Carrie Underwood Goes for the Gold

Posted on August 30, 2012

Brace yourselves, darlings. This rockets past “scrolldown fug” and goes straight for “scrolldown WHAT THE FUCK?”

 

Carrie Underwood attends the BMI/ASCAP # 1 party for “GOOD GIRL” at the CMA offices in Nashville, Tennessee.

That is…

 

Those are …

 

 

BRAVA, DARLING! APPLAUSE! APPLAUSE! Bringing the tacky back to country one fucking Cleopatra peep-toe at a time, girl! We haven’t seen anything that completely, hilariously horrifying in AGES. They’re like something an Aztec stripper would wear. Like Dorothy went shopping in the Emerald City and said “Fuck the ruby slippers, gimme the frigging armored ones if I have to go toe to toe against that crazy green bitch.”

What we’re trying to say is, WE SALUTE YOUR TACKY-ASS SHOES, CARRIE UNDERWOOD.

But why are you dressed like a summer camp art teacher from the shins up, girl?

 

[Photo Credit: Getty, endless.com]

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  • http://twitter.com/Moondragonic Charlotte

    *blinks* Well, her hair is good?

  • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

    I. Um,….erp,….its just that,…
    (dumbstruck with awe)

  • Sobaika

    She looks insane.

    • EveEve

      Methinks a Miss Universe pageant contestant put her “native costume” shoes in a Nashville consignment shop.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lucía-Gavello/1253586868 Lucía Gavello

        “Eurovision Song Contest” popped into my mind.

  • BobStPaul

    That is exactly what I said when I scrolled down….

  • Jill_3

    OMG WHAT.

    THOSE SHOES JUST STABBED ME IN THE EYES.

  • theblondette

    This is literally my face:

    O______o

  • http://twitter.com/hmbscully WendyD

    Did she wear those on a dare?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Julie-Chase/731391326 Julie Chase

    Oh god, she killed C-3PO and glued him to her feet!

    • kimmeister

      Or, C-3P0′s feet mated with Chewbacca’s feet, and those are their offspring.

      • http://twitter.com/foodycatAlicia foodycatAlicia

        Nice! I am now imagining Chewbacca humping 3PO’s leg.

        • http://twitter.com/emilyf007 emily

           I think it’s the other way around, C-3P0 does what ever it is C-3P0 does and Chewbacca bears the shoes (painfully).

    • NC_Meg

      Looks like she put him through a paper shredder. Lawd have mercy.

  • SewingSiren

    Poor girl, she almost always looks like she got dressed in the dark, in clothes that came from someone else’s closet. And always too much pancake make-up.

  • 3boysful

    Leann RImes is gonna want those shoes.

    • kimmeister

      I know, it’s like Clydesdale footwear day or something!

    • schadenfreudelicious

      to wear with a gold bikini…..

  • Stefanos Mantyla

    Look out, Kesha! Carrie Underwood is coming up on your rearview mirror.

  • rkdgal

    Christ on a cracker — just what are those shoes SUPPOSED to go with??  They are not for amateurs, that’s for sure.  I think they belong either on a Miss Universe contestant or NO ONE, EVER.

  • alyce1213

    Speechless.
    (Maybe on Cher, in her heyday?) 

  • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

    I think she looks cute from the shins up, though this look is certainly not appropriate for an industry party. And the shoes are just… um… wow. There are no words. 

    I mean, they’re not just ugly. They’re MORE THAN ugly. They… induce speechlessness.

  • http://twitter.com/holocausticity E. Sevilla

    i scrolled down and i was like WHOOOOOOOOOOA

    they look EXACTLY like emperor kuzco’s footwear from the emperor’s new groove. 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LI35AZLWSZEYRDZ4PUCBHUCZUI Jonathan

    I kind of love her. She just always seems so positive and friendly and happy to be there. And nobody can accuse those shoes of being boring.

  • tired_mommy

    OMG–at first I thought you were referring to the shorts then I got to the shoes…which I can’t resolve in my head…it almost looks like the fringe is a separate piece from the shoe that was slapped on last minute??

    • twocee

      I recently watched an episode of Shark Tank (yeah, I’m a nerd) and one of the entrepreneurs was trying to get the sharks to invest in a shoe company specializing in EXACTLY that — bizarre covers that you could zip over an existing shoe to turn it into a boot.

      • alyce1213

        Yes, I saw that too. Kind of like elaborate Totes shoe covers — to protect your shoes in rain snow or muck, and pretty ugly.  She got what’s-her-name to invest (I can’t remember any of the Sharks’ names).

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/FEP56YB4DUIXBWSLIMSSSGQHWY jimmack

        I watch “the Tank”, too. I remember that episode. But thye had nothing even close in badness to the golden shoes.

    • jenno1013

      Same for me…I thought the shorts were the bad decision till I hit PgDn again and got to the shoes, and then I did a Kramer-like recoil.

  • MarissaLG

    I can’t with those shoes, but she looks fucking amazing. 

  • Richard Harper

    Crack Cleopatra shoes and her boyfriend’s boxers.  Nice.

  • http://twitter.com/MajorBedhead MajorBedhead

    I let out an involuntary shriek when I got to the shoes. It’s a good thing I’m alone in the office right now. Either that or my co-workers are so used to my muffled gasps and giggles that they no longer bother to prairie dog to see what’s going on.

    Oh Carrie. Bless your heart…. 

    • Anathema_Device

      I yelled really loudly. So glad I’m at home, with only my dog as witness to involuntary yells and gasps.

  • Lynae Darbes

    I wonder if she is pregnant–trying to draw attention away from her middle section by wearing crack-tastic shoes–AND a baggy untucked shirt! 

  • Deedles

    Of course.

    • sojourneryouth

       Ha!  Due to my irrational dislike of this woman, I concur :)

  • Anathema_Device

    Ack! She turned her ankles into little shiny hula dancers!

    Clydesdale drag!!

    The mind reels!

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

       Oh My dear lady you got the Biggest laugh out of me for “Clydesdale drag”.  Thanks!

  • Lisa

    Wait, wait – is this secretly a Chloe Sevigny post in disguise that I don’t know about?

  • j_anson

    Wow. O.O

  • AlexisPayne

    Those shoes are aggressive. I thought you were being dramatic, but I literally jumped back from my computer when I saw those. Yikes.

  • http://twitter.com/Goldielox73 Goldie

    Those shoes would be great stage-wear.  Maybe she was in rehearsals, wearing the shoes to make sure she wouldn’t fall on her face during a performance and didn’t have time to change them before she ran off to the ceremony. 

    Honestly, the outfit is cute, it’s just the shoes that are “WTF?!” 

  • Lisa Kramp

    They look like fetlock guards for a Roman war horse!

    • another_laura

      For the Emperor’s war horse, anyway.  

  • http://profiles.google.com/shannonlstewart Shannon Stewart

    LOL at the Oz idea:)
     

  • Veronica1022

    All I know is SOMEONE needs to become the dragalicious heir apparent to the divine Miss Parton! Is it Carrie?

    • formerlyAnon

       God, I wish someone would step up. My idol can’t live forever.

  • mmc2315

    Oh, the shorts gave me a start, but I was completely unprepared for those shoes!  Whoa! LOL

  • MilaXX

    See I got to the shorts and I’m thinking, “T and Lo are being a bot hard on her shorts.”  But I trust you guys so I keep scrolling and oh my DOG! Thems so hot mess shoes. I can’t even think of the outfit those shoes would go with, but I’m certain that shorts aren’t it.

    • MoHub

       I initially stopped in shock at the shorts. Then, I kept scrolling to the shoes and had to bite my tongue so no one else in the office would hear me scream.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clydette-Wantland/673315286 Clydette Wantland

    Wow, back the F up and look at that.

  • twocee

    But I adore her shirt.

  • sk8tfan

    She’s wearing her orange safety vest so she’ll save time slipping out of her Inca sacrifical priestess booties from her night job into her steel toed boots for her day job as road worker.

  • Judy_J

    WTF indeed!  Lee Ann’s fringe boots were bad enough, but these fringey shoes have really set me off!  Why in the world would she wear something like that?  And her outfit looks like she just picked up a couple of pieces off the closet floor and ran out the door.  I’m so confused……..

  • another_laura

    I wish she would step away from the spray tan.  I would add stepping away from the bleach bottle, but she is country, after all, so I bow to the inevitable.

    The shoes, well, gulp, I needed the giggle, so thanks.  And her standing pigeon-toed in them just adds to the hilarity.  As I scrolled down I tried to think about what I would see but these?  I didn’t come close.

  • julnyes

    The make-up is a little too matte? heavy? I don’t know and the shoes are a nightmare, but she is otherwise quite adorable.

  • Wendi126

    Those shoes are meant for lamb chops who place first

  • l_c_ann

    She is so pretty and looks so natural that I expect most people there never saw the shoes.

  • Call me Bee

    Hmmm…(hearing her mum’s voice in her head, tries to think of something nice to say…)
    Well… that orange color is really on trend this summer.   How’s that? 

    ETA: I can totally see Miss Egypt wearing those shoes with her “ethnic costume” in the next Miss Universe pageant…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

    TLo, You are fucking awesome. That’s all. 

  • aimee_parrott

    WOW.

    She’s clearly unaware that her feet are being devoured by gold anemones.  Someone should really tell her.

  • http://twitter.com/stellaphone Stella Zawistowski

    My goodness. Looks like this are why T.Lo coined the phrase “Jesus, Mary, and Oprah,” huh?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZBFH32YG44LIIZYLSQPMBXMYCU Sarah

    Her shorts are so short because they started as pants and ran screaming up her thighs to escape proximity to those metallic monstrosities. Poor shorts, that orange shirt is not long enough to fully hide them. They will need therapy…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kim-Elmore/1308422874 Kim Elmore

    That is A  LOT  of makeup. She is waaay to young to need that much spackled on. Re: the “outfit”: I can’t.

  • patticake1601

    o_O

  • http://twitter.com/amyignatow Amy Ignatow

    OH MY GOD SHE KILLED BUBO FROM CLASH OF THE TITANS AND TURNED HIM INTO SHOES! Poor little guy never had a chance. YOU MONSTER.

    • pookiesmom

      Hahahaha!

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/UZBD3S3SVIIBJ46VSFEYC2QUVY Bitter

       I don’t get the Clash of the Titans reference, but based on the shoes, I just know that’s funny. :)

  • http://CallMeJane.com/ CallMeJane

    Even with the warning, I gasped.

  • EEKstl

    WTF?

  • NDC_IPCentral

    Just the day-brightener I needed!  Well, well done, T Lo!  As to Ms. Underwood, “well” is not the adjective that comes to mind.  The adjectives that T Lo machine-gunned out are spot on, to say the least.

    To repeat the well-worn admonition, “Don’t you look in the mirror before you stepped outside?”  Were I to have been so tricked out decades ago (in order to be age-compatible), my mother would have called a halt to this monstrosity in a nanosecond.  Ms. Underwood needs a surrogate baleful Auntie to straighten her sartorial choices out.

  • Le_Sigh

    I think I just got assaulted by the satorical version of a walking strobe light. 

    Also – damn that’s a lot of bronzer. 

  • http://twitter.com/Merneith Merneith

    I read the Scrolldown Fug warning and I still wasn’t prepared …

  • Snailstsichr

    Surely she wore the shirt and shorts to makeup and, while she was getting spackled, someone stole her real dress. And I hope the be-dazzled jewels (that were certainly on what she was planning to wear) cut that thief to ribbons!

  • Trisha26

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

  • Emmyllou

    “Aztec stripper”!!! You guys are PRICELESS! (Which is not the same as Ms Underwood’s bid for CHEAP!!) I’m guffawing.

  • http://twitter.com/neuaehs Sheauen Chung

    why does she have turkey leg booties on her feet? she must be afraid her turkey legs will burn before the roast is ready to come out of the oven. gobble gobble…

  • CQAussie

    If there was a hall of fame for ugly shoes – these would be a shoo-in.  Horrible!!

  • Kimmu

    I see she wants to cosplay as Kuzco, the best Disney princess.

    • Leslie Streeter

       Wasn’t Kusco the emperor, who was a dude? Now, the villain diva Yzma, voiced by Eartha Kitt…she would have rocked those.

      • Kimmu

        It’s a popular tumblr meme that Kuzco, who yes, who appeared to be male identified and the emperor, is the best Disney princess. 

        • Leslie Streeter

           Hilarious. Didn’t know that! Can’t wait to find it!

          • Kimmu

            I am completely blanking on the artist’s name, but there is an amazing Disney mashup artist who did a whole Mean Girls animated spoof with him dissing all the other princesses. So good.

  • mjude

    speechless

  • butterflysunita

    I don’t mind her shoes….they gave me a good laugh!  Isn’t that what celebrities are for?

  • Susan Cowan

    She looks like a cross between herself, Kelli Pickler, and Faith Hill.  Weird.

  • http://twitter.com/Nancer Nancer

    O. M. G. LOVE the shoes just because they are so totally terrible! Honestly, this doesn’t even come under the heading of, “What was she thinking?” because (obviously) no brain cells were deployed on this mission!

  • therealkuri

    You know, I could see those shoes being totally OK and almost in elegant territory with a plain white tunic dress, and incredibly simple jewellery. With casual clothes they are just insane.

  • librarygrrl64

    Even in this crazy getup, she bores me.

  • Vickiefantastico

    I think Carrie and Lucy Lawless must have the same stylist.

    • ojosazules

      These shoes would have made me feel much better about Lucy’s outfit.

  • http://twitter.com/LianePatterson Liane Patterson

    You warned me, but I still was not prepared for those … shoes?

  • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gabriella M

    I could only think of one thing to say in response to this outfit:
    LOLWUT?

  • http://twitter.com/Kathy_Marlow Kathy Marlow

    They remind me, somehow, of a set piece from the stop animation Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer…they could be Christmas Trees on the Island of Misfit Toys…

  • Joyce VG

    Wow.

  • BuffaloBarbara

    “Fuck the ruby slippers, gimme the frigging armored ones if I have to go toe to toe against that crazy green bitch.”

    Lunchtime, out loud belly laugh.  I love you guys.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/FEP56YB4DUIXBWSLIMSSSGQHWY jimmack

    It looks like she forgot to put on pants. This needs to go up on the TLO wall of tacky – and funny – outfits.

  • LesYeuxHiboux

    I actually laughed out loud at her shoes. I am not sure I’ve ever done that before. Is she the scarecrow in a disco re-imagining of The Wizard of Oz?

  • TVKimmy

    Okay, boring shirt…*scrolls*….um, weird shorts, especially with said boring shirt…*scrolls*…legs…*scroll*…legs….*scroll*….
    *is thrown back in her chair* Holy crap!
    *gapes* What the!?!?
    *gapes* Who the hell wears, wait, WHAT?!?
    *gapes* No.
    *scrolls back up then scrolls the whole outfit and stares in disbelief for awhile* Um……wha, um?????? Huh.
    *scrolls down to TLo’s commentary and instantly burst into giggles, ending up by saluting the shoes!*
    That was fun! :D

  • ojosazules

    Looks like she’s worried about some Olympus sized critters crawling up her ankles. Zeus in the form of a rat, maybe.

  • http://twitter.com/LianaBrooks Liana Brooks

    Wow. I wonder who she lost a bet to.

  • http://essays.tumblr.com/ Nicholas

    It’s like her feet are wearing a New Year’s Eve hat.

  • lifetime_student

    I can’t stop laughing!!! Maybe we need a new category: Scroll down LOL.

  • http://twitter.com/MandySCG MandyJane

    Your tweet didn’t prepare me for the tackyassness… lol those are horrible. I can’t imagine wearing those shoes with anything!

  • SapphoPoet

    Wow.

  • Rand Ortega

    Sorry I can’t hear you (or see the stupid shoes) over her FABULOUS LEGS!

    (an Aztec stripper! HAHAHAHA! Best line of the week!)

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/QK3MTAHUVJCMI7DANY6WFCAIUM n a

    I think we all know what’s happened here.  Clearly her stylist is too attracted to her hunky, hunky, hubbie and is is completely distracted– or even intentionally trying to throw her under the style bus. 

  • Rand Ortega

    OMG! I CAN’T BREATHE! YOU BITCHES (INCLUDING BK’S & PUF’S) ARE HILARIOUS!!!

  • http://twitter.com/pronouncethe_e Mary Armes

    ha ha ha ha…I literally had to stop myself from laughing out loud and making my co-workers question my sanity. This is ridiculous!! I want to read the rest of the comments, but I think I’ll need to wait until I’m home.

  • KSpence

    “Wow. Yep. Those definitely are indeed some some ugly shorts. Not sure that was the best choiZOMGSHOES.”

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/QK3MTAHUVJCMI7DANY6WFCAIUM n a

    Can you start a “Gurl, Those Ain’t Your Shorts” for the lower 48?  ;)

  • Lilak

    So if Miley Cyrus’s recently posted look was designated Philly Art School Chic, how do we describe Miss Underwood’s and in what lucky city do we place the pushpin?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OLSER5H3A6FPBAZOEIQIOBHAYM Elizabeth Rust

    The first thing I thought of while scrolling down was “she forgot to put on some pants; those look like PJ bottoms”, followed immediately by “What the heck is that on her feet? Looks like a Vegas version of a Denver boot – for people…”

    GoryDetails

  • Eclectic Mayhem

    Wow, that was the scrolldown that just kept on giving…!

  • Linderella

    I yelled, “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear” so many times my partner finally had to come in and see what’s the what.  He is equally horrified.

  • http://twitter.com/emilyf007 emily

    What the fuck are those things on her feet?

  • quiltrx

    Let’s just concentrate on the waist up, because that part’s pretty good.

    It’s crazy, but the first thing I thought when I saw the shoes was that they look like they’d make your ankles sweat.  Then I thought they looked like something Jim Brown would have worn in “Mars Attacks”.

  • kikisayshi

    You weren’t lying! I thought it was the “camp counselor” shorts you were talking about, but nooooo. It’s like her top half didn’t tell her feet what she was wearing. I could see those fug shoes with a cute little mini or something, but this is just NO.

  • TieDye64

    Whoa. Wha…why? My brain cannot comprehend. short circuiting….

  • formerlyAnon

    Well, the guy next to her is in jeans, t-shirt & flip flops. In context, she’s about right.

  • ChaquitaPhilly

    I LOVE the shoes. Can you even call them shoes? I agree that it “looks insane” but I LOVE THE SHOES!

  • http://twitter.com/ladonnazc LaDonna Carpenter

    TLo, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head about the summer camp art teacher thing…but then that TOTALLY explains the shoes! Her publicist saw the getup and threw the shoes on her while shrieking ”WTF, Carrie!? QUICK! Slap these shoes on and no one will notice the paint on your smock!”

  • Rebecca J.

    Egad the makeup the eyebrows!  I haven’t yet gotten to the what-the-shit is that on her feet.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VZLU6YVO4BRTELTTH3GRAAMWZQ Dot

    This shit makes my head hurt. I need to lie down now.

  • oohsparkley!

    The shoes are the ugliest tinsel trees, but her legs are the best!

  • ashpo17

    Oh God, I thought the scroll down was the micro-shorts. How wrong I was! It got worse, much worse…

  • http://twitter.com/MissMaiaPapaya Maia Jardine

    Looks like she stepped on some lampshades on the way there.