Jordana Brewster in Zimmermann

Posted on August 06, 2012

When we first saw these pics, we were all, “Serving up early ’70s Ali MacGraw realness!” Then we looked a little closer and we were all, “EW! Girl, NO!”

This concludes the “Talking like Twinks” section of our day.

Jordana Brewster attends the Carmen Steffens U.S. west coast flagship store opening in Hollywood in a Zimmermann maxi dress accessorized with a Coach clutch.

Coach Legacy Metallic Universal Clutch

We really do like the dress, and it suits her to a T, but even we have to admit, that’s a little bedsheet-y crossed with a little “1974 Country Music Awards.” Looking a little closer, we don’t think the over-worked bodice marries all that well with the simple, floaty bottom. Also, that giant envelope clutch seems like a poor choice. It’s a sharp piece, but it doesn’t really work with the flower child vibe the dress is giving off. But what really set us off was the hair and makeup. Girl, that is a LOT of warpaint you’re sporting and this really isn’t the right dress for it. We’ve got nothing against a disco face, but you’re kind of required to pair it with a disco dress. And starlets, here’s a word of advice for free: when your hair queen gets a little too proud of his work and insists on pushing it all up front, where it hangs down like tentacles reaching for your breasts, put your foot down and tell him to knock it off.

 

[Photo Credit: Tibrina Hobson/Getty Images, coach.com]

    • clatie

      who is this person and why are we suddenly paying so much attention to her?

      • Jangle57

        no idea who she is either so I googled her: she’s on Dallas, the sequel which we all know TLo are into so that explains her.  Dress is ok, hate the size of the clutch.  She carrying a dead body in that thing?  It’s large enough….. 

        • joancarol

          She’s also Kingman Brewster’s granddaughter. He is a former President of Yale.
          I remember him because I could never believe someone would name their baby Kingman.

      • MilaXX

         She one of the young’uns on the Dallas reboot. The show is doing well, so we’ll likely see lots of  her.

        • mjude

          thanks for the answer cause i had NO idea.  i hate the hair all up front, drives me crazy.

      • emcat8

        She’s also in the Fast and the Furious franchise, which has given her a lot of play. 

    • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gabriella M

      Cannot unsee hair tentacles – the stuff of nightmares. It was already subtext to the image, but thanks for making it text, TLo. 
      Though to be honest, fashion-related anxiety dreams would be preferable to the work-related, zombie, and sociopolitical anxiety dreams I have now. Subconscious, please take note and be more creative. 

    • MilaXX

      Considering some of the out right fug that glosses the pages of TLo central, this isn’t that offensive.  Yes she should have gone with a more natural face and a smaller bag, but this isn’t that bad. At best it gets a “meh”  and a **shrug**

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

         Meh is the perfect response to this non-ensemble. Drablocks, yawnyfrock, and what is UP with that lap top case she’s carrying??

        • mjude

          omg, i went back to look at the purse & thought i could carry my lap top in that. LOL

    • call_me_schmeg

      in light of all these disco references, i am currently getting my daytime desk boogie on. too bad the clothes aren’t currently living up to the tunes.

    • Clueless_Jock

      Do you like her purse? I think it’s too big.

    • Karen Tully

      Purse looks like it was designed to hold a laptop.

    • altalinda

      You’re too kind.  She’s wearing a nightgown, for heaven’s sake.

    • bluefish

      I hate daytime maxi dresses — this one looks like a nightgown.  And so true about the hair falling over the breasts thing.   Good looking woman for sure.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_YAMNQMUGFM4NNSPAQLZRODSD5I Angela

      She’s very pretty and she looks so tiny, too…I bet she’s no bigger than Susan Lucci, she should definitely chop at least six inches off that hair, and about a yard off the dress…all the long~and~flowy is overpowering her pretty.

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      I think she looks pretty, but I really dislike that purse.  It looks like she’s carrying a notebook, so when she feels a sad poem coming on, she can jot it down right away.

    • Susan Crawford

      I love the clutch, but not with this dress – it’s just too ginormous. I also like the dress, even though I’d really prefer it in a solid color. This print is a bit shower-curtainy.

      Your comment about tendrils reaching for the breasts . . . bwahahahaha!

    • janetjb

      Why would anyone be proud of that silly hair?

      The dress is okay but the rest is laughable.

    • ASK26

      I like the dress on her even if the print could have been much better.  Agree on the bag (envelope) and the makeup

    • http://victoriapavlova.com Victoria Pavlova

      I think, she looks lovely. Clutch is all wrong, but dress and makeup and hair are working for me.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VZLU6YVO4BRTELTTH3GRAAMWZQ Dot

      I guess lady starlets just can’t break free of the gadgets and need to tote their iPads down the red carpet in dolled-up cases. Dang you technology!

    • Judy_J

      Ho hum.  She’s as boring on the RC as her character is on Dallas.

    • sagecreek

      If she’s not pregnant, she ought to sue her stylist.

    • Vlasta Bubinka

      I long for cream rinse
      hard shell bodice to long skirt
      hair consuming tits

      • DaringMiss

        I am amused by your fashion haiku.

    • jw_ny

      nice laptop case…oh wait, it’s a….
      ;)

    • elemspbee

      these are awful pictures of her. She looks as if her head, her face, and her teeth are too big for the rest of her body. Terrible.
       

      • emcat8

        Her teeth ARE too big for her body — at some point between her appearances on Chuck and Fast and Furious her teeth suddenly got way bigger. It’s really jarring when people get veneers like that, especially when their teeth are just dandy as they are. I never understood why. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=18800610 Mando Kelly

      THAT CLUTCH IS TOO LOL. 

    • nancy

      This reminds me of a bridesmaid “dress” I wore in the 70′s… it was a tube top with long skirt attached. You whacked off the size you needed from the bolt at the store and stitched it up the back.  This looks a lot like that same print, too.

      • formerlyAnon

         I made two lovely sundresses of that fabric – one floral, one plaid.

        Took me longer to replace the laces/ties in my platform espadrille-ish sandals with matching ribbons than to run up one of the dresses.

        • nancy

          I wore that dress until it fell apart, so comfy. Loved the ribbon-tied sandals too!

    • formerlyAnon

      Clutch is too clean for that dress. Which is pretty.

      But I’m thinking this needs a “basket purse” to complete the vibe. [I can't describe them except as little basket woven lunch pail-sized purses adorned with ribbon and/or needlework and often lined with toile.] If you lived in the deep South between 1965 and 1975 you know what of I speak. 

      Her head looks scary to me. I will surmise it is mostly make up and lighting but the teeth are doing something to contribute.

    • kimmeister

      Her makeup sure is pretty, although her face is like 5 shades lighter than her body.

    • guest2visits

      I like the corset-like styling of the bodice; but I hate the print/fabric it’s made of. Maybe just a nice solid, or a trendier print;
      anything but this very dated 70′s nighty.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ali.sharpe.6 Ali Sharpe

      I do not even remotely understand that bodice. Like, anything about it at all. Why is it made out of what appears to be patterned denim? What the hell are those straps? Why does it look like it was just plopped onto the skirt? It is yuck. 

    • Neverbuynewclothes

      Very like my 1975 prom dress made by GunnieSax.

    • PeaceBang

      I think the bodice is cool and saves the dress from being too Laura Ashley – but the print gives me cavities. Why the huge clutch? I carry something that size when I’m lecturing or preaching. Maybe she’s going to preach a sermon on the evils of pairing flowy floral gowns and milk maid hair with disco make-up? 

    • NCDFan

      I took one look at that bodice and immediately thought ‘Divide and Conquer’

    • ccm800

      Agreed! Top bottom looks like the inside out version of the tops fabric. 8,071 designer boho bags to choose from and she opts for the monthy report folio. 

    • AthenaJ

      I have to admit it - I like this dress on her! Even the hair and makeup is fine. But the clutch really is too big and out of place… Is she carrying her portfolio in there??