Mariah Carey is the New American Idol Judge

Posted on July 26, 2012

… and her “official” promotional picture is HILARIOUS:

 

“These are my breasts, which have served me well in my career, and this is my waist, which doesn’t look like this in non-official pictures of myself.”

Never change, Mimi. But why are your lips, nails, hair and skin all the exact same color? It’s a bit disconcerting.

 

 

[Photo Credit: FOX/Mark Cant]

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

      Oh Mimi. You have no shame. This is why we love you. Keep doing it. 

    • http://twitter.com/grggmrtn Gregg Martin

      *sigh*
      Wonder if I’ll ever see American Idol again…

      • http://twitter.com/luqluqe LuqeMann

         Gotta admit the picture (and Mimi herself) is kinda hilarious but she’s a very talented singer. Better put her than Katy Perry or Minaj in the judging panel.

        • Terence Ng

          She WAS a very talented singer. Though to be fair, I also have enjoyed hearing robot-MIMI.

      • Sobaika

        I’ve never seen it before but I just may tune in for this HOT ASS MESS.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jessica-TallGirl-Freeman/1043623567 Jessica TallGirl Freeman

          Youtube her HSN appearances.  Pure comedy. 

          • TonyGo

            Have you seen “Glitter?”  That’s some “Showgirls”-caliber unintentional hilarious hot mess there, with extra added bonus of watching both Mariah Carey and Padma Lakshmi attempt to act.

            • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZBFH32YG44LIIZYLSQPMBXMYCU Sarah

              That movie, which I rented to laugh at in a hilarious hot mess way when it came out on DVD, was disappointingly not funny to me. I was made, at first gradually and then with gusto, INSANE with anger that Mariah could perpetrate such a large pile of crap in the attempt to both be semi-autobiographical and also pretend she is an “everywoman” just trying to catch a break. I actually remember I vowed to punch her in the face if I ever saw her in person. She destroyed my sense of humor, and for that I can’t forgive her. Shaaaame on Mimi!!

            • bitchybitchybitchy

              I watched part of “Glitter” once and just couldn’t stick with it, even for the schadenfreude of watching a big name celeb fall on her face. 

        • lovelyivy

           You and me both. Yet to sit through a full ep of AI, but if Mimi is going to be on I will be WATCHING THE HELL OUT OF THAT. All her delicious crazy in one place? Yes please.

        • NC_Meg

          Me too. I haven’t watched AI since the first season but I did so enjoy seeing clips of Paula on the Soup. I think Mimi has the potential to out-crazy Paula and I am all over that.

      • sockandaphone

        nothing has deterred my parents from AI (i think theyve honestly watched every single season since like the 3rd one). I wanna see what happens this season!

    • http://twitter.com/ILikeShiny Cindi Williams

      No offense, but you know something’s wrong when your promo pic reminds people of Snooki, where “people” = “me”.

      • formerlyAnon

        You’re not alone.

    • RzYoung

      Well, she’s consistant. I’m actually sure she’s laughing at herself too – a bit like Posh, I bet they’re both a hoot to hang out with

      • Scarlet39

        I think she’s completely unaware of how hilarious she looks.

        • RebeccaKW

           I agree.  I think she thinks she looks amazing and sexy.  I’m actually surprised she’s in a dress and not a halter top or something showing her bra. 

        • lovelyivy

           I’m torn. I’d like to think she has just a smidge of self-awareness about all her crazy, but if someone told me she truly WAS that delusional I wouldn’t be surprised.

      • LesYeuxHiboux

         Due to the Heartbreaker video and the fact that she married a comic actor/comedian , I’m inclined to believe this as well.

    • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

      This is HIGH larious.  And the photoshopping in the midsection is obvious to a fault.  Whoever did that work should be fired. You could never count me part of her fan base, as I have never comprehended her need to go all hoochie on us every single waking second.  This image is more appropriate to an escort ad.

      • http://dentsdelait.tumblr.com/ Nancy Marion

         That cloning is pretty poor!

      • Vanja

         It’s just posture, angles and good lighting.

        • kimmeister

          Yes, carefully draped hair and hand position to visually whittle down her waist.

        • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

           I find it hard to believe that it’s all smoke and mirrors. There HAS to be some photoshopping done around her midsection. There’s no amount of foundation garments, lighting and camera angle that could make her look like that.

          • Vanja

            I should have used inverted commas, because that seems to be the default explanation of an editor/PR person. ;)

            • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

              On the internet, no one can see your air quotes. :D

      • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

        “[the] need to go all hoochie on us every single waking second…”

        Now you’re just dissing my lifestyle.

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

           (roaring with laughter)
          I think I love you.

          • https://twitter.com/Gayer_Than_Thou Gayer Than Thou

            Aw, shucks!  You’ll make me blush.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        As a person, a mother, entertainer and a hoochie goddess would say, Oh SNAP!

        • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

           oh Hah hah hah,…”Hoochie Goddess”   (snorting)

    • annie_wonder

      That is the best worst fake smile I’ve ever seen. She looks like a sex doll.

      • http://www.facebook.com/shreya.aren Shreya Aren

        And she looks like she has Barbie’s vital stats.

    • Charmella…a DIVA at large!

      OMG! That pose…that waistline…seriously! She is soooooo delusional!

    • norseofcourse

      It’s an orange sequined dress wearing some arms and a head.

    • Kayceed

      If this is the best of the bunch I would have LOVED to see the other photos. Can you imagine? I can hear her – “Make me all tawny and monochromy golden and put me in a sunsetty dress and then shoot me – Oooh I know – in front of a SUNSET! Gawd, I am fabulous…”

    • MinkaL

      Her season of American Idol will be the second season I plan on giving a chance since the premier season. Can you imagine? The drama! The tantrums! The snark! The hair extensions! Her breasts heaving out of her clothes! I’m so excited!!!

    • shirab

      That’s the same fakey, awkward teeth-together smile my second-grader has in his school photo. At least the photographer didn’t make him tilt his head quite so far to the side.

      • AthenaJ

        I think Mariah’s awkward smile is from too much botox/plastic surgery. I’d rather deal with a few lines and wrinkles than have half the muscles in my face frozen!

    • screaminganchovies

      I could actually buy that her waist is that small; it’s just her enormous, way-too-big-for-her-frame implants that throw everything off.

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/PZJXF5ET5W5PMUIIGTTNOKHVSY Ka T

        I recall I liked her better when her hair was big and her boobs were small.

        • AthenaJ

          Ah, the good old days!

        • kimmeister

          Yes, when she first came out, I remember her “glory” body part being her legs.

    • stardust462

      She looks so uncomfortable and her face reads nothing but “Are we done yet? I want to get out of here.” And the photoshopping on her waist is insanely obvious.

    • http://profiles.google.com/melantha.chimera Eileen Duffy

      That’s just scary.  She doesn’t look real!  It’s like a fan did a bad sculpture.

      • norseofcourse

        Yes, very DIY wax museum.

    • MightyMarshal

      Look at the amount of warping under her right arm. It’s disconcerting.

    • lovelyivy

      She is so ridiculous. I love it. ONLY Mariah could have ever gotten me to sit down and watch American Idol- I’ve never seen a full episode, but I’m in!

    • MissAnnieRN

      I haven’t watched idol since Simon left, but I’ll be watching this year. Mimiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! I hope every episode is as awesome as this photo.

    • YoungSally

      She’s in the early stages of Donatella V. syndrome…..20 cartons of Camels and she’s there.

    • butterflysunita

      I really can’t take the Photoshopping anymore.  Her body looks completely deformed!  

    • Judy_J

      That is one gawd-awful picture.  Whoever did the photoshopping on this image needs to be taken out and shot.

    • antheapena

      Oy

    • Allyson Wells

      I need to learn to place my hair strategically so that it covers part of my waist…. and also learn to photoshop.

    • siriuslover

      When a franchise has such high turnover of its main “characters,” said franchise ought to think about retiring.

      • http://joyouslifesf.wordpress.com Kiltdntiltd

         WORD!

      • Adriana_Paula

        If only SNL would heed your words…

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      How can such a big pay day get such a craptastic photo??  This is like a glamour shot – which is about the most damning thing I can think of!!  Happy Father’s Day, Nick, love your hot wife.  Wait until you see the one with the feather boa!!

      UGH!!

    • call_me_schmeg

      mimi, a drag queen’s dream….

    • jw_ny

      we look at this photo and instantly see how ridiculous she looks/they made her look…how can they not see it before it gets released!?  I really don’t get it….

    • http://twitter.com/MajorBedhead MajorBedhead

      Someone pass me the eye bleach. 

    • MilaXX

      Awww I feel almost bad critiquing Mimi. While she is a diva, unlike JLo she is more Vegas showgirl than fashionista, and unlike Xtina, she really doesn’t try for edgy, or crazy get ups. Mimi is like Heidi, short, tight and shiny is all she wants.  This picture may be as good as it gets.

      • HomeOfficeGirl

        Agreed!!  She is so talented as a singer and a song writer.  It’s nuts to think that she should also have to be the perfect body, perfect look, perfect style.  She has her own definition of diva-glam for sure.  It’s anything but sophisticated!  But sometimes it IS fun – and this is anything BUT fun.  The poor quality is shocking!   

    • mjude

      i think the photo is just stupid.  WTF ms carey?

    • http://twitter.com/monkeytoe monkeytoe

      I will never understand why anyone wants a photo that so distorts what they really look like. Who wants the reaction on someone seeing you in person to be you are so much dumpier in person?

    • Amy Munson

      it would be so nice if she updated her style and quit dressing like she was still a twenty something.  

      • alyce1213

        . . . and it was still the ’90s.

    • nicole seligman

      of course.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UCLO5V2YD36T7QMPKOC7YXPOFU Erica

      Ah, Mimi, I’ve never watched American Idol, and you being on it won’t change that, even if it might be a trainwreck.  But, I was dancing to the Emancipation of Mimi just the other night with my toddlers, and I’ve never even thought about purchasing a JLo album, so you go girl, make your millions off that show and go home to your family at night.  For some reason, although you are a mess in many ways, I always wish you well.

    • Vlasta Bubinka

      Did AI cheap out and just use one of her Jenny promo pics?

    • amf0001

      who even stands like that.  I just tried and it felt so weird.  And why is she trying to make her nails and lips invisible – so much work to make them disappear…

    • Beth G

      What?  I stand like that all the time.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bob-Sponge/100000465550991 Bob Sponge

      This looks like a nicely done wax figure of her.

      • alyce1213

        No kidding.  That was exactly my first reaction.

    • jilly_d

      …………………………………yikes.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/FEP56YB4DUIXBWSLIMSSSGQHWY jimmack

      Oh we can look foward to plenty of fashion fun as crazy MIMI take the AI stage. She has been comedy and fashion “gold” ( all unintentional) during recept TV appearances.

    • Wendi126

      I’m reminded of an orange fruit roll-up

    • holdmewhileimnaked

      thats….. some of the worst photoshop i’ve ever seen.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1129137319 Paula Pertile

      That is one freaky picture.

    • Snapps izking

      I can’t wait to watch Mariah Carey in action on American
      Idol. I know she’s going to do a wonderful job and she never holds back which
      is what I’m excited to watch. I love to watch AI on primetime, and I’m stoked
      to be able to watch this show commercial free using the Auto Hop feature. This
      feature’s a great way to enhance TV, and I can keep focused on my shows. I hate
      fast forwarding too quickly through the commercials only to rewind back to the
      start of the next scene. This will now do the fast forwarding for me, and I
      won’t wear the batteries in my remote like I’ve always done.
       

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/XX3UUXUSBZGZQ4MKNADAMYTADE Mrs

      That is so SMART!  Her hair and her arm are covering her side so we automatically think that it would look just like the other side!   I wish I had hair long enough to do that — I would go take a bunch of pictures right away! 

      I have never been a fan of hers but I really appreciate how much Nick Cannon worships her and seems to think she’s perfect.  They’re my last hope for a celebrity marriage that works.  You know he’s got her name tattooed on his back in GIANT letters?  That’s love, man.  That’s love.

    • Joyce VG

      This is also bizarre.  American Idol will be fun again!  Yay!

    • PinkLemon

      LUH. HUH. Thats’mydiva.

    • plinkiedoodle

      Oh, Mimi.  You have no shame.  Hang it up, girl, you’re embarrassing yourself.  

    • FloridaLlamaLover

      My goodness — what kind of smile is that?  Doesn’t look happy.  Looks more like a “My career has stagnated to the point that ‘American Idol’ is my back-up source of income,” smile.

    • kikisayshi

      I do love me some Mimi. And she loves her some photoshop. Be proud, girl!

    • EEKstl

      I can’t wait to hear her comments when contestants take on HER songs.

    • http://www.smallerwords.com 14a

      I’m beyond excited to witness this woman in a live format. Her HSN specials were a sight to see. 

      This photo makes me even more excited to see her in action. 

      Also girl, you know we know that’s not your actual waistline, bust, hair, arms, hands… etc.
      Look at the hand on her hip. That thing looks MASSIVE. Oh the hilarity.

    • BeeBeauNYC

      She gets a WERQ for the dress, though.

      • http://blog.mattalgren.com/ Matt Algren

        Is it really a WERQ if it’s been photoshopped this much?

        • BeeBeauNYC

           Hmmm….fair point. The photoshop artist gets a WERQ then!

    • marilyn

      No one ever said she had good taste.

    • sweet_potato

      I don’t know, I find her creepy.

    • sweet_potato

      I don’t know, I find her creepy.

    • julnyes

      Oh my that looks like something you would find in a Waxworks museum. I have  no interest in American Idol, but I do love me some Mariah cray-cray, so I’ll keep an eye out for youtube clips and continue to avoid the show.

      By the way – anyone who enjoys really bad movies should do themselves a favor and rent Glitter. It is one of the most unintentionally hilarious movies I have ever had the joy to watch.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1208138556 Sara Munoz Munoz

      “[Y]our lips, nails, hair and skin [are] all the exact same color? It’s a bit disconcerting.”
      And none of it is real!!

    • http://heartprintandstyle.blogspot.com Vivi N

      Photoshopped to the extreme.

    • http://twitter.com/PhDKnitter marlie

      Mimi looks like the drag queen immitaiton of herself. 

    • http://surelysonsy.blogspot.com/ Jessica | Surely Sonsy

      yikes. plastic. and her voice is not (nor should it be, at her age) what it used to be. but she did have a career, so her opines might even be valued.

    • guest2visits

      This may be the most plastic looking human I have ever seen.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_F73LIJ3SJGI5AJQMXMWXCKILHI Pamela

      Irrational hatred rising….

    • AngelaGreen

      I have never seen such obvious photoshopping in an official capacity in my life.  Bless her.

    • quiltrx

      LOL Mimi, you crazy, horrible thing.  You look like a pancake covered with sparkly orange sauce.  And WTF on the pose?  Were you high at this photo shoot?

    • DebbieLovesShoes

      It looks like she somehow is trying to hold up her right boob.   

    • aristida_girl

      Yes, the nude lips, nails, etc. trend confuses me to no end

    • Anathema_Device

      That pic is so cheesy! The dead eyes and half smile are the worst parts.

    • bellafigura1

      She looks like the dentist just said, “Let me see you bite closed.”

    • http://twitter.com/followdaround deanna mcclure

      with all the manhours they spent photoshopping her waist, ya think they would have added some sort of spark to her eyes. that’s the deadiest-dead-eye stare i’ve seen in a long while.

    • LambeeBaby

      What a natural smile. She looks like an overgrown “Toddlers and Tiaras” contestant

    • GTrain

      Photoshop is the instrument of Satan.

    • poggi

      This is the funniest. Presumably this was best of the bunch. I will wish on every star that comes out tonight that we could see the others they shot. How hysterical must they have been.

    • bedignified

      Why are big breasts ‘hilarious’? They’re not a fashion option, they’re just a body part, and they will be prominent no matter what shape of garment you choose.  Please treat us poor girls with large breasts with some dignity.  Big bums aren’t ridiculed these days and breasts shouldn’t be either.   

      • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

        “Why are big breasts ‘hilarious’?”

        Who said they were? You’re reading something into it that isn’t there.

        • bedignified

          I suppose it was the “These are my breasts, which have served me well in my career…” bit. Sounds like ridicule to me.

          • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

            Yes, it’s ridiculing the pose and the picture, which was pretty evident with the opening sentence: “…and her promo pic is HILARIOUS.”

            You’d have to work really hard to make it sound like we were ridiculing her body.

    • DH Saunders

      AMAZON GODDESS…
      ALWAYS FIERCE, DONT HATE!
      CAMP & CLASSIC,
      OUR MARIAH.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/K3O2QNXDJIU3AJINAGNJRYWDZ4 mrspotts66

      great dress.
      awful picture.

    • Warmheartedgirl Seattle

      That is one of the weirdest pictures I’ve ever seen of her, and she’s got some doozies out in the ethernet.  Her arms don’t even look like they belong to her!  Photoshopped mess.

    • Anna_Cecilia

      I haven’t watched Idol in years but with Mimi as the host?! Well that just delivers everything I could possibly ask for in a television program: Comedy, Suspense and Drama: how often will she be late if her wheelchair/chariot is not available to trasnport her from one side of the studio to the other? Will she even bother to appear if she has to walk there?

      Now if only they would air footage of her backstage with her hair and makeup team.

    • ccm800

      Dat be some booger drag!