Orlando Bloom Dresses Down

Posted on July 18, 2012

It’s high summer, which means the stars are not inclined to make the effort to show up on a red carpet unless it’s for their own movie, which makes bitchy bloggers like us trawl the *ahem* secondary events for people to talk about. And since we checked in on Frodo yesterday, it seems fitting that we feature his little elf friend today.

Orlando Bloom attends the Bremont Boutique launch in London, England.

We’re just gonna keep dropping tidbits about our book into our posts because we’re total cock-teases and also because after 6 years of making fun of people promoting themselves, we figured it’s about time to wade into those waters ourselves. Or, as our new bestie Laura Brown of Harper’s Bazaar said to us last week, it’s time to become “the conductor of the whorechestra” for a while.

Hi Laura! We told you we’d steal that line!

Anyway, in the “Red Carpet” chapter, we talk a lot about how the red carpet went from being a rarefied experience to something so common it’s become mundane. What used to be reserved for movie premieres and awards ceremonies is now a part of store openings, comic book conventions, and industry luncheons. While the red carpet rose in popularity, it expanded its scope, which resulted in a dual effect: stars getting much more dressed up than they used to and stars finding it perfectly acceptable to show up for photographs looking like they just left the gym.

We think it’s safe to say this outfit wasn’t put together by a stylist (but that’s by no means a sure thing). Except for the fact that nothing seems to fit him correctly and everything’s a wrinkled, rumpled mess, we don’t really mind the look. It’s standard hipster. But then we noticed that just about everyone in the background is dressed better than he is, and kittens? That simply won’t do. Stars are invited to events like this precisely because they’re going to be photographed. We don’t expect a suit and tie, but a cardigan that fits isn’t too much to ask for, is it?

But hey, love the sneakers. They would have been perfect for a Comic-Con appearance.


[Photo Credit: Dave M. Benett/Getty Images]

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  • SewingSiren

    Can you at least tell us the name of the book?  Or when it may be finished? Or if it is finished? Or when I may have Air Conditioning again?

    • No, no, and no.

      But soon; we promise.

      • SewingSiren

         Well then what about God, is there one or not?

        • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

          of course there is a god, silly.  his name is SWINTON.

  • Aside from things fitting so badly, may I take a moment to mention that I HATE IT WHEN SHIRT TAILS STICK OUT FROM UNDER OTHER CLOTHES.  Sorry, it just slipped out.
    won’t happen again,
    maybe once in a while.
    when provoked.

    • formerlyAnon

       It is also not a flattering way to chop up the body for those shorter-than-average.

      Though as he is so handsome-charming (great smile!) otherwise, and no matter what he does no-one is ever going to mistakenly think he’s tall, it is not bugging me too much.

      •  I can see that he might be that tall. Of course the photos are making him look wee. And, as you said, the way the look chops up his frame isn’t helping.  But he can be my little elf friend any time he wants to.

        • formerlyAnon

           Definitely got the great smile + crinkly eyes going here! There’s something about that look that always makes me think the person couldn’t possibly be a jerk, even though I know there is no (or, not much) correlation between looks & character.

          •  He gives the appearance of someone who laughs well, and often, and doesn’t take himself too seriously, all major points in his favor, for little old me.

          • Ali

             I agree. He and his wife always look so darn nice. They could be absolutely jerks in real life, but they always look so happy I think they’re Osmonds, ha.

        • Ms_Flyover

          I couldn’t help thinking he looked more like a Hobbit than an elf.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          I feel a “Lord of The Rings” viewing is in my future-between Aragorn and Legolas, I would have been one happy Elfmaiden!

      • Ali

         Well, his wife is 5’9 and when they stand next to each other and she’s wearing heels, they are the same height. So I’m guessing 5’10-5’11 is probably true, he just looks wee in stature.

        • TieDye64

          Well, he’s not exactly a strapping guy so that may be why he appears “smaller”.

      • Maggie_Mae

        I saw the traveling exhibit of props, costumes, etc., from the LOTR movies.  Twice!  

        The Legolas & Aragorn costumes were both mounted on headless dummies (sounds worse than it looked). It appeared the actors must have been about the same size.  IMDB says Viggo is 5′ 11″–so it’s probably right about Orlando, too. 

      • julnyes

        Seen him on the street in NYC – he is definitely taller than 5’6

      • formerlyAnon

         Thanks to everyone who actually bothered to clear up my delusions about Mr. Bloom’s height!  It’s nice to have an ingrained & entirely mistaken conviction corrected. (I figure only 2,436 more to go and the danger that I will be mistaken for a senile old bat a couple of decades early will be entirely avoided.)

  • msdamselfly

    True but he’s still adorable

    • BazoDee


    • I think he’s starting to look a little Colin Firth-y? Anyone else see it? Now, if only Colin’s tailor could get hold of him.

      I absolutely adore those color blocked sneakers and would love to own a pair myself. 

    • TheOriginalLulu

      Legolas will always have a place in my heart, even if he looks like he slept in his clothes.

  • The angle on that first photo is brutal.  He looks about four feet tall.

    • ballerinawithagun

      Yes, horrible angle! I adore him.

      • TieDye64

        He’s so damn cute. Love the sneakers.

  • Larkin21

    Looks like he’s smuggling something under that cardigan.

  • RzYoung

    Let’s hope he felt suitably self-conscious for the event.

    TLo, more teasing please!! Give us a date at least x

  • CPK1

    I too love the sneakers. But other than that he looks like a dumpy grandpa. As good-looking as he is, he is past the age when he can get away with disheveled “chic.”

  • Cute guy.  Cute shoes.  The rest is meh.

  • kimmeister

    I can’t believe his wife let him out of the house looking like that!

  • SapphoPoet

    I agree the sneakers should have gone to ComicCon. He looks like he dressed in whatever was lying on the floor–what a mess. 

    But still–I think he’s aging really well and he has one of the best names in show biz. He almost had to go into acting with a name like “Orlando Bloom.” I mean, “Orlando Bloom, Accountant” just doesn’t sound right. 

  • AudreysMom

    I’m going with a big NO on the shoes. Orlando’s beginning to look like someone’s formerly hot uncle. Which isn’t a bad thing. Until said uncle starts trying a bit too hard to remind people that he was hot AND young once. That is the statement these shoes are making (although yes, they are cute and would have been great at ComicCon).

  • IMNAngryLiberal

    Really, Orlando Bloom only does it for me when he has long blond hair and pointy ears.  The rest of the time, eh, I don’t care what he wears.

    • littlemac8

      I am soooo with you.  He looked beautiful in those movies but I find him unappealing as himself!  Blasphemer, I know.  He was funny and self-deprecating on that show of Ricky Gervais’.  Can anybody help me out with the name??

      • 3rdsister

         “Extras” on HBO.
        He was so funny/charming. . .

        • TieDye64

          So true.

  • Um, I just saw the new W Mag photoshoot with Charlize and Fassbender. I can’t wait for TLO commentary. 

    • RebeccaKW

       They did it already.  July 12.

  • I guess this is him rebelling for having to wear foofy period costumes in every movie he’s ever made?

  • CassandraMortmain

    What’s most striking about these pics is that it’s apparently cool enough in London for people to be wearing jackets.  How nice that would be right about now.  This heat is brutal.  Also, there appear to be no women at this event.

    OB is so good-looking, it’s a shame he looks like a rumpled, underdressed mess here.  He could really pull off some great British tailoring.  And the sneakers are burning my eyes.  But they would have looked cool for Comic Con.  Still, Legolas will never not be adorable to me.

    • Cool, wet, depression-inducing due to a lack of exposure to vitamin D giving sunlight… Seriously, it’s nearly two months since we had actual sun.

  • Are those jeans horrendously unflattering, or were the photos just taken at an odd angle?

    I have to say that aging suits him very well, though. He was generically pretty as a fresh-faced 20something in 2001, but now at 35 he’s moving on toward handsome.

    • Agreed.  He’s giving off a slight whiff of Colin Firth in the face.  Is it just me?

      • AthenaJ

        Yes! I was just thinking he’s always looked hot, but judging by the lines of his face, he’s looking more distinguished, but still friendly. In the far off future, he’s going to be an adorable old man 🙂 

        • Snailstsichr

           Oh man – just imagine how divine he would look if he would cultivate a friendship with Tom Ford. The thought has me swooning.

      • Ginger, I just said the same thing about Colin Firth upthread. It’s always nice to have someone agree with you.

      • GorgeousThings

        Totally. I just said the same thing before I thought to see if someone else did.

  • Dear Orlando, THANK YOU for ridding yourself of the atrocious and anemic facial hair!  Sincerely, me.

  • Judy_J

    He looks like he slept in those clothes.

  • RebeccaKW

    I do love the shoes, but they do not match this outfit nor this event.  He really looks like he stumbled in wearing wet or ruined clothes, and was given some stuff out of the lost-and-found. 

  • Pants_are_a_must

    Goodness, he looks bad in here. I want to attribute it to having a baby at home, but let’s face it: he’s married to a supermodel and there’s no way she wouldn’t have nannies around.

    Oh, Legolas. You really peaked in LotR, didn’t you. (can’t wait for The Hobbit)

  • lesmaha

    Sorry–he looks absolutely awful–posture, clothing, shoes–everything. Why did this get a pass? It’s totally hiddy!!

  • MissAnnieRN

    He was way hotter with pointy ears running around in tights shooting arrows at things. I still have the hots for legolas!

  • gabbilevy

    “The conductor of the whorechestra”

    Oly looks passable.

  • anotherEloise

    I want a pair of those shoes (women’s size 7, please) so that I can attend Comic Con properly attired.

  • meowing

    Looks a little too much like “I’m being nonchalant here,” which negates the whole idea of being nonchalant.  Does that mean he’s being chalant?

  • Anathema_Device

    Spot on about the red carpet phenomenon, T Lo. And he looks actually disheveled, as opposed to casually styled. All the pieces are either too big or too small and all are fairly rumpled. 

  • sagecreek

    Orlando, give Robert Downey Jr his shoes back right this minute.

  • Sorry, but I can’t get on board with the shoes.  It looks like he was in a bowling alley and had to run out when it caught fire.

  • Zippypie

    Love the sneakers but yeah, Legolas is looking lame.  He looks like he just rolled out of bed, got a cup at Starbucks and shuffled on down.

  • littlemac8

    Do you suppose he was paid to attend this event?  And, if you were the promoter, wouldn’t you be furious??  Just asking!

  • unbornfawn

    Let’s hope he came out of the Boutique in a new outfit.

  • lydiabear

    Those sneaks are “Newtons” and they’re awesome. http://www.newtonrunning.com/shoes/mens-shoes/men-trainers/stability-trainer I love them.

  • lydiabear

    Those sneaks are “Newtons” and they’re awesome. Adorable and super great running shoes.

  • he is not aging well.

  • sashaychante

    That’s a mess.

  • MUST


  • kirkyo

    He’s getting better looking tho, or at least more interesting looking. I’m starting to detect a bit of Firthiness.

  • VicksieDo

    This is the saddest picture ever.  🙁

  • formerlyAnon

    Hint & tantalize all you want about your book – I for one, will enjoy the tiny peeks into your adventures. The next one may be easier, but I bet this one will always be the most exciting.

    ETA: plus, notice how those of us on the outside can characterize this process as “adventures,” completely glossing over all the hard work, debate & agonizing you’ve no doubt got invested? Just let us know when we should start calling local bookstores and requesting copies.

  • MilaXX

    UGH! Total Home Depot dad and that jacket needs to be burned.
    BTW just let us know when we can pre-order the book. Hopefully there’s a TLo lexicon included.

  • crash1212

    I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that he does nothing for me without the pointy ears and the mega blonde hair.  Cute sneaks though.

  • Am I the only one who finds him to resemble Matthew Morrison a bit? Only with less douchebaggery.  

    • H3ff


    • H3ff


  • Erin Nice

    I wish we could pre-order the book now! 🙂 Also, his sweater/shirt combo hurts my eyes. And my feelings.

  • guest2visits

    He looks like he borrowed his kids spiderman sneaks. He’s rumpled, like he just woke-up. I get the feeling when he scoots
    back home he’ll be having a few Oreo’s and a glass of milk.  Very cute; but a nicer jacket would have made a big difference.

  • GorgeousThings

    Yes, he’s sloppy looking, but there is something rather endearing about him. Maybe because he could pose as a young Colin Firth?

  • ziarah

    His face is gaining more character as he ages. Thank goodness.

  • pulling a jolie.

  • LambeeBaby

    I had to look twice at the last photo since I thought there were ruffles at the seam of his jeans. Although underdressed he still looks cute. But why in God’s name does almost everyone in recent photos from France and England have long sleeves and/or layers on, is it not balls hot over there too?

    • No! It’s been cold and rainy for months (about 17 degrees today where I am…)

      • LambeeBaby

         Ok then, mystery solved. NYC has been 90+ for the past 2 weeks.

    • No! It’s been cold and rainy for months (about 17 degrees today where I am…)

  • LambeeBaby

    I had to look twice at the last photo since I thought there were ruffles at the seam of his jeans. Although underdressed he still looks cute. But why in God’s name does almost everyone in recent photos from France and England have long sleeves and/or layers on, is it not balls hot over there too?

  • librarygrrl64

    From the post title, I was hoping he would be UNdressed. You disappoint me, TLo. 😉