Girl, That’s Not Your Dress: Anne Hathaway

Posted on July 19, 2012

Annie, we love ya, but you’ve got to stop it with this Michelle Williams thing you’re doing. A pixie cut does not necessarily a twee princess make, dear.

 

Anne Hathaway attends London premiere of ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ at Odeon Leicester Square in a Gucci gown paired with Tiffany & Co. jewelry and Casadei pumps.

Gucci Resort 2013 Collection/Model: Nadja Bender

A Hallmark store threw up on her neck. We can smell the potpourri from here.

And with THAT little joke out of the way, let us talk more about the ways in which Anne Hathaway is not Michelle Williams. Michelle has tiny facial features; Annie does not. Michelle is pale and ethereal; Annie is not. Michelle, despite her humble beginnings on a cable network, is something of an indie film princess; Annie is pure Hollywood all the way.

What we’re trying to say is, Girl, That is NOT Your Look.

So the haircut was for your role in Les Miz. Okay, fine. It doesn’t suit you, but it’s far from a disaster. The thing is, because of things ranging from bone structure to personality to career trajectory, it’s a poor idea to go the waifish, twee route. This was really an opportunity to go full-on Liza. Big earrings and dramatic makeup. Jewelry and sequins. Tight dresses to throw the slamming lady bod into sharp relief against the little boy haircut. Shoes that look like weapons. That’s the way to go here. You’re CATWOMAN, for God’s sake. Would Julie Newmar or Michelle Pfeiffer try to look like dimestore Mia Farrows? Of course not.

This wood nymph shit just isn’t for you, sweetie.

[Photo Credit: Ian Gavan/Getty Images, Landmark/PR Photos, vogue.com]

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