Chloë Sevigny for Dazed & Confused Korea

Posted on August 09, 2012

Miss Chloe and her seemingly endless string of fashion alters is the gift that keeps on giving. Ladies? Take it away:

 

Chloë Sevigny covers the latest issue of Dazed and Confused Korea magazine photographed by Michael Schwartz and styled by Aeri Yun.

Muriel is a bisexual snowboarder and part-time international spy. Her hobbies include subtly fingering herself in public and making hats out of hardware store finds.

Jenette is a Manhattan socialite and party girl who has a taste for spanking and making service workers cry.

 

Noor is a fashion designer living in London. Her hobbies include wearing too many items of clothing at once and folk dancing.

 

Emily is a shy schoolteacher with a spinal deformity. She dreams of having her own reality TV show and has pictures of Kardashians all over her Facebook page.

 

Betty is a slutty homeless woman who thinks she’s starring in an ’80s night-time soap opera. Everyone is too afraid of her to tell her otherwise. She’s a spitter.

 

 

Lien-Hua is an Olympic-level XXXtreme Knitter. Like all people who indulge in EXTREME activities, she’s a bit of a humorless douchebag about it.

 

 

Extravagance! is a 16-year-old Colombian drag queen runaway whose real name is Daniel. Extravagance!’s hobbies include lipstick, walking in heels, writing her name in glitter pen, throwing shade, and looking for her next meal.

 

[Photo Credit: Michael Schwartz for Dazed & Confused Korea via models.com]

    • Sobaika

      I want to party with Jenette. Hilarious, as always!

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

         I’d be scared to party with Jenette. She seems too predatory.

        • Sobaika

          Therein lies the fun.

          • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

             Got it!  So that’s where you were going.  I could probably sit back and watch her chew up everyone around her.  As long as I got left off her menu.

    • thrillckr

      You guys are so right on with your descriptive narratives!  Plz never stop!!!

    • TonyGo

       “She’s a spitter.”    I die.

      • ccinnc

         I choked on my smoothie with that one.

        • Jill_3

           Appropriately, I spat out my coffee. Also Noor with the folk dancing and Emily with the spinal deformity.

          • http://surelysonsy.blogspot.com/ Jessica | Surely Sonsy

            Yes, it was the spinal deformity that got me!

    • janetjb

      Dazed & Confused is the perfect outlet for Chloe to work on all her personalities.

    • Tatiana Luján

      I love it when you describe the roles people are playing. Thanks.

    • http://smalltownbigwardrobe.wordpress.com Catherine

      I live for these Chloe posts. 

    • alyce1213

      By the time I got to Emily, I was gasping for breath, tears running down my face.  You made my week.
      Chloe never disappoints, and neither does T-Lo.  Thanks.

      • bittykitty

         me too. i think i may be able to catch my breath in the next week or two.

    • MilaXX

      LOL
      What would we do without Chloe and her endless string of alters?

    • J D

      God bless Chloe and her ability to always take different and interesting (albeit sometimes insane) photographs.  Viewing this spread in juxtaposition to Keira Knightley’s oh-so-pretty but boring spread from yesterday really makes me appreciate Chloe’s special brand of photogenic weirdness.

      • bluefish

        She’s got moxie!

    • Trisha26

      My day’s shot now. Laughing so much I will get no work done. Thanks TLo – I’m off to find Extravagance! and buy him/her lunch.

    • SpcilK

      I love her so much for inspiring such great narratives! I hope she gets booked for editorials every month.

    • http://twitter.com/Alyssa_T_Robot Alyssa T. Robot

      i love this post so much! tlo, you’re so funny and clever! i aspire to one day master your unique brand of catty hilarity.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=645508533 Diane Tarantino

      Laughing with tears in my eyes. You guys are the best!

    • Melody McFarland

      you guys are a scream.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=48905200 Tenille Clarke


      Extravagance! is a 16-year-old Colombian drag queen runaway whose real name is Daniel. Extravagance!’s hobbies include lipstick, walking in heels, writing her name in glitter pen, throwing shade, and looking for her next meal.”

      Listen. You will NEVER understand how much life and satiety this has given to me..hahahahahaah I <3 you guys!!!

    • Little_Olive

      I feel for Emily. They didn’t even try to make her feel better by putting her in flattering pants. 

    • Oze R.

      Ha! As a knitter myself I can totally relate to Lien-Hua. I wonder if I can get the pattern to her very interesting sweater…hmmm…
      (Brilliant Sevigny post as usual)

      • mskgb

        OK–I’m not alone in wanting the Lien-Hua sweater pattern. Alas, I doubt she would share her XXXtreme cabling technique with a neophyte like me.

    • http://www.facebook.com/katiewolf2002 Katie Wolf

      I love you Chloe!!!

    • CheriCPat

      PLEASE tell me that Chloe reads your blog, and is able to laugh along with us.  And that she thinks of who you will decide she is as she poses.  Anybody know how to tweet her?

    • TheOriginalLulu

      She’s a spitter! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    • http://twitter.com/yankeefoxtrot Alex McGeagh

      Two Chloe Sevigny alter posts in as many days?

      I can’t EVEN. Dreams do come true! 

    • http://twitter.com/spygrl1 Trish

      Someday all of the Chloe Alter posts should be collected into a book … 

      • Snailstsichr

         And we all want autographed copies.

    • sockandaphone

      i live and breathe for these posts, bless them.
      Also had to stifle giggles here at the office with these descriptions!

    • schadenfreudelicious

      please tell me that you gentlemen kill yourself laughing as much writing these as your kittens do reading it??

    • http://twitter.com/MajorBedhead MajorBedhead

      “She’s a spitter.”

      Aaaaaaaaaand, done. Officially dead of the laughter. 

    • IAmJ

      I love you guys. That is all.

    • MissAnnieRN

      Muriel has a lot in common with one of Chloe’s other alters who lost her job due to excessive masturbation.

    • crash1212

      “She’s a spitter”. HA!

      This is a great way to start what is sure to be a rather trying day! Thanks TLo for the laughs! You guys are the best.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      Who sez you have to be dazzlingly gorgeous and physically attenuated to be a good model.  Chloe shows em all how it should be done.  What a model!

      • holdmewhileimnaked

        i love that she is around forty & still doing this. for real.
        & that tilda swinton is even older than i am & still doing it too.
        i’m not crazy about the world but, in truth, some small but major things haven taken a turn for the better.
        also large & major things [i'm thinking civil rights. then again, in many ways i'm thinking that across the board].

        • pookiesmom

          She’s around 40?!!!??? I thought she was an old-ish looking ladystar in her late-20s-early-30s! My mind is blown.

          • http://twitter.com/yankeefoxtrot Alex McGeagh

            She is 37. :)

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

          With regard to watching for change, it is always the small and subtle things that are most revelatory.

    • http://twitter.com/phd_tv Heather Barkman

      God, the Chloe Sevigny alters posts are my favourite. You guys are the best

    • boweryboy

      Work’s been a bitch this week so I sitting at home taking a “mental health” day which will consist of drinking mimosas and watching bad Liz Taylor movies.

      This a great way to start off my morning.  You guys are hilarious!

      • mjude

        nothing like spending ones mental health day with TLO.  drink up darling

        • boweryboy

          I have and I did.  Luv yah for the encouragement.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cecilia-Stecz-Evans/1075878869 Cecilia Stecz Evans

      Why haven’t I learned not to read these posts at work?  These people probably think I have whooping cough, with how much I try to disguise my laughing.

    • http://twitter.com/pinkhuahua Kristy C.

      Bahahaha! This is fantastic. I love how not even the magazine can make her look attractive or fashionable.

    • marilyn

      ‘Dazed and Confused’ is the right name for it.  What are they trying to sell here?  The clothes look to be right out of the thrift store bin.  She needs a tatto and a cigarette, while looking for the free meal at the halfway house.    

    • EEKstl

      “Extravagance!”  There are no words.  At least I was smart enough not to be drinking liquids this time.

    • http://twitter.com/andsheewas Renee H.

      This! is why I love you guys. Great post.

    • mjude

      i would be more than happy to invite Extravagance to dinner, could be quite the hoot, then would send him on his way.

    • SewingSiren

      Spitter!
      You two need to to do a coffee table book with Chloë .

      • mjude

        great idea!

    • http://stitchingincircles.etsy.com Tina

      YES. OMG these are so parfait.

    • leave_Blake_alone

      So good. Maybe my favorite Chloe post. Love Extravagance!, with the !.

    • maggiemaybe

      Pretty sure Muriel was my roommate freshman year in college…

    • mommyca

      so hilarious… the possibilities are infinite with her… just when you think she’d run out of characters, she surprises you with new and improved options! it’s just amazing! 

    • http://twitter.com/Alloyjane Alloy Jane

      She is absolutely fabulous as a model.  And like the others, the Chloe posts are some of my favorites.  Was having a bad day the other day and decided to go through them for a good, cleansing laugh.  Thanks boys.

    • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gabriella M

      Extravgance! is my favorite, for obvious reasons. But shouldn’t it be ¡Extravagancia! ?

    • Imasewsure

      I don’t know how you guys do it every time. I think you must train on weekends, sitting on park benches throwing verbal jabs at people for practice… olympic size skills gentlemen… never change (and please never get tired of looking for Chloe amid all of the boring non-psychotic celebrities)…

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CNDPMVO4W23R5TVC2QMTJ5BZE Heather

      Hilarious. Thanks for this! :-)

      Also, my sister had Betty’s sweater in 1985.

    • TheOriginalLulu

      TLo, I have to thank you for the much-needed laugh today. I’m sitting here watching the clock until I get out of here and have to take my kitty to the vet. I’m worried sick, like all pet parents when our babies don’t look right, so a Chloe alter post is just what I needed.

    • jmorino08

      Killed it! 

    • http://twitter.com/TigerLaverada TigerLaverada

      Hilarious. I pegged “Muriel” as “Helga”, but yours is better. I really hope Chloe reads your recaps of her MPD fashion life.

    • greymain

      by now we bks should all know NOT to be drinking whilst reading…..especially with miss chloe et al

    • belfebe

      I adore Chloe and her alters.  All of them!

    • Sara__B

      My work day started off with the staff meeting from hell. I can’t tell you how happy I was to have a Chloe post to read during my lunch hour. Laughter truly is the best medicine!

    • http://twitter.com/ParrotTalkBack Ana R.

      I think Muriel’s hat is supposed to be a stylized bear claw. It would have been better if it was an actual Bear Claw (doughnut).

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_35OW6VJZLWTQDQHS4JLRTVC2JA Akumabunny

        I thought it looked like a bear’s claw, too!  I like your suggestion of the doughnut….maybe  Extravegance! could eat it later, for lunch.  And now, I feel compelled to visit a bakery…;-)

    • butter nut

      i love you boys.

    • CatherineRhodes

      You two are clever beyond belief. Those book prizes and Faulkner awards are wasted on the wrong people.

    • Pants_are_a_must

      Thank you for this post, thank you thank you.

    • Call me Bee

      I think I’ve met Betty, and I know I’ve met Noor.  Great job, gentlemen! 

    • Judy_S

      Bless Chloe Sybil Eve!!! I needed a good snort of laughter just now. Not only are your comments hilarious, they are amazing analyses of what she’s actually doing.  Betty is making a llama mouth.

    • formerlyAnon

      It’s obvious SOMEbody is following your efforts and they put this shoot together whilst giggling “I wonder what Tom & Lorenzo will make of this one!”

      Extravagance! for the win. It was the glitter pen that did it.
       

    • joancarol

      The only thing that would make there alters any better would be Mystery Science Theater 3000-like silhouettes of T-Lo at the bottom of the pictures.  As GIFs .

    • ballerinawithagun

      Let’s play dress-up! Love the Chloe commentary.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sunsetmarmalade Ricky Carter

      On point, boys!

    • http://twitter.com/cornekopia Shawn EH

      “Betty is a slutty homeless woman who thinks she’s starring in an ’80s
      night-time soap opera. Everyone is too afraid of her to tell her
      otherwise. She’s a spitter.”

      So, she’s either Brenda Dixon or Sally Kirkland?

    • VioletFem

      Has anyone heard about her new show “Hit & Miss”? She plays the role of MIa a pre-op transexual contract killer. It’s like the creators of that show were inspired by the captions from one of TLo’s Chloe Sevigny posts.

    • Synnamin

      you know what’s awesome about this pictorial? She doesn’t have the same damn vapid open-mouthed expression in every picture

    • pugluv

      I love the term” throwing shade” and I love every Chloe Sevigny post you have done T Lo…too funny!!!

    • AnneElliot

      I love Lien-Hua — what is not to love about an Olympic level extreme knitter? 

    • http://vhanna26.typepad.com Vera

      Oh to be a bisexual snowboarder and an international spy. Oh the places I would go…

    • neofashionista

      Hilariously fantastic!
      Especially appreciate the description of Emily and extravagance! Heck I luv em all
      Thanks

    • quiltrx

      LMAO you guys are the best!  And I like the shoes in the first pic, and the “extreme knitted” sweater.

    • Thathoodwink

      I would have loved to have been in the room while you guys were composing this. Genius!!

    • Judy_J

      Thank god Chloe is so willing to share her various personalities with us.

    • poketom

      Extravagance might be my favorite Chloë yet!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Paige-Boerman/670140590 Paige Boerman

      I want to hang out with Extravagance!.

    • RzYoung

      So funny, SO funny :D 

    • Truly_Outrageous

      LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!
      They just kept getting funnier and funnier. I was gonna pick a favorite but its so hard to pick. Way too funny. But if I had to choose I would choose Lien-Hua. Oh but Betty gave the best face (im basing my decision on the description of the girls. Except for Betty. I like her because of the pouty spit face she made).

    • PeaceBang

      I think you boys are channeling Higher Consciousness with these Chloe posts. “She’s a spitter” and “Extravagance!” have made my DAY. I’m still trying to understand the tiny bear claw chapeau in the first photo, and I would cut a b**** for some of those shoes.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=570976850 Jen Greenberg Roberts

      Amazing. You are the gift.

    • Linda Sweeney

      I think you ought to do a coffee table book with Chloe, a book of “looks” and identities.  She might even enjoy it — you would, for sure.

    • oohsparkley!

      I have never laughed so hard or loud at an internet post.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1316070988 Roey Thorpe

      Could someone tell me where Extravagance! is living? Because I have a tattered feather boa and a bedazzled leather cuff I’d like to give her.

    • aristida_girl

      I am bowing down! You guys never fail to make me happy with the Chloe posts..

    • DesertDweller79

      Your Chloe posts are the best!  Thank you!

    • TieDye64

      You guys killed it! Emily and her spinal deformity made me lose it. LOVE YOU GUYS.

    • paulmkane2001

      When I read an article like this, so magnificently clever, and then when I read these comments,  and I see how wondrously pop-savvy you all are, and who deftly you handle irony-drenched darts and daggers, I feel so  hopeful for the world, knowing that the future of humanity is safe in the hands of such intelligent and well-intentioned people.  You really do seem to know it all.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jacob-Marek/696640989 Jacob Marek

      your chloe posts are the best.  <3

    • kathrineb

      The cover is pretty awkward. Why did they choose THAT picture? These looks are not good-crazy they are all bad-crazy.

    • TamiSeattle

      your alter posts really need to be marked NSFW because I know I’m gonna be written up for laughing way to loud. BTW, you know she actually does/did have scoliosis, right?