Shia LaBeouf in NYC

Posted on August 14, 2012

Time and time again, we find ourselves backed into a corner by a segment of our readers who wish that we would devote post space to explaining the mysteries of style to the average gal. “T Lo, what should I wear on my job interview?” “T Lo, what kinds of shoes go with this dress?” “T Lo, my daughter’s wedding is coming up and I want to look fuckable as hell because my ex-husband will be there.” “T Lo, what makes you so goddamn incredible?”

We rail against these emails; chewing on our restraints and screaming to the ceiling that there’s been a terrible mistake. Why? Well… because we can’t think of anything more obnoxious than two men telling all of womankind how they should dress. We’ve read a lot of style guides in our time as fashion bloggers. All of them – the ones written by men and the ones written by women – come down to one sentence: “This is how I, the author, think women should dress.”

No, kittens. Our forte is celebrity style and we like to roll around in that mudpit because it’s hard to hurt the feelings of people insulated from the rest of the world by a wall of stylists, personal assistants, publicists, agents, and managers. But most importantly, we like to comment on that world because celebrity style is sui generis. It follows a set of rules and considerations that absolutely no normal person ever has to think about, making it particularly ripe for teasing. If, while we are dropping our bitchy bon mots, some of our readers take away something that helps them with their own dressing, we are thrilled. But we consider it a byproduct of bitchery.

Having said all that, there are times when we can’t restrain ourselves and we wind up laying down the Law of the Land, style-wise. We urge all of our kittens to take everything we say with a grain of salt, but there comes a time when a bitchy blogger’s foot must be put down.

So here it is; T Lo’s Style Law of the Day. Get a pencil, boys. You might want to write this one down.

Shia LaBeouf grabs a cup of coffee on his way to a screening of ‘Lawless’ at the Paley Center for Media in New York City.

NECKBEARDS ARE NO.

 

Absolutely NOT, gentlemen. Absolutely not.

 

[Photo Credit: Felipe Ramales/PacificCoastNews.com]

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  • Sobaika

    GROSS.

    • DinaSews

      Really Gross and he looks creepy.

    • Toto Maya

      I had typed this exact thing in when I looked down and saw your comment. GROSS.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lucía-Gavello/1253586868 Lucía Gavello

      Absolutely, he looks like they just defrost him and cleaned him up and is now ready for the “Missing Link Exhibit”

  • Jill_3

    EW. Neckbeard and SLICKED BACK GREASY HAIR. 

    • Jessica O’Connell

       Yes! Super skeezy combination. Not good, Shia. Go shave and wash your damn hair.

    • dress_up_doll

      They do somehow seem to cancel each other out. But not enough to right the wrongness of what’s going on form the neck up. Nice suit though.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

         From the neck down he’s surprisingly put together

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ailsa-Martin/644946901 Ailsa Martin

      Can I add: Don’t stand directly in front of a lady with long flowing hair so that it appears that you, yourself, have long flowing hair?

      • CPK1

         OMG, hilarious!

      • Wellworn

        LOL I noticed that too.

      • Jill_3

         HA!

      • http://profiles.google.com/dorothymichael Dorothy & Michael n/a

         He’s not standing – he ‘s walking.  Just so happened the photographer captured the unfortunate lineup of his head with her hair.

    • kryten8

       One of my dude friends did his hair like this to go out on the town the other night. I kept hoping it would dry. He looked like he was about to swindle someone out of their money.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Can we also widen this rule to “SHIA LABEOUF IS NO”? Because that untalented little weasel is the only reason I dread watching Lawless.

    • Catiline

      I join you in lobbying for the widening of that rule.  He’s not even one of those average-looking people who makes up for it in personality.  Quite the opposite, his personality seems like an active detriment.

      • Pants_are_a_must

        I concur. His personality detracts even more from his sparse looks. The cherry on his snotty little sundae to me was him knocking Tom Hardy out cold. Why would you even do that?

        • Catiline

          I was completely put off by the way he and Michael Bay went out of their way to trash Megan Fox after she left the Transformers franchise.  I’m not even a particular fan of hers but it was really distasteful (I think Shia bragged about sleeping with her).

    • GorgeousThings

      And what’s with the lemur eyes? Is one of the paparazzi pointing a gun at him rather than a camera? Or is he just over-caffeinated?

      • Pants_are_a_must

        He always looks to me like he’s either on drugs or hiding drugs somewhere in his suit.

        • MsBusy

          He’s hideous.

      • http://www.facebook.com/katiewolf2002 Katie Wolf

        “Lemur eyes”. Awesome.

      • http://profiles.google.com/ameliaheartsu Amelia Logan

        You made me notice his eyes are crooked.

    • H3ff

      His PR reps need to make themselves known, because they somehow made that bland, talentless hack happen. UGH.

  • http://heartprintandstyle.blogspot.com Vivi N

    Oh Shia. My cutie from “Even Stevens” Shia. 

    That neck beard is fugly. It’s grossing me out. Seriously. It makes me sad. *insert sad face here*

  • moreteawesley

    This dude holds literally zero appeal to me. I don’t see it. At all. Bleh.

  • solastalgia

    He looks like a scared puppy.

  • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

    Neckbeard? Icky. Slicked-back hair to make you look like you have ponytail behind there? Way too SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) territory for me.

    In other news, I use “way” as an intensifier way too much.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cortney-Dean/100002491593625 Cortney Dean

    THANK YOU! I am constantly nagging my hubby to clean up the neckbeard. Even Wolverine doesn’t have neckbeard for chrissakes!

    • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

       And if Hugh Jackman doesn’t do it, NO MAN should do it.

  • pookiesmom

    ESPECIALLY not with slicked (!) back (!!) hair (!!!!!!!!!)!

  • AlwaysCoco

    NECKBEARDS *snort* DEEREYES  *snort*

  • call_me_schmeg

    (hehehehehe)

  • kaycem

    i didn’t even notice the neckbeard until you mentioned it b/c i was so focused on that amazing suit.  shia can shine like a new penny when someone puts in a little effort on his part.

    but yeah, i guess the neckbeard IS kind of ruining it.

    • kimmeister

      Me too!  I was examining the outfit very closely to see if I could guess what the rule was going to be, but found that the outfit was basically perfect.

      • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

        I like the suit, but why does he have the TOP button buttoned, and not the middle one?  Looks dorky.

  • http://twitter.com/awtchy1 Ashley

    Used Thunderbird salesman circa 1989?  Anyone?!

  • lovelyivy

    The rest of him is FUCKING IMPECCABLE. WHY ruin that with the neckbeard? Brooklyn has a lot to answer for…

    • http://twitter.com/urban_gypsy Tess Danesi

      Off with his head! :-)

  • andreawey

    eww he looks like a creepy, greasy drug dealer from the eighties who doesn’t own a mirror………sad

  • Vlasta Bubinka

    He looks like he just swallowed some funky spunk or something.

  • http://twitter.com/Kathy_Marlow Kathy Marlow

    Could not agree more..he ruins the entire look with the hair monster he’s growing

  • http://www.facebook.com/AdriannaGrezak Adrianna Grężak

    Looks awesome below the neck beard…. =

  • rolacus2

    I’m sorry shia, your facial features just can’t rock the slicked hair and facial hair combo. It just can’t. If I cover your eyes and nose it looks good, but one I pull my hand back BAAAAM! It’s precious moments eyes and easter island nose staring at me over a mustache.

    I just can’t.

    No, my little even steven. You should rock your indiana joens look. Now there was a look you can rock.

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    However, from the badly trimmed neck down, he is terrific looking. Great combination of colors, and a snug, but not overly snug, fit. Who knew the boy could wear a suit so well?

    • ballerinawithagun

      Oh no, I have to disagree on the fit of the suit. Way too tight. The shoulder pads are flipping up in a weird way because starting at the top and all the way down the jacket is just too small. The tight jacket just accentuates the sleazy Colombian drug cartel look. The pants fit correctly.

      • formerlyAnon

         The jacket looks a tad small to me, also, but it might be that he’s hustling along the street, not standing still. Hard to tell.

  • http://twitter.com/cupidissimo Feathers McGraw

    oh jeez, if that isn’t the douchiest douche who ever douched.

    • http://twitter.com/yankeefoxtrot Alex McGeagh

      You must listen to Adam Carolla :P

      • alyce1213

        Adam Corolla is also a big douche.

        • http://twitter.com/yankeefoxtrot Alex McGeagh

          Oh I think he’s hilarious, but I realize this blog isn’t really full of people within his wheelhouse. :P

  • jmorino08

    And the Gordon Gecko hair has to go too!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/37TPKASIMXVUPYK5BNQFOL43KU Carina

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You guys are the best.

  • kikisayshi

    Bahahaha! I should tell my husband. On another note, I do sometimes find myself asking “What would TLo say?” when attempting to accessorize an outfit.

  • http://profiles.google.com/scaponigro Sarah Caponigro

    I was hoping you would say don’t hike your pants up to your chest and don’t slick your hair back.

    • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

       Actually, his pants – and everything below the neckbeard – are close to perfect.

      • kjthorp

        The jacket isn’t a skosh tight? It is hard to tell because he is walking.
        I love the colors!

  • crash1212

    AMEN! I think neck beards are an absolute abomination. I hate them so that even if Gunnar Deathray wasn’t such an asshat, I would STILL find him untenable due to his vast neck beard. Hate the neck beard. Hate.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=675517274 Nora Halcyonov Lynnenko Naught

    Eeeeeeewwwwwuuuuhhhhh!!!

  • jilly_d

    This man is in my top five on the Irrational Celebrity Hate List. Irrational, because I’ve never seen him act in anything, ever. No reason to hate him, but I hate his face hate his name and THAT NECKBEARD IS FUCKING GODAWFUL.

  • Trisha26

    Thank you TLo! Gunnar Deatherage on Project Runway is another – personality aside, the neck beard makes him look creepy!

  • E_bee

    Agreed. But nice suit, Wil Wheaton!

  • http://www.facebook.com/RyanMWilliamson Ryan Williamson

    Am I the only one here you thinks the one button peekaboo tie thing looks ridiculous? That button is just too high up to only button that one. WHAT’S WRONG WITH BUTTONING BOTH BUTTONS? Also this is not a neckbeard, it’s a regular beard. THIS IS HOW BEARDS GROW IT’S NOT A STYLE WE GROW THEM BECAUSE SHAVING SUCKS BIG TIME AND WE’RE LAZY.

    • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

      What an odd statement. The fact that you have a beard is a style choice. The fact that you choose not to shave your neck is another style choice.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

       He’s buttoning the coat to keep it from flapping while he walks, and leaving the bottom one open so he can walk. Blame the designer for questionable button placement.

    • http://wipgirl.wordpress.com/ kristel

      According to JJ Lee who wrote “The Measure of a Man: The Story of a Father, a Son, and a Suit”, two-button suits follow the Always-Never rule. Meaning, always button the top, never button the bottom. (And three piece suits follow the Sometimes-Always-Never rule, which depends upon the lapel.)  But this suit, at least in motion, looks silly following the Always-Never rule – the top button is so high it makes the bottom of the jacket flare out. I don’t know if it would be better buttoning both buttons, but I don’t think it’d be worse. (Even if it is a sartorial faux-pas.) 

    • alyce1213

      Whether you grow a beard for style or because you’re lazy, you live in civilized society and still have the responsibility of maintaining it, just like you do your hair or teeth or skin. You are not a cave man. How much trouble is it, after all, to shave your neck? What — 3 minutes a day? Think of how much women shave or wax.  
      You are correct, however, about the button being too high.

  • tereliz

    If only we could all chip in to put that phrase over Shia’s face on a Times Square billboard where it would do the most good…

  • schadenfreudelicious

    he looks to have taken a great deal of time with his outfit, too bad he couldn’t devote any of that time to the razor…

  • Scarlet39

    I kind of think the jacket looks too snug.

  • TheOriginalLulu

    Ew, and that slicked back hair is NOT his friend. He looks like such a greaseball.

    • l_c_ann

      In agreement on the hair.  My first thought was a too tight ponytail with a lot of ‘pomade’.

  • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

    EW.

    Though he looks great from the neck down. 

  • afabulous50

    Lop off his head and he looks fantastic!

  • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

    He reminds me of Joaquin Phoenix went he went into his crazy performance art phase.

  • jw_ny

    I’ve no idea if he is in the process of filming a role as a caveman, Ted Kaczyinski, or whatever…if he is, then he gets a pass.  I agree 100% that men in general should never sport neck beards!   Shia’s hippie cult past is probably to blame for his casual grooming…but dang if he doesn’t look FINE from the collar down.  (I kind of hate the buttons on the jacket.)  He’s such a cutie, but I always want to scrub him down/clean him up….maybe his appeal would be partially lost tho if he were perfectly groomed …idk.

  • Emily Bachhuber

    So where does one stop shaving? Unless one has a sharply deliniated chin, doesn’t it just look random?

    • mountainFashionista

       I’m curious as well — where’s the “natural” border for a beard supposed to fall? 

    • alyce1213

      Just look up a picture.

  • lrhoff

    Thank you for that…..my stomach is churning now.  Shame on that guy!

  • Le_Sigh

    Agreed.  I want to wax his whole head and throw him in one of those metal sinks they use for dog grooming.  

  • alyce1213

    Everything about this guy shkeeves me.  Everything, at all times.

  • mjude

    i love you boys!

  • kathryn_dc

    Is he late for the screening? What’s with the expression? The hair of the woman behind him is doing him no favors either.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

    I have always disliked Shia LaBeouf. Now I have more reason.

  • Lexie

    SHAVE YOUR NEARD, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

    He looks slimy. But that suit it pretty great, so I’m imagining it on JGL instead.

    • out for a walk

      Regifting the suit to JGL is a terrific idea.

  • deathandthestrawberry

    EW.

  • MinasAunt

    Why is he a “star”?  Not attractive, terrible actor…. and the neckbeard isn’t helping things!

  • fursa_saida

    Oh thank GOD. I was hoping it was going to be the neckbeard.

    A friend of mine, who is twenty-fucking-seven, apparently had no notion of the concept of shaving the neckbeard and leaving the rest until, like, a month ago. How this escaped him I have no idea.

  • frannyprof

    Byproduct of Bitchery should be the title of your book. Or maybe a new blog. If you don’t use it, may I steal it?

  • PinkLemon

    A lot of guys can’t get the neckbeard-shave right. They have like, a bulge of face/neck that’s shaved, and looks too close, or too far, to their neck, etc. Bums me out. I hate when my hubby shaves too far up his neck. So weird.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=786600203 Dan Howell

    As a bearded gentleman, I take great care in not having a neck beard. It is gross…and they’re itchy.

    • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

      you think they’re itchy?  trying kissing a guy with one.  or other unnamed activities.  ouch!

  • Susan_El

    And herein lies the Beauty of Our Gay Uncles.  I don’t know who  this smug, hirsute dude is.  In  any other circumstance, I would  just skip the commentary since … who?  why?   But with OGU, there’s always the likelihood  that, in mid-fashion specific commentary, there’ll  be some  genius take on fashion as a serious topic and I can’t stand missing any of these particular kinds of bons mots so…I read everything posted, just in case.

    Bravo, boys.  You’re as addictive as chocolate and peanut butter!

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/FEP56YB4DUIXBWSLIMSSSGQHWY jimmack

    Why does he always look like the guy behind the counter at one of those places that buys “used gold and watches.”? Or typecast as a used car salesman.

  • Call me Bee

    “What’s the matter with him?  I don’t know, but don’t his suit fit nice?”  (Extra points to anyone who can tell me where that quote is from…)   
    So the guy needs a shave.  But don’t his suit fit nice?

    • PaulaBerman

       It seems to me like it’s pulling weirdly in the crotch, and not in a “that’s what she said” kind of way either.

    • Jill_3

       Isn’t that from the Dick Van Dyke show??

  • CQAussie

    And now I feel sick.  What a way to ruin a pretty decent suit.  I mean, just…no.

    Also…TLo, I’m going to my cousin’s outdoor wedding in early September but after Labor Day….can I send you my planned ensemble for review and critique???  Only sort of joking!  Come on, I need some Gay Uncles advice….my husband thinks Kate Beckinsale is interesting so clearly he is useless for style advice!!  

    You really should bring back the Dear TLo Letters =)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1180174329 Elizabeth Phillips

    I think the slicked down hair is also a no.

    • http://twitter.com/Goldielox73 Goldie

       Agreed.  It makes his ears look gigantic and I don’t recall him having big ears.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1180174329 Elizabeth Phillips

    And even worse than a neckbeard (which is pretty vile) is when guys grow mustaches so they don’t have to trim the nose hairs.  Blech.

    I saw a guy in the cafeteria at breakfast who had fur sprouting from his ears, so I’m kind of traumatized by hair right now.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

    I work from home several days a week, and on some of those days, the only time I leave the house is to go to the gym or the grocery store. And I STILL look more washed than this.  This boy has no excuses.

  • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

    Agreed. The jaw is as far as it should go.

  • http://CallMeJane.com/ CallMeJane

    He looks like Ringo. 

  • redgauntlet

    Also – MIDDLE BUTTON. Not TOP BUTTON.

    • alyce1213

      There is no middle button.  It’s one of those ugly, too-short, too-high-button, two-button suit jackets.

  • formerlyAnon

    Agree on neckbeards. Please go tell my son.

    Mr. LaBeouf is wearing a fine pair of shoes.

  • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

    and to make it worse, i clicked the link to the sigur ros video and now i’ve seen his junk.

  • Pennymac

    Wish I had some pithy comment, but I’m TOO BUSY BEING GROSSED OUT BY THE NECKBEARD!  
    (Although I did mis-read it as “neck bands” until I scrolled back up and got totally skeeved.)

  • Shoelover1512

    The hair is all wrong, on his head and neck

  • librarygrrl64

    Amen. 

  • BeeBeauNYC

    He looks absolutely hiddy with the neckbeard. Question for the experts – what do you think of Shia’s inseam – it seems ridonk high here, no? I’m also not understanding this suit as a two button suit – the top button is where you would normally have a button for a three button suit, and that’s why the jacket gapes open at the bottom. Is this a new development in men’s suits? There seem to be so many things wrong here, and not just the beard!

    • http://frankbettecenter.org/ sleah_in_norcal

      that button situation bugged me too.  i thought the fashion rule would have to do with buttoning your jacket, but i’m not sure what the rule should be.  i know it bugs me when the jacket gapes at the bottom and the tie sticks out.

    • alyce1213

      It is a recent development in men’s suits, this one being a particularly egregious example.
      I hate it, I hate tight short little suits on men, I hate icky browns like this (some browns are okay), I hate his whole look.

  • guest2visits

    The slicked hair with the rangey beard make him look like Russian mafia. Looks like a part. Otherwise, not so bad.

  • Scott Isaacs

    First off…knowing that I automatically am annoyed by actors with weird names.

    My God…I agree with most of the commentariat! Skeezy. Pants are WAY too tight…if I can make out the outline of your quads, that’s WAAY too tight. What happens if you sit? I see seams ripping. I won’t even touch on the hair…most everyone has so far.

    However, I must address just one exception to the TLo rule of no neckbeards, based on a rather fetching example I saw in Portland, OR. Here are my criteria to pull off a neckbeard:
    1) Must be significantly beefy.
    2) Must have a very dense beard.
    3) Must keep it fairly well trimmed. (Not GQ five o’clock shadow short, but ZZ Top is strictly forbidden.)

    Also, one other thing: Shia here has been a celebrity for years. Surely he must know about paparazzi. So why the dopey deer-in-headlights look? Shia, go home and try again.

    • LauraWL

      As someone married to a man with a beautiful beard which fits your criteria, I concur. *Most* men cannot pull off a neckbeard however including Shia above. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

       A man can wear a neckbeard when it is so thick it’s indistinguishable from the rest of his beard. Seeing a guy with a dense cropped beard that goes straight down into his shirt collar can be pretty awesome- but such men are not mere mortals.

  • DCSheehan

    I do not understand the fear of facial hair. Actually body hair full stop. It all depends on the guy. If this was Joe Manganiello everyone would be swooning on the floor.

    Can Shia rock this look? No. Can some men rock this look? Yes.

  • MilaXX

    Shame, because other than the facial hair, he looks pretty good.

  • marilyn

    I don’t care about the neckbeard.  It does give his face shape.  What irks me is that his pants are way too tight.  Not cool when wearing a suit.  His thighs are streching out the fabric.  The jacket also looks too tight.  Move up a size, dude!

  • nannypoo

    There is so much wrong here besides the neck beard that I don’t know where to begin. The fit of the suit, the issue of the button, the Crisco hair, the lost-dog expression on his face – everything is so bad that passersby can’t even be bothered to turn and look at him. 

  • margaret meyers

    Tight suit jackets that give you hips also are a NO!

  • veronkimo

    HAHA!

  • Imasewsure

    I’m going to assume that he is in character – “douchy, greasy NY porn agent” – otherwise no other excuses will do

  • ccm800

    Although the clothes are great. PS neck beardage ITCHES like a mofo so why????

  • j_anson

    GOD YES. And by yes, I mean, um, right, no!

  • TieDye64

    ICK!

  • RJay

    I know he looks all skeevy here and stuff, but one of the best sex dreams I ever had was about young Shia and since then, no matter what he wears, says, or does, I can’t help it.  It’s a visceral thing now.  I just like it.

  • DebbieLovesShoes

    Here, here!  Can’t stand that nasty neckbeard.  Seriously, can we all just agree together to NEVER SEE THIS AGAIN EVER?

  • turtleemily

    Nice to see that he’s still living up to the fact that my family refers to him as Shia LaDouche.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1344922354 Eric Scheirer Stott

    He was fine in The Greatest Game Ever Played, but that illustrates his problem. He’s got a face shape and features that are going to keep him looking like a Disney Channel star for years to come- I can’t blame him and others for wanting to ditch that image. Full points for everything below the neck, and I’ll blink at the rest.

  • http://twitter.com/SparklyCasanova UglyCasanova

    I don’t understand how he keeps getting roles …

  • Daenyx

    Ahahahaha, as I was scrolling down, I was actually saying *out loud* to myself, “god, that neckbeard is just so…” and then I got to the bottom and felt vindicated.  Neckbeards are GROSS, and it’s even worse with the shellacked hair – he’s all “I think I’m a dapper businessman” on top and “I’ve been camping for a month without access to mirrors or razors” on the bottom.  

  • http://twitter.com/astrosexy єℓιzαвєтн。

    He looks like a drowned cat.

  • bellafigura1

    Dude is buggin’, yo.

  • snarkykitten

    He looks like he should be trying to sell used cars in 1985

  • julnyes

    shave your neck and take the motor oil out of your hair Even Steven!

  • Miranda Loeber

    I believe that the hair on a man’s head should never be less in volume than the hair on his face. It just makes them look lop-sided.

  • holdmewhileimnaked

    rabbinical school drop-out currently running the men’s department at a very very fine department store that once belonged to relatives. theyre still connected [via the board of directors or somesuch], that’s how he got the job–until, of course, he straightens himself back up & returns to yeshiva. they hope & he will. eventually. post-oats.

  • Amy Ennis

    And he looks like he knows it. That expression says “Fuck. They photographed me with the neckbeard.” 

  • PeggyOC

    Who decided he was a star, and can that stop?  He’s the 21st century Steve Gutenberg.

  • LilyPad

    He looks like an actual piece of poop!

    • LilyPad

      no offense.