Katherine McNamara Gets Assessed

Posted on August 07, 2012

We’re in an ASSESSIN’ mood today! Since we gave the seasoned pro some advice, we thought we’d spin around in the other direction and obnoxiously instruct someone on the exact opposite end of the stardom scale.

We had to do some googling on this one because – and we’re not sure if you’ve picked up on this yet or not – we’re not teenage girls, and that would seem to be where her audience resides. Sorry, Katherine McNamara. We’re just not your demographic. But you wore something that caught our eye and that intrigued us enough to send us to the google to find out more about you, and that’s when our jaws hit the floor, because…

Katherine McNamara attends the premiere of ‘The Odd Life of Timothy Green’ in Hollywood, California.

YOU ARE SIXTEEN YEARS OLD, KATHERINE MCNAMARA.

This is totally not a “Dress like a lady, young lady! Harrumph!” kind of thing. It’s not that she looks slutty or anything; it’s that she looks FORTY. Sweetie, you seem to be working that pole like it owes you back rent right now and to that we can only say “Attagirl,” but whoever’s advising you on how to dress should be politely taken out back and pushed into a trash dumpster.  The colors of this dress (AND ITS MATCHING PAIR OF SHOES MY GOD) are totally not the colors for you, sweetie. More importantly, if you’re a teen, making your way through various teen-and-tween-appealing projects, then for now at least, you should dress more like a teen. Or like a teen girl would dress if she had the chance to walk a red carpet.

We just love writing “teen.” Do actual teens still hate when adults call them that? Then we’ll continue using it, of course.

Anyway, there is nothing remotely youthful or flattering about this look. Also, we don’t care if you are appealing to the Disney Channel crowd, that detail at the waistline is nauseating and gives off the whiff of home-sewn, which is not something you want to be accused of wearing on the red carpet.

Also, the big head of mermaid hair has to go. You are a very pretty young lady and if you want to work a wholesome Disney princess look to get ahead, we’re all for it. But sweetie, as a teen star trying to appeal to teen audiences, you have to actually look like those teens wished they looked. The girl ones, anyway. The boy ones … well, let’s not dwell on what they’re thinking right now, okay?

[Photo Credit: Jason Merritt/Getty Images]

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