Okay, Jay McCarroll and his boyfriend Matthew showed up with two bottles of wine AND a bottle of tequila just before the episode started last night. Can we just say? In six years of blogging this show, we’ve never actually started off a Thursday night viewing session with a shot of tequila? Can we also just say that there’s a good reason for that?
Because between the wine, tequila, nonstop gossip and backstage dish, we barely had time to register what was happening on screen. And since what was happening on screen was the usual combination of psychological dysfunction paired with a department store aesthetic, it was difficult, to say the least, to remain focused.
Everyone was ordered to Occupy Lord & Taylor…
Then they were forced to paw their way through bins of colored fabric, only to all run screaming into the arms of sweet, sweet black, which instantly makes every dress better. Apparently.
The crying started.
And it just wouldn’t stop.
Until everyone got a chance to just let it all out all over their workspace.
The really confusing part was when all the dresses walked out and they were TOTALLY not worth shedding any tears over. Bland, black department store cocktail dresses, one after another. If all the crying had been along the lines of “Oh fuck! I made a totally forgettable garment!” we might have understood, but these silly little things were sobbing like their life’s work was on the line. Honey, if at the end of the day you’ve got something on your dress form that half the women in America own already, it’s best not to get worked up over it. Suck it up and slap a visible zipper on it. That usually gets the judges on your side.
So congratulations, Costello-Lite! Your win is RIDICULOUS.
Because this is bland, repetitive, shapeless crap. There. We said it. Why the judges didn’t say the same thing eludes us. Really, Lord & Taylor? This is what you want on your racks? This post-apocalyptic t-shirt paired with a religious cult skirt? Feh. Jil Sander did it better years ago.
It really says something about the output when the judges get all misty-eyed over a plain black skirt and t shirt that looks like a badly dressed wound.
And Auf Wiedersehen to… NOBODY! Because
EVERYONE DID SUCH AN AMAZING JOB PRODUCING HIGH QUALITY WORK two people who are looking smarter with each passing day ran for the door unexpectedly a week or two back and now we have to even things out!
Whatevs. Boring episode. Even with the tequila shots to start it off.
EDITED TO ADD: Final product. Get your piggy banks out, girls.
[Photo Credit: Barbara Nitke for myLifetime.com, lt-insider.com - Stills: tomandlorenzo.com]