Jordin Sparks in Nicole Miller Artelier

Posted on August 15, 2012

Darlings, it was a mistake to start off our day together with Kristen Bell and that “SyFy Original Movie” jumpsuit of hers. We don’t know WHAT we were thinking.

Let’s look at Jordin and her very girly-girl dress, which is bright and floral-esque and exactly what we all need to banish the memories of Kristen and her poor choices in life.

Jordin Sparks leaves the ‘Today Show’ in New York City where she promoted her new film with the late Whitney Houston, ‘Sparkle’ in a Nicole Miller Artelier purple floral print dress with metallic pumps.

It’s not our favorite dress in the world, but it’s light and pretty; perfect for television. Especially if you want to do light, pretty, AND hot all at the same time.  Hate the hair, though. And the blandly neutral platform pumps, of course. The whole outfit does the job for her, even if it’s not all that exciting or interesting. We’re not necessarily giving it a thumbs up, but we see little reason to give it a thumbs down, y’know? Maybe we need a 2nd (4th, actually) cup.

So why feature it here on this, the most highly valued patch of real estate on the internet? Because:

You just know the second she got inside that limo and the door closed behind her, she unzipped that thing so fast it caused sparks. How she managed to speak while holding her stomach in that tightly is a mystery, but we salute your muscle control and lung capacity, Jordin. They’ll take you far.


[Photo Credit: Enrique Rc/]

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  • The unfortunate consequent of holding your tummy in that hard, is an unconscious desire to hunch forward, which is making her look oddly hunchbacked, which we all know she is not.  Hon, its a cute dress, and great colors for you, but find something that really fits, and stand up straight!

    • As an avowed American Idol fan (hold your jeers) She has always had that odd posture regardless of her attire. I blame it on her being a young girl growing up here in the desert (Scottsdale particularly) PHX where the standard is super-skinny. She is a tall beautiful young woman and always seems to be attempting to shrink herself.

    • Vickiefantastico

      I find myself yelling “stand up straight” to posts of most of these young stars. Well, I’m yelling in my head, but there’s definite consternation on my face.

    • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

      for me, holding my stomach in makes me look like i’m only four months overdue, and i still have a hunchback.  

      • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

        Yeah, that would be me, too, sadly.

  • Wow. That looks painful.

  • Sobaika

    Hair is awful. And she probably should have gone with a looser fit to prevent her awkward posture.

    • You know, I didn’t see the problem with the hair at first. And then I scrolled to that last picture and noticed the ombre effect and I have to agree with you: Hair is awful.

      • kimmeister

        Not to mention it’s about 3″ longer on her right side than her left.

    • I kind of support the ombre. She’s young, it’s kind of fun and hair is an easy thing to change up when the mood strikes. But I’m over 50 and am re-pinking my highlights tomorrow, so consider the source 🙂

  • holdmewhileimnaked

    what my mother would call a girdle, i would call flexees, & what is now called spanx. on top of spanx. possibly on top of spanx. it hurts, yes, but not too bad. it also relieves the wearer from holding the wearer’s breath. & she looks really nice. me, i like the hair.

    edited to add:
    possibly also a longline bra. i dont know the proper name for those these days, perhaps it’s carried straight through.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      A spanx camisole with built in bra, or a spanx slip that is worn over a good, supportive bra.  Gotta support those girls, you know!

    • oohsparkley!

      I thought that this might actually be a “bandage” dress, meaning stretchy and not actually physically uncomfortable.  I thought I saw some of those horizontal seams or pleats that the bandage type dresses have.  She might still have spanx underneath, but those dresses kind of act like spanx. P.S. I think she looks great with boring shoes.

  • theblondette

    We keep seeing celebs in too tight dresses. Get something that fits, girls. No one will see the size-label when it’s on, okay? You’ll look and feel better.

    •  And, actually, slimmer.  Too tight clothes accentuate size.

      • theblondette

         Exactly. I do understand the impulse. I put on a stone this year after having a Mirena put in (TMI? Whatevs… No, the implant doesn’t weigh 14lbs, it’s a hormone thing XD) and have had to size up a bit, and it IS hard to let go of the numbers. Because psychologically I feel better in a smaller one. But that’s just treating my body badly! It deserves clothes that fit!

        Wearing clothes that don’t fit is punishing your body for failing to meet the expectations you have of it, which 99% of the time are just internalisations of bad body image stuff from popular culture. So ladies: don’t lie about what size you are, because that number tells you NOTHING about how you look or how healthy you are or how sexy you feel.

        /Slightly offtrack rant

        • Right with ya, blondette. I have my own struggles and have come to terms with the facts. I am 5’4″ I have a barrel chest and I’m a bit short waisted. I will never ever be, physically what is considered the norm or the ideal, so I just get on with it.

          • theblondette

             Yeah definitely, it’s good to remember the hegemonic norms (bustin’ out the fancy terms) of beauty in our society affect men too – perhaps not as overtly but definitely as insidiously. And it can be harder for guys to talk about it since it’s meant to be “unmanly” for them to discuss their appearance in the same way women do, even though people still judge them on their looks.

            That’s one reason I read TLo rather than other beauty/fashion blogs: because here it’s about the clothes and style, not about whether so-and-so has lost/gained 10lbs or so on. Much nicer, normal mix of people here too 🙂

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            I think that two of the more useful points that the hosts of “What Not to Wear” have always made is the importance of properly fitting garments, and finding clothes that fit your body’s proportions. 

          • And get rid of the polyester. 🙂
            And stop buying cheap clothes… 

          •  Oh, us guys, particularly us homo-persuaded guys, deal with a lot of body nazi mindset.  And the rest of the male populace is finally dealing with it too, as the pressure for hard pecs, and a six pack increases.  My inner feminist is secretly thrilled, though my outer male chafes at it.

        • SapphoPoet

          And actually, the numbers are just the fashion industry messing with you. I have a range of sizes, all of which fit. So even the numbers don’t represent truth. Just go with what fits and looks good and let go of the number. 

          • theblondette

            Yep. They are soooo inconsistent. There’s a matrix online somewhere that shows you the variations in sizing at different stores… Ridiculous.

        • lovelyivy

           Amen to this. A well-fitted size 10 dress will look and feel much better than the too-tight, gapping, stretched out size 8 100% of the time. It takes a while to learn this though, and get beyonf the psychology of the number.

        • SRQkitten

          Amen Blondette! I was in a store recently near the ralph Lauren section and heard a young teen girl tell her mother (as she gazed up at the RL models picture with the ultra flat tummy peeking out between skirt and shirt) “I wish my tummy was that flat.”. I’m SO sorry I didn’t speak up and tell her “Honey if your tummy was as photoshopped as that model’s, it would look equally as good.”. I wish we could just rise up and say NO MORE to this nonsense.


          • Well maybe next time 😉 It does hurt, even as a 5’9″ thin young lady I still worry about my weight and body shape. The sad thing isn’t that models are photoshopped but women are being made to believe that our value is in our looks and sexuality – not in our personalities or intelligence.

            It sets us up for a stepford community of pretty, thin girls who hate themselves and never picked up a book or learned to be kind.

    • ASK26

       It sucks when you are the top size that the clothes come in. 

  • Why is it so hard for so many of the ladystars to just go up a size?!

    I know that soetimes they’re wearing the runway version of something and it only comes in one size, but then that means they should wear something else. 

    • Ms. Sparks can’t go up a size because she is currently doing the media rounds discussing her weight loss.  I suspect that she needs to be able to back up the “size 14 to size 6 story” or whatever her theme is.  This is like Jennifer Hudson shilling for Weight Watchers, remember all those too tight dresses?  Celebrities can avoid being stuck in too-small clothing by using something other than their body size to get and maintain media attention. 

      Pretty dress, Ms. Sparks looks uncomfortable which ruins the pretty. 

      • I completely forgot about the Weight Watchers (or whoever she’s shilling for) angle. Sucks that they don’t make the male stars (well, Charles Barkley) go through stuff like this.

      • siriuslover

        I thought she was on the Today show to talk about her new movie with Whitney Houston?

  • Wendi126

    I see a uterine diagram dress and Medusa hair. Next..

    • ballerinawithagun

      I didn’t see your post first. I posted the same uterus sighting.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        I knew there was something about that print!

        • IMNAngryLiberal

          The first thing I saw when I looked at the top picture was the print helpfully pointing to her lady parts — add that to the uterine diagram and the vaguelly O’Keefian print and the dress is kind of disturbing.

    • Kristin McNamara

      Exactly. I can’t stand those mirror-image patterns on fabric. Somehow, female anatomy always creeps in….

    • kimmeister

      Me too – if the print hadn’t been so perfectly centered and symmetrical, it wouldn’t have had that effect.

    • Donna Schmidt

       The uterus was the first thing I saw. I was sure T-Lo was going to call her out for it.

  • Pants_are_a_must

    She Spanxed the living hell out of herself for that dress, let’s be honest. It looks 2 sizes too small.

  • NDC_IPCentral

    I don’t know this dame from Adam, but her hair is an abomination.  It looks like a brush was last taken to it 36 hours ago, the red-y ends look cheap and I am so unimpressed by all the extensions that hairdressers and their clients seem to think are the cat’s meow.  They look artificial and overwrought.  Moreover, the chunks of hair spilling down over the fronts of her shoulders is an unflattering look as well.  Put all that volume behind those shoulders and let the dress shine.

    Sheesh, this made me grumpy!!

    • SapphoPoet

      I think she won American Idol a few years ago. Wonderful voice. But yeah, the hair is unfortunate. 

  • ballerinawithagun

    I still hate the weird things that occur with all of these digital prints. She has a uterus on her stomach.

  • AudreysMom

    Her makeup looks flawless (ignoring the dress, her posture, and the gottapee stance). What a radiant smile this girl has!

  • Thathoodwink

    She should have gone one size up; then we wouldnt all be wondering how she fit herself into her very pretty dress.

  • i like her hair!
    the dress is just ok.
    hate the shoes.

  • Le_Sigh

    That’s some scrolldown hair – didn’t even realize it was like that b/c it blended into the colors of the dress.  Hunty no.

  • frannyprof

    My complaint is that the print seems to draw attention to her lady area.

  • MilaXX

    I suspect the spanx ( or 2) did most of the heavy lifting. Still I like this dress & would gladly ignore the shoe in echange for her fixing her hair.

  • Judy_J

    Dress is cute and features my two favorite colors, so there’s that.  But those shoes are most unfortunate.  And her hair is just plain awful.

  • Not loving the dress, it looks like a Rohrshock (sp?) test.

  • Summery dress….but get the correct size next time.
    Mess of hair. 
    Poor posture.
    Stupid pose yet again.
    Advance word on this movie is not good. Will “Sparkle” go the way of “Glitter” (remember that bomb)?

  • mjude

    girl you are so pretty but that hair.  good grief

  • rivula

    All I see is Georgia O’Keefe vaginas.

  • formerlyAnon

    She is adorable and yes, needs to wear something that fits. But older, wiser heads than hers can’t seem to figure that one out.

  • gabbilevy

    Hair don’t, sweetie. Hair don’t.

  • Susan Crawford

    I really like the dress – great colors for her! But if she could be convinced to trim about three or four inches from her hair, I think she would look SOOOO much prettier. These long, sea-weedy locks so many of the celebs are sporting just don’t do it. I mean, there are tousled, beachy waves, and then there is a head full of kelp strands.

    But whenever I see Ms. Sparks, I want to burst into song: “Who can turn the world on with her smile. . . ” and then twirl around and toss my cap into the air. It’s so lovely to see a gal who is smiling rather than giving bitchface or pouting, amirite?

    • someone please inform mrs. beckham of this truth.  i don’t think she got the memo.

    • AnneElliot

      “head full of kelp strands’ — LOL!

  • I think she looks adorable, and I don’t mind the hair. 

    • RJay

      Me too.  

      I think a more delicate shoe, something with a flat sole and skinny heel, but overall I think she looks terrific.

  • Kate4queen

    I think its the spanx holding her in. I know that look…

  • granddelusion

    Nice labial imagery. Very O’Keefian.

  • I think it’s weird that her dress looks like it’s bled onto her hair. It took me a while to realize that it wasn’t an error in the film (because of course, photographers don’t use film).

  • i do love this dress.  i wonder who designed it….nice use of the print, the symmetry down the front echoes mother nature’s beautiful female creations.  if she would just toss her mane back over her shoulders it would be an improvement, those off-red ends are lookin’ mighty ratty.  like the light touch of jewelry.  sparkling delicate stilletto sandals would have been perfect.

  • l_c_ann

    She had one chance to push her movie on the Today Show and to be seen by millions. 
    Wouldn’t a dress that fit better and made her look like a starlet be more appropriate? 

    I see it as a wasted opportunity, a big wasted opportunity

  • And that is reason #7342 why I’ll never make celebrity money!

  • NCDFan

    Too tight.

  • Mebbe she was double-spanx’d.

  • Imasewsure

    hate that scraggly hair… can’t wait until conditioner and “actually attached to the source human hair” comes back in to style but the dress is really pretty (hate the shoes too but that’s a duh)

  • quiltrx

    Very pretty dress…I have some as-yet-unused quilting fabric that looks a bit like it.

    And…size up, darling.

  • DebbieLovesShoes

    Wow, I didn’t realize about the “suck-in-your-gut” thingy happening ’til you pointed it out.  Poor baby!!

  • ccm800

    Makes me think of Wendy Williams and that is not a good thing for a youngin like her. Anymore fake hair and her neck is gonna snap

  • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

    She is just beautiful.  Look at that lovely lovely smile.  I wish she’d not feel the need to suck in.