Jessica Biel in Elie Saab

Posted on August 14, 2012

We did her boring-ass co-star so we guess it’s only fair to check in on boring-ass Jessica Biel.


Jessica Biel attends the premiere of ‘Total Recall’ in Berlin in an Elie Saab gown paired with a Fendi bag and Lorraine Schwartz jewelry.

Except she kinda knocked this one out of the park, didn’t she? We always get a lot of pushback against this idea whenever we express it, but we think ladies with broad, squared-off shoulders look best in a halter. A LOT of ladies who claim to be broad-shouldered tell us that they look horrible in halters, but we’ve never seen any evidence of that and sometimes wonder if those ladies mistakenly thought a halter neckline would make their shoulders look smaller. It doesn’t. It highlights them gloriously. She looks sexy, powerful, and confident. It’s a great little dress and it’s absolutely perfect for her. The clutch is a bit on the tacky side but we can forgive it. We don’t love her gigantic bangs (which we call “booms”), but at least they’re styled perfectly here. Makeup looks great, but we think a stronger lip is called for when wearing glittery black and gold.

All in all, this is one of her best looks ever, we think. Why’d she save it for Berlin? Nothing against our German kittens, but in terms of press coverage, this dress would have gotten more attention at a New York or L.A. premiere.



[Photo Credit: Sean Gallup/Getty Images]

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    • MK03

      Clearly, she or someone on her team reads this blog…

      • Patricia Gillett

         If so, they need to give her the memo on the bangs.

        • SpcilK


    • mjude

      i think she looks great & normally i find her boring.

      • L.

        Agree!  I think she looks fantastic, although I could do without the side-boobage.

        • Jessica O’Connell

          Yeah I was just thinking that there’s an awful lot of side-boob going on here…

          So glad she finally pulled her hair back. Having it out was not working for her recently.

          • mjude

            you bitter kittens are good, i didnt notice the side-boob!

          • Judih1

            Agree -the side boob keeps it from being a WERQ for me. She looks SO much better with her hair pulled back

        • pattyw

           The UK’s Daily Mail ran photos of this dress yesterday and actually felt the need to define “side boob.”

          • Heather

            Isn’t the Daily Mail kind of Enquirer-like? Perhaps not the most sophisticated readership, then.

      • LaylaSV

        Completely agree. I think this is the best I have ever seen Jessica Biel look. It is sexy, strong and glamorous.

        On the flipside, now that her fashion game is on lock, her bland, pointless demeanor is remarkably apparent. She looks great, but also, very much like she was dressed by someone else in a pre-planned outfit that would have worked on any number of statuesque, brunette starlets.

        Whither the personality or perspective?

      • Dixie Murphy Ross

         my sentiments exactly. of course I lived in Boulder, where people are used to her coming and going in ratty cutoffs, but she really looks fantastic.

    • G

      Elie Saab = a woman’s best friend.

    • Kiltdntiltd

      Looking good, Jessica. And in this case, I like the bangs!

      • kittenwithaquip

         I like her bangs, too. I think they highlight that she has beautiful cheekbones to go along with that enviable body.

      • patticake1601

         Love the bangs also. The dress is gorgeous! 

      • librarygrrl64

        Yes, because the rest of her hair is up and back, avoiding that “drapes and valance” look that her face usually has.

        • Kiltdntiltd

          Hah hah hah! “Drapes and valance look”. Priceless!

          • librarygrrl64

            Why, thank you, kind sir. [takes a small, seated bow]

        • Judih1

          Drapes and valance is a good one. the BItter Kittens need to have their own fashion dictionary – right up there with silly putty shoes, Barbie pink et al

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      I think we know why Kate didn’t go for the black and white version of her dress…

    • marlie

      She looks fantastic!

      I think I’ve finally been indoctrinated into the TLo way of thinking, because the moment I saw the photo (and before I read the commentary), I said “she hit this one out of the park.”  Thanks, TLo. xoxo

    • Linda Harris

      A bit too much side boob, but pretty fantastic over all

    • frannyprof

      Agree. Best she’s ever looked. And no yoga hair!!!

    • StelledelMare

      I have broad shoulders and have constantly read that halters are a big no but I always wear them anyway and have always been complimented. For once on this pole dancing tour, she looks great

      • mshesterp

        I have broad shoulders too, and I love a halter.  Whip those shoulders out, I say!  No reason to hide perfectly good assets.

      • Little_Olive

        My shoulders are very narrow and halters actually seem to emphasize just that, as they show the viewer just where your shoulders end. So I guess the rule really depends on the person’s boobs, arms and hips, and on the specific halter you’re wearing.    

      • BazoDee

        Add me to the broad shouldered gals – former swimmer here -massive back -Vee and yes -I rock the halter frequently. 

    • Gabriella M

      I have similarly broad, square shoulders – not because I’m athletic, but just genetically, since my mom has shoulders broader than mine – and you’re definitely right, my mom and I both look great in halters. But I am very fond of my back and shoulders (which hold muscle from dance classes for a long time after I’ve slacked off). I do think this dress goes a little drag though – I wish the top was a little less narrow because it looks a little off in the boob area (which is exacerbated by the fact that she can’t wear a bra with it). But it is a stunning dress and she looks good in it. 

    • Rand Ortega

      Sexsational! For me, it’s a WERQ!

    • imspinningaround


    • Sobaika

      I would even call this a WERQ because it’s that much better than anything she’s ever done (including her day job).

      • mshesterp

        I’m with you–if you think it’s the best she’s ever looked (and it’s pretty dang close, despite the one or two issues T Lo mentioned), it’s WERQ worthy.  I even love the side boob!  The whole thing is so dramatic.  Kate B should’ve worn the other black dress and they would’ve had an awesome black dress face-off.  

    • alyce1213

      You are so right about halters and shoulders. In fact, women who look the worst in halters have narrower shoulders. The halter just pulls everything in to the center more.
      She looks good, not great. I don’t like the bangs — she should have gone more sophisticated with them swept back, especially with the high turtleneck.

    • Julie Chase

      Gorgeous. And I agree about halters, I have broad shoulders and I used to get a lot of compliments when I wore halter tops.

    • CatherineRhodes

      Must respectfully disagree this time.

      1. The blousiness under the bustline is not doing her any favors — at first glance, she appears to be sagging down to the waist. 

      2. Aren’t we over sheer fabric over dark granny panties?

      3. Side boob.

    • TheOriginalLulu

      Love this dress on her.
      Agreed on the halter tops. I have broad shoulders and I’m busty, and my favorite swimsuits have always been the halter type. I’m no longer comfortable showing my upper arms off the beach, so I no longer wear clothing in this cut, but if your arms are toned like hers are, it’s a really good look.

    • Anathema_Device

      Totally agree on the halter theory. She looks great here, and she I think she she got her bangs evened out!

    • janetjb

      Finally! She looks gorgeous, as if she’s a movie star or something.

    • jimmack

      Nice dress. Total Recall is never going to make any “10 BEST” lists. Box office is down. maybe this is her last chance to wear the dress before the publicity tour is cancelled. By the way dear readers, are movire premiered in every single country this days?

      • Heather

        I wondered the same thing. Also it seems like there used to be a lag of 6+ months before American movies were shown oversees – now it seems just a few weeks at most.

    • PRFan

      It’s funny she’s posed in front of the bigger-than-life Kate Beckinsale who still looks better than she does.

    • Kayceed

      She looks fantastic. The pulled-back hair makes such a difference. 

    • jilly_d


    • Heather

      She does look good, tho she’s REALLY lucky that this didn’t turn diaphanous under flashbulbs. 

      The pic of her standing next to the more-than-lifesize Kate Beckinsale poster is hilarious.

    • kryten8

      In the last picture, Kate Beckinsale’s picture is looking at her like, “oh, no you DIDN’T!” I wonder what the looks were like in real life…

    • Call me Bee

      Agreed.  The dress is spectacular.  Flattering and well-fitted.  Nice hair, makeup and accessories.  My only quibble…isn’t this way too formal or fancy for a mere movie primier in a foreign country?  Looks like an Oscar outfit to me. 

    • Nina Windgätter

      We broad-shouldered ladies look fine in substantial halters like this one, but bad when the halter features thin straps.  The itsy-bitsy straps make our large, gorgeous, powerful-yet-delicate shoulders turn linebacker.  But yeah, she looks super great.

    • EEKstl

      Stunning dress and perfect for her.  

    • GillianHolroyd

      So polished she is unrecognizable. A+

    • Joyce VG

      Her skin and face are two different shades.  Rumor has it Justin hates her “booms” and will not allow them at his wedding.  The dress is stunning on her. 

    • jennifromcali

      I see what you did there…”Booms.”  Get it? Bangs, booms…VERY funny!  Also, she looks fantastic!

    • Le_Sigh

      I love the last shot of her standing next to the gigantic Kate Beckinsale looking utterly horrified at her.

    • granddelusion

      Boring. Ass. With a side of boob.

    • call_me_schmeg

      way to go jess! work that disco ball side boob!

    • Little_Olive


      And I don’t even like her that much.

    • jw_ny

      yep…Jessica pretty much nailed this one.  :)

    • Jennifer Adams

      Love it! And I have broad, square shoulders which I highlighted to their best effect in my halter neckline wedding gown.

    • librarygrrl64

      Wow! I can’t see a single mistake. Even her hair doesn’t bug me. I would have given this one a WERQ, gentlemen.

    • Pennymac

      In the minority, I know, but I like her booms. I like to think mine are the new botox! LOL

    • J.Watt

      Over her bangs, though glad she did something with that mange.

    • MoHub

      The see-through aspect kills it for me.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      That dress is fantastic and it does all the work for her. 

      I’m just.

      You guys.

      How boring can she possibly be if she still looks so damn wholesome, even in that glamatastic dress?

      Sass implant, please.

    • guest2visits

      Agree about the lip color and the too busy-for-the-dress clutch. It’s such a beautiful dress, just not crazy about sheer to the panty
      dresses. This is better than most.

    • Fucking A.

      sweet thang, you have way too much boob to go braless.

    • Vickiefantastico

      Is it just me, or does she look EXACTLY like Kelly LeBrock in some of those pictures?

    • kimmeister

      She looks fantastic.  100% agree about halters and broad shoulders.  My only quibble is with the excessive side boob.

    • Jessi03

      I’m 100% with you on the halters.  I have monster shoulders and I really look best in halter necklines.

    • margaret meyers

      This puts some persepective on Kate Beckinsale’s dress in the earlier post  — haven’t these two been swapping the dark and light look between them on this tour? 

    • Judy_J

      Knockout dress, but I don’t like the side boob.

    • MilaXX

      I agree this is one of her better looks. This dress fits her a million times better than some of the frocks she’s been wearing. 

    • ccm800

      Not bad dull ass star lady NOT BAD!  dead on right about halters TLo

    • sleah_in_norcal

      that is one ugly fake tan.  her chest and back are yellow and her arms are pink.  the dress is ok, like her hair up, but once again i say “what jewelry”?  okay the ring is nice but the posts are so small they’re throwaways.

    • Amy Ellinger

      This would be a WERQ, if I couldn’t see her granny panties. Still, absolutely STUNNING.

    • JulieJ

      I actually kinda dig the bag.

    •!/Space_Kitty Space Kitty

      AGAIN WITH THE BANGS!  Would have been a WERQ otherwise.

    • Clydette Wantland

      She looks great.  Good for her.  Now if only we didn’t have to see the side boob.  Ewh.

    • lonepear

      I think athletic ladies look amazing in glamorous gowns–this really suits her.

    • Allison Woods

      She looks perfect.

      Unfortunately, I’m still bored.

    • quiltrx

      Better than usual.

    • Vera

      She looks stunning! LOVE THE FENDI BAG!!!!!

    • lrhoff

      Looks good to me — and she combed her hair!!!!

    • zelavie

      I find it odd that I can see that much of her legs.  Otherwise, flat-out amazing look.

    • Renaissance_Man_ATL

      Pretty damn fab, and I’m not a fan.  :)

    • amanda lynn

      i find both her and her co-star very very very very plastic looking.  

    • RzYoung

      Yeh she looks great but to use a Friends-ism…she’s an empty vase (maybe this isn’t a terribly memorable Friends line but because i’m in the UK and we pronounce is ‘varze’ here the quote seemed to stick, vayze… i love how americans say it! Vayze.) But anyway, she’s stunning but about as dull as powder

    • AuntieAnonny

      Interesting that she still has her nails painted with metallic tips.

    • Laylalola

      Her reputation as boring precedes her — I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in a movie or read an interview with. How awful to so thoroughly be known as boring, it’s worse than being called just about anything else in Hollywood (it makes me wonder, does she have an enemy who might have pushed that description or is she really that bad?). As far as this look, it’s pretty great.

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour


    • alwaysanswerc

      She looks amazing. Good job on this one, Biel.

    • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

      I like the dress, other than it seems too long on her.  The clutch is fugly.  I appreciate that she trimmed her bangs, which look a ton better than they did in LA and NY.  Overall, she looks very pretty.

    • CMS

      I love the way Poster Sized Kate Beckinsale is eyeing the booms with fascinated horror.