Nicki Minaj Saves the Day

Posted on September 25, 2012

You know what you all need after a day of Emmys gowns? CRAZY-ASS SHIT.

Nicki? That’s your cue.


Nicki Minaj attends launch of her new fragrance “Pink Friday” at Macy’s Herald Square in NYC.

You see, if you’re anything like us, you get a little antsy after about your 60th gown. It’s at that point that we find ourselves fervently wishing that someone would just say “Fuck it,” and hit the red carpet looking like an insane clown with great boobs. This is why God invented Nicki Minaj; so that bitches like us could take a break from discussing lace and chiffon and beading and sequins and just say “Nicki Minaj? You crazy! WERQ!” and other such utterances that silly gay men make.  She’s like a fashion amuse-bouche come down from heaven.

She looks awesome (no, really), but we have two points to make:

  1. Girl, if you’re gonna wear your crazy pants without a top, make sure you can pull the zipper all the way up.
  2. Even in the outrageously self-absorbed world of the celebrity, a fragrance bottle shaped like the celebrity’s head is perhaps a bit egotistical. Could you imagine if Chanel No. 5 bottles were shaped like Coco’s head? Or, God forbid, Karl’s?


[Photo Credit: Getty]

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  • I would *so* buy a bottle of Chanel with Karl’s head. That would be righteous!

    Nicki looks great, of course. I just wish her eyes were looking a little more surprised.

    • Nicole Chubb

      I hope Uncle Karl reads this blog (I mean, duh – he does) because that idea is bankable.

    •  I’d buy a dartboard with Karl’s head, does that count?  That man is a genius and irritating as all hell.

      • One of my going-away-to-college presents was a dartboard with the faces of everyone I disliked in high school. I’d say we have a whole line of Uncle Karl products.

  • Ozski

    I…just can’t. Love her sense of whimsy but that voice, it’s like a cat passing a cactus through it’s rectum.

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      Hmmm.  Vivid, lol. 

  • And that bustier/ bra thingy looks like two giant lollipops. Then again her charm has always escaped me.

    • No I can’t unsee two giant lollipops on her chest.

    • ojosazules

      That’s intentional. See how the two “buttons” on it are made to look like candy?

      • Oh, I had no doubt at all that she was creating a “lick it” moment.

        • She lives in Katy Perryland, where every moment is a “lick it” moment.

    • Her “charm” isn’t for anyone, but she’s so fun to riff on with my two girls. We like to talk, talk like Nicki Minaj naj, and walk around in a state of constant surprise. Fun as fuck.

    • Anathema_Device

      I so agree with you, darlin’. Her artifice always feels so…well…artificial, not really artistic or even fun. Just so forced. And none of that is redeemed by her music for me.

      • As usual, Ms Device, you nailed my feelings about her quite cogently. I have no issue with an extreme appearance, or performance style, per se, I want it, still, to feel organic, and to be backed up by real talent. To me, the more outrageous you are, the better your baseline skills ought to be. Masking mediocrity in bright colors is just lame.

        • Anathema_Device

           “Masking Mediocrity in Bright Colors” would have been a better name for her perfume.

          • (Snorting his coffee)

          • formerlyAnon

            “Masking Mediocrity in Bright Colors” is actually a genius band name and an even better name for a book.

          • Celandine1

            Now we have the name for TLo’s third book!

      • Little_Olive

        Totally. Helena Bonham Carter -that’s true (if sometimes tiresome) crazy. This is easy IMO. And not that praise-deserving. 

        In other words, meh.

      •  I liked the Starship one — I don’t remember if that was the whole name or not, but it was okay.  Overall, I prefer Katy Perry’s music, and generally the stuff not released as singles. 

    • Now, see — I like everything from the waist up (though the bra thingy does look like that goo that came in a tube and you blew multicolored balloons with it that would never ever come out of the carpet).  But I am not a fan of the pants or the boots.

      • For me, it took me right back to my childhood. Road trips with my family; and every Howard Johnson’s on the interstate would have this big gift counter, with these humongous lollipops that looked just like her bra.

        • formerlyAnon

          Nailed it on those lollipops. I remember that *once* as a kid I got one of those (though not  on a road trip). It was more far more awe-inspiring to look at than to eat.

  • i am loving those boots!! and this post. awesome stuff. and while yes, a perfume bottle with your head on it could be seen as egotistical, i love it and it is so very nicki. 

    •  Her boobs are awesome, too. In fact, I thought you wrote boobs and not boots (at first).

  • CAMEL TOE – that woman clearly likes courting yeast infections. But it is refreshing to see someone with no pretensions of good taste at all.

    • schadenfreudelicious

      that’s a Monistat moment right there…..

      • It’s the secret ingredient in her perfume! “Hmmmm…. woodsy, notes of lavender, orchid, and… monistat?”

    • Kayceed

      “We all need a splash of bad taste- it’s hearty, it’s healthy, it’s physical. I think we could use more of it. No taste is what I’m against,” said Her Fabulousness, Diana Vreeland.

  • RzYoung

    I’m guessing she smells like plastic -but in that good Vivienne-Westwood-for-Melissa shoe way.

  • The zipper on her pants is ready to split right open!

  • mmgk

    That is the ugliest perfume bottle I’ve ever seen, bar none!

    • MK03

      And it looks like it’s in blackface.

  • Oh Nicki, you crazy broad. I love your lollipop bra. 

  • SewingSiren

    Could you imagine if Chanel No. 5 bottles were shaped like Coco’s head? Or, God forbid, Karl’s?
    No, but once I had a bottle of Mr. Bubble that was shaped like Mighty Mouse. I loved that thing.

    • Ali

       This is why I love reading the commentariat on TLo’s site!

    • Jennifer Coleman

      I would SO buy a Karl Lagerfeld head shaped perfume bottle! It would be reeeely skinny, right?

      • Little_Olive

        It cannot not be a stick with a bobblehead. 

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          The Karl Lagerfeld head shaped perfume bottles could come with their own cravats(to cover up that turkey wattle, you know), and then they could really go cray-cray with a designer line of the cravats….

    • Ms_Flyover

      We have a bubble bath bottle shaped like a Dalek in the bathroom.  New era; equal amounts of love.

      •  Currently unavailable on amazon uk!  *crying bitter tears*

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      One of my favorite presents when I was a child was a “Little Lulu” shaped soap…what can I say?

    •  I had Winnie the Pooh character-shaped bath bubble containers – Pooh, Eeyore, Tigger, and Piglet! Poor Mr. Owl… no bottle for him.

  • ojosazules

    That jacket is sharp!
    I wonder if my two toddler wild ass grandkids that I’m raising would listen to me if I wore a pink plastic cop hat?

  • The bottle looks like the character “Nicki Minaj”. Who knows what the actual woman looks like underneath all the crazy. 
    So when you look at it that way, it’s not that egotistical. I guess.

    • She’s quite pretty when “undone”. We just don’t get to see it that often. 

      • dress_up_doll

        Yes, I saw an early video of her sans makeup and krazy wardrobe. She’s a real natural beauty.

    • Anathema_Device

      There’s an “empty vessel” joke in there, waiting to be made. I just haven’t had enough tea to put it together.

  • SewingSiren

    And P.S. I think that Schiaparelli may have been the first actual designer to have a perfume in a “collector” type bottle. The Shocking de Schiaparelli was in a bottle shaped like a dress form and came with a detachable brooch. She also had a perfume called Zut that was in the shape of the bottom half of a torso.

  • nannypoo

    Considering who this is, I like it. She looks cute. As bizarre as she is, she has a positive message (supporting and encouraging girls) that I respect her for. Also, she was hilarious in a Frankenstein skit on SNL. I think she is laughing with us.

  • unbornfawn

    That outfit is perfect for her. Except that unzipped zipper is glaring!

  • Her “people” should have told her about the zipper, other then that, think she looks good! Love the bottle!

  • julnyes

    Factoring in who she is – this is an excellent look (minus the zipscrepancy)

  • Pants_are_a_must

    She’s the cruise mistress on Willy Wonka’s yacht.

  • theblondette

    Those may be the least flattering trousers I have ever seen.

    I love how her makeup artist manages to make her face look like straight-off-the-conveyer Barbie plastic. Quite an art.

  • Sam Corbett

    It pains me to say it, because she falls into the Katy Perry category of “randomly crazy so you’ll look at me” rather than the Gaga “batshit crazy with maybe an idea or two somewhere behind it,” but she does look pretty awesome here. The zipper gives me hives, though.

  • BuffaloBarbara

    It’s bad when she’s wearing that nutty an outfit, and I’m still thinking, “She’s selling a perfume bottle with striped boobs.”

    • I feel like the striped boobs are an attempt to knock off Gaultier’s bottles. Not that he has a monopoly on the female form, but they’re pretty iconic bottles, and Nicki’s bottle reminds me of Madonna, so…

  • Not a fan of Nicki Minaj or her music. But I have to say she looks really good here. Take away alot of the kerfuffle away from her usual look and she’s a really gorgeous girl. 

  • Rachel Council

    Her music is hit or miss for me (she has great features, I don’t know why her album is full of garbage), but I love this. 

  • Can we have a Dress Nicki Minaj Project Runway challenge?  Please can we?!

    • The Day-Glo challenge from All-Stars was pretty close.

    • MilaXX

       Especially if said outfit will be worn on American Idol so we can watch the resulting fireworks from Mariah.

  • Beardslee

    She always looks so manufactured to me; not like she’s having fun but that she is promoting her brand which includes dressing like this to get lots and lots and lots of attention all the way to the bank.

  • l_c_ann

    When the pants are so bad that camel toe is way down on the list of wrongs, that redefines bad.

  • twocee

    I don’t wear perfume (generally allergic to all types), and I just don’t get this trend of celebrities creating new ones.   So my question for the BKs is — am I the only one who just doesn’t get why someone would run out and buy a perfume by [insert random, often B-list celebrity/current music fad]?  I mean, are Nicki Minaj fans really going to run out and plop down $59 for 3.4 oz of something she thinks smells good?

    As far as her outfit – eh.  I think it’s oddly tame for her.  Maybe she didn’t want to offend Martha Stewart?

    • theblondette

       I am a huge perfume fan and I cannot imagine buying a celebrity perfume… I’ve sniffed a few and they tend to smell pretty unsophisticated.

  • She is actually very pretty, and very talented. Alas, neither her current music nor her #alphets support this assertion. Although I appreciate the theatrics and lack of janky lacefront hairline.

  • In the Minaj world, this is just okay.  I’m actually starting to get bored with her.

  • jw_ny

    If it wasn’t for that zipper, she’d have gotten a WERQ, right?  😉

    j/k, but I can appreciate a well put together cuckoo outfit, and this really is.  

  • LesYeuxHiboux

    I was on board with the hypno-boobs and Airline Pilot Barbie hat-n-blazer combo, but those pants look like they belong to a different outfit. Her top half is so matchy, and her bottom half is too, they just don’t match each other. 

  • quiltrx

    Only she would go out appearing to have two all-day suckers on her tits.  To a product launch, no less.  But I kind of want that hat…takes me back to my rocker-girl days.  This must have been early, because she looks sleepy…not her usual alarmed-eyes.

    And I would LOVE a perfume bottle shaped like Uncle Karl!  We could have batshit imaginary-friend conversations when I get ready every morning.

    • momogus

      The idea of you having conversations with your Uncle Karl perfume bottle while you’re getting ready made me laugh out loud. Now I want one too.

  • Am I the only one who is wincing at the thought of bending over with exposed metal zipper teeth?

  • MilaXX

    To be fair the perfume bottle is a Barbie head, although Nicki models herself after Barbie, so……..

  • Stubenville

    Is she Pee Wee Herman’s chauffeur?

  • Call me Bee

    Bat-shit crazy.  Crazy-ass crazy.  Cray-cray.  Just nuts.  A few kernels shy of an ear. 

  • maggiemaybe

    Sigh. It just makes me feel kind of sad… and then kind of bored.

  • GTrain

    I don’t think she’s intentionally crazy. I think she’s just tacky as hell.

    • holdmewhileimnaked

      roman zolanski, there, isnt intentionally crazy? if theres anything she is, it’s that.

  • kittenwithaquip

    Is it wrong that I scrolled down and thought, “It’s not THAT crazy”? I did, however, start with the Lady Gaga  post, so maybe my Crazy Shit bar was set a little high.

  • joything

    Crazy pants?  Crazy pants that make you look like a sample-size instead of your womanly-round self?  I’ll take a pair, thank you!

  • how can she spend so much money on plastic surgery and then go shopping in the kid’s section for her clothes? She somehow manages to dress crazy and still be so BORING.

  • vruffin

    This look is tame for her. The most crackers thing about it is the bottle!

  • LinXGUA

    She should launch a line of clothes for the Nicky-doll with the look she’s wearing. It screams Barbie and it’s wonderful.

  • I actually don’t think she looks that crazy.  Love the outfit, too bad about the zipper.  And I find the perfume bottle in the form of a bust hilarious.  

  • ThaliaMenninger

    At least the perfume bottle isn’t shaped like her ass. That’s what I expected.

  • melanie0866

    Does she go looking for things that make her ass look enormous?

    • holdmewhileimnaked


  • It’s funny where the line gets drawn, huh?  I genuinely thought, ‘well, ok’ until I got to the zipper.  HILARIOUS.

  • Oh, daddies!  You really think she looks awesome?  Have you been cleaning out/using up your expired meds or have you just gone completely insane?  She looks like a clown w/ huge hooters and I’ll bet that fragrance smells like it.  The bottle is beyond hideous.

  • granddelusion

    Nicki’s shtick is getting old. Predictable and dull.

  • formerlyAnon

    I really don’t get her, though I admire her artifice as artifice. It helps that one of the most vital, together and engaging young man (as in not-yet-20) with whom I am acquainted thinks she’s awesome – so I’m taking her on faith.

  • From the waist up, she’s in your face fierce.  I can’t love that bustier enough.  The pants & boots?  Scroll down fug!!  The stripes are theee most unflattering thing I’ve ever seen on a pant.  It makes her hips look enormous.  The cuff at the bottom screams 80s twee.  And then there’s the boots.  

  • I kind of love her schtick the same way I love Gaga’s and Katy Perry’s.  It’s just cuckoo and artifice, but I love it anyway.

  • holdmewhileimnaked

    i cant remember whether it’s pepsi or coke whose diet version KL insists on having follow him around on a silver tray [of course accompanied by a servant]. nor can i remember for which one of the above he did a special bottle collection. i dont even know if he did the collection for the brand he likes. be that as it may, i do remember that his head appeared in silhouette on at least one of the bottles. so, yep, there is precedence & it is his. otoh, his head wasnt encased in faux gold flake. so i guess she’s upped his game [or downed it, depending on ones perspective].

  • formerlyAnon

    I admire her artifice, but admit I don’t get her. But one of the most together, vibrant & impressive young men (under 20) that I know thinks she’s great – so I’m gonna take it on faith till I hear something just terrible about her.

  • Cold Fire


  • ccm800

    smells like bubble gum and wig tape with overtones of urine. 

  • littlemac8

    Who is her demographic, i.e., who in the hell would buy that bottle?  Never mind how the contents smell!!

  • Judy_J

    That bottle looks like a cheap Avon knock-off.

  • turtleemily

    I’m going to have nightmares about that perfume bottle, now. And possibly those hooves on Nicki’s feet.

  • lilazander

    She always looks like a random candy store explosion to me: Tacky in every meaning of the word; I hate her style; sorrrry… All I would buy from her is a pack of hygienic pads assuming they smell like some luscious candy (until it makes me sick) . That’s it.

  • lilazander

    BTW, she kind of looks like she doesn’t take showers….