Darlings, it was the unconventional materials challenge! And everyone from Tim to Heidi was there to remind the designers “THIS IS OUR FAVORITE CHALLENGE EVER!” “WE’VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR TEN SEASONS!!!!” “FUN! AREN’T YOU HAVING FUN?!?” “THE JOY OF CANDY!!!!!!”
We think they might have been over-selling it just a tad.
But hey, maybe their excitement was understandable, since this is apparently the SPARKLIEST candy store ever.
The designers were given, through the power of discounts, roughly $500 worth of candy and that’s both a little gross and a bit of overkill. Unconventional materials challenges are better when restrictions are put on them. Handing the designers 5oo bucks and setting them loose in a high-end candy emporium garnered less creative results than if they’d been handed a third of that money and set loose in a candy store that didn’t have every single color of the rainbow lined up in bins and ready to go. Even Mood doesn’t make it that easy for the designers.
Besides, we were a little grossed out by all the handsy bin-diving.
And we were REALLY disappointed that Frokemon didn’t blast off in a sugar rush. Poor little Hello Kitty seemed overwhelmed.
Oh sure, he got his camera time, and he was appropriately bizarre and hard to understand sometimes. Not because his English is lacking. It’s perfectly fine. But he may be the first human being able to communicate entirely in cartoon sound effects.
Anyway, there was minor drama to be had last night.
A HOT GLUE GUN BURN! NEVER BEFORE IN THE HISTORY OF PRO–
Actually, this has happened plenty of times in the history of PR. It’s just that no one was a big enough drama queen that they needed EMTs to come in and — what? Hold her ice bag for her? Pfft. Martha Stewart laughs at your pussy hands. That woman’s got enough hot glue burns to earn her a Purple Heart of Crafting. Sack up, girl.
Also: self-doubt. We thought she was a goner, but she pulled it together. Well. She pulled something together, but we’ll get to that later. It was refreshing to see a designer actually take Tim’s critique to heart and see him as the educator he always has been.
Two hissing mirror-image queens who desperately need to fuck so they can shut up about hating each other. It’s a tale as old as time, which is why it’s so ridiculous. You bitches need to stop checking each other out and get back to work. Still, it’s hard to ignore Quentin, who has a laugh that makes Kenley’s sound coquettish.
Materials: Black licorice, crushed rock candy
But congratulations to Ven! The judges made the right choice but we were a little bored by this entry, to be honest.
It doesn’t help that Ven is apparently an android and utterly devoid of human emotions. Seriously, we thought Rami was a bit of a stick in the mud and occasionally had bouts of self-importance, but this guy makes Rami look like, well, Frokemon in comparison. Lighten up, buddy. You’re on a game show making dresses out of candy.
The use of black licorice to define each color “panel” was a very wise design decision. If he hadn’t done that, this dress would have just been a mass of pastel colors.
Technically, it’s amazingly well done. As Nina commented, the colors are on trend. And it managed to do that thing that the judges absolutely love for unconventional materials challenges: it looks like a real dress that can be worn in a real setting.
Our only problem with it is one of tone. It’s very elegant and lady-like and we think this challenge called for more exuberance. Even the judges said so – when they were criticizing an outfit they didn’t like. Certainly, we wouldn’t have taken points off for elegance and we absolutely agree with the win, but on some small level, this entry left us a little flat. Pretty, but it seemed to miss the point of making a dress out of candy.
Lantie FosterMaterials: Umbrellas, rain boots, hard candy
And right on schedule, it’s Auf Wiedersehen to Lantie. We all saw this coming last week, didn’t we? She had a big ol’ red X drawn on her face to anyone who pays attention. We think she knew it, too.
She seemed to be struggling for no good reason other than her own self-doubts. And at the end, she took the worst route out of the land of self-doubt: she headed straight to I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuckville. Kittens, that’s never a good idea on this show. To be honest, she was so defensive by the end that we think she realized she was in way over her head.
What is there to say? It’s a poor concept that barely meets the dictates of the challenge and it’s badly made, to boot.
She just grabbed a bunch of highly conventional materials and made something that was only slightly embellished with unconventional materials. Anyone who knows anything about the history of this show could have told she was going home for that. It didn’t help that everything was ugly and badly made.
And man, you do NOT bitch to the Duchess about time constraints. She will flip open her fan and cut you down before you’ve even had a chance to finish your sentence. Kors don’t play that shit, honey.
[Photo Credit: Barbara Nitke for myLifetime.com - Stills: tomandlorenzo.com]