Lindsay Lohan in Something That Defies Description

Posted on August 06, 2012

Y’know… some looks really don’t deserve an assessment.

Lindsay Lohan goes shopping in Santa Monica.

Right now, Elizabeth Taylor is pounding furiously on the lid of her coffin and demanding retribution.

Anyway, instead of an assessment, let’s play “This Dress Looks Like…” We’ll start you off.


This Dress Looks Like…

… it’s trawling for plankton.

… it came from the Buffalo Bill Collection.

… a stretched-out laundry bag.

… a cry for help.

… a practical joke gone too far.

… a big, beige tongue.


Okay, your turn.



[Photo Credit: WENN]

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  • AmandaCathleen

    That hem makes this literally look like a bed sheet. Yikes.

  • Griffinqueen

    a Mullet Condom 

    • Rand Ortega

       Ding Ding Ding!
      We have a winner!

      • Griffinqueen

         How dear! I’d like to thank everyone. I never could have done it alone. Bless!

      • ChaquitaPhilly

        Yep that’s IT!

    • Little_Olive

      OMG!! I thought “very used condom”, but yours is GENIUS. 

      • We’re talking about the dress right?

        • Judih1

          I think this could be applied to both the dress and the person wearing the dress

    • neofashionista

      perfect description! Thanks.

    • Vlasta Bubinka

      i was thinking large assymetric dental dam

  • A mullet pillowcase.

  • Bed Sheet

    Home Ec class disaster

    Did she sign an endorsement contract with Silly Putty?

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      I think she did.  She managed to match her skintone, lipstick, hat, dress and shoes.  That takes quite a bit of effort.

  • cmb92191

    an upside down laundry hamper bag!

    • How dare you!  My laundry hamper bag is MUCH more stylish than this sad…thing.

  • Jennifer Pearson

    like…Lindsey Lohan herself. Irrelevant.

  • MrsKrause

    a beige mullet. 

  • SoThenISaid

    Attention Whore Daywear

    • Next to “hot mess” in the dictionary is a picture of this to illustrate the concept.

  • Anathema_Device

    …a duvet cover on deep discount because of a manufacturing error.

  • a last dying grab for attention.

  • ThaliaMenninger

    A winding sheet.

  • A backwards snuggie

  • Duck lips?  Check.  Douchey sunglasses?  Check.  All-important cell phone? Check.

    Don’t even get me started on the clothes.

  • MsOlympia

    A giant ace bandage.

  • this dress looks like a career thats crashing and burning. 

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    She lost a bet.

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    Also, I really, really hope she is wearing underwear.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      As short as that front hem is, I think we’re going to find out whether or not we want to know.

      • MoHub

         Yep! Hoping not to see the good china.

        • leilah

          Lilo has no “good china” — all whorningware.

  • poketom

    this dress looks like the worlds largest condom, with armholes.

  • Rand Ortega

    The towel finally being thrown in.

  • Veronica1022

    But you know, she stopped dyeing her hair, laid off the tanning, looks sober and like she has eaten something lately, so lets give her some props for that.  Although the outfit is hideous.

    • MilaXX

       Can’t see past the sunnies, but what I can see of the face, does indeed look good.

    • I was thinking the same thing. The dress is bad but her hair and what we can see of her face look good. You have to take tiny baby steps with La Lohan.

    • I agree that the lack of spray tan, the presence of some body mass, and her natural hair color are good things. But to me she looks stoned (sunglasses indoors? dazed smile?) and appears to be wearing a mask of makeup, which is never a good thing.

    • I agree, this is the healthiest she’s looked in a long time

  • Like she woke up in a strange hotel room and used the dry cleaning bag in the closet to make a dress.

  • schadenfreudelicious

    Perfect for airing out the not so good china…..

  • makeityourself

    I own those Jimmy Choo shoes she’s wearing. Even on my worst day, I would never think to pair them with a beige mullet dress.

  • I just can’t. Mind whirling… so many thoughts racing… 

    • Griffinqueen

       Oh—–breech birth. I like that. It conveys the horror effectively.

    • Saucysusan

      OMG! Breech birth! I love a full-on belly laugh! Thank you.

    • Breech birth! hahahahahahaha!  I can’t unsee this.  It’s the best!  Absolutely perfect – capturing simultaneously all the drama  and my need to look away.  The dangerous likelihood of tragedy is written all over this.

  • MilaXX

    she got confused in the potato sack race

  • belfebe

    A Project Runway design gone awfully wrong.

  • Annie L.

    That slipcover Monica made for Joey when he had to play an uncircumsized character on Friends.

  • Project Runway challenge: see who can design the most unflattering article of clothing possible.

  • What happens when you escape the straightjacket and stitch together a dress as you crouch in the bottom of the laundry cart. 

  • Deac82

    the saddest superhero cape ever.  Edna Mode needs to bitch-slap her.

    • JasmineAM

      Liked purely for Edna Mode!

  • TSkot

    Wow. Give that girl a bedsheet, a portable Singer and 10 minutes and that girl can make anything!

  • Pterodactyl111

    A pillowcase.

  • joe_tey83

    This Dress Looks Like…She cut out the front part of it to make the hat. Just cause.

  • Scarlet39

    At least her hair is red again

  • PaulaBerman

    It got caught in a mangler. No, wait, that was my hope for it…

  • A sandbag that lost its panty control

  • piecesofconfetti

    She looks like she’s 48 years old :/

  • RebeccaKW

    Like a tablecoth poorly folded in ‘half’ and holes cut out for arm and head.  Giant poncho. 

    Is she at a mall?  Why the sunglasses in the parking garage?  The fringe on her purse is CRAZY.

  • teensmom99

    I think you are all confused.  I just came back from the beach so it’s clear to me: this is a beach cover up with a sun hat to protect her hair and skin.  I mean what else could it  be?

  • Does anyone else remember those creatures in the ’80s movie Beastmaster that wrapped big sheet-like wings around people and dissolved them? Young men of L.A…. RUN!

  • mjude

    this dress looks like………..


  • plinkiedoodle

    Oh, Lindsay, darling please, GO HOME.  You were so cute in the Parent Trap, but after that you went ahead and pushed yourself off a cliff into a vat of cheapness.  

    I hear Walmart is hiring…

  • Vlasta Bubinka

    what the deuce???

  • SewingSiren

    ..she got it caught in the car door as the driver was driving away?

  • On the one hand, it does look really comfortable. Several years ago I had the world’s WORST yeast infection – so bad that I had to stay home from work, in my nightie, for a few days because I was not able to wear anything on my lower half – and this might have been a comforting garment for that sad time. (This may be TMI but I don’t actually know any of you.) Maybe Linds here is in a similar state. It does appear to be airy around her bits, which is a good thing when one is in yeast infection recovery.

    • plinkiedoodle

      OMG!  Yes, TMI!!!!

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      Hey this could be a great marketing idea!  The “Lohan” dress.  For times when the good china needs a good airing out.

  • erinbinek

    This dress looks exactly like…her shoes. It’s the dress equivalent of her open-toed, beige pumps. Yuck.

  • Amy Ellinger

    I dunno, i think it’s kinda Beachin’ and Rad!

    see what i did there? BEACHin’ ?!  *cricket cricket*  Alright, fine…it looks like a Palm Springs mullet.

  • Noshmek

    This dress looks like… she assaulted one of the yip yip Maritans from Sesame Street and climbed in…

  • Jessica O’Connell

    …a gynecological gown with a train. A fancy gyno gown!

  • …stretched out old gum

  • Noshmek

    … like she assaulted the yip yip martians from Sesame Street because they got too close to her telephone and climbed in.

  • LSNewman

    oy with the uterus hemline.

  • Pennymac

    I’m so glad her hair is red again that I’m loathe to comment;

    “That dress look like:  Ass?  
    Did I get it right?
    What do I win?

  • ohayayay

    an escalator accident

  • nannypoo

    I can’t. She’s just too pitiful.

  • At least her hair looks healthy?

    This dress looks like… she rolled up the bed and buttoned up her sheet. The buttons magically disappeared. 

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Right now, Elizabeth Taylor is pounding furiously on the lid of her coffin and demanding retribution. WORD.

    I’m waiting for Liz to come straight out of her coffin and bitchslap whoever cast Lindsay Lohan in that biopic so hard that they go zooming off into deep space.

    As for the dress…words fail me.

  • LIke a Boy Scout tent for desert camp.  Like it got caught in a car door.  Like she was running with scissors.  LIke a cape wedgie waiting to happen.  Like her va-jay-jay is going parasailing later.

  • j_anson

    Oh geez. That kid.

  • granddelusion


  • Call me Bee

    “This dress looks like…”

    …Lindsey needs to make a beeline back to rehab.

  • This dress looks like… the skin suit made by Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. Yuck. On the bright side Lindsay’s looking decent (red hair, white teeth, healthy weight).

  • 0_0

  • Let’s take a moment to look at the positive- hair color looks closer to natural, skin is skin-colored, weight looks stable. She can always change her clothes!

  • homespunner

    Someone designed this. Someone sewed this. A stylist or Lindsay (on her own) decided this needed to be worn…in public. Oy.

  • BuffaloBarbara

    The only thing I can say is that at least she went back to something related to her natural hair color for this?  Can you imagine it if, on top of the horrendous outfit, it matched that awful straw-colored bleach job she had for years?

    As to the oversized sweatshirt itself… perhaps the less said, the better.

  • formerlyAnon

    This dress looks like the designer should be shot. Or sent to a North Korean work camp.

  • Judy_J

    Worst. Dress. Ever.  How can she look so happy when she’s wearing that rag in public?  And the matchy hat!  Matchy shoes!  Matchy lipstick!  Oy, vey.

  • That dress looks like…

    The tattered remains of a sheet that Lindsay wrestled off the angry ghost of Elizabeth Taylor who had come down to haunt the shit out of everyone involved in this travesty of a biopic!

  • The perfect replacement for the paper dress they make you wear at the gynecologist!

  • The perfect dress to wear to the gynecologist!

  • Susan Crawford

    What the stylish alien girls from the Planet PuttyFlesh are wearing this summer.

    (Lindsay, remember how they dressed you for the Liz biopic? COLOR, my dear – it’s there to be enjoyed!)

  • Little_Olive

    her vagina

    *blushing of meannes*

  • Does no one push those big, long, heavy hanks of hair back over their shoulders anymore?

  • holdmewhileimnaked

    it looks like an incredible way to call attention to herself in a ridiculously public place–she’s at a giant mall in santa monica. i used to go there once in awhile–i cant remember why, maybe the bookstore, maybe to buy makeup–but i can promise you that theres no real reason for her to be there other than to suck up the attention of passerby. it’s not a bad mall, or anything, but for heavens sake.

  • allj

    …a cornucopia of delusion

  • A windsock.

  • kimmeister

    . . . the unconventional materials challenge, “make a dress out of hospital supplies.”

  • …a bris gone wrong?

    I expected a lot worse after reading the first few lines. 

  • alyce1213

    She never disappoints, does she?

  • marilyn

    This looks like a swimsuit coverup.  

  • Thathoodwink

    I love how the hem is dragging along the greasy parking garage floor.

  • a beach coverup for a nude beach

  • MK03

    OK, the dress is an abomination, but did anyone else notice that she’s starting to look like herself again? That’s a huge step in the right direction.

  • fnarf

    The thing is, Lohan IS the recapitulation of Elizabeth Taylor (minus the talent); she’s just proceeding through Liz’s life at three times the speed Liz did. She is now “Liz, Age 71”.

    • bellafigura1

      I respectfully protest this! La Liz turned celebrity, decadence, indulgence and extravagance into art forms without ever once looking anything less than fabulous, even at 71.

      • ratgirlagogo

         While I share your admiration for Liz,  she often looked pretty bad. The famous photo used on the cover of Hollywood Babylon II is just the most notorious example. Everybody fell in love with Elizabeth Taylor when she was a teenager, then she had to live the whole rest of her life with people comparing her adult looks to her teenage looks – often cruelly. Like the song said, nobody really gives a damn about this year’s girl. It’s the same thing that happened to Judy Garland, and I might add, to Lindsay Lohan.

  • Laylalola

    Something for one of those “I feel fat days” that still shows off the legs.

  • all I could think was ‘if there is a single gust of wind we will know the answer to “does she shave “Down There?”‘ and I am horrified at the thought.

  • Is that a mullet sweater dress? (That is a sentence that needs to be taken out behind the barn and shot.)

  • MissKimP

    A blancmange

  • Jeez, a mullet hemmed muscle shirt. 

  • l_c_ann

    A working girl’s dress worn backwards.

    Working girl= oldest profession

  • Clueless_Jock

    It needs a belt, I think.

    • mhleta

      It puts the belt around its neck.

  • Joshua

    I submit it’s something that defiles description.

  • LesYeuxHiboux

    This dress looks like Jennifer Beals’ rejected attempt at a mutilated-sweater trend.

    Her hair almost looks nice?

  • Trisha26

    The mobius strip of fashion – in the front it’s a mini – follow it around – and it’s a maxi – follow it around – and it’s a mini – gah!

  • michelle shields

    For once I’m at a loss.

  • …the reason why the mullet dress is over!

    BTW, that reminds me that I need to take the mullet dress I bought at Target to my tailor.  I want it hemmed normally.

  • DebbieLovesShoes

    . . . she was shredding documents in her nightgown, and it got caught…. and she decided just to go with it!

    p.s. the hat looks like she’s about to go afishin’ at the pond with Opie and Andy. 

  • MissAnnieRN

    Foreskin in dress form.

  • guest2visits

    A way to show-off her one skinned knee?… A new way to flash the cameras as she gets out of the limo?…
    She kind of looks like she’s still on set.

  • n a

    a vagina-inspired sleeping bag.

    • n a

      cuz you know linds prefers the v-jayjays… 😉

  • Esz

    She looks so OLD

  • mhleta

    Moby Dickstein called. He wants his foreskin back.

    • mhleta

      Or if you prefer:
      “This dress looks like…” it’s made of the leftover clippings from all of Joan Rivers’ facelifts. 

  • I had that thought too – only that she was getting out of the car in the parking garage, slammed the dress in the door, and couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t walk away. She just kept tugging until it stretched out. Like, for hours…..

  • prettybigkitty

    The epitome of the walk of shame.  

  • This made me laugh so much i had to post something…. the first photo made me think of a little -albeit very beige- plastic duck bravely navigating the bathtub ripples…. Onward !!!

  • Candigirl1968

    I really hope that she (1) made this in design class; or (2) lost a bet and this was her punishment. 

  • KC

    If it was just a short dress and she belted it she’d actually look pretty good! Her hair looks almost…nice….so glad to see her as a redhead.

  • Hey, is that a Gordon Gartrelle?

  • Deedles

    It looks like one of those damn Pinterest projects where someone starts out with a pillow case and ends up with couture without needing a sewing machine. 10-4 on the Buffalo Bill Collection, too. Yikes!

  • quiltrx

    …a home ec abortion designed for easy access for the boys on Friday night.

    • home ec abortion ajhgfjhsdghgfjshdgfHAHAHAHAHHAA

  • margaret meyers

    LOL — she’s the biggest star there in that parking lot!  Does International Male have a sister publication?

  • AnaRoW

    She looks so healthy and Lindsay-like (pre-drug addiction and eating disorder) that I can’t be bothered about the dress. It’s a little weird but not horrible.

  • BettyGurruchaga

    Hooker Pantyhose with a hole at the knee

  • Lisa

    Big Beige Tongue!!!

  • Maigan Hulme

    a female condom 

  • cclaussen3

    Looks like a spa cover-up that a 4 year old hacked at with scissors

  • Is she slowly morphing into Phoebe Price?

  • lrhoff

    A new low for her.  How sad.

  • CurbGirl

    she’s been cast as a Wynonna Judd!

  • this dress looks like: The reason she’s going shopping.  

  • NCDFan

    Easy access

  • ccm800

    An invite.
    Airing the poor thing out.
    And all those people who protest abortion doctors need to put down their signs, get on a bus and picket outside whatever “doctor” is pumping her lips to within an inch of popping. DOES SHE NOT HAVE A SINGLE HONEST FRIEND?  Sorry.  

  • The dress is horrible, but that’s the healthiest she’s looked in five years.

  • Lisa_Cop

    A mullet nightgown.

  • I would say my grandmother’s underwear, but that would be an insult to my grandmother and her underwear.

  • AuntieAnonny

    You know, at least her hair isn’t bleach blond.

    There’s other things I could say, but I wont, because they probably wont fly, but I’d like to note that she isn’t 90lbs, and that it nice to see.

  • Hey, she’s covering up her bald spot, so…y’know…good for her!

  • AZU403

    Around 1968 Elizabeth Taylor was photographed wearing a leopard-print jumpsuit and was roundly castigated for her awful taste. Mia Farrow, who had just appeared in a movie with her, countered, “She doesn’t have to have good taste. Her career demands that she be spectacular.”

  • It looks like a beach cover up.

  • VicksieDo

    …one of her better looks actually.  Which is sad.

  • a rejected project runway challenge, called “Relapse”.  Designers, your challenge is to meet with recovering, spoiled fame whores who swear they’ve turned for the better.  We know better, so you must design dress that reflects the regurgitated PR speak they spew when discussing their “improvements” as well as the inevitable, spiral of entitlement they will sure find themselves plummeting in 3, 2, 1…

  • bitterk


  • This is her version of fresh and rested these days.

  • … the perfect choice for a gyno exam.

  • poggi

    It’s a designer hospital gown, perfect for a yearly gynecological exam.  The back skirt replaces the paper that annoyingly slides around under you on the table and the cut-away front means you can easily get your feet in the stirrups.  

  • aristida_girl

    Some bad t-shirt that someone gave me for work which I then cut to pieces to make it a sleep shirt and then decided to wear to the store. Too awful for words.

  • aristida_girl

    I had an irrational love for that movie and had totally forgotten about it, thank you! I think your creature description of her dress is great 🙂

  • imakeart

    Crooked tablecloth.

  • LinXGUA

    Beige is not a color anymore. I don’t know what is it, but is horrendous.
    She thinks she’s flawlessly dressed. Why? Who is telling her lies? “You’re WERKING that crazy old woman confusing a sleeping bag with a dress, girl. ” 
    The shoes, the hat. All is fusing into a blob of fabric, skin and hair. Where is she? 
    I’m relieved she’s taking care of herself but this … you don’t dress in one color. “I’m the beige tube!” That’s how toddlers talk, people. 
    Good God, Lindsay. 

  • leilah

    Frankly, she looks like she’s breech-birthing herself….

  • melanie0866

    A sad bedspread.

  • LiLo has put on some weight which may be for the best but I’m kind of obsessing how about how old her hands look. The girl is the same age as me!

  • I prefer not to look at anymore pictures of Lindsay Lohan.  It’s too sad.  I just want to remember her as the cute little kid from “The Parent Trap”.