Lana Del Rey for H&M Fall 2012

Posted on August 21, 2012

Darlings, internet punching bag Lana Del Rey is the new face of H&M for fall. Let’s assess.

 

The clothes look great, and while we’ve had some fun at its expense, she really does have a great look; perfectly suitable for fashion photography. Unfortunately, what she doesn’t have is any skill as a model. Every shot looks painstakingly arranged. “Okay, Lana. Put your legs like this, your right arm like this, your left leg like this, tilt your head that way and look in this direction. Now hold that.” The effect is off-putting, like there’s a wall between you and her; like she finds the entire process of being photographed too uncomfortable to get over.

Honey? Get over it. You cashed the check, you gotta serve up some FACE.

 

[Photo Credit: hm.com]

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  • http://twitter.com/jelenawoehr jelenawoehr

    So she’s a lousy model. I’ll take Amy Winehouse’s voice with no charisma over another charismatic addict who we’ll have to watch die in slow motion. Team Awkward Lana.

    • Squarah

      Except she doesn’t have Amy’s voice…not even a cheap facsimile of it. She honestly doesn’t even seem that interested in her own music so much as just being famous. She’s doing a good job of the latter though.

    • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

      She doesn’t have charisma OR a voice anywhere near as good as Amy Winehouse’s. 

    • http://twitter.com/iamjoeprince Joe

       I actually think that’s part of her character: to be aloof and disengaged. And I don’t get the Amy Winehouse comparisons that are hurled at her. Sure, her look is pastiche, but the musical styles (Winehouse’s retro soul versus Del Ray’s Bond-girl hip-hop hybrid) are apples and oranges.

  • HomeOfficeGirl

    Geeze…empty vessel.

    • Sobaika

      Indeed. No presence at all.

    • TonyGo

       Dead eyes.

      • http://CallMeJane.com/ CallMeJane

         YES! In every shot it looks like her eyes are about to roll up in a death pang.  It’s freakin me out.

      • hillmad

        Yes. And I actually find the dead eyes distracting me from the clothes. Very uncomfortable pictures to look at. Fail. And I didn’t even know she was being compared to Amy Winehouse. I’m sorry, but there is no comparison. Amy was the real deal, may she rest in peace.

      • Elaine Lang

         Dead eyes AND her head looks like it weighs 8000 pounds and could drop off her neck at any moment.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lucía-Gavello/1253586868 Lucía Gavello

          THIS that dumb hair is distracting. And such a shame too, I really believe she could be much prettier without all the fluff.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL.

    You’re trying for a 60s look, but this whole eye make up might as well be trademarked by Adele at this point. Damn if this isn’t brush-for-brush with her infmaous Vogue spread.

    Apart from that, I’ve been flinching from her face in every single shot. I would not want to look like this woman in these clothes, regardless of her body.

  • MoHub

    She must have come out of that shoot with a major crick in her neck.

  • Rand Ortega

    What is she doing in that 2nd photo? Listening to the ocean? Any one can look good w/ a great stylist some cat eye makeup & cute clothes. What makes a shoot/campaign memorable is PRESENCE. That’s what separates this from i.e. Kerry Washingtons’s spread in Vogue Italy.

    • SassieCassy

      she is having a headache. perfect period commercial.

  • BawlmerGurl

    So glad I am out of the H&M target audience…

    I find her pathetic. She makes Amy Winehouse look like a cross between Jessye Norman, Iman, and a Rhodes scholar.

  • TieDye64

    Girl has no presence at all. She’s lovely, but nothing here makes me want to take a second look.

  • http://twitter.com/MajorBedhead MajorBedhead

    She looks like a sulky teenager who doesn’t want to have her senior portraits taken. 

    • sojourneryouth

       Exactly!  And yet, we’re supposed to be fascinated by her morose mediocrity.  I say NAY, sir!

  • Sobaika

    She’s dead in the face. Very pretty, but zero ability to emote or project.

    • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

      Right? Surely being “the face” of a brand doesn’t mean you only get to show one face!

  • In_Stitches

    I’m kind of getting a modern day peg bundy vibe from the styling, if only she could serve up Katey Sagal’s spirit.

    • Sobaika

      I think she’s shooting for Priscilla Presley. Shame, Peg Bundy would be way more fun.

      • call_me_schmeg

        here, here! i keep saying she’s trying to go for priscilla but just ends up looking, well… 
        this mention of peg bundy has me thinking halloween costume…

  • AmandaCathleen

    Maybe it’s just me, but I think her hair makes all of these outfits look dated. (Her face isn’t helping either—could she look less happy to be wearing these clothes?) I think the clothes would be better served by a real model, but then again H&M probably wouldn’t have made it onto TLo’s fabulous blog if that were the case.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/XAFAJ53QF3DLEFQB3WTLMRM75E MarinaB

    Bored Julia Roberts.

    • Amy Ellinger

      yes!!!  love child of julia roberts and Liv Tyler.

  • Squarah

    She’s just so blah and uncompelling. I can’t with her music or her look. The clothes are appropriate in that they are also mega dull, with the possible exception of the pants in the third to last photo, but it’s hard to tell with her in that kneeling position.

    • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

      Lana Del Blah

  • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

     The clothes look great, but I am SO. OVER. HER.

    She’s really pretty, but the lack of personality kills it for me. And the nails still creep me out.

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    Jeebus, how much fake hair have they on her? She looks like sister’s old Tressy doll.

    • Nelliebelle1197

       Who is this and why does she keep getting her picture taken?

  • clatie

    it’s Suzy Bishop!  

    PS I love Suzy Bishop.

    • charlotte

       I know! Creepy…

  • snarkalicious

    Two questions:  

    1) Did they take the earring from the first shot and just stick it in her hair for the second one?  
    2) Is her hair really as heavy as these pictures make it look?  It’s like she has an anvil tied to her head.

    • http://twitter.com/urban_gypsy Tess Danesi

      It looks like they turned it upside down and stuck it in her hair. As for the 2nd question, no wonder her head is all tilted in every photo, she can’t hold it straight with all that hair :-)

    • ampg

      I was just about to write the same thing – it looks like she’s going to fall over from the weight of her hair.  And in the 4th photo she’s stroking it like it’s her pet cat. 

  • lehen

    she may be the most vapid looking woman there is.  the robot heidi montag included.  

  • http://profiles.google.com/denise.alden Denise Alden

    It’s too Priscilla Winehouse for my taste.

    • Amy Ellinger

      Can we officially call her that now? Because it is the brilliance.

  • mjude

    i lke the bobbi gentry look, but i still dont know what the deal is with her.

  • call_me_schmeg

    oh lana, you are 99% hairspray, eyeliner and lip fillers. tsk, tsk. 

  • piecesofconfetti

    Bored now. 

  • sockandaphone

    i still dont understand the obsession with this lady. sure, she’s pretty but it’s obvious she can’t model even if her life dependent on it and her singing skills…well lets just say Im not a fan.

    • alyce1213

      I don’t really think there is an actual obsession with this woman.  I think we’re just led to believe so.  

      • sockandaphone

        well at least on tumblr it was all lana del rey land for a good while.

  • moppet

    It looks like her hair is so heavy that she can hardly hold up her head.

  • schadenfreudelicious

    I find her hair somewhat terrifying.,,,

  • MilaXX

    It’s like a photobook of hair-ography. She may as well have a L’Oreal contract because the hair is pulling all the focus.

  • Little_Olive

    Also: pointy nails. Ew. 

  • nancy

    That weird little bored slouchy pose in the 3rd shot really put me off this whole page. I can’t even notice the clothes for how creepy she looks. Totally unengaged (both her and I).  ETA: Is that really GRAY nail polish? yikes.

  • merciblahblah

    I hate her so hard. She has the same vacant expression in every single photo. Blech.

    But let me tell you how I REALLY feel….

  • Little_Olive

    Her posy mouth is like someone cut it off some photo and pasted it on top of all the other photos. 

    We get it, Lana: you have lips. Now please go.  

  • Kristina Toma

    No. Just, no. She looks like a Julia Roberts blow-up doll. All plastic and no real life to her face. 

  • kimmeister

    It seems like they were going for “sultry” here, but it turned out more like “dour” and even “slightly murderous” in a few shots.

    Also, the earrings with the upside-down hearts in the 2nd-to-last photo are mooning me.

    • 3Beaz

       Lol ‘slightly murderous’ is the perfect description!

  • l_c_ann

    Her claws scare me.  I can barely look beyond them.

  • 3Beaz

    Something about her is always so off putting.  I get the ‘evil robotic stepford wife’ shudder everytime I see her featured in something.  Weirds me out!

  • Lisa

    Stunning and gorgeous, but there’s nothing there but the pretty, you know? There’s no depth, no intensity. It’s a fantastic shoot, but you’d have to hold a mirror up to her mouth to see if she’s breathing.

  • Judy_J

    Nice clothes, but she is BORING!!!!!!!  Her one facial expression looks like the one painted on just about every maniquin anywhere.

  • http://www.facebook.com/izzzyy Dixie Murphy Ross

    No talent in singing, no talent in modeling, no talent in…

    yeah. She’s a punching bag for a reason.

  • HM3

    I always feel that an editorial falls flat when the subject is looking DIRECTLY into the camera lens every. Single. Picture. These poses are okay, but they could be greatly improved simply with a side-glance once in awhile.

    (ETA: the 8th and 10th pictures don’t look so contrived…)

    • AnaRoW

       It’s an ad campaign, not an editorial. The pictures aren’t necessarily meant to be grouped together like this.  Either way she’s a horrible model.

  • pookiesmom

    I don’t think that hair is doing her any favors. She looks off to me, but I can’t put my finger on why.

    • PinkLemon

       Contriving, perhaps?

  • sweetlilvoice

    If I were her I would sue. Seriously. She looks horrid. Her hair is amazing though and H&M clothes look less cheap than usual. I say that with love, I shop at H&M and I’m fully aware of their “quality.”

  • MelVT

    50% yawn.  50% yuck.

  • hac51

    She’s obviously going for a retro look, but it’s not fresh at all, it’s dated, crossing over into costume.  That’s what bothers me about her look.  Do the clothes, or the hair, or the eyes, or riff on the overall 60′s look like a drag queen, but everything here is seriously just a straight-up homage and it’s boring. 

  • Jana hughes

    Her make-up is perfect, fake hair well-done, but she’s selling nothing.  I modeled and looking at these pictures you can tell there was nothing happening except her being told in every shot what to do.  I don’t know how a campaign like this sells anything.

  • charlotte

    She doesn’t look like a real person. More like a shop window mannequin designed to look like Julia Roberts.

  • DaveUWSNYC

    She totally served up the hair…which, in the first 2 photos, looks like it’s giving her a headache from its great weight.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=795138743 Melody McFarland

    I have no idea who she is. But I am certain she’d look a lot better without that fake upper lip.

  • http://twitter.com/Nancer Nancer

    I didn’t know they were doing a remake of “Mannequin”…

  • PinkLemon

    Never thought I’d say this, but, TOO MUCH HAIR.

  • SneakyKitty

    I honestly thought a couple of shots had the same head copy/pasted onto them when I scrolled through them initially.  Never heard her music, all I know is people hate her for some reason, but geeeez is she an astoundingly terrible model.

  • marilyn

    What about the Priscilla Presley 60′s style hairdo?  I would look miserable too if someone did that to my hair.

  • Trisha26

    Stepford Wife.

  • http://twitter.com/MandySCG MandyJane

    She’s showing off those hideous fingernails in every shot. 

  • librarygrrl64

    They could have just saved the money and used a mannequin.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2B6U4UNVYIV5DLEG6Z24ALYOC4 Dan Alexander

    Girls this a perfect example of lip injections gone bad!

  • laescupidera

    Why are her lips a different size in every photo? 

  • Scarlet39

    Dead eyes

  • fursa_saida

    I desperately want to shave her head.

  • Sarah Thomas

    “the internet’s punching bag”

    We better not hit too hard, guys. Dad paid good money for that nose.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

    I’ll be nice, and simply say that this isn’t working for me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=122613264 Carly Warnock

    Ew.

  • http://kingderella.tumblr.com/ kingderella

    ill say it again, i love her. she looks great here. and while i understand what you say about the “wall between you and her”, i dont mind it, i dont think she looks uncomfortble, and i think its part of her personality. she is this very ‘constructed’, intentionally artifical girl, and thats part of her appeal.

    • http://www.wordydoodles.com WordyDoodles

       I’m with you, even though we might be the only two here! I thought in National Anthem, she was telling more story than almost every other pop singer out there.(It’s not a high bar, but still.)

  • mhleta

    Nope. Not having any of it. Her plastic surgeon is laughing all the way to the bank. Nooooo.

  • nannypoo

    This girl has no talent, and in these pictures she looks like she is not very bright. So how did she get to be a big deal?

  • http://twitter.com/emilyf007 emily

    I can’t stand her. She’s high on my “irrational celebrity hate” list.

  • snarkykitten

    could she look more affected?

  • Violina23

    She looks like she’s trying to kill the readers with her brain….

  • nancymae

    Someone skipped out on her Smizing class with Prof. Tyra! She looks blank.

  • rawrgrowlrawr

    I can’t even look at her and think, “at least she’s pretty.” Everything about her looks store bought, like paint-by-numbers beauty. From the obvious plastic surgery to the contrived 60s persona, she just screams FAKE. 

  • Le_Sigh

    The dead dagger eyes and inflatable lips freak me out.  Totally distract from the clothes.

  • Nonnah

    ANTM.  Episode 3.  Any season.  “I only have 2 photos in my hand …”
    Guess who’s name doesn’t get called?

  • alyce1213

    This dame must have the greatest press machine on the face of the earth to have gotten the exposure he has with no discernible talent and manufactured beauty.  You can fool some of the people . . .
     

  • guest2visits

    I think she makes the H&M stuff look pretty damn good. Not so crazy about the extra long nails, or the hand scribble.
    Really like her outfit third from the top, with the tweedy jacket.

  • poggi

    The one in the green sweater is making me laugh.  “Tilt my head to the side.  I’ll tilt the hell out of it.” 

  • http://twitter.com/KathrynTewson Kathryn Tewson

    She looks like her hair is so heavy it is slooooooowly pulling her head over.

  • Alisa Rivera

    Does anyone else see Karen Black with a lobotomy?

  • quiltrx

    She’s like a boring, empty version of Liv Tyler.

  • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

    She’s on my irrational celebrity (is she really a celebrity?) hate list, and for the most part, even she looks bored with the photos. I must admit that I kinda like the last one.

  • http://www.facebook.com/beccalise.deveaux ‘Becca’lise Deveaux

    Ugggghhhh.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Josefina-Madariaga-Suárez/100002964685796 Josefina Madariaga Suárez

    Even though I’ve never heard any of her music nor I’ve read any interview at all, I can’t stand her just because she looks so much like Jane Sterling from Mad Men, so I tend to think she’s just as stupid and annoying as the character.

    It doesn’t help that she can’t model to save her life, though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ali.sharpe.6 Ali Sharpe

    Christ. I’ve always hated how much people hated her (and sort of hated how much people loved her, too), but goddamn does she freak me out in these photos. I can’t really concentrate on the clothes, because between the botox lips and the teased-up hair and the pissed-off expression, she looks like a seriously rageful Southern housewife. It just arouses in me a profound desire to run screaming in the opposite direction.

  • prettybigkitty

    She bugs.

  • holdmewhileimnaked

    why is she being used so much when it’s obvious that so many people dislike her? it doesnt make any sense.

  • ccm800

    Bored looks left. Bored tilts head. Bored wear a headband. Bored should bag modeling. 

  • PeaceBang

    She looks like Eddie Munster’s big sister. And like her hair is so heavy that she can’t manage to hold her head up. I laughed really hard at this spread. Thanks for the LULZ, Lana! Whoever you are!

  • http://twitter.com/katshimmers Kat Wright

    She’s bloody boring!

  • http://twitter.com/qrter Alexander Peterhans

    To me at it always looks like she isn’t wearing her clothes and make up, it looks like it’s all piled on top of her, and it just.. sits there. With her unhappy face peeking out.

  • DesertDweller79

    Her posing is hilarious. It is like Modelling 101.  I can even hear Tyra Banks squawking about it in my head. 

  • Verascity

    God, I HATE this hair of hers. I can’t wait until the day she takes that wig off, I really can’t. One of the worst weird music fashion choices in recent history, and I’m counting everything Gaga and Minaj have ever done.

  • Coralie Legister

    HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE that hair.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/J5QKZG5NFXQE3MLXFN3MAQDUTA Mary Stone

    enough with the Lisa Marie Presley beehive.  It totally doesn’t work in photo 5 from the top, you can see the hairspray straining to hold it in place as she does that tilted-head pose

    Oh, this is to advertise clothes?

    I love the tweed dress in photo 7 (from top). Otherwise, forgettable.

  • http://twitter.com/jalae Janey

    She has dead eyes and dead lips…Its actually kinda scary…She looks really good though but her hair is kinda intense.

  • http://dentsdelait.tumblr.com/ Nancy Marion

    Cheap-o knock-off clothes look perfect on a cheap-o knock-off singer.

  • http://twitter.com/enuma enuma

    Her poses are reminding me of Death Becomes Her, after Meryl Streep’s character breaks her neck.

  • tereliz

    She looks like she’s either put out or confused in every shot. Or possibly constipated.

  • Candigirl1968

    I am not feeling these pictures.  LDR’s perpetual dead eyed stare has gotten old.  Somehow, she’s made cute clothes less interesting.

  • Jessi03

    These pictures remind me of the Thanksgiving episode of Friends where Rachel is trying to teach Monica how to be sexy, and Monica is doing everything Rachel does, but it’s so awkward that she fails miserably. 

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    Is her face set on Auto Pilot?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Emily-Smith/12431153 Emily Smith

    she looks like she lacks a soul and she wants to steal yours.

  • SusiePamudji

    Her nails scare me. Cute clothes!

  • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

    I think her face looks stupid.  Like one of those girls from high school who was always that – high.

  • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

    Seriously, is s/he a drag queen?  That’s all I’m getting from this photo shoot.

  • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

    “The effect is off-putting, like there’s a wall between you and her; like
    she finds the entire process … too uncomfortable to
    get over.” You might as well be describing her music, too.

  • http://twitter.com/iamjoeprince Joe

    Love her or hate her, this is her schtick: being aloof and disconnected from the audience. I think it’s a(n intentionally?) funny dichotomy: the fame whore who doesn’t want to be a fame whore). As for the spread, it definitely achieves that icy cool she loves so much – and the emotional distance between her and the camera is terrific in that its all a part of her character.

  • LambeeBaby

    Apparently her left ear is painful. 

  • Anniebet

    Those long puffy lips are so freakin’ offputting – labia territory for sure. Like two slugs. Mary Tyler Moore’s lips on steroids. 

  • http://angryfemur.tumblr.com Andrea Lane

    Oh. The fingernails are freaking me out.

    I like those splatter-paint jeans, though.

  • Bobby Stankovic

    one is still alive, and one isnt, i think we have a winner…