/gillianholroyd gillian holroyd

      “Do matchy if you want to, but at least match to the least dominant color.”
      Nuhnuhnuhnuh no. She’d look like tic-tac-toe with the color.

    • j_anson

      Shoes are awful and that skirt should not be trying to climb up her hips the way it is. But look, isn’t the baby heads thing usually probably intentional? It’s to appeal to straight men. And I bet it does.

      • MilaXX

         It did to Oliver Stone. He took a grope on those baby heads.

    • Trisha26

      She looks like “the beautiful, sassy streetwalker” character in a Fellini film – solely (haha) based on the shoes. 

    • SewingSiren

      The dress is too small.

      • MilaXX

         ’nuff said.

    • nancylee61

      Really. Why do women think they look attractive with that much boobage hanging out? It just looks silly!! I give her a 2 out of 10, for the boobs and the shoes.

      • snarkykitten

        because it is. boobs pushed up to her sternum, on the other hand

    • http://www.facebook.com/AdriannaGrezak Adrianna Grężak

      that looks like one of those outfits that looked good from her visual perspective in the mirror

    • MilaXX

      I might have forgiven the baby heads, but those shoes take this straight to Charo land.

    • BazoDee

      This is just too painful on too many levels to look at. Must avert my eyes! 

    • Judy_J

      When I looked at the thumbnail, all I could see were those baby heads.

    • Tatiana Luján

      I hate the color combination of the dress.

    • Hetha Innis

      I LOVE that dress! But somehow she looks ridiculous. The shoes are an abomination. 

    • nannypoo

      Well, this could have been a WERQ if every single element was different. The fit, the cleavage, the colors, the length, the shoes, everything here is as bad as it could possibly be.

    • http://twitter.com/floretbroccoli Florrie Brafman

      Awful.  I don’t see how this is almost a werq.

    • alyce1213

      Is she kidding? I mean, really. I can’t really tell if it’s a nice dress or not — I can’t get past all that’s wrong with her wearing it.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

      Those shoes are horrifying. And what is UP with the platforms? I am looking for a pair of either gold or bronze shoes to wear with a teal dress to my friend’s wedding, and all I can find (at every price point, and I have looked at all of them) are hooker shoes. What happened to a nice 3.5″ heel?

    • fungstyle

      the dress looks cheap due to the bad fit and proportions it’s creating and those shoes take it straight to trailer trash territory. come on salma, you can do better than this. 

    • kschwarting

      As a fellow curvy girl, I so want Salma to be our mascot, but she almost always fails us on the fitting and detailing.  Fine.  Seeking a new mascot.  Suggestions?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1129137319 Paula Pertile

      She just looks so damned pleased with herself, it makes me smile. Really. Look at her! Yes, I agree with everything you said. But she’s so in her own world of happy, I can forgive it all.

    • Valdri8

      How can anyone that rich wear anything that wrong? Answer: No. Best. Friend.

    • MzzPants

       Good God, send this whole thing to Katie Perry before it bites you on the ass.

    • sashaychante

      The dress is too tight…just go up a size please!  The shoes are ridiculous for any occasion not to mention completely age inappropriate.  

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F73LIJ3SJGI5AJQMXMWXCKILHI Pamela

      Never fails to amaze me how any of these people manage to breathe in clothes this tight or stay upright whilst on tippy-toes with that huge rack acting as a counterweight pulling forward.  It must be a nightmare.  Sweats, please!

    • Qdahling

      Too bad, because I love the dress and her figure is slammin’! Let’s call her up and have her do a re-do with the dress fit to her and different shoes. :)

    • Judy_S

      This is just not right. She is so beautiful! But she looks like a cartoon in this.

    • Beardslee

      double whammy from top to toe.  First, that awful fit, second those horrible hooves.  Look how dumb those shoes look from the front.

    • CQAussie

      So many rich colours, such a disaster of an execution!  Also her boobs are lethal looking in that dress and I feel like that was probably not the point….plus the shoes are just awful. Gorgeous hair and make-up though!

    • teensmom99

      That dress is so great.  I was going to make a snide remark about what a crime it is to ruin such a great dress by not getting a proper fit but I won’t because even with all that this is one of the all time great dresses.

    • http://twitter.com/kerrymccombs Kerry McCombs

      I misread sleek shoes as “slick” shoes and now have The Goonies yelling in my head, “SLICK SHOES?!? ARE YOU CRAZY?!?”

    • Karen Dickerson

      OMG the poor twins. My boobs hurt just looking at this. FREE THE BABYHEADS! (Let’s start a campaign, shall we?) 

      And those damn shoes. Oh, god. I cannot even with those shoes.

    • http://twitter.com/MajorBedhead MajorBedhead

      My 17 year old daughter just walked by and said “Oh. My. God. That’s a lot of boobage.”

      Yup. That. 

    • MoreShoes

      Ok she’s not tall, but like this she looks like a midget.

    • jilly_d

      I’m not convinced this dress could have ever worked for her. As it is, it’s probably the worst I’ve ever seen her look. When I scrolled down I had this gutteral reaction that sounded like “arrruuughhfffuckthatsugly”

    • ojosazules

      The picture of the shoes is yummy, but on her feet they look like Mardi Gras floats. 

    • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

      Ugly hooker shoes?!?  Oh, Salma Hayek, no.

    • NICHOLAS PASQUALE

      I don’t like anything about this…

    • http://twitter.com/TheRealSandraOh Sandra Oh

      She should wear some of Victorian Beckham stuff.  Jennifer Hudson looks amazing in them and she has big knockers.  LOL.  

    • bellafigura1

      Boy, you can tell a Roland Mouret dress a mile away, can’t you?  Certainly works that wheelhouse.

    • Aurumgirl

      What happened to her?  She used to be perfection in her clothing selection.  Then she married a fashion mogul, and this is the result. 

    • margaret meyers

      Costume, not clothing.

    • turtleemily

      The shoes also make her legs look short and chunky. They look fine when I cover the shoes with my hand.

    • ASK26

      Hate the shoes.  Hate the baby heads – As a stacked woman – I find it sad when woman go out of their way to look like look as my fake boobs (whether they are real of not); as though they are the only woman with big boobs. 

      And I do not like the color combination

    • Cold Fire

      omg!! those boobs are amazing! I just love her body! WERQ IT SISTER! IF YOU GOT IT, FUCKIN’ FLAUNT IT!  WHEN YOU ARE 80, YOU CAN SAY LOOK BITCHES!! THIS IS WHAT SEX LOOKED LIKE WHEN I WAS A BAD BITCH! 

    • quiltrx

      LOL it actually looks like her hellacious tits have done something to destroy the bodice!

    • guest2visits

      I actually like her look from the waist down; matchy shoes and all. But yes, the bust does not fit.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001998855370 Fatima Siddique

      Looking at this picture makes my ribs hurt. 

    • http://blue-again.myopenid.com/ blue

      The colors are so gorgeous! Love the dress. But yeah, the boobs just ruin it. Has any well-endowed lady ever looked good with their boobs shoved up like that? Why do the celebuladies keep doing this?

    • bhl_1123

      I am not sure ANY outfit calls for suede platforms with big floppy bows.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Stone/100001328135240 Mary Stone

      Guys, you’re kidding right?  This is a april fool’s post right?  There is nothing WERQ worthy about that mess of a dress.  Colorblocking gone tragically wrong and overdesigned/tortured to a fare-thee-well. This is just.  Yuck. It’s like one of those optical illusions where you pair a completely incompatible blue with a completely incompatible magenta and watch the color vibrate before your eyes. 

    • Lola67

      I would love to own that dress, but I’m much smaller chested. Hate the shoes, makes her look like a cartoon.

    • Myra C

      It’s all wrong.  The shoes and dress make her look stumpy.

    • Where_is_the_Champagne

      I will say that as much as the baby heads hurt the eyes, it is actually really comfortable for girls with naturally larger chests.  Granted, I’m assuming they haven’t bound her to create more cleavage, but I just want to say that some of my most push-up, cleavage baring outfits have been the most comfortable boob-wise, because they offer so much support.

      Now, Annie’s bra-less Florence Welch dress would literally kill me.  THAT is pain.

    • MaryAtRealityTea

      She is the most disappointing dressed A-Lister in all the world. I mean her husband owns half of fashion and she can’t leave the house looking decent to save her life. Ugh… how?

    • ccm800

      I hate every single thing about this dress and this look EXCEPT those two colors together. I hate those shoes and that dress design A LOT!